Title: Secrets Chapter 6
Author: Nimacu
Disclaimer: If only I owned it.
Author's note: By far my favorite chapter. Also, I desperately need a beta I went through the previous chapters and updated them last night, it's amazing what glaring errors you miss in your own writing.
Kakashi was standing at the memorial…lost in thoughts he could never give words to when he heard someone slowly approaching from the north…whoever it was not rushing nor were they sneaking. He could hear each deliberate footfall…as if the person was thinking about each step before taking it. He looked up and saw the boy in the distance and for a moment he let the boy's profile blur; and even if it made him weak…which was something he'd never admit to…he pretended for a moment that he was thirteen again and that it wasn't the boy approaching…but someone older and wiser…someone he'd spent half his life worshipping and the other half mourning for…he pretended for just a moment that the one person he'd ever leant on was coming to take some of the burden off of his shoulders. But that was only for a moment and when it was over his guilt at wishing to replace the living with the dead forced the thought from his mind.
In as much as anything to do with the living could affect Kakashi the look on Naruto's face worried him…Naruto always had some sort of expression on his face either over excited happiness or glaring anger…but Naruto's face...it was drawn tight and blank of any emotion. It was so much like the expression he wore himself everyday that his breath hitched in realization.
Naruto eventually reached the memorial and stood beside him. Kakashi knew this was one of those moments where it was best to let the other speak first…even if the prospect of the words that would come out of Naruto's mouth made his stomach coil in a sick sort of anticipation…he'd known this day was coming and he'd anticipated and dreaded it with equal aplomb.
"You've known my entire life, haven't you?"
"Known what?" They played this game a thousand times before…Kakashi making Naruto draw out his question…seek for what he was after.
"Known who my father was…known the answers to the question of my existence"
"I'm known that answer since you were in the womb…since you began I've known those answers" Kakashi was speaking in riddles…it was part of their sensei/student relationship…he was never one to change a pattern; even now.
"Why couldn't you have ever told me?" There was a pleading desperation in Naruto's voice…he need answers and no one seemed to have them.
And as was his way Kakashi didn't answer the question but instead began a story
"I loved your parents…they were the last two precious people I had left on this earth…when they died I wanted no more precious people in my life. I was supposed to raise you…it was what they would have wanted, it was what the third wanted…and I gave you away. I put you in the orphanage…the night I gave you up I wanted to have nothing more to lose…I wanted to die, life held no more promises for me and yet I lived.
Every time I looked at you I had to pretend I couldn't see them in your face…pretend that I didn't hear their laughter in your voice…if you knew how could I keep on pretending? Even though I pretended my heart still warmed knowing that in giving you life they'd left a piece of themselves on this earth. I was afraid that if you found out what a disappointment I was as a student and a sensei then you'd leave forever and take with you the last reminders of my humanity."
Kakashi finished his story with his hand absentmindedly running over the name of his sensei on the monument. Naruto didn't say anything in response but instead put his hand next to Kakashi's on the moment, only a hairbreadth away from touching as he read for the first time the name that belonged to his father.