Hello everyone! Thankyou all SO much for all your beautiful comments! I know I say it every chapter but constantly I'm amazed and overwhelmed at the popularity of this story and it's really touching! Thankyou thankyou THANKYOU!
Ok, well I KNOW I said I'd make some quick updates, but unfortunately I didn't stay entirely true to that goal. Holidays officially ended two days ago, so it was back to the dungeon that is otherwise known as school and GEESH they really like making up for the two weeks of no homework DON'T THEY! So that's why this has taken a while and I apologise! I will nevertheless make a conscious effort to write a chapter a week though so I hope that's a good enough compromise! Sorry about that though!
Ok, so once again THANKS SOO MUCH! You have NO idea how much I appreciate it! Sorry for the cliffhanger before too… I'm well aware of the virtual heart-attacks some of you suffered! Lol! Hope you enjoy the next instalment!
WARNING: LANGUAGE: Like in the previous chapter, and possibly more so… no wait… DEFINITELY more so, this chapter is quite verbal, so I thought I'd just put in a little briefer to prepare you! Hehe!
Love and Light Hannah xoxo.
CHAPTER 10: THE PARADOX OF BROTHERHOOD
In the brief few moments that it took Trey appear through the door, Ryan finally became aware of the disrepair of the bedroom. Everything was broken. Marissa's perfumes lay in shatters, the liquid leaking into the carpet; random pieces of paper remained ripped and scrunched all over the floor. There was broken glass wherever he turned. Seeing these images of Marissa's life in pieces pained him and sickened him to the depths of his heart. He just couldn't believe he'd been so blind! He'd failed her. How could he have not seen the torment she'd endured all by herself?
It was then when one more image came to him, one that crippled him inside. He walked over to it, the heaviness but building in his body. He bent down. And there lay Marissa's beloved photograph them together in happier times long since passed. It lay in ruins. Everything about it had been destroyed. The glass was cracked; the photo was creased; the frame was stained with her blood. The vision welled in his swollen head. For Ryan, it was one more glaring reminder of how very close he had come to losing her forever.
Ryan stood up just in time and saw him enter the room. Trey took a few laboured steps into the bedroom. His hands dug into his pockets. His face was slightly unshaven. His eyes were black with weariness… he looked exactly as he had just half an hour ago; half an hour ago when these two brother's had spoken; half an hour ago when they had shook hands and put their past behind them.
…only been half an hour ago!
But now, the person Ryan looked at wasn't his brother. He wasn't his companion. He wasn't his family. He was a nameless figure who stood before him now. He didn't have a face. Everything Ryan had once seen in him had been stripped away. He was just a stranger. That was all he was worth now.
The two of them looked at each other in silence. Neither said a word; neither moved. And as the seconds soon turned to minutes, that was all they did. They just stared.
Until finally, Trey attempted to speak, "Ryan… I-," he began in a voice that could barely be heard under the immense sadness in his throat.
Ryan broke in unforgivingly, "My entire life, you've pushed me around." His tone deadly low and icily quiet; his eyes were stabbing and obscene and seething with anger.
Trey stopped immediately, breathless and his face clouded with dread and fear as Ryan continued, his eyes not waning from his.
"Everyday. I was twelve-years-old and you dragged me out of school so I could help you sell the Pot."
Trey tried miserably, "Ry, we were broke. Mom was in rehab. Dad was in court. How else could we've afforded it?"
"What my fifteenth birthday?" he shot immediately. "Instead of letting me go to my own birthday party you made me help you steal cocaine." The memory was still so painful in Ryan's mind.
Trey remained silent, his eyes growing ever darker with guilt and despair.
Ryan shook his head as hot and angry tears surfaced at his eyes, "But I did all those things because I trusted you. I believed that whatever shit you'd get me in one day we'd solve it together the next." He bowed his head in shame. He didn't want this person standing before him to see how utterly broken and furious he was.
Trey remained silent as he watched Ryan deteriorate in front of him. He'd never witnessed his brother so gone before in his life… not even when AJ had hit their mom over the head with the vodka bottle. He wanted to say so much; explain; tell his side of the story. But as usual, the finger of blame was being pointed solely and directly at him. Spurts of anger began to bloom inside…
Summer and Marissa sat on the couch in the living room. Seth had run to the kitchen to get an ice pack for her wrists. After Ryan has sent the three of them downstairs not ten minutes ago, Marissa had since come clean with the two of them. The truth after all this time shocked and horrified them.
Through her whimpers and sobs for her best friend, Summer kept her hand clasped carefully, but firmly, in Marissa's, doing whatever tiny deed she could to relieve her of her pain and tears.
The two girls locked glassy eyes with each other, "I just can't get over it! I can't believe I was so stupid!" Summer choked. She was so furious at herself for abandoning Marissa. Regardless of anything that had happened previously that night, she should never have been so angry with her.
Marissa looked at Summer perplexed. She felt considerably calmer now, although the agony had hardly relented, but knowing that she didn't have to be alone any more was comfort she absorbed fully. Still, she was confused with Summer's words, "You were stupid? How do you mean?"
Summer shook her head sorrowfully and wiped away yet another falling tear, "I gave up you Coop!" the words were unbearable to utter. They sounded so raw and terrible. "I just became so angry that you were keeping something from me and I just lost it! You'd never kept anything from me before and I was so angry that you may have forgotten our friendship." She let out an enormous sigh before concluding, "But now I do know… and I understand why you kept it from me and it makes me feel horrible. I've been a complete bitch and I'm so so sorry Coop! I'm so sorry!" She couldn't help back the new flow of tears.
This only saddened Marissa more and the guilt consumed her as well, "No Summer! Please don't think like that. I should have told you – everyone – earlier," she breathed labouredly and looked down at her wrists, that were still slightly burning, "this was… the worst ever week… convincing myself that the only way to deal with this was keeping it to myself," several tears bled from her eyes, "and look what I did to myself?" She didn't have the heart to tell them that she'd nearly killed herself. She wanted that to stay between her and Ryan.
At that moment, Seth returned with the ice pack and sat down next to Marissa on the couch. The sight of her wrists made his stomach churn. He felt so sad for her and what she'd gone through, and how this was going to affect Ryan. For everyone's benefit, he was determined to do whatever he could to ease the hurts in what little ways he could. He smiled warmly at Marissa and took her wrist gently and placed the ice on top.
After a brief moment of pain, Marissa breathed calmly and smiled for the first time in too long. "Thanks Cohen," she said weakly. She was still feeling responsible about their fight the day before, but the look on Seth's face told her that no verbal apology was going to be needed. And that made Marissa smile a little more.
Summer, still feeling horrible, spoke once again, "Well… I don't know what happens next, but I do know Coop, that none of us will give up on you ever again.
Marissa looked to either side of her to her friends' faces. Amidst the tears, pain and anger towards Trey, was the glimmer of some invisible and unbreakable bond that had just strengthened in ten short minutes.
Nevertheless, it wasn't long before Marissa began looking to the ceiling and the look of hope soon turned to fear and paranoia on her face. Seth and Summer were silently thinking the same thing.
What was going on upstairs between the one who'd betrayed them all, and the one whose shoulder's now carried the weight of this traumatic and terrible night?
"I should never have let you out of that fucking jail cell," Ryan said bitterly after a time. He remembered back to that day, not very long ago, but a day that was so far at the back of his mind that it now felt like a decade. He'd seen him emerge from the prison and suddenly all that anger and resistance seemed to melt away. He'd felt compelled to forgive him after all the years of hardship. But now … after what he'd done…. at the mere thought! The emotion was at breaking point. The agony was indescribable. Trey had hurt the girl he loved and cared for so dearly in the most unimaginable way. He had betrayed him; lied to him; hurt him, and Ryan knew at once, by standing in this room; watching Trey's glazed eyes, that there would be no forgiveness this time. Nothing could be said and nothing could be done to remove the seeping wound that had been made in his body. "I shouldn't have let Sandy take you with us and none of this would have ever happened."
Another more powerful shoot of anger stabbed through Trey and at last he raised his voice, "Fuck it Ryan! This town has turned you into a whinging man-bitch." he shrugged and scoffed, "You know you think you're all good and perfect. You've always had the easier way."
Ryan shook his head, "You have no idea what you're fucking talking about! You think I had it easier for sixteen years when our Mom was getting smashed every morning before nine? You think it's easier that I made a seventeen-year-old girl who I didn't even love pregnant?" he was furious at Trey for being so naiive
Trey was properly yelling now, his temper completely breeched, "You have never had to go through the type of shit I've had to go through! My whole life, I've had to put up with you being the "Promising One" and me being stuck with the "Screwed-up One". I was Mom's mistake! She told me so for Christ's sake! Always I've been compared to you!" he paused for a second to catch his breath before he went on, "How the hell do you think I felt when I heard you'd moved to snobville while I was stuck in a cell for a crime we both committed?"
"And then you had a second chance Trey!" Ryan shouted back, more desperately, "You had a chance to put all that shit about Mom and prison behind you! There was no reason why you couldn't have had when I got."
Ryan and Trey's verbal argument was flooding down the staircase and every word could be heard clearly. The three of them were getting considerably unnerved, particularly Marissa. The sound of Trey's voice made her bones grind against each other, and the thought of Ryan enduring all of this because of what she'd told him made her feel all the more worse. Despite her choking fear, all she wanted to do was run upstairs and take Ryan out of there.
She looked wildly at Summer and Seth, "I think we should go up there and break it up," she said petrified.
Seth and Summer looked at each and remembered Ryan's severe plea to keep Marissa away.
Summer pulled Marissa back, who'd begun to stand up, "No Coop… Ryan said not to go up there remember?" she said it as gently as she could, but her anxiety was evident. When Marissa looked at her urgently, she turned to Seth for help.
Seth rubbed Marissa's back soothingly, "It's okay Marissa," he said, "Ryan's going to be okay. We just have to trust him."
Marissa was still objective, but finally relented and sat back into the couch with a relieved Seth and Summer. She tried to assure herself that she wasn't going to have to go up there and face Trey again… but something inside was telling her that things were about to go very wrong…
"No Ryan, I didn't get the same chance that you did," Trey replied furiously "The moment I stepped into this town everyone knew who I was, where I'd been, what I'd done. No one was giving me chances."
Trey's statement angered Ryan more than anything he'd said so far. He could hardly believe he'd actually just said that! "That's a load of pure bullshit Trey and you know it! You got twice as many chances than I did when I first came here! We were all trying to help you! …And you," the emotion caught him off-guard and he had to swallow back and he spoke the next words quietly and venomously, "you threw that all away."
Trey stopped and closed his mouth briefly before he said pathetically, "Well everyone was trying too hard with me. I can't stand being smothered by everyone." Then he regained some strength in his words when he thought of what next to say, "you never gave me a single second to try and make it on my own!"
"I did for two days and look what you did!" Ryan bellowed, his anger and heart-wrench combined was purely blinding.
Marissa was beginning to wonder why it had suddenly gone quiet again, until Ryan's words pierced through the walls and her heart gave a sickening jolt. Immediately, tears sprang to her eyes and she began to quiver again.
On cue, Seth and Summer comforted her. "It's okay Coop," Summer whispered, though even she had to admit to herself that she had a bad vibe about what was to come…
Trey remained silent for an extended moment. His eyes were immediately washed over with guilt and sadness. Ryan saw he was thinking of something to defend himself with, though both knew it would be too little, too late.
Finally Trey raised his head, "I wasn't myself that night Ryan. I was drunk and stoned. I wasn't in my right mind."
Ryan was ready for him, "Trey you've been drunk and stoned most of your life." His voice was once again low and menacing. "Don't lie to my face and tell me you didn't have feelings for Marissa. Don't think I hadn't noticed it over the past few weeks."
"Ryan, don't say that, because it's not true."
"And you thought she felt the same way, didn't you?"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"So when I told you I was going away for the weekend; when Marissa showed up at your apartment, you thought she meant something different."
"You don't get it, Ryan, do you?"
"I get it perfectly," he said dangerously, "And now that you do too, stop lying to me."
Finally, seeing this was going nowhere in his favour, Trey relented, "Yeah okay! I had feelings for her!" he paused then added, "And I thought she had feelings for me too."
Ryan drew his eye contact away from Trey and nodded, biting his lip furiously. His eyes were poisoning. "And she didn't make that clear enough when you raped her?" The words were almost beyond endurance to mutter.
"I wasn't myself!" Trey exclaimed once again, his eyes riddled with fury, "I can't tell you…" he steadied himself as he began to yell and hyperventilate, "how sorry I am! I never meant to hurt her!"
"Hurt her?" Ryan fired, "YOU DESTROYED HER!" he couldn't help but release some of his tears.
At once, Summer and Seth bristled and gulped, while Marissa broke down in tears. Ryan's words were the only they heard, but the emotion in his voice was utterly heartbreaking.
Marissa didn't know how much more of this she could handle…
"If it wasn't for you, Marissa wouldn't have spent the last week locked in her house slashing her wrists out with a fucking razor blade! If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't have been standing here with a gun pointed at her head like she was half an hour ago."
Summer and Seth turned to Marissa. Their faces were mortified. Even Seth looked as if there were tears welling in his eyes and Summer resumed her heavy sobs.
"You WHAT!" she screamed.
Marissa looked at them wildly, at first lost for words. The speech was stuck in her throat and she momentarily forgot to breathe.
"I'M SORRY!" Trey blasted. "What else is there that I can say other than I am so fucking sorry!"
Both brothers went silent as they attempted to absorb everything. Then Ryan regained himself again and went quiet, "I'm sorry too," he uttered through his tense throat, "Sorry that I ever let you back in my life. Sorry that I thought things could be different," he hesitated and relieved some of the pain from his eyes, "Sorry that I was stupid enough to let you attack the person who I care about and love more than anyone."
And at that, Ryan snapped at shot his fist into Trey's jaw, catching him unawares. Trey's immediate response was very much the same. He grabbed Ryan by the hair and slammed his fist at the top of his head. Ryan recovered almost instantly from the sharp pain and dove his entire strength into Trey's waist, hurdling his brother to the ground. While he had his chance he kicked him in the ribs two, three, then five times. His voice was livid with rage and he kept at Trey, doing what ever he could to give him pain.
At first Trey was unable to fight back, until he caught Ryan's striking leg with his muscular arms. He twisted the leg so Ryan's entire body came tumbling hard to the floor. Ryan snapped his head against the ground and he was plagued by instant dizziness, then nausea as Trey smashed both his fists repeatedly into his torso. At last, Ryan managed to get his leg set up under Trey's chest, and with all his strength kicked him off. Trey went flying across the room and crashed into the small stainless steal shelf that held Marissa's random bits and pieces. The shelf and its ornaments collapsed in pieces as Trey's entire body impacted hard into the wall.
Hysteria was beginning to overwhelm Marissa as she agonisingly endured the sickening sounds of Ryan and Trey's violent brawl. Seething growls, fist-blows, the sounds of smashing glass were sending her mad. Her heart raced vigorously for Ryan, whom she feared for. She couldn't handle it, knowing that by and large this was because of her telling him the truth. She couldn't help but feel responsible.
She leapt off the couch to make a run for upstairs, when Seth caught her and stopped her.
"Marissa, don't go up there!" he didn't want her to get hurt, let alone he didn't want her to have to see Trey again.
Marissa heaved uncontrollably, and found she couldn't sit down, as she was forced to stand back and listen to the situation that was unfolding upstairs…
At once, Trey leapt up from his landing place by the destroyed shelves and bucked for Ryan once again. More anger and hatred fulfilled him now than it ever had, and he was sent in a blinding fit of rage. Despite Ryan's efforts to ward him off through his punches, Trey bowled him over and he landed hard on his back. Ryan was winded terribly and wheezed while Trey resumed smashing his fists into his face. The pain was never-ending for Ryan. Blow after blow met him unforgivingly in the face and Ryan soon began to feel himself fading in and out of consciousness.
Now more enraged than ever, and confident Ryan was too weak to respond quickly enough, Trey blindly crawled to Marissa's bedside table and grabbed her telephone by one hand. He ripped the cord out of its socket and carried it back to an almost completely limp Ryan.
Ryan was still aware but had not the strength to fight back. His face burnt, his breath was severed by the aching of his winded back, his stomach swelled with engorging nausea. He wanted to fight back but could hardly open his eyes. Then, without warning, he felt Trey take a tuft of his sandy-blonde hair. The next thing he felt was unbelievable. Something squarish and hard slammed across his face, knocking him senseless. The pain was phenomenal and now he was completely at Trey's advantage.
But Trey wasn't done with his brother yet.
The room went silent, as it hadn't been for some time. Ryan received no more punches and his consciousness began to strengthen once again. The pain, though still great, was slightly receding and soon he thought he'd have the energy to open his eyes. His breathing became freer, the nausea was healing. But as his eyes still remained shut, he couldn't help but ponder over the fact that it was now eerily quiet. Had Trey left? When he would open his eyes, would he find an empty room?
Marissa breathed heavily through her tears. Something wasn't right. The fighting, the yelling, the smashing had stopped. It was now silent. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing. She looked over at Summer and Seth whose faces bore much the same worry.
"What happened?" Marissa choked. "Why has it gone so quiet?"
Strength now restored, Ryan began budging and forcing himself up from the ground. He opened his eyes, and after the dizziness parted he looked up, expecting to not see Trey.
But he was there.
Ryan's heart suddenly skipped a beat. Trey stood there above him. He had found the gun that Marissa had almost used on herself. But now it sat in Trey's hand pointing directly at Ryan. His eyes turned wild, and he became breathless. Trey looked ruthless and completely mad.
"You're going to shoot me?" Ryan wheezed. "Is that how this ends?"
As if in response, Trey without speaking pulled the trigger and that dreadful, deafening noise exploded from the tube.
The next second, hot, blinding pain irrupted from Ryan's shoulder. He yelled at the burning sensation that devoured his senses. He could feel the bullet diving deeper and deeper in to his arm. He could already feel the blood boiling and spilling out of the wound.
The silence was suddenly broken. Marissa screamed as the thundering shriek of the gun penetrated through the house. That was it! She couldn't take this anymore!
"Ryan!" she screamed. Even Seth and Summer were too shocked and too terrified to hold Marissa back, and their late reactions proved hopeless. In an instant Marissa was bounding up the stairs, tears hazing her vision, her heart thumping with fear, but her determination overpowering all opposing forces.
She completed the trek up the staircase and ran into her bedroom. She was met with a terrifying sight. Ryan's shoulder seeped with scarlet blood, his face was brutally bashed and bruised, but still Trey was on top of him, firing relentless blows at his body, the gun still clasped in his right hand.
The image briefly presented Marissa with an undeniable parallel to the night he'd been on top of her, and momentarily she was paralysed. But the will to get him on top of Ryan, who was well and truly defeated, gave her the courage she needed.
"Trey! Get off him!" she screamed. But he was so heavily focussed on attacking Ryan that he did not hear her desperate plea.
"Stop it! You're killing him!" and before she realised what she was doing, she raced over behind Trey and started pulling at his shoulders in an effort to get him away from Ryan. She smacked her hands against his back, screaming and pleading. "Please get off!"
Then without warning, Trey finally noticed someone's smashing hands at his back. He got up and turned around so quickly, trying to urge off the annoying smacks, that his hand that held the pistol lunged and swiped across Marissa's face.
It was at a force so powerful that Marissa was sent twisting nearly off her feet. She yelped in excruciation as piercing pain hammered at the right of her forehead. Her head was spinning.
Finally realising who Trey had struck, he totally froze and looked at Marissa with absolute fear and astonishment. He was completely stunned and remained silent, despite his lungs pumping some much needed air.
Marissa looked back at Trey with the same terror possessing her as it had all this passed week. Tears bled from her eyes and she held her hand up to her throbbing forehead. When she drew her fingers down they were covered in her own blood, and she was then aware of it leaking down the side of her face.
Ryan meanwhile was, for the second time in as many minutes, discovering consciousness. His shoulder felt as if it was ready to fall off, and was nearly enough to drown out the additional agony he felt all over his body. But the adrenaline was sped up when he heard the familiar sobbing of Marissa in his ears. He opened his eyes at once and saw her. She bore now a deep gash across the right side of her forehead. The scratches on her wrists also dominated his vision.
Fighting against the protesting pain, he sat up, not taking his eyes of Marissa. Marissa noticed him too, and they exchanged terrified glances. And then his heart leapt to his mouth when he saw where Trey now pointed the gun…
Trey's eyes were wild with bewilderment. He was completely lost of what to do. Surrounding him now were the two people he had hurt and betrayed the most. His rage was now completely expired and he now panicked over what he had just done. Once again! He had done it again! He'd descended into a fit and hurt people he cared for! What had he done! He then noticed the two extra figures of Seth and Summer standing at the doorway, staring in utter horror.
So lost in his hysteria he hardly noticed he was pointing the gun at Marissa's chest.
"Trey," Ryan said very slowly and quietly, despite the agony that consumed his body, "put the gun down man."
Marissa was crying silently and breathing hard. She was quivering like a dead leaf in the wind as Trey still held the gun to her.
Trey looked at the gun and then to Marissa, his eyes blazing. Then he looked back at Ryan. "I'm not going to shoot her Ryan! I would never want to do that!" He too now was shaking.
Ryan nodded, again each movement steady, "I know that Trey, I know," he struggled against the pain in his shoulder, "so put the gun down and nobody else has to get hurt."
Trey was still shaking, and didn't seem to completely register Ryan's words, "What have I done man!" he whimpered when he saw the wound he had made in his brother's shoulder, "Oh shit! Was that me?"
Ryan nodded slowly, "Yeah, Trey. That was you."
"Oh fuck! Son-of-bitch no!" Trey began to rattle off in blurry sentences. His eyes filled with tears. Ryan had never seen his brother cry before, "Oh shit man! I'm sorry! I-I…" he was completely consumed with fear. "What can I do? Oh fuck man! Tell me what I should do!"
"Well first you have to put to the gun down," Ryan replied nervously. He had never seen his brother so totally out of his mind.
Even now though, Trey didn't seem to be able to respond to the instruction, "I've fucked it so bad Ryan! I came here to make things right, and I've gone and screwed it… again!" he began crying gutfully, then he turned his eyes back to Marissa, who was still frozen, "I'm so sorry Marissa! I didn't mean for things to go this far… didn't mean to hurt you!"
Ryan's heart began to beat more rapidly than it had all night. He had to stay calm. Seth and Summer watched on in silent paralysis.
"She knows, man. And yeah, things are pretty complicated right now, but now we're all going to have to try and recover from this together." Ryan looked at Marissa's deathly pale face, "But we can't do that Trey unless you put… the gun… down."
But to Ryan's dismay Trey shook his head and mumbled through his tears, "No man I do that… we can't do that! I've done too much to hurt everyone. Things can never be right."
"Yes they can Trey," Ryan tried again soothingly.
"No they can't!" And at that Trey finally ceased pointing the gun at Marissa's chest and drew it instead against his own head.
There was a simultaneous gasp from all four onlookers. Summer and Marissa's eyes spurted with more tears, Seth's face went from a white to a sickly green, and Ryan's once burning, paining shoulder went utterly numb.
"Come on man," he attempted, "you don't want to do that!"
"Yes I do!" Trey exclaimed. "It's better this way Ryan. Without me, you and Marissa can put everything behind you. All I ever do is fuck things up for you and I don't want to do that anymore."
Ryan didn't know what to do. What could he say! He looked to Marissa's petrified face for answers, but she was completely blank.
"Trey… what you did can never be reversed. Not now… not ever. But there are ways we can work something out. Anything is better than ending it like this!"
For moments upon moments no one said a word. The only sound escaping anyone's mouth were wrenching sobs. No one moved. And for a fleeting moment, it seemed the silence was therapeutic and that Trey was not yet giving in.
But he tricked them all.
He shook his head and sobbed, "Sorry Ryan. I can't."
And before anyone could say another word, he closed his eyes, pressed the gun harder into his head, pulled the trigger and following the second thunderous explosion for that night, Trey dropped dead right in front of them.
Another long chapter! Sorry! Haha! I honestly didn't think this chapter would be that long! But I proved myself wrong! Lol! I have to say, that I've always been a fan of the whole Ryan-being-hit-by-the-telephone- thing… and yet Marissa shot that gun just a wee too early! Lol! I know I'm kind of evil… considering Ryan is my favourite character… but there you go! So that's why I included the actual use of the telephone in this chapter! HAHA! Sorry once again for the delay in and update and the length, but all the same I hope you enjoyed it and are excited for what is to come! Till next time, Hannah.