Is This Love?

(Usagi's POV)

The door bell to the arcade rang slightly as the sliding doors opened for me. I walked in tired and worn out. My teacher had kept me after school, because I had fallen asleep during first period. But who wouldn't be tired and wanting to sleep after an entire night of fighting youmas? Motoki waved at me from the counter. Not wanting to worry him, I put on my bright, cheerful mask and waved back.

The girls had already arrived at the Crown Arcade. They sat in out usual booth with drink and a basket of fries already ordered. I did a double take, not seeing Rei anywhere. I searched the area and stopped suddenly seeing her with, Mamoru-baka, her new boyfriend.

I watched him gazing at her tenderly as they sat side by side on the counter's stools. Rei had one hand on his shoulder, as she rested her head there, looking up at him. I couldn't see her face, but I knew the look in her eyes already. I had seen it a thousand times on both of their faces. Happy. Pure bliss and content. Two people who had finally found each other in this world.

I was glad that my best friend had found someone who would make her happy. I would even tell her so from time to time. Yet, in my mind it was as though everything that I knew as good and justified was collapsing.

Unable to move, I just kept standing there.

"Why isn't it me?" I asked to myself.

You were there as I had never seen you before, Chiba Mamoru. Did you even know the way I feel about you? No. I don't think you can. I hide it too well. I can only feel from far away. How on earth can I express this emotion?

I saw her kiss him on the cheek and then move back to the booth. I watched as his eyes followed her leave. When do you first miss her? I asked to myself, as if to ask Mamoru. How long does it take for you to miss her not being right by your side?

His eyes trailed along until they came across mine. Both our eyes locked and for a moment in time we just stared at each other. I saw something in them that I couldn't explain. Something he has never shared with anyone. About that time, I realized the truth.

Then, every memory I have ever had with Chiba Mamoru came flooding back. Mostly of us in this place, arguing. But those memories were all fake. I saw through the lies, and even if I pretend they were true, its' just so excessively empty. He was with Rei and I could never come between them. I blinked and before I knew it he was walking towards me.

Do you feel this emotion from so far away?

This feeling... Is this known as "love"?

Later that day, after being at the arcade, I walked down the street. I didn't know where I was going, I would just let my feet lead me for now. This was so unlike me to just wonder aimlessly around. It was only until the fresh scent of roses caught my attention that I realized where I was.

Somehow, no matter how hard I try, I always wind up here. Tokyo's public park. The sun had set by the time I reached the area I wanted to be in. The part of the park where all different types of roses. I walked around, bending down and sniffing each rose. Taking in the wonderful scent that it carried. Once I was satisfied, I waltzed over to a nearby bench. It sat near the shore of the lake.

Today's events played within my head. Usagi was the first that came to mind. I couldn't get her out of my mind and it was driving me crazy. I felt bad because I was thinking of her and was with her best friend. Rei was great and I can see myself with her in the future. There could never be anything between Ordango Atama and me.

"I'm just feeling guilty for teasing her today." I said out loud.

That was a big fat lie. The voice in my head told me. I discovered that today when she came in looking the way she did. Sad. Hurt. Lost. We must have stared at each other for at least a whole minute, but it felt like an eternity. I could stare into her eyes for the rest of my life and never get bored.

I knew that she had liked me for some time, but couldn't find myself to tell that the feelings were mutual. The fighting had been an act I put on. My lips told lies for a trivial reason. I suppose it was for no one else. Only to protect me when I was thoughtless enough to believe that someone like her could ever love me. I was cold to her and pushed her away. I went as far as to go out with her best friend, Rei. I hurt her deliberately.

When I noticed, I was trapped and at a loss; surrounded by countless lies, I got up and left. I left her standing there in the door way and never looked back. Never spared her a second glanced, and now here I am.

The sky I looked up at was beautiful. I think of you, Usagi. I wish I could walk with firm steps. Facing forward like you. Able to let go of something you want, just so others around you are happy and filled with joy. You are so kinda and generous, so loving. After such excuses, my eyes were opened. What I could do was only to live in the present time, and not dwell on the 'what ifs'.

Does this voice reach you?

Does it ring in your heart, my Usako?

This feeling...is this know as 'love'?

AN: This was just a One-Shot deal that I wrote cuz I was bored. I'm waiting for inspiration on what to do on my other story. Hope you enjoyed this. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!