Disclaimer - All things Doctor Who-ish belong to the amazing BBC, really you guys don't get enough credit.

Rating - um. I don't entirely get this random American rating thing. It's rated a fifteen in my opinion. That means there are adult themes, some mild swearing, mild nudity and references to (but not actual) sex. Not to be read before the 9 o'clock watershed.

Spoilers- None.

Summary - The idea was funny. The story is longer than I thought.

Author's note - o0o denotes flashback/scene change. Set after the end of the new series, but completely ignoring the regeneration because, let's be frank, it should NOT have happened.

The Morning After

Grrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkk.

Rose woke gradually, letting the wonderful relaxed feeling wash over her. Absolutely the best sleep she'd had in ages. She opened her eyes to the dimly lit room and smiled - not too bright, not to dark. Perfect. And the bed was more comfortable than ever, it seemed softer, more cosy and pleasantly warm. It also seemed more tasteful than usual, a soft dusky pink instead of it's usual brass and brown motif.

Because, she realised with a shock, it wasn't her bed.

She was in someone else's bed.

She bit her lip worriedly, staring at the strange gold and green pattern on the ceiling.

Grrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkhhhhhhhh.

There it was again. What was that noise? It almost sounded like someone snoring, but that was-

Grrrrnnnnkahhhhhhh. sniff

-probably right. Definitely snoring. Rose fretted quietly, wondering who the snoring person could be. She worried that she couldn't remember, that she couldn't even remember quite where she was. Let's see, the last thing she could remember...

o0o The planet seemed dead, a vast ball of red desert sand fringed by crystalline beaches and a rather listless sea. Huge slabs of sandstone formed terrific monuments that spanned what on Earth would have been continents. They formed interesting geometric patterns, and were quite stunning when viewed from space, but they weren't the exciting, wild time that the Doctor had grinningly promised her.

Rose sighed. Yes, she loved the adventure. She'd seen sights to make great artists weep with jealousy, witnessed events that happened millenia after she was born, seen the beauty of the universe and the miracles of cration. But just once she'd like to see something a bit, well, normal. Just for once it would be nice to find herself somewhere the natives had no problems, where the current ruler wasn't on the edge of being overthrown by angry peasants, where terrorists weren't holding the capital to ransom, somewhere where alien threats as old as time itself didn't suddenly pop into existence and start eating people.

Somewhere where she could relax instead of living on a permanent knife-edge of tension. She had mentioned this to the Doctor, hesitantly, and he had grinned and claimed he knew just the place. A holiday would be good for all of them, he'd said. I'll find us somewhere nice, don't worry, he'd said.

She just hoped that this barren somewhere had a pub, or at least had some kind of intoxicating food or drink that was compatable with human physiology.

o0o Ggrrrrrrnnnnnnuuurrrkk

Rose settled slightly in the bed, for fear of waking the mystery person up, and shut her eyes in case she did.

o0o "There you are. Nineteen moons!" Rose nodded and smiled at the Doctor. The moons were beautiful, their shining gold and silver reflecting off the gently rippling sea. She sighed. Jack was less impressed.

"Yeah, they're pretty, but did we have to stay and count them all?" The Doctor seemed surprised.

"Why, was there something else you wanted to do?" he asked quizzically, as if surprised that anyone faced with this clear desert sky could possibly want to do something other than count moons. Jack shrugged.

"I thought we were coming here for some fun, that's all." Rose nodded in agreement.

"You said somethin' about 'exciting, wild times'" she hinted. The Doctor looked crestfallen.

"Well, I don't know... We should get a good view from that rise there." He pointed to a nearby sand dune and the three struggled up it's dusty steep slope, Rose and Jack sharing perplexed and puzzeled looks.

When they reached the top they didn't have enough breath left to swear, which was just as well. Still Rose managed to find enough energy to poke the Doctor hard in the shoulder.

"Oi! Well, I take it that looks exciting and wild enough for you?" he laughed.

"You, you-" Jack was lost for words, still breathless from the climb.

"bastard" Rose supplied as she stared down at the city below them.

"Hey!" the Doctor objected "Didn't you like the moons?" Rose glared at him.

"I would not have been out there counting moons if I'd known that this was here!" She gestured down at the intensly urban sprawl. The lower portions of the giant sandstone monoliths were covered with flashing billboards and glowing signs. Aliens of all sizes and shapes, as well as a few human - looking people, were jostling in the crowed streets and walking in and out of the brightly lit buildings. The Doctor grinned.

"Anyone for a drink?"

o0oGggrruuuunnnkkkrruhhh. snurkkk.

Rose opened an eye to stare at her pillow thoughtfully. Maybe, if she was quiet, she could wrap it around her head without waking him?

o0o "Well, I think you're simply delightful." The lilac-skinned creature fluttered a tentacle coquettishly in front of what Jack supposed, with sudden horror, was probably it's mouth. He hoped it was.

"Um, thanks." he responded, somewhat awkwardly as the scaly tentacle wound itself gently into his hair in a way that, had he been a male Tåkelyktian, would have been extremely indecent. "But I really-"

"Oh, you're so brave and modest!" the alien gurgled at him. "I don't know how anyone could have possibly let you go." Jack seized on this with alaricity.

"They haven't." he said wildly " In fact I really should be getting back, they'll be wondering where I am, I should-" The creature tutted at him disaprovingly and he changed tack. "Actually, I er, really like you, er-"

"Smaragd"

"Smaragd, yes, I, er, like you a lot-" she placed a pseudopod on his knee encouragingly. "and I want you to meet my friends! Yes! I'm sure they'd love to meet you." He added and waved desperatly at Rose who was glumly sat by the bar, watching the Doctor being chatted up, and grinned with relief as she wandered over.

"Oh Jack, er, darling" she giggled slightly "I, er, who is this?" Jack groaned inwardly. She was clearly drunk on something or other. He smiled sweetly at her and mouthed the words 'help me' over Smaragd's head.

"Come on." she said finally, having completely failed to think of anything. She grabbed his arm, nodded at the dissapointed Smaragd, and dragged him over to where she'd been watching the Doctor from.

"Look at her." she snapped angrilly. "Who does she think she is?" she nodded at the tall, graceful golden-skinned beauty leaning over the table to talk to the Doctor. Her Doctor.

Jack grinned.

"He." Rose frowned at him. "He's a synesian. They have loads of different sexes. At least five that I know of." he added smirking. Rose smiled evily.

"Let's leave them for a bit." she suggested.

Grrrrrrrrnnnnnnkkkkaaaaahhh. Nkkk.

o0o Rose suppressed a groan as she unwrapped the pillow. Maybe, if she was really quiet, she could wrap it around his head without waking him.

o0o The Doctor was at the bar buying his companion another drink when Rose grabbed his arm. She looked irritated.

"Where's that drink you promised us then?" He shrugged apologetically at his new friend, who turned her slender back to him sulkily.

"What do you want?" He scanned down the list of drinks. "Wine, some sort of fruit flavoured spirits, beer made from-"

"I don't know." she cut him off. "Something special."

"cocktail?" She nodded happily.

"I've been drinking this green stuff, it's very nice." she hinted.

"Okay, green it is." he passed her a tall glass of something virulently green with a frothy head, and Jack materialised at his shoulder.

"Did I hear the word cocktail?" he smirked as he took the Doctor's drink.

"To Holidays!" Rose toasted, rather messily.

"To cocktails!" added Jack cheerfully, downing his in one.

"To getting completely ratlegged, if I remember this stuff correctly!" cheered the Doctor as he sipped the green goop cautiously.

o0o That was it. She couldn't remember any more, and she half dreaded what she might find out if she just turned her head to look.

GGggggggnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkk. Snurrkkkk. Cck snck.

Then again...

She kicked him, just hard enough to wake, just soft enough to pretend to be asleep, and a familiar voice said: "snck Wha'?"

Thank god.

"Sorry Doctor. You were snoring." she explained.

"Don't be rid'c'l'us." he mumbled. "I never snore." He settled in the bed again, and five minutes later-

Grrrrunnnknnnk. snuuuurrrrckck.

Rose kicked him harder this time, but got no response. Possibly he was ignoring her. Possibly, she thought, he had gone back to sleep.

Grrrrnnnnknknknk.

Definitely gone back to sleep. She gave him a good hard shove with her foot and was mortified to hear a painfilled thump as he hit the floor.

"What the hell did you do that for!" he shouted, abruptly awake.

"You were snoring again." Rose muttered shamefacedly. "You were." She added, to his look of disbeleif.

"I. Do. Not. Snore." He shook his head, trying to clear it, and with a sharp tug pulled the covers off the bed. "There." He said, satisfied, to Rose's outraged face.

"Why you-" she snatched them back and laughed at the suddenly shocked expression on his face. "That'll teach you to snore like a wounded wart-hog!"

"Sorry, that was me." She turned in the bed so fast that she fell out and was left staring upwards, in equal astonishment, at Jack's apologetic grin.

"I told you." The Doctor muttered, shell-shocked. "I don't snore." Jack looked hurt.

"Neither do I. Not like a wounded wart-hog, anyway." He amended quickly, as Rose threatened him with the pillow.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Yeah, well. I enjoyed it, anyway. Give me feedback, you never know what this could change into!

(Except you can bet it's not turning into anything with a higher rating, I'd be too embarrassed.