Title: The Push
Author: dark rolling sea
Pairing: KIBBS
Rating: K+
AN: Ok, I started working on this story back in January and its taken me this long to finally be happy with it. I've written and rewritten some parts of the story. Its a stand alone there are no more chapters coming. Hope you all enjoy...and leave me a review dark rolling sea
"GIBBS!" she screamed as she watched him barrel into her and knock her to the ground. The sound of the shots were deafening in her ears, as it was all she heard besides her own thundering heart beat. They landed with a thud on the ground and she heard him grunt. She tried to roll to the left taking him with her since she knew there would probably be more shots, but he didn't react the same. She panicked, knowing that was the same thing Gibbs should have done. But he didn't, he just stayed on top of her not moving. She started to thrash her way out from under him and when she came to his side she saw why he wasn't moving.
She saw the holes where the bullets had gone through his shirt but she didn't see any blood. She started to beat the panic, her brain starting to think rationally again. She bent and grabbed the shoulders of his shirt and started to drag him off to the side. More shots rained down around her as she managed to get him out of the line of fire. She spotted a dumpster and headed in that direction. They were almost there when she felt him stir.
"Gibbs, you gotta help me, we won't make it if you don't help," she whispered as she struggled to drag his weight. Another shot rang out but this time it came from behind her. The backup had arrived. Gibbs was still groggy and wasn't helping her at all, then she felt the sharp pain explode on her lower rib cage and she fell in a heap on the ground, the world gone black. The two lay there still as the firefight continued around them.
Beep. Beep. Beep. What the hell was that sound, she thought as she woke up. Beep. Beep. Beep. She opened her eyes and immediately closed them again as the bright light invaded her causing her head to hurt. She wasn't in her room. Where was she? Beep. Beep. Beep. And what was that annoying beeping sound.
"Kate?" she heard Tony say. She opened her eyes again and saw Tony and McGee standing by her bed. What the hell was going on? Then she tried to sit up and the pain exploded in her rib cage again and the memories started coming back to her. She looked around.
"Where's Gibbs?" she asked when she didn't see him standing with the others.
"Next door, Kate." McGee offered. "Ducky is with him."
"What the hell happened? Where was the damn backup?" Kate said wincing as her rib caged throbbed constantly, sharp pains coming with each word.
"You shouldn't talk right now, Kate, I can see it hurts." Tony said putting a hand down on hers.
"No shit, Tony," she wheezed out.
"Kate, the backup was hung up in an accident. You took a bullet in the vest on your rib cage."
"And Gibbs," she breathed as she remembered dragging his limp body.
"He took three shots in the back. Two hit his vest, but the third one grazed his side," Tony explained to her. McGee stepped away and left the room. Kate watched him go and started to struggle to get up.
"Oh, no, Kate. You're not getting up," Tony said and pushed her back down to the bed. She tried to fight him but the pain was too great and she couldn't breath anymore so she settled down. A nurse came in the door.
"What's going on?" She asked sweetly.
"She just thought she could get up is all," Tony replied with a smile. Kate glared at him, wishing she could get up. One to show Tony she could and two to find Gibbs. Her heart pounded as she thought about him laying in another room, hurt trying to protect her. She inwardly scolded herself for thinking he did it for other reasons than just she worked for him and they were friends. She scolded her self for letting her feelings come this far. But she couldn't help what her heart felt. She leaned back into the pillow on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked down to see Ducky and McGee walking in.
"Caitlin," Ducky said. Kate just smiled at him. "Seems that you are doing well."
"Just a little sore," she said with a forced smile. "How long do I have to stay?"
"Until tomorrow now that you've come back to us. You have a serious bruise on your rib cage," Ducky replied.
"Yeah, I know," Kate said with a half smile. She wanted to ask about Gibbs condition, but didn't want to sound too concerned. "How's Gibbs?"
"He'll recover. Bit sore I'm afraid. Two shots into the vest on his back, and the third I'm sure hurts the worse."
"How bad is it?" she asked.
"Oh, not bad at all. Just a graze really. He'll be back in no time at all," Ducky replied with a reassuring pat on her arm. Kate nodded and closed her eyes. The pain in her ribs was making it difficult to breath.
"I'm going to have to ask you all to leave. Agent Todd needs her rest," the nurse said quietly. The others nodded and said their goodbyes and slowly filed out of her room. When everyone was finally gone Kate opened her eyes again. She looked up at the nurse and forced a smile as the nurse checked her vitals.
"I can leave tomorrow?" Kate asked the nurse.
"If the doctor ok's it. He should though you just have a bruise. He'll just want to monitor your breathing tonight to make sure. Would you like me to turn the light off?"
"Yeah, thanks," Kate said as she was feeling very tired all the sudden. She sighed and gave into the sinking feeling. She drifted off to sleep her last conscious thoughts were of Gibbs. She was finally asleep.
Run, her brain screamed at her. Darkness was all around her. She couldn't tell what way led where all there was, was darkness. Someone was behind her she could sense it. She ran, away from that feeling, but she didn't seem to be moving. She was running in slow motion but everything around her was moving faster. Where was he? She couldn't see him but she knew he was in the darkness; she just had to find him. But someone was chasing her, trying to stop her.
A hand grabbed onto her shoulder. Fear surged through her body. She frantically tried to pull away. She felt the panic take hold. She was losing rational thought. She fought to keep her senses with her. Where was he!
"Gibbs!" she screamed frantically as she fought the tightening grip on her shoulder. "Gibbs! Help me!"
But no one came to her aid. He didn't come. He couldn't come and she finally felt it. She knew it all along, but then she saw him. He was on the ground, not moving. The grip on her shoulder was tightening the pain excruciating. She felt the tears escape. She felt a sharp pain in her side…
Kate bolted upright in the bed. The pain in her side didn't go away, it grew worse. She was disoriented and panicked. She was breathing hard, and with each breath she was less able to take the next one. The pain was intolerable. She thrashed around in the bed before the light came on overhead. Someone was in the room with her.
"Easy, Agent Todd," the nurse said reassuringly. "You need to relax, easy. It was just a dream."
"What?" Kate gasped between ragged breaths as her breathing continued to elude her.
"Relax. Look at me. You need to calm down, you're going to hyperventilate."
"Ok," she wheezed as she collapsed against the pillow again. The pain in her side made her wince and tears escaped her eyes.
"The bruise is going to be pretty bad for a while. I'll get you another shot of pain killers."
"Thank you," Kate managed as she started to slow her breathing enough to be able to take breathes without excruciating pain. The nurse left the room and returned shortly with a syringe. She injected the liquid into Kate's arm and then smiled.
"Should take effect soon," the nurse said.
"Can I see him?" Kate asked shifting her weight to her good side.
"Agent Gibbs?"
"Yes," Kate replied quietly.
"You really shouldn't…"
"Please."
"He's asleep right now."
"I won't wake him I promise, I just need to…"
"Ok, but only for a short time. He did ask to see you earlier today."
"He did?"
"Yes," the nurse replied as she helped Kate out of the bed. Kate was a little annoyed. She could do it herself. The nurse walked beside her down the hall to the next room and opened the door for Kate. She nodded and then turned around. "You have five minutes, I'll be back."
Kate nodded and quickly moved inside the door and slid it shut quietly. She turned and just stared at the silhouette of an image on the bed. The machine next to him was silently keeping track of his vitals. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, before slowly walking up next to him. She stood silently and watched him sleep. She fought back the tears and the urge to crawl in next to him.
She inwardly chastised herself. She needed to get a hold of the emotions running rampant in her. She backed away from him satisfied for the moment that he was still alive and well, although the bandage on his left side made her worry a little. He had taken the bullet, the one that would have hit her. She turned away from the bed.
"About time you came to see me," Gibbs voice said quietly. Kate froze and composed herself before turning around. He still had his eyes closed.
"They wouldn't let me," she said trying to sound casual. Gibbs opened one eye and looked at her. She stood her ground, showing no emotion. He didn't say anything more just flashed a smile as he closed his eye again and settled against his pillow.
"Figures. Doctors always think you're helpless," Gibbs said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Well, Gibbs, you were shot…three times."
"Vest took the brunt."
"One got you," she said quietly trying to hold the concern from her voice. Gibbs opened his eyes and looked up at her. She could see the slight fog in his eyes from the pain medicine he was on. He seemed to search her face before closing his eyes again.
"Just a scratch. You took one too," he said. Kate was silent for a moment trying to read into his tone and comment. She was sure he sounded concerned. Her brain told her that he was just being a boss; he'd be concerned for Tony and McGee too. She sighed.
"Yes. My rib cage is sore," Kate replied.
"I tried…"
"I know, Gibbs," Kate said cutting him off. He looked up at her eyes as she tried desperately to hide her emotions. He just nodded and closed his eyes again. It was then that the nurse cracked the door open, and peeked in. Kate looked at her and she smiled. Kate nodded and turned away from Gibbs, he didn't say anything and neither did she. The nurse took Kate back to her room and Kate climbed silently back into bed. The nurse looked at her.
"He's going to recover. He's going to be ok," the nurse said to her in a calm reassuring voice. Kate nodded and smiled then rolled over on her good side and drifted silently to sleep.
Kate was just finishing changing into the clothes Abby had brought to her from her apartment when she heard a commotion coming from the room next door. She slowly made her way into the hallway and into the room. Gibbs was trying to get up out of the bed and the doctor was telling him no.
"Like hell I'm staying another night in this place," Gibbs growled as he pushed against the doctor, only to fall back and wince at the pain. That only made him angrier and he glared steadily at the wall.
"Agent Gibbs, you suffered severe wounds."
"They hit the damn vest," Gibbs replied in a low growl.
"They still did extensive bruising on your back. And one did penetrate the skin…"
"Gibbs," Kate said softly cutting the doctor off. Gibbs flashed his glare at Kate, but she only smiled in return.
"Agent Todd," the doctor said turning to her. "Can you reason with him? He needs to stay at least another day."
"Don't even try, Kate," Gibbs said, his glare on her.
"Gibbs, you need to listen," Kate began before Gibbs cut her off.
"Kate, don't test me."
"To your doctor on this one," Kate continued without pause. Gibbs glared at her one more time before he returned his eyes to the wall. She could tell he was extremely upset and wanted out of the hospital. She didn't blame him. She was glad to be released.
"We'll leave you two alone," the doctor said and then nodded to the nurse. Kate watched the two leave the room.
"I'm leaving, Kate, that's that," Gibbs said mater of factly and started to get up. She saw him flinch as the pain spread throughout his body but he managed to sit himself up. He paused and lowered his chin to his chest and waited.
"Hurts?" Kate asked calmly, quietly. His eyes shot open and glared at her. "It's not my fault, Gibbs."
"I never said it was," he said in a low voice his glare melting. Kate looked away. "Hey, you think,"
"Forget it, Gibbs, but honestly you need to stay here," Kate said abruptly.
"You think this is your fault?" Gibbs asked quietly. Kate looked away. Gibbs pushed himself off the bed and steadied himself before trying to take a step. Each step jarred the bruising in his back but he forced himself to put it aside. He walked towards Kate but with each step he took towards her, she backed up. Finally he stopped and stared at her. She continued to avoid him until she couldn't stand it anymore.
"What?" she asked softly. Gibbs studied her eyes when she looked at him. She had a wall up on the emotions and he looked away. He looked back at the bed and then at Kate.
"You want me to stay here longer?" Gibbs asked quietly. Kate was shocked.
"If that's what the doctor suggests then yes," Kate said sincerely. Gibbs nodded and turned back towards the bed. He paused a moment as the pain coursed through his body, but continued towards his destination. When he got there he sat down gingerly and lay back on the bed softly. Once he was settled he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Kate couldn't believe it. Gibbs had given up. He had conceded to her. He was going to stay. Kate didn't know what to say to him so she turned and walked out looking for the doctor. Gibbs followed her out with his gaze, his emotional walls tumbling as she walked out. Kate never saw the look in his eye; she never looked back.
Gibbs closed his eyes and tried to relax. He failed miserably. He was agitated. He wanted out, he wanted to be at home in his basement, with his boat. He couldn't get the thought out of his head. He couldn't believe Kate thought his condition was her fault. It was his fault she was hurt. He hadn't reacted quickly enough. He had failed her, yet she thought she was the cause of his condition.
He found himself thinking about her a lot lately. And he remembered when he went down that his thought was that she was next. Now he couldn't help but think of what he would have done if he had lost her. When did I get so attached he thought to himself. He mentally berated himself for letting the feelings grow this far. Then his heart told him it was ok.
He sighed. He looked around his room. He shifted on the bed. When he shifted he cringed, the pain in his back exploded and shot down through his legs. Ok, he said to himself, maybe I did take a little more than I thought.
After Kate found the doctor and told him of Gibbs' decision to stay she went out front. She didn't want to go home. What she really wanted was to sit with Gibbs, but she knew she couldn't do that. Though his strange behavior upstairs had her thinking. She found a bench outside the hospital and sat down. She let her mind wander. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when she felt someone sit down next to her. She glanced sideways at the newcomer and smiled.
"Hello, Ducky," Kate said.
"Good morning, Caitlin," Ducky replied. "It's a fine day, isn't it?"
"Yes, especially since I can go home," Kate said with a smile.
"Yet you sit here on this bench and don't go. Why is that?" Ducky asked as he turned his gaze towards her. Kate looked at him briefly, felt the color rising in her cheeks and quickly looked away.
"I just needed fresh air is all, Ducky. I'll be going soon."
"I'm sure that was all it was. Needing fresh air. It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain special agent that is driving a hospital staff crazy would it?"
Kate looked at the ground and the color rising in her cheeks even more. She was embarrassed. How did Ducky know, she thought she had hid her feelings pretty well from everyone.
"Oh dear, Caitlin, don't be embarrassed. I may be old but I do notice the way you look at our Special Agent Gibbs," Ducky said with a smile as he leaned closer to her. "But you should see the way Special Agent Gibbs looks at you when he thinks no one is looking," Ducky whispered.
Kate's head snapped up but she still didn't look at Ducky. Did she just hear what she thought she heard? She gained control of her emotions and then dared to look up at Ducky. He was looking back at her with a smile.
"What do you mean?" Kate asked slowly.
"Every thing changes, Caitlin, when he thinks no one is looking," Ducky said as he turned his gaze out on the parking lot in front of them. Kate was baffled now. She felt her heart rate increase. Was it possible? Ducky surly wouldn't joke with her about something like this. She reached down and pinched her left arm slightly. Pain. No she wasn't dreaming. She looked up at Ducky and searched for something to say. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. Then it closed. She repeated that process three more times before giving up and sitting with Ducky in silence. The doctor finally got up and went to move away.
"Don't let his stubbornness get in the way, Caitlin. Don't let it be too late," Ducky said as he walked up towards the hospital. Kate sat on the bench for a while longer thinking about what Ducky had said, trying to contain the emotions that were running rampant in her.
Gibbs sat on his hospital bed and counted ceiling tiles to keep from thinking about her. He had to keep his mind occupied. She had left without even saying goodbye, but he didn't blame her, he didn't want to be in here any longer than necessary either. Why had he agreed to stay? What had come over him? He sighed, he had lost count…again. He gave up on the ceiling tiles. He looked down at the wall and tried to squash his feelings once again. He had been doing well until that final thought in consciousness in that alley. What if he had lost her?
He was deep in thought when someone came in his room. He didn't pay much attention anymore; so many nurses came and went so often he had lost interest. He nearly jumped when a hand was put gently on his shoulder. The tensing of his muscles to stop it made his back scream. He managed to tuck most of the pain away, but some made its way to his face.
"Sorry, Jethro, did not mean to startle you like that," Ducky said gently. Gibbs gave him a nod, his eyes guarded and yielding nothing. Ducky went around and pulled the chair from the corner and moved it closer to the bed.
"What's up, Ducky?" Gibbs asked relieved at having company so he could distract himself.
"I wanted to talk to you about one of your agents," Ducky said with a small smile. Gibbs grew weary of this conversation. He wasn't sure where Ducky was taking this.
"You're worried about one of my agents?"
"Quite frankly, yes, Jethro. I'm actually worried about one and a little perturbed at another," Ducky continued.
"Perturbed? What's going on, Ducky? What did Tony do this time?"
"Oh my, its not Tony. Not this time."
"Come on, Duck, stop talking round the bush and beat it out. Let's go," Gibbs said starting to get a little annoyed. Ducky could read the annoyance in his face. He nodded slightly and then looked up thoughtfully before continuing.
"First things first. I'm worried about Agent Todd, Jethro," Ducky said as he brought his eyes down to stare at Gibbs. Gibbs stared back at him guarded. Ducky sighed.
"Why, Ducky," Gibbs asked.
"She seems distracted lately. Has trouble concentrating," Ducky continued trying to gauge his good friend's reaction. So far Gibbs was giving him nothing. Ducky sighed.
"There's more to this, Ducky, get to it," Gibbs growled. Ducky looked up at him and smiled.
"Yes, Jethro, the agent I'm perturbed with," Ducky said with a smile. "That agent is you."
"Me?" Gibbs barked in surprise.
"Yes, Jethro, you. You are the one causing these problems in Agent Todd," Ducky continued.
"Ducky," Gibbs said with a sigh. He stared up at the ceiling again and began counting once again. He had done so well to forget her for the five minutes.
"Jethro, I see how you look at her when you think no one is watching. I see that look deep in your eye that you think no one can read. I know you."
"Too well," Gibbs replied.
"I see it in her too, Jethro," Ducky said quietly putting a gentle hand on Gibbs' arm. Gibbs looked down from the ceiling shocked. "I know you don't think you could ever interest her, but she is outside right now sitting on a bench wondering if she should go home or come up here. She doesn't want to seem to needy so she sits on the bench because its better than going home to think. You understand that don't you, Jethro?"
Gibbs didn't answer. Ducky sat in silence sure his point was made. He sat for a while longer, the silence stretching on. Finally Ducky rose from the chair, scooted it back to where he got it from and started for the door.
"Duck, she really down on that bench?" Gibbs asked quietly looking down at his hands. Ducky stopped in the doorway and looked back at Gibbs.
"Yes, Jethro, debating whether she can take your rejection or not," Ducky replied then he nodded, turned on his heal, and was gone from the room. Gibbs sighed and picked at the blanket on the bed.
He didn't know what to do now. He knew his heart wanted nothing more than to go down and ease her worries. To show her what he felt, to let her into his world and chance the glass halls smashing down. His brain told him no way. His brain wanted him to stay a safe distance from her. His brain wanted to maintain the barriers, and keep the safety of a bubble between them. He was perfectly happy before she showed up.
Kate was still sitting on the bench when Ducky came out. He shook his head. He sighed and walked up to Kate slowly. He put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him giving a weak smile.
"Go up and see him, Caitlin," Ducky said quietly. She looked at him a while. "Take a chance, dear, right now would be a good time."
Kate looked up at him dumbfounded. Ducky chuckled lightly and squeezed the hand on her shoulder. She continued to stare up at him not moving. He slipped into the seat next to her. Her eyes followed his every movement.
"My dear, he is just as confused as you are. Go talk to him, tell him how you feel."
"I can't, Ducky, he'll tell me no. He'll tell me it won't work. He'll say romance between agents never works. "
"Sounds like you already worked this out in your head, oh well. I tried. Though I really think you should go up and talk to him," Ducky replied as he got up from the bench. Kate watched him walk away.
"Ducky?" Kate called after him.
"Yes, Caitlin?"
"Right now?" she asked quietly, her eyes pleading with him.
"Yes, right now. Go up and take the chance," he replied softly then turned and never looked back at her. She sat for a moment and just breathed. Courage was never around when you needed it, she thought. She looked up at the hospital, large and overpowering. It seemed like it was glaring down at her, stopping her every movement towards the front door with a leer. She felt like she was glued to the bench and her legs weighed a hundred pounds apiece. She was scared she'd admit it. Her heart started to thunder in her chest. She felt on the verge of tears.
Damn that man for this, she thought to herself, and damn myself for letting this happen. She couldn't end the struggle between mind and heart; neither side was winning. It was a seesaw battle, back and forth, making her sick to her stomach.
Gibbs fidgeted a moment longer than he pushed the call button for the nurse. He let out a breath and rubbed his neck with the palm of his hand. What the hell was he doing? The nurse came in a moment later with a smile. Gibbs thought it looked forced. So he gave a forced one in return. He looked at the wall then back at the nurse.
"Something you need, Agent Gibbs?" she asked pleasantly.
"Ahh, can I ask you a favor?" he asked hesitantly. The nurse raised an eyebrow and Gibbs felt himself flush. Get a hold of yourself he told himself. The nurse looked at him a moment.
"It depends on what you're asking," she replied. Gibbs hesitated again. His brain was still struggling to contain his heart, but it was on the losing end. Finally Gibbs gave in.
"Can you go down to the front of the building and see if Agent Todd is sitting on the bench in front of the hospital?" Gibbs finally said, keeping his eyes on the bedspread. His hands tugged nervously at the fabric as he waited for her answer. The nurse smiled slightly and then nodded.
"I can do that. Is there something you want me to tell her?" the nurse asked. Gibbs brought his eyes up to meet the nurse's but he didn't say anything. He just pressed his lips together then looked away again. He didn't know what to say, he wouldn't know what to tell her anyway. He shrugged.
"Just let me know if she is down there," he said quietly. The nurse nodded and left the room. The agony in waiting. It was the worse kind. His stomach was knotting and he was sure he was getting a headache.
Kate finally forced herself up and back into the building. She was on her way up when she first chickened out in the elevator. The doors opened, then closed. She was still in the elevator. She rode it down and then back up and this time she stepped off on Gibbs' floor. She took a deep breath. She made it down the first hallway and chickened out again. She screamed at herself internally. What is the big deal? Just go in there!
She came around the corner and made it almost to his room. There was a bench in the hallway, and she quickly sunk down on it. She sat there a slight tremble running through her. She needed to make a decision. It was now, or never. Tell him everything, face rejection and move on, or hide it forever and never let him know. She froze unable to make that decision. She looked up when she saw the nurse come out of Gibbs' room. The nurse smiled brightly at her and she forced a small smile and nodded. The nurse immediately turned back into Gibbs' room. Kate didn't really notice. She was still waging the internal battle between her heart and her brain. Fighting for control of one way or another. Wanted to get over this hump in her life that keep her teetering on the verge of insanity. She sat there staring at the floor quietly fidgeting with the fabric of her shirt.
The nurse came back a lot sooner than Gibbs had anticipated and her popping into his room startled him. He would never admit it but it did. He paused a moment to collect himself then he looked up at her. She had a smile on her face. Gibbs scowled. The nurse leaned against the wall.
"She's not down there," the nurse said. Gibbs just nodded, but the defeat was evident on his face. He was hoping she had stayed. He looked away.
"Thanks anyway," Gibbs mumbled.
"But she is right outside your door," the nurse continued quietly. Gibbs couldn't help the reaction he felt. He quickly stomped on the emotions that rose and tucked them away in the box in his heart. He took a moment to compose his face then looked up at her. She smiled at him and then turned and walked out. Gibbs pushed hard against the bed, wincing at the pain the gesture created. He let out a hard breath and looked at the ceiling again. Hmmm, well at least I know there is more than seventy-three tiles up there he thought. But his heart quickly reminded him Kate was outside his door, agonizing over coming in, thinking she'll face rejection if she says something. God, was Ducky right? Of course he was he told himself.
It wasn't like he didn't notice she returned the feelings he felt. He just didn't know how deep her feelings ran. He could tell his ran as deep as possible and he didn't think it would ever go away. He sat up slowly and swung his legs over. It was him that would face rejection. He got up from the bed as painlessly as he possibly could.
Kate looked up as the nurse came out again. The nurse smiled at Kate and then walked away. Kate continued the heart and brain debate, go for it or walk away. Kate's heart won in the end. If she faced rejection she could walk away. She could, really. Her brain laughed at her. She was torn. She got up but then stopped. Why is this so difficult, she asked herself. Then she took a deep breath and started to put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the door that led to Gibbs. She took a deep breath and slowly made her way around the door and into the room.
Gibbs was standing next to the bed when Kate came in his room. He stopped. He swallowed hard and then looked down. She pressed her lips together and then nervously chewed at her lower lip. The silence dragged out and finally Gibbs looked up.
"Kate," he started, but then nothing more came out. He sighed and looked down trying to unscramble his brain. "Can I ask you something?" he finally asked. When he got no response from Kate he looked down and then continued. "Why'd you stick around?" It was just barely above a whisper. He couldn't look at her. He didn't know why. He thought maybe it was the redness in his face that stopped him. He finally forced himself to look up at her. She was still avoiding his eyes and he bit back the tears. His heart was running free and he knew there was no going back.
Kate stood silently studying the floor. She didn't know what to say, didn't know what to tell him. She didn't even know what Ducky had told him. She was scared. She feared his rejection; she feared his acceptance. She felt her heart pounding harder and harder, she felt the pain increase in her rib cage and she felt the tears filling her eyes. She couldn't bring her gaze up to meet him. She couldn't read the emotion that saturated his voice.
"I'm glad you stayed," he continued. His eyes stayed on her now. His heart was taking over and he was gaining his confidence back. He made the decision right there he would tell her. He was at the point of no return. All he had to do was cross over the line. His heart gave him the push and he stepped closer to her.
"Kate, do you want to know why I'm glad?" he asked softly, taking another step towards her. She stood her ground, eyes locked on the floor, the tears holding but about to cascade. He took another step. "Look at me," he said in a whisper, his voice pleading with her.
It broke the damn and tears slid silently down her cheeks. She took a second, but finally forced her gaze up from the floor. She looked past him not at him but it was a start. She could feel herself starting to tremble.
Gibbs watched the tears cascade down her cheeks and silently drip to her shirt. It pained his heart to watch them and he felt his own tears forming. He didn't care anymore, if she saw him cry she saw him cry. He was in love. He smiled; he couldn't help it. He had just admitted it to himself, now maybe he can admit it to her.
"When I felt the bullets hit me yesterday my thoughts were of you, Kate. I thought that that was it. You'd take the next one and be gone. I thought you'd be dead when I woke up and that I'd be here to live without you. Do you know how that made me feel?" Gibbs continued softly, slowly closing the gap between them, ignoring the sharp pains that came with each step. Pain would not stop him now, not when he was so close. Kate didn't say a word. Her gaze was still on the wall over his shoulder but he was staring at her. His intense blue eyes watching her tears, her expressions, her being. He was an open book as soon as she chose to read it. He was an inch from her when he stopped. He could practically feel her he was so close. She was now staring at his shoulder instead of over it.
He reached out and put his index finger under her chin and gently applied pressure. He waited until she relaxed her muscles then guided her face to look up at him. He then wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. He smiled at her but she still held the fear in her eyes, the anguish. The tears were falling from his eyes now, and she watched them drip down.
"It was unbearable, Kate," he whispered. "It made this pain in my back feel like Christmas. It made me want to not wake up, it made me want to stay in the blackness and feel the guilt for letting you down," he continued. She was trembling now trying to hold herself together.
"Say something," Gibbs said in a pleading whisper. He felt his heart starting to ache. He felt a headache starting to form. He felt the tightness of panic in his chest. He felt his brain starting to come undone. Why hadn't she responded? He had laid it on the line, he had crossed the point of no return, and she said nothing. He tried to take a deep breath but the pain in his back and side prohibited it. It was more of a ragged shudder. Kate reached out and put her hands on the side of his face.
"When you came down on top of me," she said in a hoarse whisper. "I thought you were dead. I panicked. I tried to roll, I tried to move from the gunfire, but you were limp, you were still. I couldn't move you. I thought you were dead. I tried to pull you to safety but you were too heavy."
"You should have left me then you wouldn't have taken a bullet," Gibbs said softly. He saw the pain flash through her eyes.
"Then you would be dead," Kate said softly. She leaned into his chest and buried her face in the hospital gown he was wearing. She let the tears and the fear come out as she shuddered and trembled against him. He let his own fears out as his tears soaked into her hair. Finally after they both were in pain and couldn't breathe well, they pulled apart.
"Kate, I…" Gibbs started but the words wouldn't come out. He took a breath and tried again. "I need to tell you something. I felt it start on Air Force One, so I offered you a job. I knew there was something there. I knew you'd work well on the team. But I also knew you'd work well with me. Then as we worked side by side for two years, I…what ever it was in the beginning grew. It grew and grew and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't control it. It consumed my every thought. It became partly who I was. I love you," he said in a steady flow. He smiled after he finished. There he had done it. He had said. He had said it first. From the look on Kate's face she hadn't expected it. He reached out and gently put his arms around her waist. She leaned in close to him. They were both weary of the bruises and the wounds on the other.
"I love you too, Jethro," she said softly into his chest. His heart swelled even more. It was the first time she had used his given name. He didn't know how he would feel, but he decided he liked her having the privilege of calling him Jethro.
Gibbs broke the contact when he sensed someone else. He looked up and saw the nurse standing in the doorway. Gibbs took a step back and smiled. The nurse smiled then looked towards the bed and nodded. Gibbs nodded back. Kate turned slowly and smiled weakly at the nurse. She knew she looked like a wreck. Gibbs slowly moved back towards the bed, trying desperately to limit the amount of pain his back produced. Though he felt very little of it in his current mood. He would have to thank Ducky for the push he thought as he gingerly crawled back into the hospital bed.
Kate came to his side and rested her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled a broad smile. She returned it. The nurse did her thing then left them alone again. Kate sat on the bed and slipped her hand into his. He looked down at their hands then back up at Kate. He could get used to this.
The End.