Disclaimer: As surely as Morpheus has no hair, the Matrix trilogy is not mine.
MATRIX REVOLUTIONS: THE D-MOVIE MAGIC VERSION
The rain fell in bucketfuls, which Neo found kind of painful whenever he found himself in the way of one.
Another load of water landed squarely on his head with a splash. He spluttered and took off his shades to wipe them dry, only to receive another bucketful that stung his eyes and pissed him off.
"Stop that," he hissed, but the trigger-happy rain-effects dude named Fred paid no attention as he cheerily lifted another bucket of water and upturned it.
Neo dodged it just in time and watched with relief as the water missed him. This made Fred sadface. He knew that The One could dodge bullets, but he was of the opinion that water moved faster and didn't like seeing his theory debunked.
"Mr Anderson!" Smith said. "Welcome back. We... missed y- URgLE!"
Neo gained some satisfaction from seeing the bucketful of water emptied over his nemesis.
"Like what I've done to the place?" Smith continued, unperturbed but a little louder to show his anger.
The place in question was a long-disused backlot of Warner Brothers studios, which was now full of painted cardboard pieces pretending to be buildings. On both sides of the street a row of cardboard Smiths stood staring solidly ahead at nothing.
Neo prodded one. It fell over and got caught in the next deluge of water.
This made Smith angryface.
Neo shoved more cardboard Smiths over and watched with glee as they all toppled and got soaked. He stole a guilty glance at Smith to see if he had noticed.
He had.
"What are you doing, Mr. Anderson?" Smith bellowed.
Neo kicked another cardboard Smith over in answer. "That," he said, pointing, in case the practical demonstration had been lost on Smith.
Smith burned with rage. That's it, he decided, and in a sudden swift motion reached into his coat pocket, whipped out a slender wooden stick, and pointed it at Neo. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" he yelled.
A bolt of green shot out of the wand towards Neo. Impact. A whole lot of bacteria on the trenchcoat of The One met a sad and untimely end. But there was no time for mourning; Neo whisked out his own wand that he had stolen off the Harry Potter set next door and jabbed it in Smith's direction. "Diffindo!"
Smith's shades shattered to pieces.
Neo whirled around and pointed the wand at the rain-effects dude named Fred. "Aquamenti!" he shouted. Jets of water shot out of his wand and hit Fred before he had time to react. Neo smiled. Revenge was sweet.
But then Neo found himself placed under the Imperius Curse by Smith, who then spent several happy seconds forcing The One to tap dance.
Neo finally broke free of the curse. "Wingardium Leviosa!" he yelled, swishing and flicking hysterically at the various cardboard Simths littered around the street. They levitated into the air, and Neo hurled them at his opponent.
"Incendio!" Neo shouted at a curious emu left over from the previous chapter. It caught fire and exploded.
"Sectumsempra!" Neo shouted at a curious emo left over from the previous chapter. Bloody slashes appeared all over the emo's body, to his great exhilaration. Then he died.
"Crucio!" screamed Smith as he flung his wand at Neo. It hit Neo on the head, which kind of hurt, but not as badly as it would have if Smith had held on to his wand.
Then the Harry Potter director from next door appeared and said please could he have his props back, and by the way had anyone seen his pet emu Oscar?
the end.
xx
Kenselton Hotel
Block F, fourth floor
"What happened in there?" Alex asked as they entered the stairwell.
Hand still clamped over what he hoped was still sufficiently his nose, Jesse Walker made several incoherent noises and gave up trying to talk.
He remembered hands grabbing hold of him and yanking him into the room the moment he'd opened the door; camera dropping from his hands and hitting the ground, someone slamming the door shut again, and a sharp box to his face as he'd tried to struggle out of his captor's grip...
"Don't kill him, Donnie. Not yet."
The voice had come from the upper bunk bed in the room, where David Allen Griffin lay smiling creepily at the ceiling.
"Let me go!"
David laughed. "What did you expect would happen when you opened that door? Mr. Jack Traven and his friends keep us locked in here for a reason."
"You killed them!" Jesse yelled. "Jonathan, and Eddie..."
"Yeah," David admitted. "I was bored. What did they do with the bodies, anyway? I never got the chance to ask."
Jesse vaguely remembered the undertakers: some group called Soylent Green that had assured them that they would take care of everything. Deaths were not uncommon at Kenselton Hotel, and when they happened, Soylent Green was always ready to help with the bodies.
"What do you want with me?" Jesse asked instead.
On the bunk, David rolled over to face the teen down below. "Nothing. You're the one who came in here, after all. Of course, it would be great if you could ask your friend Jack to let us out of here. It's getting a little... claustrophobic."
"What makes you think he's my friend?"
David smiled. "You're not locked in here with us, are you?" He pulled himself up into a sitting position and dropped down to the floor. "See that door?" he asked, pointing at the small room's only exit. "It's unbolted now, thanks to you. We could just walk out there, and they'll just put us back in here. That's not very nice of them, is it?"
"It wasn't very nice of you to kill Jonathan and Eddie."
"Hit him again, Donnie."
Donnie Barksdale happily obliged. Jesse yelled as his nose broke.
"Before they stuck us in here, I did some research on your friends out there," David said. "Why don't you ask... Neo... how many people he's killed?"
"Neo's a good guy," Jesse gasped through the pain.
David laughed and gestured towards the door. "Let him go," he told Donnie.
RIP Heath Ledger. :(
And a happy very-belated New Year to all of you.
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