A/N: Hullo. This is Pip again, and I'm with 3 friends (one of them being PhyscoFanaticElfinDaWood ... WEE) Don't even ask about this story, it's very random and you'll all HATE it... But everyone hates my stories anyway, so it's not like my REPUTATION is on the line or anything.
Morgoth and Sauron were sexy.
Their random wives loved them very much. Morgoth liked to throw things at Sauron and Irone. Morgoth also liked to PLOT. A lot. He never really had time for his random wife, Mira. So she finally got fed up with Morgoth and ran off with a hott evil real estate agent that was an elf. Woo. Morgoth didn't realize she was gone until about a week later. The poor dear. He was too busy thinking about how to dis-embody Fingolfin. Poor Fingolfin.
Sauron and Irone did love each other, and it made Morgoth JEALOUS. OH NO. Jealousy is in soap operas. Is this a soap opera?
Meanwhile, Mira was happy with her evil real estate agent who is also hott and an elf. What was his evil PLOT? TO SELL BAD REAL ESTATE! MWAHAHAHAHA. Erm.
His name was Chad. His favorite hobby was carving ducks out of wood. Sometimes he loved his ducks more than Mira, but not most of the time.
So one day, when Morgoth was PLOTTING, he decided he missed Mira.
A lot.
So he wanted her back, so he decided that he would PLOT to get her back.
How special.
So he figured out who she was now married to, and he devised a PLOT… a PLOT that could NOT GO WRONG. '
Wait.. We interrupt this program to bring you this special news bulletin.
PLOT MEANS TO MAKE AN EVIL
PLAN. That is evil. Duh.
OKAY. Back to the show.
So ANYWAY, FIRST, Morgoth got a BIG HUNK o' WOOD. And made a 'museum'.
He put up a BIG sign by the road that said;
"ATTENTION! LIKE WOODEN DUCKS? I KNOW I DO! THEN COME TO THE NATIONAL MORDOR MUSEUM OF BIG DUCKS! MADE OUT OF REAL WOOD! On Exit 666."
So Morgoth's PLOT was underway…. DUN DUN DUN DUUNN.
One day while Chad had dragged Mira on a LAM-O road trip, he passed by THE sign.
"Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh! A WOODEN DUCK MUSEUM! MY DREAM HAS COME TRRUUEEE! We gotta stop there! PleeeeeeaaaassseeE?"
"NO." Said Mira, looking at the SIGN with great horror.
"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? PPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"
The poor elf looked like he was going to explode, so Mira FINALLY consented. "Eh.. whatever.." Mira said, filing her nails.
Chad drove 120 miles per second in order to reach the duck museum in time: Who KNOWS when these things would close? They're SO, like, unpredictable.
FINALLY they got there.. (And in a good 10 seconds, too!) and Chad walked up the GRAND steps to the museum in awe.
"Um, dear? Did you realize that this is smack-dab in the middle of Mordor? AND that it's right by my ex-husband's house… tower… slob-pit.. thing?" Mira said, looking at a particularly large, obnoxious duck sign and wanting to throw it off a cliff.
"Eh.. It must be just a coincidence." Chad said, pushing open the door and looking upon the GAINT WOODEN DUCK OF WOODEN DUCKYNESS.
Chad promptly fainted.
Mira sighed with annoyance and was prepared to drag him back to the car WHEN…
"Hello dear, did you MISS me?" A voice boomed, and MORGOTH stepped out of the shadows.
Mira whirled around and looked bored. "Am I supposed to answer that TRUTHFULLY?"
"That would be nice." Morgoth blinked, expecting an emotional 'YESSS!'
"Erm… NO." Mira said, slinging Chad over her shoulder.
"But.. but… you're supposed to love ME.. Not some lam-o duck loving evil real estate agent. He's not really EVIL. I'm a LOT more evil than HIM. I mean, I hate ducks… Ducks are supposed to be cute… WHY DOES HE LIKE DUCKS! Love ME instead… And I'll give you…" He tried to think of a good country that didn't mess too much with his PLOTS, "I'll give you MIRKWOOD."
"Just MIRKWOOD? Come on. Throw in Rohan and I'll consider it."
"FINE. Rohan too, now let's go."
"Still considering…" Mira said, pretending to look thoughtfully cute.
"NARG. GAH. EVIL. PLOT." Morgoth muttered, pacing back and forth.
"Eh.. okay." Mira said, flinging Chad out the window.
"WEALLY? I mean.. good." Morgoth said, taking her in his incredibly SEXY arms.
Mira KISSED HIM, and he kissed back, and they both kissed passionately under the moonlight.
Even though it WAS daytime.. but we're the authors! DO NOT QUESTION US.
Oh yeah, and Sauron and Irone lived happily ever after.
THE END.
Don't you love it? I do. There is proof that Sauron and Morgoth may have been incredibly sexy 'back inthe day' SO RESPECT THAT.
Namarie,
-Pip and fwiendies