Confessions of an All-American Blonde

[EDIT] Hey there, still ATA here! Just editing up the story. A lot. Enjoy! :)

A/N- HEY! For those of you who know me, hi! For those who don't, I'm Annoying Talking Animal.

Disclaimer- I do not own Beyblade. There, I said it.

Well, I hope you enjoy, and please review. Flames welcomed then made fun of!

Max: Hello, and welcome to my computerized journal! I dunno who you are, and I dunno who I are either! Just kidding. Ignore me. Read on and discover the wondrous thing that is my head. Beware of insanity and mentions of swearing, homosexuality (big word) and idiocy. You've been warned. And beware of OOC-ness too, because it wouldn't be as funny if there wasn't any. So read on, friends, and review! Thanks!

Monday

I woke up to the sound of Hilary and Tyson screaming at each other. As usual. I wonder why I bother setting my alarm clock?

Today, apparently, Hilary had 'borrowed' a piece of Tyson's chocolate bar. I will never know why he was eating a chocolate bar at 7:30 in the morning. Anyway, he freaked out. And now they're screaming at each other from opposite ends of the house. They might as well get married tomorrow. And make me Best Man:)

I went downstairs to congratulate them on the engagement, but they both looked at me like I was insane. Oh well, at least they shut up.

Kai was sitting at the kitchen table sulking. Ray was sitting beside him eating breakfast, smiling vaguely to himself. God, I just don't get those two. Just to annoy them, I joined a RayXKai pairing fanlisting a couple weeks ago, but if Kai finds out he will murder me. I'm willing to take that chance though.

Kenny was typing furiously. As usual. It was just a usual day with the bladebreakers.

Tyson and Hilary entered the room. I turned and smiled.

"So, when's the wedding?" I asked innocently. Ray laughed. Even Kai grinned. I can be quite the comedian sometimes.

"Shut up, Max," Hilary snapped. Ooh, someone's having a bad day.

I continued to smile. "Can I be Best Man?"

"No, I want to be Best Man!" Ray whined.

"Why?" asked Kai monotonously.

I inwardly rolled my eyes. "I asked first," I told Ray sternly.

"But I whined!" Ray whined.

I looked at him with my 'puppy eyes', widening my eyes as much as I could. It made me look slightly deranged, but he got the picture.

He sighed. "Fine, you win."

"You'd better believe it!"

Tyson and Hilary were still glaring at me. I smiled again and sat down at the table. "So, Kai, what are we doing today?"

Kai raised his eyebrows. "Training."

"Again?" asked Hilary. "But they've been training for three days straight!"

"That's nothing," Ray told her. "Last year we trained for a straight month."

"And woke up at 5 every day," I added.

"In the morning," Tyson exclaimed.

No kidding.

"No kidding," Ray said. I think he's a mind reader.

"I wake up at 5 anyway," Kai said.

That's because you're nocturnal.

"That's because you're… an owl," Ray decided. Close enough. Owls are nocturnal.

"Don't owls eat cats?" asked Tyson.

"That would be mice," Kenny explained.

"Mice eat cats?" I had to ask that to show off my comedian skills.

"No, Max, owls eat mice."

Well, maybe Kenny isn't smart enough to catch on to my brilliant humour, but I will not say that out loud. It would hurt his feelings. So I settled for smiling at him. As usual.

"You guys have the weirdest conversations," Dizzi piped up.

"Tell me about it," Ray nodded.

Kai rolled his eyes in agreement.

I smiled. Nothing ever changes around here.

Tyson took a bite of chocolate.

Like I said, nothing ever changes around here.

"Young 'uns are like potatoes," I said unexpectedly. Everyone looked at me like I was insane.

"Max, you're insane," Ray told me.

"Who's Max?" I replied.

I don't know where I get this stuff from, but whoever works there deserves a platter of fruit. I will deliver it personally.

"I'm leaving," Kai announced.

"Thanks for that critical information, Kai," Ray joked.

"Oh, it is critical," Dizzi laughed. "It means the room will be 0.0000000001 percent quieter."

"Did you actually calculate that?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Amazing, isn't it?"

"Not really. I would have expected something like that. But I say there should be more zeroes and less ones," Ray laughed.

"No, he makes a little but of noise. Like, when he moves his chair. Or sighs in exasperation," Kenny said fairly.

"Thanks, chief," Kai said sarcastically, walking out of the room.

"Someone's having a bad day," I commented.

"This is pretty good for Kai, actually. He said something," Tyson told me excitedly.

Thanks Tyson. I noticed.

Half an hour later we decided to go out. We had to threaten Kai with three leeks and a mushroom to make him join us. Leeks and mushrooms scare him for some reason. Personally, I like mushrooms, but that's Kai for you. Weird at the best of times.

We walked out the door and Tyson, Ray and Kai were immediately surrounded by newspaper reporters and fangirls. Eventually, after fighting a few journalists off with an umbrella, we got out onto the lawn. People pointed as we walked by. I smiled at them pityingly. A few more teenaged girls trailed us, giggling madly. Then my cell phone rang. The ring tone was "If you're happy and you know it", and every time it rang Tyson, Ray and I had started to sing along. Each time this happened, Kai would disown us. Then buy us back from crazy fangirls.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" we sang, clapping our hands madly.

"JUST ANSWER THE (bleep!)ING PHONE!" Kai shouted over our singing. A girl gasped.

Laughing madly, I answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hi. It's me."

"Who's me?"

"You know, me."

"Me who?"

"Me as in your mother."

I groaned. She only called me every five minutes these days.

"Oh, hi mom."

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"Walking. Being trailed by fangirls." I looked back at them and glared.

"Oh… Where are you going?"

"Don't know… Why are you calling?"

"To find out what you're doing."

"Okay, from now on this number is an emergency line only. Don't call unless there's a reason." I hung up angrily.

"Your mom?" asked Tyson.

"Yup. Finding out what I'm doing. Again." I told him calmly. As if.

"She needs to have another kid," Ray decided.

"No! Then I'd be an older brother!"

"Better then being a younger brother," Tyson said decisively.

I opened my mouth to reply, but Kai interrupted. How rude. Moody and rude.

"Don't start." He sounded like my father. Well, my father before the divorce. These days there's no one to argue with in front of him.

"You sound like my father used to," I told him wisely.

"Used to?" asked Tyson stupidly.

"Yes, dimwit, used to," Hilary snapped. That was mean. She deserves to be hit. As long as I don't have to do it.

"Stop being so sensitive about my feelings, Hilary," I told her.

"I DON'T GET IT!" Tyson wailed.

"Well," Kai explained slowly. "Sometimes, when two people think they love each other and get married, they have an amazingly annoying blond kid and then start to fight a lot and don't want to live together anymore. It's called DIV-ORCE."

"Did you know mustard is one of the least healthy foods on earth?" Ray piped up. We all looked at him.

"No it isn't," I argued.

"Someone likes mustard here a little too much, and it's not Tyson," Kenny said. We all turned.

"You haven't said anything for this whole walk, did you know that?" Tyson told him.

As he said that, we arrived outside the mall.

"Let's go to the mall," Ray decided. Gee, I wonder where he got that idea from.

"Cool!" Tyson exclaimed, and we all walked through the automatic doors into the paradise (not) that was the mall.

"I need more socks," decided Kenny.

"You always need more socks," I told him. It was true. Every time we ended up in this hellhole, Kenny bought socks.

"Let's look at the blade parts," Tyson exclaimed.

"I don't need any," I announced. They all looked at me. "My mom sent me tons of extra stuff in the mail."

That was just one advantage of having parents like mine: They give me free parts.

"Lucky," Tyson muttered. "Well, come in and look anyway."

After looking at parts for half an hour, I began to get bored, so I stood on Ray's right side and tapped him on the left shoulder. He looked around wildly and I crept away, searching for my next victim. Then I saw Kai, counting his money and eyeing something in the window.

"There's no need to count, Kai, you have enough," I told him. It was true, Kai was rich.

"Shut up and go annoy someone else," he told me gruffly. But he did stop counting (just for the record, Kai DID follow my advice. Did everyone hear that? He DID follow my advice.)

I set off to find Tyson. I eventually found him asking Dizzi about the quality of some stuff.

"I'm bored," I announced.

"Go annoy Ray," Kenny advised.

"Been there, done that."

"Go annoy Kai," Tyson suggested.

"Done."

"Annoy Hilary," Dizzi told me.

"She's gone."

"I'm stumped," Tyson admitted.

"Me too," said Dizzi. "Have you explored the store?"

"Yup."

"Then meet us at the food court," Tyson said.

"Fine." I took an escalator down to the food court, where a small kid walked up to me.

"Are you Max?"

"Yes…"

"Wow! Really? Max Tate?"

"Yes…"

"Wow… You're my idol!"

"Uh… thanks."

Kai walked up behind me and the kid squeaked. "Gotta go!" and ran away.

"Hi, Kai. Come sit with me."

"Okay. Tyson says not to buy any food yet."

"Oh. I better eat all I can while he's not here, then."

I went over to a food stand and bought something to eat, and sat down at a table with Kai.

"Did you buy that thing you were thinking of buying?" I asked him between mouthfuls of food.

He stared at me blankly. Honestly, it wasn't that unspecific!

"The one you were counting your money for…"

"Oh. Yes."

"Cool." It's so hard to make conversation with near-silent people. Especially when giggling fangirls were sneaking up behind him.

Tyson, Kenny and Ray finally showed up. "Max! I said not to eat!"

"Which means, 'you'd better eat fast or else I will eat everything you buy'," I explained cheerfully.

He blinked at me, then gave up and went to buy some food.

Kenny sat down. "Kai, can't you look less hot and get rid of those fangirls? They drive me insane!"

We all stared at him.

"Did you just call Kai hot?" asked Ray.

Kenny blinked, and said "I don't think you're hot, I mean hot to them… honestly, people these days."

I agree. A man can't call another man hot anymore! How horrific! Not.

Tyson returned with six trays of food. Okay, I exaggerated. But a lot, anyway.

"I dunno why they sell watches at a food place, but hey… What did I miss?"

When Tyson was finished eating (6 hours later) we walked home. It was almost dark.

"We didn't even train today!" I exclaimed.

"Thank God," Tyson laughed.

"Speaking of God, we haven't heard a wedding date yet!" I told him.

"Max, it's getting old," Hilary complained. Tyson nodded in agreement. They have no appreciation for true comedic geniousity, or something along those lines.

When we arrived home everyone lounged in the living room and watched a TV Interview with Miguel.

"Yes, I am very good friends with Tyson Granger…" he was saying pompously.

"What? Me and Miguel? Friends? He's using me for publicity! Why didn't I think of that?"

Yes, Tyson, using yourself for publicity will work wonders. Not.

Anyway, that's enough recording for one day. Remind me to unplug my alarm clock.

Until later then,

-Max (Stands for Mother is an Absolute Xmoron) Tate.

A/N- How was that? Review!