Generally, I like to think that I am a patient person. After all, I have waited for almost four thousand years for Mithos Yggdrassil(sp?) to be vanquished. Granted, I could have tried to defeat him myself, before all of this happened, but I'm afraid I must admit that I was at first taken in by his methods. Plus, I am not sure that I could have defeated him, even if Kratos had chosen to aid me. I was scared of him, even when he was nothing more than an idealistic kid with the means to make all his wishes happen. In many ways, Kratos' son was like Mithos. The same idealistic views and that single-minded purpose for example. But in many other ways, he was also different. I was uncharacteristically indecisive when it came to that boy. Sometimes I truly believed he could do it, and others I believed that I merely needed him to rid the cursed world of its creator for eternity. Even now I am unsure. He is as strong as his father is and as softhearted as his mother. I can see Kratos in him, but then I cannot. But I am getting off the point.

Lloyd and that fool of an ex-chosen he is engaged to. It makes me laugh. Lloyd has never liked me, never even thanking me for saving his life, and yet I have received an invitation to their wedding. I must confess, I almost died with laughter at this obvious joke. That is, until I met that foolish Mizuhoan chief - Sheena somebodyorother. I spoke with her for a mere moment and during that moment, she managed to confuse me until I felt completely out of my mind. I think that Wilder kid must be rubbing off on her because she kept going on about Kratos having a lover and was convinced I knew something about it. I can honestly say I have not laughed so much in years! This was perhaps the reason for my invitation. Perhaps Lloyd thought he would have more luck getting this information out of me than his father.

Sorry Lloyd! I'm even more clueless than you are.

I can't believe that I am honestly thinking about going. Why would I knowingly submit myself to the torture of their whole crew, and probably more just like them! The torture of Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving (or does he call himself Aurion now? I really don't know. I haven't seen him since Kratos left), Genis and Raine Sage, Regal Bryant, Presea Combatir, Zelos Wilder and Sheena Fuji... Fujibashsi... AH! I give up! That girl from Mizuho, is just unbearable. Why on Symphonia would I want to go?

Well, to tell you the truth, there are a variety of reasons. To begin with, we have those half-elf siblings. I know Raine knew Lloyd's mother, but I don't know why she hasn't told him. And the kid? His knowledge seems to know no limits... And I want to know if he got together with Presea yet. She was a sweet girl. Another innocent victim. Then we have Colette. She seems to cheer up everyone from however low they are feeling and I want to see how she does it. She holds a power over everyone that has nothing to do with her once being the Chosen of Mana. And Lloyd. Yes, Lloyd. I want to see if he has grown stronger as Kratos instructed him. I want to see how he has matured. And finally, my main reason: Kratos is going to be there. I have not seen him since he left three years ago. I know he often comes down to visit Lloyd and his friends, but I always keep myself well away. Because if I saw him, I am unsure as to whether I would be able to let him leave. In short, my reasons for going are curiosity.. And Kratos.

I have weighed this up in my mind so many times, and yet, three hours before the ceremony, I am still undecided. My reasons for not going are: laziness, I would have to get dressed up (I shudder at the thought) and what if I'm not strong enough? What if I speak to Kratos and can't let him leave? That would be selfish of me. But, for some reason, Lloyd wants me to be there. And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I have become quite fond of Lloyd. Not to go would be equally selfish, perhaps more so.

But... It reminds me of Martel. We were going to marry.. The engagement ring lies on a chain around my neck. It would be painful to watch, but in a way I suppose it would show me that I truly have moved on. And that itself is thanks to Kratos. He picked me up from my ruined heap on the ground and taught me that Martel wouldn't have wanted me to be miserable about her. He told me that if I didn't pull myself together, there would be no one to aid him in reigning in Mithos's actions. He became my best friend. He was there for me when no one else was. Soon after that, I formed the Renegades in secret. Not even he knew. It was better that way. I met Botta and he became my right-hand man. My whole life was consumed with preventing the resurrection of Martel. It wouldn't have been what she had wanted.

I have made my decision. I have to go. I need to know that I can deal with this, that all of Kratos' efforts had not been in vain. So I root through my dresser to find suitable clothing, pick up my hairbrush and my best clasp and shuffle off to take a shower.

My hair is a torment sometimes. I despise the way it sometimes goes all fluffy and static when I comb it and I have to keep it down with magic. I despise the way it never looks how I want it to, how sections always manage to escape the hold of my clasp. I despise the way its colour always seems to make every outfit I wear look frivolous, I cannot try to look formal with aqua hair! Oh, why does it bother me? I have tried almost every style I know, and nothing worked! I either look like a girl or a clown! I sigh. I'm getting nowhere. Thank Martel I left plenty of time to deal with my hair. Oh, it is ironic that I should thank Martel. Just like those ignorant mortals. But why should I not? After all, it is Martel who gave Colette's body back to her so that they could finish their quest, and it is partly Martel that watches over the great tree. Honestly, I have been away from civilisation for so long that I don't even know what Lloyd called the tree.

Anyway, back to my hair. I brush it thoughtfully, wondering which is better to look like at a wedding: a girl, or a clown. I finally decide to braid it. But when I'm done with that, I decide that it looks weird. I try putting the top in a French plait and leaving the rest loose. But then, I look like a girl again. This has to be the most indecisive day of my life! I pick out the plait and brush through my hair once more. Oh what to do. I'm going to be late if my hair keeps this up! The brush hits a knot. It's the final straw. I throw the offending object out the window. But now I'm even more stuck! I can't do anything with it now! I sigh once more, resigning myself to leaving it loose.

I stare solemnly at my reflection in the mirror and realise that I have not planned for anything after this day. Not even that tomorrow I will go out hunting or do the laundry. Not even that tonight I will go to bed early despite not needing much sleep. I frown. It is odd, but I have had enough debating with myself upon the nature of my emotions and the psychology of my mind. I get up, grab my cloak and prepare to leave. I will take tomorrow as it comes.