Hello to everyone!
First of all, I am really, really sorry …simply because this is the first update in, what, six months? Maybe more?
Well, I have an excuse. I'm in my final year of secondary school (or high school to all you American readers …I think) and I have nightmare things called GCSEs to study for (or finals). But I'm currently on holiday and I suddenly got a zing to write the next chapter. Personally, I think it's a little iffy and could do with some tweaking, but I'll leave that for you terrific readers to decide.
To my reviewers:
xXSanji-kunXx – I hope you had a good Christmas …although it's June now. Ehehe. At long last, I have updated – and once my exams are over I hope to update more often. This story has more of a plot, I promise!
Golden-Fire-Goddess – You'll get to see the outcome of the fight in this chapter. Did you get a chance to see Jack and Sarah? I watched it recently – it was so lovely. And the ending's really awesome, too!
animefan127 – Thanks for liking the story. I'm getting fired up for it again (lack of One Piece anime goodness, although the dub isn't as good as it could be)! As for finding the name, I looked it up on a Japanese to English dictionary. I thought of a word I wanted the baby's name to mean, and put it into the dictionary. Search for 'japanese english dictionary' on Google – and look for Jeffery's one.
WildTotodile – You betcha! Just keep on reading to find out what disasters Sanji winds himself into during the course of the next six chapters!
polw – Thanks again for your review. Those are some good ideas – mind if I steal them? Sanji's not so inventive in this chapter, I'm afraid, but I promise there'll be some more craziness as he continues trying to desperately raise his bundle of joy. Your twins certainly sound like a handful!
kittyyuciefan – Thanks – I'm quite proud of that fight scene. It's fun to write Sanji fighting, since he only uses his feet for fighting, but if you use your imagination, he's got a helluva lotta power.
hieisprincess – Thanks for luvving my story! I hope you'll continue to enjoy it!
babe300 – I'm sorry for not updating, but I am really really glad you like the fic. I have been meaning to update for a long time now, but I've had a lack of One Piece goodness (need to get some manga! ) and been busy with exams. But hopefully I'll update more often in a few weeks – when I'm on holiday! Your idea's swell – thanks, and I'll take that into consideration. You may be pleasantly surprised by my plotline …anyways, thank you for being very supportive and I hope you like this new chapter!
silverfangedgoddess09 – Thanks for the chapter name, and you could be the official chapter naming person, but I'd like everyone to have a shot at suggestions for chapter names. That doesn't mean you should stop giving out names, though! It's a not-soon update, but I hope you can forgive me …!
H-girl.1 – Nice pun. I love it, I really do. Thanks for your continuing support!
. – Ah, nice signature. Is it really that awesome? Hey, I must have felt the awesomeness 'cause I updated! But …for taking so long, do I still get beaten up and pudding forced down me?
Invader Q – Thanks for loving the fic. I'll be bringing other characters in, I'm just not telling you when. Heeheehee.
FreddyPhone – I love you pen-name. That rocks! I am so updating this sotry, don't you worry! Sanji's my favourite character, too. He's so cool. No, he really is!
Thanks again to my readers and reviewers. You're all terrific people, and your support makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Once more, a request for chapter names, please! They all need naming – including this one. Thanks very much guys (and gals) and I hope you enjoy this new chapter of Crap-Father!
Head Chef Zeff was angry. No, more than angry. He was livid, seething with a hot rage that was ready to explode upon a certain sixteen-year old chef. Furiously his peg-leg thudded against the floor with every second step, his usual limp not impeding him for a moment as he crashed through all manner of cooks, waiters and lackeys in order to reach the main kitchen.
He deftly whipped a long rolling pin from a rack against the wall, using it to bat aside people standing in a tightly knit circle surrounding what he assumed was the fight scene. The news had reached him quickly in the form of a frightened lackey, her eyes huge with trepidation and hands and apron wet with spilt water from her station.
"Out of my way!" he growled, batting one chef a little harder than he meant to. Patty was sent crashing to the floor with an indignant yell, and he wound his arm across his chest, ready to beat his attacker with his own rolling pin, however upon noticing the peg leg he thought the better of it and scrambled to his feet, backing away from the circle. Then, on a counteracting whim, he headed back towards the group, realising that Sanji was about to receive the thrashing of his short life.
Overwhelmed by his own feats and still calming the child in his arms, Sanji was unaware of Zeff's approach, but a chill ran down his spine when the Head Chef, in the most unkind tone conceivable, growled in his ear, "Think you're really something, hey?"
Sanji knew there was no way he could hide Gara, who was stumbling back to his feet, blood flowing steadily down his face, from his superior, and tried not to tremble on the spot. In his arms, Tare had calmed and was happily oozing saliva from his mouth onto Sanji's shirt.
"Think you're really something, hey?"
Those words had been uttered with such malice, such venom. Zeff was ready to fly off the handle any moment, at any movement or slight noise from the blonde. So, in order not to provoke him, Sanji decided that the best course of action would simply be to keep very, very still.
Perhaps I ought not to breathe.
"Sanji!" Zeff barked suddenly, causing the blonde to shudder inwardly.
Or even think.
"Chef Zeff!" Gara mumbled, stumbling on his feet as he tried to focus on the one-legged man. Zeff irritably pulled at one side of his plaited moustache, growling in his throat. However, Gara missed this ominous caveat, and continued, slurring with dizziness, "Tha' Sanji, sir, he tried'm hit me an' beaten me, yeb'm …!"
"Really?" Chef Zeff sidestepped around Sanji, forcing his ruddy features into a look of mock sympathy as he moved towards Gara, who nodded dumbly. "You've got blood runnin' down your face and, to be extremely frank, you look like shit." Zeff paused before adding, "Blood-stained shit, I grant you. So shut up and let me deal with the boy."
"Yeb'm, Chef Zeff." Gara said, saluting Zeff, even as the cooks and waiters behind him drew back in fear, noticing Zeff's face suddenly get a whole lot redder as Gara continued, "But lisstemb, boss, he'm jus' hit me, sir, and then he b --"
"Gara, shut up!" Zeff yelled suddenly, smashing his peg-leg into Gara's calves with one quick sweep, sending the brutish cook crashing to the ground again. As Gara moaned on the floor, Zeff then rounded on Sanji, face beet-red and scowling.
There was a weight like a cannonball in Sanji's stomach, and he met Zeff's eyes, unaware that his own irises were quivering with fright. Involuntarily, his whole body trembled, and it dawned upon him exactly just what his punishment was going to be.
For starting a fight in the kitchen, it would be a solid yelling at. For drawing blood during a fight, a hard beating – probably with the rolling pin that Zeff gripped tightly in his right hand. And for doing both of those things, on the high scale which had led to Gara in need of new teeth and a good mopping up, he could expect to be thrown off Baratie for good.
And all because of some stupid baby. The tiny being that he held against his shoulder was the cause of this – the boy who a woman he hardly knew, whose name he couldn't even remember, claimed was his son. He would have rejected the child instantly but …
But Zeff had made him keep the child, made him give Tare identity and learn how to raise him …in an effort to protect his own flesh and blood, he had lost a dream that he had been chasing ever since Baratie had come to exist.
The dream to have the job of the man who stood before him.
Sanji swallowed; this is it.
"You senseless son of a bitch." Zeff snarled, "Look – my kitchen's completely stopped because of you. Customers out there are getting hungry and it's because of you. One of my chefs is out of action, 'cause you bashed him up. What am I going to do with you, Sanji?" Zeff paused before bellowing at a volume which made Tare's loudest crying seem no more than a mouse's squeak, "What the Hell am I going to do with you!"
A lump formed in Sanji's throat. The dream was slipping from his grasp. It was all running away too quickly. As Tare began to cry in his arms, frightened by Zeff's shouting, Sanji too felt a hot trail begin to work its way down his cheek. He kept his expression set, but could no longer stand to look at Zeff, the man who had taught him so much, and worked so hard with to create the ship they stood within. Instead, he looked over the man's shoulder, staring hard at Gara, who was back on his feet.
"Why'd you kick him, Sanji?" Zeff asked, his voice lower than before. However he quickly lost his patience and roared, "Why'd you kick him, crap-father!"
Tare screamed, clinging to Sanji's shirt and quivering with fear, his legs kicking from either side of Sanji's hand supporting him. Zeff glared at him, winding back his right arm, "Why'd you --"
"Because he was gonna kill my kid!"
Sanji's shout drove everyone around them into complete, stunned silence for a moment. Tare still cried, however in response to Sanji's statement Zeff whirled around, rolling pin raised.
"Son of a --"
With a sickening crack the rolling pin smashed into the side of Gara's head, and down the bulky chef went again, collapsing to the floor in a dead faint. Fresh blood splashed across the kitchen floor, and Zeff glared at the cooks, waiters and lackeys stood around him.
"Take him to his room and clean this up," he growled, to which everyone responded quickly, some grabbing Gara's limbs and hauling him in the direction of the cabins, and others dashing for mops to clean up the crimson liquid smeared on the wooden floor in his wake. Zeff turned back to Sanji, who again was trying to calm the child in his arms. He saw tears glistening on the teen's face, and softened a little. "Sanji."
"…Yes?" The blonde looked up, holding his precious son close to his chest. Zeff jerked his head in the direction of the cabins.
"Come with me, boy." And suddenly he rounded on all of the other chefs, who seemingly had nothing else to do, "The rest of you – GET BACK TO WORK!"
Zeff had a personal bathroom adjacent to his sleeping quarters, in which, Sanji noticed, the sink was rather large. The reason for this was because he was currently using it, due to the fact that Tare still had cooking oil splashed onto him. However Zeff had offered the sink to Sanji on the condition that it was made spotless afterwards.
With his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, and supporting Tare's head and back with one hand, Sanji again tested the water with his elbow, a new trick that Zeff had taught him. Zeff was in the adjacent room, peacefully smoking a cigar, having calmed down from the pandemonium earlier.
"You must have kicked him pretty damn hard," Zeff said thoughtfully, audible over the sound of splashing water. Tare had discovered the joys of splashing water with balled fists, and Sanji was also lifting water with a cupped hand and splattering Tare's body with it. The nakedness of the child still made Sanji feel a little uncomfortable, but thanks to the bubbles he had created using a tiny droplet of Zeff's …whatever he used while showering, there were enough bubbles to cover the essentials.
"Hn." Sanji found himself smiling as Tare giggled, beating his fists into the water and fixing his large blue eyes on his father. Some of the warm water flew up into Sanji's face, and he drew back with a short splutter as he wiped it away with the back of his hand, "Don't do that again, Tare …"
Tare's thin, downy hair was a darker blonde now it was wet, and Sanji carefully leaned Tare back, so no water would get into his eyes, as he cupped his hand and gently trickled water over the infant's head again.
"I won't get rid of you, Sanji. That's what you're worried about, ain't it?" Zeff's voice was so oddly calm that Sanji wasn't even sure if it was the same man that had roared at him with such anger before. Lifting Tare from the sink, Sanji suddenly held him close as Zeff spoke again, "You're one of my best, Sanji. I'm not going to give you up so easily. But …"
Sanji turned his head towards the door, feeling nervous again. Here came the punishment. Zeff coughed, then added: "If you're holding your brat, put him down now. I wouldn't want you to kill him …"
Sanji obeyed Zeff's suggestion, and lay Tare down on a towel spread on the wooden surface next to it, quickly covering the lower half of his child's body with the soft, dark blue material. He placed his hands at either side of the boy, hanging his head as he waited for Zeff's punishment.
"You're to take on Gara's shift as well as your own until he's well again. That, and looking after your brat."
Sanji cringed, but a moment later he realised that it could have been a whole lot worse. He had escaped a sound beating, and gotten off with a double shift …and all that really involved was cooking, something he didn't mind at all.
Gara will only take a couple of weeks to recover, right?
Mulling it over, Sanji noticed that Tare was reaching up for him, his mouth a small 'o' of curiosity. He arched an eyebrow, and leaned down a little further towards the child. "What do you want?"
Tare made a loud moaning noise, followed by some baby babbling that was impossible to comprehend. Sanji closed his eyes as he shook his head in disbelief, and suddenly Tare gave a little squeal of laughter. Sanji opened his eyes again to see the small boy flushed with happiness, his toothless mouth wide and smiling as he reached up for his father's face. Deciding to humour the infant, Sanji dropped to his elbows, leaning down further until Tare's podgy fingers touched his cheeks.
"Look at you – you're nothing special, are you?" Sanji muttered, knowing that at that moment, he didn't mean a word of it. Tare's mouth opened wider, spreading his fingers and reaching up further. Before Sanji realised what was happening, Tare had taken two fistfuls of his fringe and yanked on it, hard. Sanji stifled a cry of pain, grabbing the infant's wrists in one hand and easing his grip with the other. "Stupid kid …"
"Sanji!"
Sanji looked around, ignoring Tare's squeals of laughter, peering through the door to where he knew Zeff would be sat, in a large chair bolted to the floor. Zeff's voice boomed through again: "Get in here!"
Obediently Sanji scooped up Tare, wrapping him in the towel and resting his body against his forearm, using his other hand to ensure that he didn't fall. Zeff snorted with laughter as Sanji came through, rubbing his forehead with his knuckles. Sanji frowned slightly, "What?"
"You," Zeff sniggered brazenly, "you look like a proper mother now."
"I --!" Sanji quickly propped Tare up against his shoulder, ducking as his face flushed with embarrassment. Zeff laughed out loud, pounding the arm of the chair with a hard fist, looking over at the teen who seemed to be losing confidence in his masculinity with every passing second. Sanji spluttered, "I do not!"
"Yes, you do. You've got your brat, and your sleeves rolled right up, and your shirt's soaked! You look terrible, Sanji." Zeff scoffed boldly, his features reddening slightly with his mirth. He toyed with one stiff, plaited side of his moustache, softening slightly as Sanji tried to regain his composure, "You're doing better than I thought you would though – I'll give you that. That whelp's been a challenge; I know plenty of the cowards on here would've thrown it overboard rather than try to raise it." Zeff paused, catching his breath from his laughing fit. Sanji bowed his head, feeling a little ashamed despite Zeff's words.
I wanted to throw him overboard. I wanted to destroy my son's life …
"You kept him with you, Sanji. That's commendable. You're brave …very brave. Well done, lad." Zeff paused, letting his words sink in, and the room was quiet, save for Tare's babbling. And suddenly, something else joined the baby's own talk, a soft cooing, and for the first time Sanji noticed the plump grey pigeon sat comfortably on Zeff's desk.
"Chef Zeff?" Sanji caught the man's attention, and then pointedly looked at the pigeon. Zeff cleared his throat, raising a small slip of paper and holding it out towards Sanji, who carefully moved towards him and took it, "This carrier pigeon's got a message from the East Blue Chronicle, saying that they want to do an article about you – and your brat."
Sanji frowned, shaking his head as he screwed up the slip of paper in his hand, "No. An absolute no." He turned away, looking down at the infant in his arms as he continued, "I'm not blabbing this thing to the whole East Blue …"
Zeff said slyly, "They're offering you five hundred berries …"
Sanji whirled back to face his superior, "Yes! Hell, yes! I'll …" he paused, and opened his hand, which had the crumpled paper in it, "I'll get back to them right now, and tell them, 'yes'!"