fic: we might as well be strangers 2/2

so here is the second part of that fic! The final part of second chance should be post tonight or tomorrow morning. Thank you for all the reviews and I hope you will like this last part too.

VERO

Title: We might as well be strangers ½

Authors : veronique

Email address:kyomine2002yahoo.fr

Category:romance/angst

Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion

Date:18/08/2005

Feedback: please, but if you don't like it, be constructive , I don't want to read sarcasm or snarks.

Archive: if you want I'm okay

Rating:nc 13

Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're characters belonging to Warner Brothers Pictures, to Oliver Stone, to my imagination, and to the ages. This is a work of a fan, done for no remuneration save the satisfaction of the work.

Special thanks to Rothalion ;) .

Summary: My take on the infamous line of Alexander to Hephaistion " you are nothing without me".

We might as well be strangers 2/2

Everybody had left the room except Hephaistion, who was still in shock. He couldn't believe Alexander had just said such damning words to him. It couldn't have happened, but it had. Alexander had told them all, that he was nothing. Hephaistion's shock was now being replaced by a violent anger. How his lover, could have treated him like that in front of all of his peers, dismissing him as a mere pawn and to the point of giving all his support to Crateros, to so easily reduce him to nothing! Hephaistion exited the tent and headed straight to Alexander's. The guards let him pass because Alexander hadn't ordered them not to let him pass. Alexander sat on the floor petting Peritas, trying to find some solace in the dog' s coarse fur. The sudden rush of Hephaistion for once scared the dog away. Alexander looked up at Hephaistion who was more furious than he'd ever seen him before. The angry man approached Alexander so rapidly that he was unable to move before Hephaistion started to talk.

"How dare you tell me that I am nothing without you Alexander!" He was yelling. "Crateros, is the one who attacked me and you are the one who killed me! You know I have always worked hard for you and your kingdom, and your crazed dreams. By the gods at least I thought you knew!"

Alexander finally stood up. He stared at him and tried to figure out how to erase Hephaistion's anger. He paled in Hephaistion glare.

"Hephaistion."

"I thought that all I have achieved, I achieved by my merits, and you ! You ... I despise you, Alexander! I trusted you, all these years you told me I was your equal! Such bullshit, you are a liar Alexander who cares only about himself! Such selfish prick, I wonder why did it take so many years to finally see the light!"

Alexander was now growing angry. "It's me who took so long to see the light Hephaistion! Everybody was telling me what kind of person you were but I never wanted to believe them!"

"Oh and what kind of person am I Alexander!"

"You know you have only used me all this time to get what you wanted, more and more power! My mother warned me! I should have listen her."

"Your mother is driven by jealousy Alexander."

" Yes! It is because she cared for me!"

"And I never wanted power Alexander, all I have ever wanted was to be allowed to see the world and you! How foolish I was!"

"You are a liar Hephaistion! You care nothing for me!"

" Have you lost your mind Alexander?" Hephaistion screamed. His voice trembling with hurt and sadness.

"No! The only thing that really matters to you is your damn pride! Of course you had to fight with Crateros, he dared touched what you love the most in the world: yourself, and your pride!"

"You dare to talk to me about my pride because I fought back when Crateros insulted me! Look at yourself first! It was not me who killed Cleitos because he said things that you didn't want to hear about, because he attacked 'your' pride!"

Alexander was deeply hurt by Hephaistion's words, he was still unable to forgive himself for what he had done to his old dear friend.

"OH, that's really you! Now you are using Cleitos! You never liked him, you are a sad hypocrite Hephaistion!"

"Yes, I never like him but you did! And 'you' killed him, you killed everything you love! Or is it really 'love' Alexander? You don't know really know what loves means do you!"

"Like you would know! I have never met someone as cold and bitter in my life as you, Hephaistion! Everybody calls you the 'cold bastard'»

"Everybody or your generals! Because if you go talk to my men, Alexander, or the Persians I work with they'd tell a far different tale. As for you having never met someone as cold as me! Hah! Think about your dear mother!"

"Do not insult my mother, Hephaistion."

"Oh, I'm not insulting her! She probably became what she is now because of how Phillip treated her! I can't blame her! And you know what Alexander? She is wrong about one very important detail though, you are most assuredly the son of Philip. Son of a god, you make me laugh!"

"My father is Zeus!" Alexander hissed at Hephaistion moving closer to the furious general.

"I have never bought that horse shit Alexander and you know it! You are the overbearing, prideful, mortal, son of 'Philip'! You should be more proud of this that being a son of Zeus, Alexander! You ego is damning you to fall and fall hard."

"Get out!" Alexander ordered.

"Yes, I'm leaving Alexander, now and forever. We are finished, Alexander!"

"Fine, Fine! I am glad that this fool game of love with you is finally over."

Before leaving Hephaistion took off his medallion and threw it at Alexander feet's violently. Now his anger was replaced by the searing pain of loss and with a sudden loss of control of his voice tears began to roll unchecked down his cheeks. Weakly he said. "I have never stopped loving you, you bastard! How could you have done that to me, I have always believed in you. You…my life Alexander, my entire life is yours... was yours" Then he exited the room, trying to hide his tears from the people who were looking at him stumbling straight to his tent.

Alexander just fell to the floor as Hephaistion left him with this last words of love and hurt. All his anger had left as quickly at it has risen earlier and now he too was crying. He felt like his heart was going to explode. It so badly physically hurt as if Hephaistion had actually torn from within it. He had just lost his Hephaistion and he didn't know how to handle the despair that was invading him. Crushed he muttered "I love you so much you asshole." and he began to cry harder.

Soon rumors about the huge fight in the royal tents began to spread. Alexander ordered his guards that he didn't want to see anyone and Hephaistion had chased away his pages. Confused and frightened they sought out help and were now telling Perdicass and Ptolemy that Hephaistion was packing and that he was crying.

"I can't believe what just happened occurred so quickly!" said Perdicass.

"I'm worried, Perdicass. Alexander won't see anybody yet I feel I need to go to him. I have to try."

" Yes, and I'll try to stop Hephaistion from leaving. I cannot believe that he really wants to leave, something is wrong in all of this." Ptolemy nodded in agreement and the two men parted to attempt some resolution.

Hephaistion laid down in his bed, he wanted to rest before leaving. He didn't know where he would go and he didn't care. He was numb now. He cried so much and yet he still felt so much pain. He hated himself for still loving so Alexander after how his lover had treated him. He recalled their fight and the numerous hideous things they had said to each other. He couldn't believe he had attacked Alexander with Cleitos' death. He felt ashamed on the one hand and then was telling himself the bastard deserved to be attacked with the truth of that dreadful event. Hephaistion still could not conceive of Alexander betraying him in a such way. Now, he thought, 'I am really nothing.', He given his entire life to Alexander and until now he had never regretted it.

Few tents away Alexander was not in any better shape than Hephaistion. He refused to talk to Ptolemy .He even thought of walking away from his kingship, to go somewhere… not back to his mother for sure, but somewhere he just didn't know where. He didn't want to be king anymore, he felt numb. He wanted to run away. He too recalled the horrible fight they just had and he couldn't believe it had been so ugly. In his hand he held Hephaistion's medallion. Hephaistion, who said such horrible things, who didn't care about him, who was not even jealous but who only worked with a blind dedication for him and his kingdom. Alexander felt badly, no matter what happened, even if Hephaistion had used him or didn't love him anymore, he recognized that he had attacked and humiliated Hephaistion about something Hephaistion had always be genuine and true about. He did deserved his rank for all that he had done, for his merits. His anger and confusion had led him to be unfair, just as it had when he'd killed Cleitos, Hephaistion had not been wrong about in calling him out on it.

Alexander sighed deeply as he stood up, this was a grievance he had to apologize for or he would regret it forever, even if Hephaistion and him were over. He couldn't do that to Hephaistion who had always worked so hard for him. He tumbled his thoughts over and over in his mind, his train of thought drove him to the conclusion that never, not a single time had Hephaistion ever used his position as Alexander's lover to gain power or rank. If he had done it, Hephaistion would never have had to work so hard. He felt foolish and miserable. In fact he was not only desperate because the love of his life had stopped loving him but that he lashed out at Hephaistion in public. Humiliated him, destroyed him.

Alexander exited his tent to see it was dark outside, probably the middle of the night already. He went to Hephaistion's tent and hesitated before entering. Hephaistion, wasn't asleep and glared at Alexander through tear reddened eyes. Despite his anger he was surprised to see Alexander with the same red eyes.

"What do you want?" he said harshly.

Alexander didn't know how to begin. "I am sorry." He started but Hephaistion gave no sign of sympathy to ease him in his task, instead he maintained a cold glare for his former lover. Alexander continued. "I was driven by jealousy and the fact you don't love me any longer. I attacked and humiliated you when you are not at fault! You are the chilliarch because of your merits and it had nothing to do with you as my lover! It never had been. My broken heart allowed my anger to get the better of me to allow me to punish you for not loving me anymore. It's true with time, love fades and I should not have told you such false and horrible things because, your love for me has cooled over time."

Alexander was miserable and tears rolled down again as he had explain his actions.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, it's unforgivable, but please Hephaistion don't quit your work as my chilliarch. My kingdom needs you and the king, such as I am won't know how to continue without your counsel and skills as for Alexander he is nothing without you that is the truth, Hephaistion and he is only asking for your friendship because if you leave I.. I" Alexander couldn't continue he just fell on his knees "Hephaistion!"

Hephaistion stood up from the bed in shock, he had listened to Alexander and couldn't believe what Alexander had just said about his real motives for the harsh words he had said to him earlier. His heart was beating frantically as he knelt down near Alexander and took his hands in his.

"Look at me, Alexander." He whispered, unable to coax more than that from his voice.

Alexander obeyed, as their eyes met, Alexander wanted to hold his Hephaistion but he didn't do it.

"Why did you think I wasn't in love with you anymore? That my love faded away? Explain that to me Alexander." Hephaistion shook his head, he was so confused.

"You prefer working more than passing time with me." Started Alexander and didn't have time to continue as Hephaistion interrupted him.

"I told you yesterday…" and this time it was Alexander who interrupted him again.

"And you are not jealous! I could sleep with the old world and you would never say a word about it, don't you care! When you love someone you care about that! When you gave me my ring it was because you were afraid to lose me to Roxanne, and now, you prefer working even if I threaten to sleep with someone else. I'm jealous of your work, the time you put into it. I'm jealous of all the people who you could have kissed because I love you and you are just not..."

Hephaistion shook his head. His Alexander could be so lost sometimes, so insecure. He put his hand on Alexander cheeks lovingly.

"I never stopped loving you, Alexander. You are the love of my life never think otherwise. It's not that I not jealous, it's just that jealousy doesn't bring good things from human beings; remember what Aristotle said about it. I just didn't want to be controlled by such a destructive feeling. I'm not happy when you are in other's arms Alexander, trust me in that. I cannot give in to it though Alexander, it would be a slow death for me. I know and I trust that you will never let them take my place in your heart. You have always showed me that I was your only one true love and made certain that I believe I will always come first in your heart and it is enough for me to be secure and not falling into jealousy and risk destroying what we have! The purest and deepest love in the world"

Alexander felt foolish but also so loved he crumbled into Hephaistion's arms and held him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, I love you so much, I lost my mind when I thought you'd gone."

Hephaistion broke the embrace and looked into Alexander wet eyes.

"No, it's me who should be sorry and I am also at fault. You never failed to show me that nobody could replace me in your heart but I stopped showing you. I care when you are sharing your bed with others. I was wrong, not you, me! I should have showed my feelings for you better and you are right my pride is too sensitive and too important at times."

"So is mine." said Alexander

"We have to work on it then."

Alexander nodded.

"I love you my Hephaistion, I don't know how I could have be driven so crazy with this lack of jealousy so easily, I feel so stupid."

"Don't, it's the Alexander I fell in love with, the passionate, insecure and at the same time so strong, Alexander"

"You make me strong, Hephaistion, I'm nothing without you." Alexander repeated again to make sure he made amends for what he said to Hephaistion in front everybody earlier.

"And you were right, I'm nothing without you too! If I hadn't been your lover, I never got a chance to prove my merits, another wouldn't have listened to me, you gave me that chance, honestly, and without your love Alexander, I could not be chilliarch but it's doesn't matter, I could be a simply soldier it would be the same. Your love is the only thing I need."

"It is the same for me." said Alexander. Hephaistion caressed Alexander's cheek again and then kissed him on the lips. They were both relieved and happy when they broke the kiss.

"Never part from me again." said Alexander as he placed Hephaistion's medallion in his lover's neck.

"Never, and if something is wrong, we have to talk about it right away."

"I think we can schedule our work to spend more time together, we have been apart too much this past months and I missed you so much. I want to be with you always."

Hephaistion smiled. "This is a such good idea my Alexander, I can only approve."

"Hephaistion." Alexander said seriously.

"Yes"

"I won't ever bed Bagoas again."

"You don't have to…"

"I want to, I will explain it to him. I care about him but when I sleep with him it is more about lust, I'm ashamed about that."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes there are people we meet and it's just lust."

Alexander frowned. "Have you met a lot of people that brought you to such lustful desires?"

Hephaistion laughed. "Quit, Alexander jealousy does not become you right now!»

"You know, I'm not that jealous anyway, besides Aristotle was right look at what might of happened if…"

Alexander stopped to talking when he felt Hephaistion's hand began to stroke him and his mouth began teasing his ear lobe.

Later they asked to not be disturbed for two days. So for two entire days they talked, made love tenderly and rediscovered on another again.

Ptolemy and Perdicass were happy to see everything was going to run smoothly again. They knew though that Crateros and Eumenes who were sulking were not happy that their plan had failed.

The end.