A/N: So why did MeeLee want to write this completely pointless, fluffy HoroRen one-shot? BECAUSE SHE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO WRITE THE CONCLUSION OF HER STUPID IB EXTENDED ESSAY, THAT'S WHY!

Ahem. So anyway, this is actually my first (and probably last) attempt at a humor fic. I'm usually an angst writer (as I'm sure most of you already know), so of course there is a bit of angst in here, but it's mostly just light-hearted HoroxRen stuff.

Um, so. Warnings: tiny bit of yaoi content at the end, but nothing to cover your eyes for. Implied HaoxYoh in the last sentence, for the sake of humor.

Nothing else. Enjoy reading! I'd like it if you left a review, but it's okay if you don't since this story took me about twenty minutes to write anyway. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. -MeeLee

He Fell on Me!

BEGIN

Bokutou no Ryu couldn't help grumbling as he made his way slowly up the steps of the Funbari Inn, headed for the door at the end of the hall. It was just like Anna to make him do all the nasty work in the house, which included making Usui Horokeu and Tao Ren come down to the dining room whenever they were late for dinner. Of course, convincing the first would be a piece of cake; Horohoro would probably be downstairs before he'd even finished saying the word "food." But Ren would be a problem, because if he didn't want to come down, that was that. And the last time Ryu had tried persuading him, he'd ended up losing another good chunk of his hair.

Still grumbling to himself and instinctively patting his hair, Ryu stopped before the closed door of Ren's room and took a deep breath. He had decided to go after the Chinese first today, because he would be the harder nut to crack. Besides, losing some hair was nothing compared to losing his head if he didn't do what Anna wanted him to do.

Sighing, he reached forward and pulled the door open. "Ren, Miss Anna wants…" His voice trailed off when he got his first good look at the scene before him.

Tao Ren was in the room, as expected. He was not holding any sort of weapon, as not expected. He was lying on the floor, as also not expected. And Usui Horokeu was lying on top of him, their faces barely two inches apart, as totally not expected.

Both Chinese and Ainu were gaping at him, their faces registering shock, confusion, and total embarrassment. For a moment there was absolute silence as all three shaman stared at each other. Then suddenly, just as Ren opened his mouth to speak, Ryu gave a shriek.

"Holy shit I'm sorry Ibargedin onyouIdidn'tmeanitpleasedon'thurtmeyoudon't-havetocomedowntodinnerifyoudon'twanttobye!" The door slammed shut and both Ren and Horohoro heard the taller shaman's footsteps rushing down the stairs once again.

For a moment neither Chinese nor Ainu dared to move, before finally Horohoro turned back to Ren, a worried look on his face. "Well…shit," he said.

---

A minute later, the people in the dining room heard footsteps coming down the stairs before Horohoro and Ren entered, taking their seats at the table without a word, trying to ignore the strange stares they were getting from everyone. For a long while everyone simply ate in silence, no one daring to say anything, and the tension hung quivering like a taut string.

At long last, a voice broke through the silence. "So, Ren and Horohoro," Anna said, reaching across the table to snatch a dumpling from Yoh's creeping chopsticks. "Ryu said you two were doing something…inappropriate upstairs?"

Instantly everyone stopped eating, all gazes focused on the two shaman seated at the other end of the table. Horohoro's mouth was opening and closing like a fish's; Ren was silent, eyes closed. At long last, however, Horohoro seemed to finally find his voice. "W-Well," he said, "You see, it was…well, to tell you the truth, we've actually been—"

"He fell on me."

Everyone, including Horohoro, turned to stare at Ren in shock. The Tao straightened, opening his eyes and refusing to look at the Ainu sitting next to him. "We were fighting as usual, and then he tripped like the klutz that he is and fell on me."

No one noticed Horohoro frowning. "Ren—"

"And after that," Ren continued, plowing smoothly over him, "He just had to get his stupid foot stuck under the bed—"

"Ren—"

"—and couldn't get it out, so we were stuck there—"

"Ren!"

"—until Ryu came in and so conveniently found us where we were, whereas—"

"Fine!" That got Ren's attention, and turning, he blinked when he saw Horohoro glaring at him. It had been a while since anyone had seen Horohoro so angry, and before everyone's eyes the Ainu rose from the table and walked toward the door.

"Wait, Horohoro!" Yoh cried. "Where're you going?"

"Away." They heard his footsteps stomping up the stairs before the door to his bedroom slammed shut.

Silence reigned over the table, several people still shocked by Horohoro's sudden outburst. But then a sudden light came over Ren's face and he instantly sprang to his feet. "Shit," he muttered as he headed for the door.

"Now where are you going?" Anna said.

"None of your business," Ren answered, ignoring the deadly glare he received as he made his way quickly up the stairs. A few moments later, he was standing before Horohoro's door, one hand raised to knock on the thin wood. He stayed like that for a bit, hand suspended in midair before finally lowering it back to his side and instead reaching out and opening the door himself.

Horohoro was seated on the edge of his bed, looking out the window. He did not turn as Ren entered the room, closing the door softly behind him. For a moment no one spoke, but finally Ren opened his mouth. "Listen, Horohoro—"

"You just have to be that way, don't you?" Horohoro interrupted, not turning around. "You just have to be so goddamn arrogant."

Ren slowly walked forward toward the bed as the Ainu continued in the same low, bitter voice. "Raised in your goddamn spoiled family, with all that honor and pride crap so you can't even admit to us having a relationship?"

Ren came to a stop standing at the foot of the bed, a little way off from Horohoro. He too looked out the window, refusing to meet the Ainu's hard eyes. "Horohoro, I'm sorry," he whispered in a soft voice. When the Ainu made no reply, Ren sighed. "Look," he said, "I don't know if this'll make much of a difference…but I didn't do it for myself."

He saw out of the corner of his eye Horohoro turning slightly in his direction, so he decided to continue. "I thought that was what you wanted," he said. "I mean, when Ryu came in, you looked so surprised, so I figured you weren't ready to come out with it yet." He shrugged. "To tell you the truth, I couldn't care less who knows or doesn't know about us. If you had wanted me to, I would've told them that we were making out on the floor. It doesn't matter, because you're still my koi either way, right?" He turned to look straight at Horohoro.

For a long time, the Ainu did not reply. Finally, though, he shifted slightly to make just enough room for Ren beside him on the bed. Very slowly, he closed his eyes. "Yeah."

The Chinese walked forward, taking a seat beside the Ainu and slipping an arm around his waist. "I'm sorry if I made you mad," he said.

Horohoro turned, resting his head in the crook of Ren's neck and wrapping his arms around his lover. "It's all right."

Ren relaxed at his words, turning to look out at the fading sunlight again. He was distracted, though, when he felt something warm touch the skin of his neck. Blushing slightly, he frowned down at his lover. "Horo!" he whispered. "Now's not exactly a good time…"

"Why not?" Horohoro asked, kissing him again. "Besides, you made me mad, so I get to punish you."

"Yeah, but…" Ren could not hold back a soft sigh of pleasure. "Damnit, Horo-koi, I don't know why I always give in to you."

"It's because you love me," Horohoro said simply, planting kisses carefully along the base of Ren's throat, smiling when the Tao arched back a bit to give him better access. He continued his quest, searching for that one spot…

Then he heard it: the soft, low vibration that came from somewhere deep in Ren's throat, and he grinned triumphantly. Only he and Ren knew that Ren could purr just like a cat.

Still smiling, he shifted slightly and pushed, just enough to make Ren lose his balance so that he ended up face-up on the bed with Horohoro on top of him. "Now," the Ainu said, kissing Ren gently, "Let the punishment begin."

In the cloud of passion that had risen around them both, neither of them heard the footsteps approaching the door. "For Chrissake," Ryu muttered as he opened the door, "Why is it always me—gyah!"

Horohoro and Ren broke apart to see the tall shaman standing once again just inside the doorway, gaping at them, his face ghastly pale. Again, there was only a shocked silence before Horohoro turned, raising an expectant eyebrow as he looked down at Ren. His lover smiled, turning back to the shocked shaman in the doorway.

"Ryu," he said, voice even. "We're busy. Get out of here right now before I personally neuter you. With a saw."

Ryu didn't have to be asked twice; he instantly slammed the door shut and both Horohoro and Ren heard him running down the stairs, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Guys! You won't believe what Ren and Horohoro are doing up there…!"

Horohoro chuckled. "He'll be traumatized for life," he said.

"Yeah," Ren said, sliding a short knife out of his armband and, with a deft flick of his wrist, sending it into the doorhinge. "There," he said, before turning back to his lover. "Now, where were we…?"

Horohoro frowned slightly with worry. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

Ren shrugged, kissing his lover again. "Of course," he said. "Besides…this is nothing compared to what Hao and Yoh are doing…"

FINI

Parting words: Pointless, I know. But it was fun while it lasted. Now back to the stupid Extended Essay...-grumbles-