Disclaimer: Do I even have to say it?

Hermione Granger bounced along to the common room. "Hi Harry! Hi Ron!" she squealed.

"Yo, sup?" asked Harry who was now ghetto and too broody and tormented to get in the way of Draco and Hermione's fiery, dramatic, angsty-author reaches for thesaurus-anguish-filled, long-suffering, grief-filled, distressing, forbidden, yet oh-so-romantic relationship. Suddenly she realizes that she has to go back to the room she shares with Draco. Yes, the author explains, she now calls him that as she is secretly lusting after him.

"Merlin, it's late!" Hermione exclaims.

"Bloody hell, it is!" says Ron, who, being utterly brainless cannot do anything more than drool over Hermione's new hotness and repeat everything she says, "Now you have to go back to that stupid git who is the biggest prat I have ever known."

The American author has now used up her quota of British-sounding vocabulary and therefore will have Ron repeating the same curses and words over and over again.

Hermione stepped into her Potions class and took her usual seat next to Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown…er, I mean Harry and Ron.

Snape now decides to assign everyone partners so that Hermione and Draco can be paired together and their study-sessions can be laced with "sexual tension". "Granger, you can be with Draco!" he announces gleefully.

Hermione gasps and her boobs, which are bigger than her head heave seductively as Ron looks at her appreciatively. "Yo, this wanka's starin' at ya, 'Mione," says ghetto Harry.

Hermione ignores him, as she is way too busy being sexily distressed….

"Quick, Dra-Malfoy," Hermione snaps snappily.

Oh, nice one, thinks the author, my vocabulary is really is improving.

"Ah, shut up Mudblood," he replies.

Hermione's chocolate/caramel/cinnamon/honey colored eyes tear up with unshed tears.

Author congratulates herself on her creative writing.

Draco is suddenly overcome with emotion and expresses his undying love for Hermione.

"Wait," says Hermione, "Will everyone accept us?"

"Who cares!" replies Draco, "I don't!"

So they run away, no, the author decides, elope to a really cool place: New York.

Yeah, the author thinks, that is way cool.

Harry decides to go with them on account of how he is now ghetto. He also doesn't seem to care that his best friend just ran off with his enemy. Anyway, Hermione and Draco live in a huge mansion with all the money that Draco inherited from his dad who suddenly dies and this is the end as the author is getting bored with this story and wants to start a new one involving Hermione suddenly becoming pureblood….yeah, really original.