Title: Sensitivity

Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.
Chapter Title: First Impressions
Chapter Summary: Initially, Tonks and Remus find each other attractive, but they also find reasons to stop themselves from admitting it.
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my elementary school best friend, Susan. I know you read HP fanfiction, so if you happen to read this fic, e-mail me cause it has been too long!

Author's Note: This story used to have a prologue, but I decided to take it out. However, upon popular request I have archived it on livejournal. So, by going to my profile and clicking on my homepage you can find it!

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear then men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile
-e.e. cummings

July 1995

Auror Headquarters

"I can't believe they took Dumbledore off the Wizenmagot! They should be listening to him, you know! He's obviously right! I just wish there was something I could do to help," whispered Tonks passionately to her supervisor Kingsley Shacklebolt, nervously running her hands through her waist-length black hair. She knew she was stopping just short of being blasphemous to the Ministry, and they did pay her salary.

To her surprise, Kingsley nodded. "I thought you might feel that way, which is why I asked you, of course." Tonks' hand flew to her mouth in surprise, knocking over the bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean that had been perched on the edge of Shacklebolt's desk. He continued, as they both bent down to pick up the multi-colored candies that now littered the floor, "Dumbledore has a secret group, the Order of the Phoenix, which is dedicated to defeating You-Know-Who, with or without the Ministry's help."

"Ooooo!" exclaimed Tonks, popping a bean from the floor into her mouth and standing up with Kingsley, intensely excited at the thought of actually accomplishing something. "How can I– "

"Shacklebolt!" A rather worn looking wizard appeared, striding towards Kingsley, a manilla envelope in his hand. He glanced from the balding wizard to Tonks and then said, "I have information on Sirius Black in here, and I have some more information I can only disclose to you in a private interview."

This new wizard had shaggy brown hair, shot with grey at the temples, and was wearing a tattered suit, patched in many places. At first she had thought he was older, in his fifties or sixties, but a closer look revealed him to be no more than forty. As she chewed the cherry flavored candy, she wondered who he was and what new information he could possibly have on the escaped convict. She decided to ignore his hint to leave until her questions were answered or flat out denied answers by Shacklebolt.

Kingsley seemed to understand her curiosity as he said, "Remus, this is Tonks. Tonks, Remus Lupin."

He took Tonks outstretched hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. His palm was soft, but firm, almost padlike, and the back of his hand was marred with scars. She glanced up at his face; he was smiling.

"Just Tonks?" His voice rang with amusement. "Is that a first name or a last name?"

"It's an only name."

Lupin shot Kingsley a questioning glance.

"Her full name is Nymphadora Tonks."

"Kingsley, I know some pretty good hexes and I am thinking about using them on you."Tonks warned, reaching inside her robe for her wand.

"Nonesense. Nymphadora, you have a lovely first name," Lupin assured her. She turned her glare on him. This only seemed to amuse him more. The full brilliance of his smile took her by surprise and she couldn't help but smile back, despite the fact that he had just called her by her given name.

"Alas, Remus, you are a far braver man than I. Tonks just passed her Auror training a year ago, but she is damn good at hexing."

He nodded, observing Tonks carefully, "I'm sure she is."

"Well, I should let you get to that private interview." Tonks sighed, knowing she should begin sorting through the pile of paperwork stacked haphazardly on her desk several cubicles over. She turned to leave, knocking over the newly replaced bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "Sorry," she apologized to Kingsley, and to Lupin she said "Every time I walk by them, I manage to knock them over. You know, Kingsley, maybe you should put a lid on these." She bent down to clean up her mess for the second time.

"Why don't you try a cleaning charm?" Lupin suggested.

"Good idea!" Tonks pulled out her wand, pointed it at the beans, and muttered a curse. Several beans rolled over. "Damn. This is rather difficult angle, you know."

"Allow me," Lupin squatted beside her and with a swish of his wand all the beans were in back in their bowl.

"Nice," she stated, impressed by his cleaning ability. She turned to leave again, this time conscious of the bowl of candies.

"Come back, Tonks, this is just the man I wanted you to meet." Kingsley was gesturing her to return to his cubicle. He lowered his voice as soon as she reentered. "He's here from the Order."

Suddenly Lupin looked wary. "Dumbledore didn't tell me you'd recruited anybody."

"That's because I was just in the process of recruiting her when you barged in. I assume the note about the headquarters is in that folder?"

Lupin nodded.

"Why don't you let Tonks use that note? She can go with you now. Later, she can bring the note, or another, back to me." He turned to Tonks. "Am I right in assuming you have nothing more pressing to do with your afternoon, but to take a walk to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix?"

She certainly had a hundred other things should be doing, but nothing she'd rather be doing, so she agreed. "Nothing more pressing."

"We can Apparate most of the way there, but we'll have to walk the final bit, so you might want to change into some muggle clothes."

"I have some in my cubicle. It'll be just a minute."

Hurrying back to her space, she considered what to wear. Deciding, she pulled on a pair of blue jean shorts and a pink 'Witch' tee-shirt she'd bought from a muggle shop in London carefully under her robes, then pulled the robes off over her head. Not wanting to keep Lupin

"So sorry about that. I tried to be quick." Tonks nearly knocked him over as she walked out of her cubicle. She seemed surprised to she him there, as if she had temporarily forgotten their previous talk.

Lupin couldn't help but think that woman in front of him was more full of life than he'd ever been. She carried herself with an energetic, unrestrained buoyancy. Just being around her made him feel younger.

She had changed into muggle clothes, and he thought they suited her much better than her thick, dark Auror robes. She looked more... alive, if that was possible. As he glanced down at her long, well-toned legs, revealed almost fully by a pair of muggle shorts, his pulse leapt. The quickened hum of his blood confused him at first. He hadn't felt it in quite some time.

He shook his head to clear it. Of course, she looked young and acted young; she was only half his age. He felt like a perverted old man for noticing her legs.

"Where to, mate?" Tonks asked, drawing his thoughts back to the task at hand. He explained the Apparition destination, and, luckily, she already knew where she was going.

"Last one there is a mangy werewolf!" she cried, before disappearing from his side with a loud pop.

A few seconds later he Apparated beside her, saying, "Guess I'm a werewolf then."

"You most definitely are," she giggled and bared her teeth as if to bite him.

He moved away, frowning and wondering what she would think if she knew he really was a werewolf. His distress must have been obvious because she quickly teased, "What's wrong? You aren't really afraid of werewolves are you?" Tonks interpreted his startled glance as a yes, continuing, "From what I know, they're quite like normal people! As a matter of fact, you probably couldn't even recognize one in passing."

"On the contrary, I bet I could," he countered, beginning to smile, relieved by her defense of werewolves. She would probably be mortified when she eventually found out he was a werewolf, but at least she wouldn't be frightened of him. Not that she shouldn't be.

"I did some advanced studies on dark creatures, werewolves in particular actually," he told her casually. "Though they seem quite 'normal,'as you said, on the full moon they are probably some of the most dangerous creatures in existence." He meant it as a warning.

"You sound so ominous." Tonks smiled accusingly at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. Her humor was contagious.

As they walked, he noticed the way her black hair whipped in the wind for she was continually brushing it out of her eyes. Silky strands occasionally caught on him as well, and they smelled like chocolate. She smelled like chocolate, warm and rich. But that was ridiculous. Remus, even with his acute sense of smell, had never found anyone to smell like chocolate before.

Suddenly, she stopped. "Merlin this hair is going to strangle us both before we even walk a block. Hold on a second." Her face scrunched up in concentration and her hair suddenly transformed from long, silky black to short, spikey orange.

He blinked.

"How does it look? Better?" Lupin simply stared at her, and she blushed. "That bad, huh?"

"No, it's fine, cute really. You're a Metamorphmagus!"

Running her fingers through her shorn hair, she sighed, "Cute? That wasn't what I was going for; I wanted more of an edgy-in-an-attractive-way." She sounded quite put out. " But it's just cute?"

Remus laughed and conceded, "It's an edgy cute, I guess." He wondered if she was going to answer his question.

They walked on for awhile before Tonks said, "Yes, I'm a Metamorphmagus. How else do you think I'd have passed the tests for becoming an Auror? You saw how clumsy I am. It's much worse when I'm nervous, too."

"You're pretty good at controlling your changes. I understand that's a difficult thing to do."

She nodded in agreement, "It took a lot of practice, but I managed to learn how. Still, when I'm really upset about something, there can be... problems. Like, when I was in second year, I didn't make it onto my house quidditch team. My hair turned grey for a week. It was awful!"

Lupin's hand's flew self-consciously to his own greying hair. When he saw her watching him, he blushed.

"You look good with grey hair, very dignified." She smiled, "But I was twelve!"

Tonk's eyes sparkled and her hair was so bright it almost stung to look at. He found it very hard to imagine her grey. He realized he was staring when her lips twitched uncomfortably, drawing his attention, pink, full and pouting. She's too young for you, he thought and couldn't help himself from saying, "That was, what, three years ago?"

Her brows came together, her expression stung, and he immediately regretted his comment.

"I'm sorry. That was rude. You just seem very young to an old man like me."

"You're not old, anyone younger than my mother isn't old." she laughed, still looking a bit hurt. "Dumbledore, now he's old."

Remus didn't want to argue with her and the truth was, around her, he didn't really feel old. But that didn't change the fact that he could have been her father. Or the fact that he was a werewolf. Or the fact that he couldn't afford a relationship. A relationship? What was he thinking?

He realized they were approaching Grimmauld Place,

Tonks frowned. She saw Number Eleven and Number Thirteen, but she did not see Number Twelve. Maybe Lupin was testing her. He certainly wasn't making a joke. Smiling patiently, he gestured for her to move forward into the nonexistent house.

"The place is miserable looking, I know, but, for the time being, it's the best we can find."

It occurred to her that the headquarters might be magically hidden, but she thought Lupin would have told her. "Am I missing something?"

"What do you– oh, of course!" Lupin flushed pink with embarrassment. "I forgot." He took a small, folded note out of the manilla folder he was carrying and pressed it into her hand. A shiver shot through her as their fingers brushed. The heavily scarred backs of his hands fascinated her. They were so... authentic.

She read the note he'd handed her.

The Headquaters of the Order of the Phoenix is at Number Twelve Gimmauld Place.

The instant she looked up from the paper, Number Twelve pushed its way in between Numbers Eleven and Thirteen. Indeed, the outside of the Headquarters was that of a derelict flat, the last place anyone would expect to find a league of extraordinary wizards planning to save the world. Lupin led her into the house.

The inside was in no better condition than the outside , possibly worse. The grotesque decorations reminded her of something one might find in Borgin and Burkes. She wondered to whom the house belonged. "Did a dark–" Her toe connected hard with something in front of her and there was a resounding crash, as the object toppled over.

She heard an amused "Oh for Merlin's sake!"from Lupin before the entire house filled with shrieks.

Tonks realized the hall was lined in portraits, one of which was screeching insults at the top of her lungs. "NASTY, FILTHY BEAST DARES TO ENTER THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS! BRINGING WITH HIM THAT ABOMINABLE HALFBLOOD BRAT! GET OUT BOTH OF YOU!" Rather taken aback at the portrait's hostility, Tonks paused a second before moving to help Lupin close the curtains. After several minutes of struggling, the portrait was shut and both wizards were out of breath.

"As hard as it may be, you're going to have to try not to make any loud noises in this hallway if you want to avoid hearing from her again," chided Lupin, but she saw he was smiling.

Tonks let out a soft laugh. "Sorry." She bent down to pick up the umbrella stand she'd knocked over, thinking about the woman in the portrait. "I'd hate to see what she'd have been like in person."

"Very unpleasant." Lupin informed her. She wondered how he knew the woman.

"Are you insulting my mother?" A shadowy figure stood, leaning on a doorframe, to their left. Perhaps it was simply the effect of his deep voice and the shadows that engulfed him, but he appeared very sinister, so much so that Tonks was surprised when Lupin answered him unhesitatingly.

"Not purposefully, but I suppose that was the end result."

"Then, by all means, continue, but at least allow me to join in." Both men laughed and embraced familiarly.

Leading them through the door and down into an unsurprisingly filthy kitchen, the new man asked, "Who's this you've brought with you?"

"Nympha– "

"My name is Tonks, just Tonks," she interrupted Lupin, glaring at him and shaking the man's hand. "Who're– " But as soon as she got a good look at his face, she dropped his hand and drew her wand.

"Give me one good reason not to put you back into Azkaban."

Lupin grabbed her wand arm firmly, attempting to lower it, and Sirius Black said brightly, "Because you've always wanted to spend some quality time with your convict cousin."

"Sirius is innocent of all charges held against him. Dumbledore, and subsequently the Order, trust him completely. Also, he has been generous enough to allow us the use of his house."

Tonks looked from Remus to Sirius and then back to Remus, deciding to give them the benefit of the doubt, as several pieces fell into place in her mind. "So that's why Kingsley insisted on taking Black's case from Dawlish."

"Yes, we thought it best to have someone from the order on his tail." The men exchanged smiles, obviously sharing a private joke. Then, Lupin continued, "Having members inside the Ministry is quite necessary which is one of the reasons I am so glad Shacklebolt recruited you."

"Well, I'm glad for the company. I've been anxious to meet you, Tonks. Andromeda and I were quite close at one time." Sirius added.

"She always said you'd have been welcome to come stay with us, after you had that row with your mum."

"Yeah, and I appreciated her numerous offers, but I was a teenager and much happier with my friends." Tonks thought the smile he sent Lupin made him look roguishly sexy, but he frowned suddenly, ruining the effect.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days, Moony, how have you been?" Concern etched lines in his face and he moved closer to Lupin, observing him intently.

Lupin did not flinch under the intense gaze. Instead, he forced a tired smile and replied, "I'm fine, really."

Black continued to regard him. "I was worried about you. I wish I could be there with you when–" he broke off.

Tonks suddenly felt she was intruding on something very intimate. She considered teasing Black for his sudden change in manner, but thought the better of it. Moving silently toward the door to make her exit, she couldn't help feeling terribly disappointed. Her fingers closed around the knob and she pushed. Nothing happened. Behind her, she heard Lupin say quietly, "It's too dangerous. You have to stay here. I don't want you to go back to Azkaban on my account." She pushed again throwing all her weight against the door. Still nothing happened.

"Here, allow me." Lupin brushed up against her back, feeling deliciously warm and strong. The door moved for him immediately. She thought it a pity that such heady masculinity was lost to females and wasted on her playboy cousin.

Author's Notes: Poor Tonks, falling in love with a gay guy. It happens to the best of us. Review, por favor, review!

Review Responses: zan189, Kwala, lupin-lover72, and Sweetdeath04- Thanks for the encouragement. Siriusly Sirius Lily Black- I'm trying to keep the characters IC, but after that first chapter I doubt there will be too much plot that JKR would actually write or agree with, as you can hopefully see where this fic is going. bri007- I'm glad you liked it and I agree the 'too old, too poor, too dangerous' stuff is a bit annoying and over done, but that's how jkr said he feels. I am going to try really hard to pull it off convincingly. Alli-Baby- you owe me two sugars and a creme (and hopefully something to put them in). homeric- You're right! JKR did write tons of angst into their relationship. Thanks for reminding me. okami kaze- Thank you and don't cry. It'll be happy from now on... sort of... actually, nope, not at all.