Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: End of FFX-2, but everyone knows it anyway, lol.
Disclaimers: Nothing belongs to me and the vast majority of it never happened.
Archiving: If anyone wants it, just ask.
Feedback: Adored. Even if someone just wants to point out a silly typo. Actually, especially if someone wants to point out a silly typo. Those are the most irritating kind.
Comments, 12/12/05: Gave this a quick onceover and fixed some stuff which was bugging me. This was only ever a first draft though so I'm probably going to be giving it a complete overhaul in the (not-so) near future.

Since she was a child, Lulu has been a mage first and foremost, a guardian second and a person third. Her magic shaped the guardian she became and her guardianship shaped the person she became. It was as it always had been, since Zanarkand fell; many had been chosen, but few had ever had the choice.

Lulu was told many things as she grew and learned. Much of what she was told became what she learned. The monks held promises of forbidden secrets and spoke with the oiled voices of snakes.

Lulu was always taught to be watchful. Mages do not rain blows, mages search for an opening, for the piercing strike.

Lulu was always taught to be thoughtful. Warriors are a dime a dozen, but mages take a lifetime to prepare. Never use your magic in vain, you never know when you will need it.

Lulu was always taught to be quiet. Her words are a vital part of her arsenal, speak softly and sparingly and you shall never want for them.

But the monks are not tutors in the way the friends she never made would have been. Lulu learns how to act, to kill and to incapacitate. She never learns the true secret of how to live.

Rikku is life. Where Lulu is quiet, Rikku is loud. When Lulu is watchful, Rikku is most likely in the thick of whatever she is watching. For every thought Lulu has, Rikku speaks five more. Lulu is all depth and Rikku deceptively shallow. She makes Lulu's heart constrict in a manner which she has never experienced before. She makes Lulu want and Lulu never asked.

Lulu had been taught that where angels fear to tread is often where warriors rush in. The mages watch and avoid the pitfalls they leave in their wake.

When Rikku first kisses her she's too shocked to think of enjoying it. It's all teeth and tongue and all Lulu can think of are the people she's betraying. Chappu, Yevon, Wakka. Even Yuna, in some twisted way. This isn't supposed to be about her. But with Rikku standing before her, chest heaving and eyes glowing, all Lulu can think about is how nothing is ever about her. She lunges into another kiss with a ferocity she didn't know she contained and Rikku is quiet and vibrant beneath her.

When Rikku finally lies still, breathing evenly, Lulu leaves, feeling sickened and spent. She doesn't hear the sigh Rikku releases once she's left and she never gives thought to the quiet sadness evident in Rikku's posture the following day. She is almost joyful when they call a halt to the trek early in the day. She thinks it is due only to the impending end of their quest. No one mentions the tension between her and Rikku.

After the final battle Lulu leaves without goodbyes, heading for Besaid. Wakka will find her there and he is the only one that matters now. She tries to pretend that she doesn't think of Rikku. She almost succeeds. And when she spends the morning after her wedding day retching, it's a relief to find out that she's pregnant.

Rikku is a better actress than the others will ever give her credit for. She is her normal, vibrant self around the others. She only shows her hurt when they are left alone, Rikku having offered to help her with dinner. There are so many questions Lulu aches to ask. Is it the same without her, does it hurt her to see her like this? If Lulu asked, would Rikku sweep her off her feet and bring her somewhere new, somewhere young and beautiful, without all the death that Lulu has grown accustomed to. She settles for asking how long Paine has been on the team and the Wakka arrives back with the rest of the Gulls before Rikku can ask something awkward. At the table things are different, Rikku settles back into her self imposed role as clown and Lulu is quiet, with the exception of a few gently probing questions asked of Yuna. Paine says nothing, but sees more than either Rikku or Lulu are happy about.

Over the weeks Lulu hears more of the girl's escapades, quietly shaking her head as they get themselves into one scrape after another. But they are grownups now and Lulu is no one's sister figure anymore. Still, it almost sounds as if Rikku is trying to get herself into trouble.

Time passes. She hears more tales, each more outlandish than the last. Wakka grows more fretful by the day and still Lulu's belly grows, until even she begins to worry that she will swell until she pops. At last the baby comes. A tiny, perfect baby boy, blonde hair and deep red eyes. Wakka smiles proudly, watching over both of them. As Lulu cradles the babe to her chest he cradles Lulu to his and says that he had a grandmother with blonde hair, the same shade of spun gold. His boy will be a mage, just like his mother, with eyes that shade. Lulu quietly thinks of Paine and of Rikku and resolves that her son will not be resigned to the same choices that she was, but utters not a word. Wakka thinks for days and tests many names on his tongue. Lulu calls him Vidina and Wakka grins haplessly, as he often does when a situation is taken out of his hands. She never tells him what it means and he never thinks to ask.

Vidina can almost walk by the time they return. Tidus with them and Lulu is hopelessly grateful. There has been enough loss and Yuna has finally received her reward. She proudly displays her child and the boy takes it all in his stride. Rikku is even more of a baby person than she is a people person, it seems, and swoops down gleefully upon him. Much of the next week is spent with Vidina taking up much of Rikku's time and Paine attempting to fend them both off while Wakka helps Tidus get up to speed. Yuna is never far from his side. Lulu is quiet and watchful. This fragile balance has shifted completely out of her grasp, now and forever, and she has been relegated to bystander as she watches Paine and Rikku. There is something else there now, something more than there was before. Lulu knows that she has only herself to blame.

The night before they are set to leave Paine is the one who returns Vidina to the hut, safely sleeping in her arms. She may not be much for children, but Vidina has certainly taken a shine to her and as Lulu puts him to bed she can understand why. Though gruff, there is a hopeless protector within Paine. Just as Lulu knows no other existence than that of a mage, Paine knows none other than that of a guardian. When Lulu returns to thank her there is a quiet challenge in her eyes. Lulu bites her lip and looks away and when she returns her gaze there is quiet understanding there instead. She leaves without speaking a word, though they have exchanged volumes.

When the girls and Tidus leave in the morning Paine gifts her with a tiny smile. Vidina wriggles excitedly in her arms and Lulu has rarely felt as honoured.

Once they have left and Vidina is set to playing in his room, Wakka draws her in for a gentle kiss. As he draws her into him he murmurs his thanks to whomever may be listening that he has received her. Lulu buries her head in his chest and thinks of a night a lifetime ago, when Rikku was quiet and watchful beneath her, while Lulu tread where only angels and warriors dared.

Lulu resolves to raise her children as warriors.