This is my very first fan fiction so please be kind! I do welcome any constructive criticism and or comments. Feedback is always good. This is a Daisy/ Mason pairing and it is rated PG 13-esque for adult themes yes as painful as it was, I have kept it as clean as my filthy imagination will allow me  kidding… there is no filth here. It is all spic and span. By the way I do not own Dead like Me or its characters. They are the property of Showtime/MGM and others. I am only borrowing them for my own enjoyment. Also, suing me would be a waste of time. I have a twenty year old car and not much else.

Any who enjoy the show.

As Lovers Go

If you are not too long I will wait for you all my life – Oscar Wilde

So what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait – Dashboard Confessional

Part I

Daisy didn't know what to think anymore. She had been this Daisy, Daisy Adair "the amazing Daisy" the starlet, the actress for what was it now 67 years?

So if truth be told she just couldn't see how all that was supposed to change overnight because of a guy!

Well, ok not just any guy. He was the guy! Even if he was the most unlikely guy she ever would have imagined herself caring for, but strange enough she did.

It was true that he was poor and a drunk and his hygiene questionable at times.

But, he had something that every other man she had ever known had lacked and that was a good heart.

He was genuine and his feelings were real. He loved her and there were no false pretenses when he said it. It was truth and he stated it. I love you, period, and end of story.

He had killed for her and all but asked her to marry him in the very same week and even as jaded as she was she still found it all just a bit romantic.

Ray's death had been her fault, when would she learn. She had known many men like Ray before.

She had had enough empty promises to last several lifetimes. She was no stranger to men like Ray only completely weak when it came to allowing them to use her and degrade her. She just could never say no.

It was not like she had not known were that little relationship had been heading and the worst was she had dragged Mason along for the ride.

She did not know why she had wanted to humiliate Mason. Why she wanted to make him hate her. She thought once he saw her at her worst. See her completely weakened and humiliated he would not longer respect her nor care for her.

When he had looked her in the eye and said simply "You're beautiful and I love you but I just don't like you any more."

She had felt her heart die a little. This is what you wanted she told her self.

But, even she was surprised on how deeply his words stung. Yet, even despite all that he had continued to care and when it came down to it he was there for her.

He was despite his penchant for petty larceny and illegals a good person.

How she could remember being hardly a teenager over a half a century ago and wishing with all her heart that someday she would be in love; that some day she would have a man want her and only her, one who look to her as his shining example of all things beautiful.

But, she was no longer that girl. There was no hope in her eyes now. That idealistic naiveté that had once been her life's outlook was no more.

The years of married men and one night stands and the slaps and the humiliation had taken its toll. Of course, she was bitter she had seen the very worst of men so many men. So she was finally truly loved but, what good would that love do her or either of them now?

It was over; she was living in a dream if she thought that her chance at love still existed. That was as dead as she was, end of story.

The truth was she just wasn't a good person like he was, she had hurt too many people and she had caused too much pain.

The sad thing was she did not believe that there was anything save a pretty face that she had to offer any man.

Sadder still was that most men had thought it enough.

God! Had she really been so shallow once as to actually think that she was lucky getting to be a grim reaper strictly on the basis of getting to keep her beautiful face and her beautiful figure!

What she did not know then as she knew now that she would one day feel every one of those sixty years.

She did not realize that while her face would remain timeless and beautiful on the outside on the inside she would grow old and bitter and every one of her sins would lay sharp and heavy on her heart.

Yes, that was she a regular Dorian Grey.

The truth was that she was in love with him but she buried any trace of that sentiment deep in her were he could see.

Oh it hurt when she would catch glimpses here and there of pain in his eyes when she said something petty and mean. But, she could not help herself; she just was not a very nice girl. She was simply put a bitch.

She knew that despite all her indifference and her nastiness he continued to watch her when he thought she did not know but what he did not know that she watched him too. He would never have guessed that the women that by now he must have imagined was made of steel would creep downstairs in the middle of night and stand by him watching while he slept.

That beneath her coldness was a woman caught in the snares of love who was fighting with every bit of herself to refuse him.

He never would have imagined it.

How tightly she would hug her arms around her waist and struggle with her conflict and her need of him.

She would cry silent tears and wonder why over and over again how this had come to be; why after all these years was she finally loved and yet she could no bring herself to treat him with the decency and respect that he deserved?

She would stand there silent and teary and wonder what it was about this poor drunken slob that she actually found cute and endearing.

But, her answer would be everything. He always made her laugh, made her smile, gave her hope and made her beautiful just by being near.

The absolute truth was that she was in love with him and yet she could not bring herself to tell him.

Was it a pride issue? Was he simply not good enough for her?

After all she had had dozens of lovers most of which had been Hollywood legends could she the lover of so many fabulous men really be standing here contemplating this, a relationship with Mason of all people.

The same Mason who was never sober more then a day and who she was all but sure had spent a good portion of last year in the very same clothes he had slept in now.

Yes, he was that Mason but he was also the man who had defended her and who had told her with no hint of dishonesty that he loved her.

Yes, the more she thought about the whole thing the more she came to realization that it was she who was not good enough for him.

Oh that realization hurt.

Yes, after all that was said and done what did she have to offer him in return? He was offering her his good heart and his humor.

The only thing she had to give him was her face and the trail of broken lives that had seemed her doing in years past.

Most men did not fare so well in her company. She did not know why except maybe in was true she was a curse. She did not want to add Mason to the list.

She could not bear to see it and she had hurt him too much already as it was, she could not fathom something happening to him.

She was not worthy of him and the deep feelings he had for her and she did not know how to say that to him anymore then she could tell him she loved him.

He would not believe any of it for out of her mouth it would sound a lie.

She did not blame him for she knew that as far as lovers go they were doomed from the beginning.

As much as they loved they would simply never be.

At the moment she sat thinking these things, she sat across from him on the easy chair opposite the couch in which he slept.

He was a sound sleeper and always slept through these nocturnal visits of hers that in past days had grown in frequency.

It was as if she could not stay away from him.

The sun was coming up and soon it would be morning.

Her whole body felt weary as she stood to go into the kitchen to put on some water for tea. She paused and went over to him.

There was a sad smile on her face as she reached down and ran a finger over the scruff of his cheek.

She was surprised how young he looked while he slept. Almost, like a college boy, so innocent and naïve.

How she wished both of them were young again. How easy it would be to love if they were alive and young and there was no past and no pain.

A lone tear came and fell from out of the corner of one of her beautiful blue eyes and trailed itself down the length of her jaw.

She felt more tears come and she let them fall as she stood there inches from him.

She wanted him so badly her whole body shook now.

She leaned over wanting to touch her lips to the furrow of his brow, the soft of his lips. Was she going to do it? Was she going to simple as could be lean over and put her lips to his?

Quite suddenly he stirred and opened his eyes.

She jumped back as if bitten and immediately wiped at her cheeks.

"Daisy?" He mumbled his voice was thick with sleep. "What's the matter luv?" he asked.

"Why nothing is the matter, I was coming down to make tea and you were crying in your sleep." She spoke quickly perhaps too quickly.

He blinked and looked around as if trying to figure out who he was and where they were. "Almost morning isn't it?" He asked as he pulled his blankets up to his chin.

He shivered as if cold.

"Sure is." She answered her voice hoarse with tears he was to sleepy to recognize.

"Well then good morning darling." He mumbled rolling over and going back to sleep. She watched him for a few moments realizing that she was still shaking.

She held out her hands and watched as they shook as if they had a will of there own,

She clenched them into fists so tightly her knuckles turned white and drew in painful breathe forcing away the lump in her throat.

Get a hold of yourself Daisy her mind scolded her and she nodded as if listening to it.

She took another deep breath and then with her shoulders held high, she found her composure took one last look at him and then turned and hurried into the kitchen.

So, if you liked it or hated it or you want to go a step farther and curse the day it was born well that's a little harsh.. But, hey free country, free opinions. Who am I to judge? Chapter 2 is just about done and three is coming along. I will update soon.

Anyway thanks for reading!