Thanks to: Everyone who reviewed. You guys are the best bit about that most formative part of every fangirl's adolescence, namely, the Fanfiction Experience.
Warnings: Utter mush. (grins) That translates from Reshki-speak into 'shonen-ai', which translates from fangirl Japanese into 'guy-on-guy stuff'. Wow! A kiss that doesn't end in tears. Now there's something new. Also, I'm operating on the assumption that Voltaire is dead or in jail, and that everything he owned has passed to Kai (convenient, no?). There's also a PoV change in the middle. I usually don't like doing those, but I had to this time.
Disclaimer: Ain't no characters o' mine in this here fic, y'all.
Dedication: To my bestest-best bud ever, Ranger. (leaps onto a horse, waves sword around madly, and rides off to conquer Middle-earth and abduct as many insanely gorgeous elves as possible) Even though I haven't seen you in ages, I still love you to death - and, dude, a small heads-up for you? I will SO be bringing water balloons to that hypothetical little wedding of yours. (ROTFL at personal joke no one else will understand).
Reshki's Notes: It's done, and I'm gone. Over and out. (sniffs, bows, and exits, stage left)
Chapter Twelve:
Forever
He was standing there, soaking wet from the rain, water streaming down his face. His mouth was set, his arms folded, his whole expression saying, Well, it's not like I actually want to be here, you know.
Yeah, typical Kai.
My heart felt like it was going to crack right in half. This wave of fear and longing just crashed down on me. It's kind of dumb, I know, but I am just so crazy about that guy. The rain was shimmering all around him, making him glow with this silvery-white light, so that he looked almost like he was made of bright, crystalline gold, his hair all messed-up and dishevelled, his skin paler than ever, the steady, aloof, uncaring power staring down at me coldly from his eyes.
Sometimes, before, when he was around me, I used to get the feeling that he was happy. Sometimes, he'd smiled at me…
He wasn't smiling now.
That made me feel worse than ever, because it was like knowing, finally, irrevocably, that he just didn't love me. I felt my chin wobble, and the tears leap out from my eyes harder than ever, but I held my breath, and swallowed hard, and suddenly found that I was OK. I had managed to stop crying. I wasn't going to let him see me upset. I was going to be strong.
"Hey, Kai," I said, giving him this little wry smile, like I was saying, OK, it sucked, I know, now can we just please move on?
"Tyson," he said, nodding slightly, and that was it. His gaze just slipped away from mine, and he turned his head, slightly, so that he was looking firmly into the distance, over my shoulder. OK. So he'd come running after me this time, instead of the other way around. That was a positive development.
But I knew it didn't mean anything.
And even though I knew that, I still wanted to clear the air. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, just so that it was out, finally – and I wanted to get it through his thick head that I would do anything for him. If he didn't want any friends, if he didn't want anyone around him at all, then whatever. I would leave him alone, but I would never, ever stop caring about him. I couldn't. He was practically my entire life. If he needed me, I'd be there.
Thing is, how do you actually say all that?
You don't. You don't say things like that. You stumble and you stutter and you shout, and you eventually manage to get something out, but you can't explain that kind of thing. You can only show it.
I was…gazing at him, I guess, wanting so much just to touch him again, just to hold him once last time. It hurt, badly, knowing that he was going to go away, knowing that he was going to be out of my life forever, and that nothing I could say could change that. My stomach was tingling with nervousness, and I almost choked getting the words out, but eventually, I said, in this tiny little voice, "Hey – are you going to say anything, dude?"
"That depends," he said, smoothly.
Remind me to do something evil to him one day.
"On what?" I asked. "Geez, don't do this to me. What, you walked all the way through the rain to say two words? Come on." I took a deep breath, and said, slowly, willing myself not to do anything stupid, like bursting into tears or blowing up in his face, "Look, I know that…I'm sorry, OK? I know that you think I'm some kind of freak now, and I don't care, because you can think what you want, but if you want to say something, just say it, 'cause standing here waiting for it is killing me."
He looked at me, then, with this strange, unreadable expression: his eyes were dark, his hair plastered to his face, and he was chewing on his lip. It was almost like he'd been hurt, somehow – and there again, just like I'd seen those other times when we'd come so close to kissing, was that look of defeat, of vicious self-hatred, of total, devastating despair. It was like he'd done the worst thing he could ever have thought of doing, and was furious at himself for it. It frightened me. Seriously worried, I asked, my voice almost breaking, "Kai? Kai? What's wrong?"
"Tyson," he said, again, with this soft ache in his voice. "It's not your fault. I'm the one who should be apologising."
"Hey, it's OK, man," I said, still slightly freaked-out at the expression on his face. I hated when he was upset…I hated it… "Seriously, I get it. I'm sorry I acted so stupid."
"You didn't," he said, crossly. "I did. You were crying, Tyson – you were hurt, and you were sad, and I stood there doing nothing. That's my fault, in case you hadn't realised."
"You don't have to blame yourself," I muttered, looking down. "I was the one who ran off."
"How many times have I run off?" he asked, quietly, dangerously. "I don't know, Tyson, because I've lost count. I can tell you one thing for sure, though: every single time, you were the one who brought me back. That's not something I'm going to forget."
Well, what the heck was that supposed to mean? "Hey, I couldn't just let you go," I said, lightly, still looking at the ground. "I mean…Kai…I…"
"Why?" he asked.
"Because…I…" Hey, good question. Why did I keep chasing him all over the place, anyway? Sometimes I think he's my personal pain-in-the-butt. I had a pretty good idea of why, actually. The words just rushed out of me, tearing their way out. "You want to know why? Because…because…because when I look at you, Kai, I know that there's always going to be someone keeping me safe, pulling me back up, and – and forcing me to keep on going." It was like everything I'd been trying to say for ages was finally coming out. "If – if it's for you, I know I can make it. You keep me strong, dude, because I look at you, and I think that - if I could just be half as good as you, then I know I could call myself a Beyblader for sure. If I could be like you – if I could be as strong and…and brave as you – if I could give you all the things you've given me…then maybe you'd like me." I took in a deep breath before continuing. "I don't mean like, like me, 'cause I know that can't ever happen – I'm not stupid, but – I want you as my friend, Kai. You – mean so much to me, and I want to know I'm important to you, too, even just the littlest bit…and now…argh…"
This was not working. I couldn't even get the words out right; I couldn't even look at him. I was staring at the sidewalk, feeling the rain spatter down on me. How could I explain the days and days and days of worrying about him, of feeling like more than half of me was missing, like some part of me had been broken and pulled away and lost, disappearing into the cold, featureless nothingness from which nothing ever came back…how was I supposed to explain how much I loved him?
I wished he would just go, so that I could get out of here – but I didn't want to go until I'd actually told him. It was only fair that he knew, and that he understood, and that we got it all cleared up. Then he could go, and he could get on with his life, and he could leave me behind, and he could be happy.
That was all I wanted.
Truly, deeply, with all my heart, I knew that he was all that mattered. I couldn't give him half the stuff that he had given me; I couldn't ever repay him for his loyalty and his guidance and his strength; but I could give him the truth, and I could give him freedom.
When he spoke, his voice was hard and clear, just like always, but it still had that small,darkmisery in it. "Tyson…you're the only person I've ever cared about at all - and I admire you more than anyone else. You're the reason I keep going, Tyson. I want you to know that."
"I know, Kai," I said, and I did know. I knew that he'd valued me – but as his friend, and that just made it all worse, because, in a small way, he had depended on me, and I had ruined it. Like our friendship was ever going to be able to go back to the way it was. Hah. "I know – that – and – I…"
OK. Now or never, Tyson. Just get it all sorted out, and then walk away. With the rain pouring down, and with every single part of my body shaking with apprehension, flooded with yearning, I looked up, and looked into his eyes. For a split second of panic, my stomach wrenched, and my throat grew tight, and I almost started crying again, but I held myself together.
You know why? Because I had to be strong for him.
Looking straight at him, holding his gaze, which was carefully, unworriedly blank, I said, firmly, "I love you." Something in his face flickered. "I'm telling you, because it's not fair otherwise. And, look, Kai, I know that it's impossible, and I know that you don't…love…me, and I don't mind. I get it. I just…want you to know, because I've been trying to show you how much you mean to me for as long as I've known you, and even if you didn't get it, or if you don't care, I still – love you. Kai…" His gaze was still locked on mine, and I got the weird impression that he was drinking in every single word I said. "I don't care if you hate me, and I don't care if you think you're OK by yourself. I just want you to know that…even now that this…happened…you're…I…you're the most important person in my life, and I'll always…I'll always be here for you. I promise, Kai, I promise – I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you, not ever. But I know that you just…yeah. I'm sorry. I'll go now."
But I couldn't turn away, because he was smiling.
It was that same, small, half-formed, hopeful smile that I'd first seen all those years ago, when he'd finally reached out his hand and placed it on top of mine and Rei's and Maxie's at the World Championships. It made something inside me want to laugh and cry at the same time; it made something inside me squirm and wriggle excitedly with happiness. Man, I just loved his smile. I always have.
He said, his breath catching slightly, coming in short, happy gasps, "Tyson – don't go. I – I want to – I – "
My brain was trying to figure this out, but wasn't really getting anywhere. So if he was smiling, that meant that he was pleased, which meant that…
He had stepped forward, and his hand was on my arm, gripping it so hard that it hurt. His face was full of this incredible, heartbreaking joy, and the look in his eyes was hard and powerful and victorious, holding my gaze. Icould feel the heat radiating from him, see his cheeks flushing. His hair was falling in my face, and suddenly his arms were around me, pulling me roughly towards him, and his lips had found mine.
Our faces were crushed together, and I swear my heart stopped. There was this second of complete blankness, when it felt like the world was just gone. I was floating in this little dream-world that was just way too good to be true… and then reality kicked in, and I was kissing him back, wrapping my arms around him so tightly I was afraid I'd hurt him, cupping the back of his head in one hand.
His lips moved against mine, and he opened the kiss, deepening it. All the desperation and all the hopelessness surged out of me into that kiss. My heartbeats were thundering through me, and I could feel the warmth of his skin, feel the dark, unwavering flame that flickered inside him as he held me against his chest. I was burning with love. This stupid little voice in my head just kept singing happily, He's kissing me. Kai's kissing me again…
Then he tore himself away from me, and for one frightening, panicked second, I thought he was going to run – but he didn't. He just cupped my face in his hands, so gently that I felt like I was going to die, right then and there, from pure bliss. His eyes were locked on mine, and he was smiling – the biggest, happiest, most wonderful smile I'd ever seen. I think the best thing was the look in his eyes – unguarded. He wasn't trying to hold anything back – not his strength, for fear of hurting me, and not his feelings, for fear of being hurt. It was like – and this was the best thing – it was like he felt safe with me. He knew I could stand up to him, and he knew I wouldn't hurt him.
I'd never hurt him. No way. No way. I'd rather…do…something really, really bad. Hey, my brain wasn't exactly functioning just then.
He said, breathlessly, "Tyson…thank you."
"Dude," I said, weakly. "Kai…I…"
"I mean it," he said. "I…ever since I've known you, you've been the one…the one who cared more than anyone else…the one who never stopped believing in me. I don't think – I don't think I'd have survived without you, Tyson."
"You're the one who kept me strong," I said. Man, he was dense…didn't he get that? Didn't he get how much I depended on him? "I love you, Kai. I love you so much."
"I know," he said, his eyes still clear and hard, his voice steady. "I know, Tyson. I know."
I laughed, and kissed him again, with the rain pouring down all around us. I kissed his mouth, and his cheekbones, and the tip of his nose, and his forehead, nuzzling my face against his, while his hands worked their way into my hair. Then our lips met again, and I swear, it was like this wall of flame just punched its way through me. Every nerve was blazing with pleasure, every heartbeat trembling with this ferocious, electrifying need, every raw, clipped breath hitching slightly with happiness. The only sound in the world was the rain, falling all around us, whispering, laughing, trickling behind my ears, sliding down my skin, while his hands had slipped underneath my top, and were pressing and stroking my chest, tracing wide circles on my stomach, wrapping themselves around my back, warm and solid against me.
Our mouths were pressed together, sharing things that we couldn't even begin to say. My hands clutched around his neck, my body pushing up against his, his lips, soft and burning, moving against mine, nipping and pecking at my mouth, playing with me, comforting me, promising me that he would never leave. This was beyond anything I'd ever known – way beyond that first kiss on the rocks. It was right up there with that strange, secret little dream we'd shared so long ago, in that place so far removed from everywhere else that it was like he and I were the only ones who existed. Kai and me, together in everything, rivals, enemies, friends…and now? In…love?
My head was still spinning. He was here, he was real, he was in my arms, and he was kissing me…you know how I said this hadn't been a good day?
Scratch that.
I was marking this day down on the calendar and celebrating it as the best day of my life for the rest of time.
Rei said, scoffing, "Oh, come on, Tyson. Do you still honestly think you're going to win?"
"Dude! I'm the World Champion over here! I'm going to roll right over you people!" Tyson said. "What do you think, I'm just going to quit? You guys are toast."
"Hey, three tournaments is more than enough for you to win," Max told him, poking him in the side. "The All Starz have been on this top secret new training programme Emily put together last year…but I bet the Chief knows all about that." He winked at Kenny, who blushed. "You and Emily were getting quite friendly last week…"
"I keep telling you, Max! It was nothing!" Kenny shouted. "Nothing at all!"
"Yeah, right," Tyson said, elbowing him. "Maxie told us everything…heh, looks like you've got yourself a girlfriend, Chief!"
"Oh, give the poor guy a break already," Hilary sniffed.
"Heh, looks like Hilary's jealous," Tyson remarked, innocently.
"What did you just say?" Hilary asked, outraged, while Kenny began blushing all over again.
"At least Tyson doesn't have to worry about his Kai hitting on anyone else," Daichi said, grinning wickedly at Tyson. I felt my stomach clench up in apprehension. Not good… "Not like he's going to even talk to anyone else…"
"Would you cut that out?" Tyson yelled at him, while the others snickered. "I am not in love with Kai!"
"If that's what you want us to believe, then fine," Daichi shrugged. "We all know the truth, though…"
"Darn it, Daichi, what do I have to do to get it into your head? I'm going to kill you!"
We were at the river again, all of us: the others clustered together on the bank, sharing several packets of crisps and a bottle of soda, while I sat a little way away on the slope. The weather had been becoming increasingly gloomy over the past week, but today was clear and warm. The wind still had a slightly cool edge to it, and the forecast predicted rain soon, but just then, the skies were filled with a soft, blue-golden warmth that spilled down and covered everything with a faint air of summertime.
I was watching the others idly as Tyson and Daichi started throwing empty sweet wrappers at each other – Max and Rei were holding them apart, so they couldn't actually do too much physical harm, which was probably a good thing. I was smiling as I looked down, my eyes on Tyson. The bright, pure sunlight was making him shine; it was as though he was radiating some kind of glow. I sighed, quietly, almost not realising that I did so.
"You see?" Daichi shouted, pointing up at me. I looked away disdainfully. "You see? He's been staring at Tyson the whole time! Explain that, Mr I-don't-love-Kai! Hah!"
"He is not staring at me!" Tyson shouted.
"Yes, he is."
"No, he's not!"
"Yes, he is!"
"I'm not," I said, clearly. "And for everyone's information, I make it a policy not to date people who act like clowns."
"Hey!" Tyson protested, twisting out of Max's grip and glaring up at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Alright, alright, everyone leave Kai alone," Rei said, chuckling, giving Daichi a shove. "Come on, Daichi. Grow up."
"Hmpf! Everyone's out to spoil my fun," Daichi complained, crossing his arms. "No fair."
"Serves you right!" Tyson sang, gleefully. "No one messes with Kai – not unless they want their head bitten off, anyway." He looked up at me, grinning, with a secret light in his eyes that only I understood, and said, "You hear that, Kai? You ready to beat up Daichi for me?"
"I'd rather not waste my time," I said, smoothly.
He stuck his tongue out at me. I tried very hard not to smile at him, and failed. I just had to look at him to feel like I was melting. It was slightly annoying.
But only slightly.
Barely a week ago, he'd told me that he loved me. It had been unreal. It had been like staking my life on the riskiest bet I'd ever taken, and winning. He was mine. I had tried to force myself to be realistic about it,but had given it up as a bad job. What was the point? I loved him. What could be simpler, more real, more true than that? I could look at him, and know that there was someone who cared. I could look at him and see a leader, someone who was strong and courageous and successful, someone who believed in his friends, and who would go to the end of the world and back for them. I could look at him, and see him looking back at me, and know that he valued me.
I think that all I ever wanted was an opponent, someone whom I knew could match me in every way, someone who could keep testing me. Tyson is so much more – he's better than me. He says he isn't, but he is. He is more dedicated and passionate in every aspect of his life than anyone else I've ever known – and he loves me.
"Whoa! Guys!" Max's voice said. "Kai's smiling!"
"Well, the guy's allowed to smile once in a while," Rei said, equably.
"Ah, how sweet!" Hilary called. "Hooray for Kai! You look cute when you smile."
I stood up, beginning to get irritated.
"Hey, don't go!" Max said.
"We were only teasing."
"I have some things to do before tomorrow," I said, shortly. "See you around."
And I left. I knew where I was going.
Standing on the hill, you can look out at the sky, and feel like the whole world has disappeared. A few bright, thin streaks of cloud had appeared on the horizon, painted on the pale sky like thin, blazingly white webs. The wind blew quietly through the grass, and I sat down. The perfect afternoon, the day before the World Championships began.
I was only there for a little while before I heard footsteps, and before something warm and heavy had dived onto me, arms latching around my neck, legs draping themselvesacross my lap, lips finding mine and drawing them into a long, hard, furious kiss. I let him push me down until I was lying in the grass, his hair falling in my face, drinking in his warmth, unable to think.
After a long while, he pulled away, touching the tip of his nose to mine, and pressing our foreheads together. "Things to do," he said. "Yeah, right."
"I do have things to do," I said, the words coming out slowly. It was slightly difficult to concentrate when Tyson was lying on top of me. "I should be training."
"But you're not," he said, grinning.
"Get off," I told him.
He rolled off me, settling down next to me in the long grass, folding his arms behind his head, giving a long, contented sigh. "This," he said, happily, "is the life."
"If you say so," I said, neutrally.
He sat up, frowning down at me, and said, "Hey! You've got to admit this is sweet. Tomorrow's the start of the Tournament! We're back in the running, Kai! Four times World Champion…oh, yeah."
"I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you," I said, sitting up, wrapping an arm around my knees, staring out across the city. "This is my year."
"Um, that's what Rei and Maxie said."
"Well, they're obviously just as mistaken as you are."
"I'm winning this one, dude," he said. "And after that, you and me…we're…we're going to be unstoppable." His hand had found mine, his finger slipping into it and squeezing it so tightly that it hurt. I returned the grip. I heard him say, "Oh...Kai..." under his breath, and then he had pulled me towards him, and was kissing me again. I let my hand reach up to brush his cheek, just lightly. He let himself drop forward, into my arms, and rested his face against my chest. I held him, tightly, stroking his hair, pressing my cheek to the top of his head. I could never have done that to anyone else. Tyson…Tyson was the sort of person who made you want to live more, who made you want to reach your full potential. He inspired everyone he met.
And he loved me.
I just couldn't stop thinking that.
To know that someone like him, someone as kind and caring and brave as him, actually cared for me, actually found me worth loving, worth having as a rival, was like being made to feel that there was something nice in me after all. There was something in me that was desperate to be nice to him, to make him feel happy, to give him things, to let him know that I loved him. I slipped a hand under his chin, and tilted his face up so that he was looking at me, and gave him a soft, quiet kiss, before saying, "I've decided what I'm going to do about Biovolt."
He wriggled out of my arms, and looked at me excitedly. "Really?"
I nodded. "I think I'm going to start over from the beginning using my grandfather's estate and assets. I think I can change what's left of Biovolt, and his other smaller enterprises, into something much better." I looked at him. "If Voltaire could use his money to hurt people, then I think that I can use it to help them. I could do all sorts of things, once business has been set up - Beyblading programmes for disadvantaged children, for a start."
"Now that," he said, "would be just…awesome."
"I know. It is my idea," I pointed out, calmly.
"And they say that I'm conceited!" he exclaimed, flopping back down into the grass, and closing his eyes. "Geez, Kai, you're a million times worse than I am."
For a while, we were quiet. His hand had found mine again, and was playing with my fingers gently. I looked down at him, at his open, trusting, beautiful face, a slight, peaceful smile tugging at his lips, his bathed in the light of the sun, the wind ruffling his hair, and felt my heart quiver.
It was like nothing had changed since the last time we were here, long, long ago, and in a way, nothing had. I'd always loved him, and he'd always loved me, he said. We just hadn't known it. Looking at him, then, I knew that some things never changed. Even though the summer was slipping away; even though we were no longer kids; even though nothing could ever be exactly the same as it had been all those years ago when we'd Beybattled against each other for the first time...in a way, we were unchanged. We had merely grown up a little. We were still rivals – still trying desperately to outdo each other. We were still bladers. We were still the closest of friends – and we still loved each other. Some things never changed; some things never ended.
Some things lasted forever.
He stirred, and his eyes flickered open slowly as he gazed up into the bright sky. I smiled, and closed my eyes, turning my face up towards the light, drinking it in. I knew that he would be smiling at me, too.
Kai x Takao
forever