Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything that comes from "ER".

A/N: This means flashbacks.

Another soft yet persistent cry came from the dim living room. "Alright, alright, I'm coming," Neela yelled over the kitchen counter while trying to check the temperature of milk for the last time; she then hurried back to the living room. Putting the bottle down on the coffee table with a small cluck, Neela looked down amusedly at two big shiny brown eyes staring at her with keen interest; two small arms holding out towards her with eagerness.

"You can't stop fussing for one minute unless you get your bottle, can you?" Neela teased lightly while picking Bela up from the play bin and sitting down on the chair nearby. After positioning Bela in her arms, she took the bottle off the coffee table and started to feed her.

As the baby was sucking on the white nutritious liquid thirstily, Neela said to her softly, "You know, Daddy," Bela looked up briefly and cooed happily as she always did whenever the word, daddy, was mentioned; Neela smiled and continued, "Is getting you a present after work! I can't believe you're ten months old! He won't tell me what he's getting though. He said he wanted it to be a surprise. I'm not sure if I should be worried about that or not," Neela frowned a bit to herself at the thought. "But then again the last time he pulled a stunt like that, you happened. And you were absolutely not a bad surprise." Neela reasoned fondly and bent her head slightly to kiss gently on her daughter's forehead. Bela at the moment was too busy drinking her meal; those dark irises were now half hidden behind the eyelids and lazily fixed on the hundreds of little bubbles that streamed fiercely upwards.

Neela watched her daughter quietly as she thought back over the past couple of years. She and Ray were now in their final year of residency, and they couldn't be more relieved about that. She was amazed that she had got through everything that happened in both her personal and professional life; from the heartbreaking breakup with Michael to accidentally falling in love with Ray; from struggling with her self-esteem and people skills that were required in her line of job to getting their parents' acceptance of the relationship.

Right after Bela was born, they, especially Ray, had to adapt their lifestyles moderately to this wonderful, unexpected newborn. Speaking of Ray, some days she couldn't believe that they'd been together this long. Every day they had two regular jobs; one was at County, the other one was their relationship. Nonetheless, at the end of shift each day, when they had that short yet precious moment all by themselves, the "work" that came with a relationship seemed to be worth it; as cliché as it might sound, it was nice to have someone to come home to. Home, such a short four letter word, but it represented something more than something physical. It was a place where she could be vulnerable, headstrong, self-doubting, confident or in another words, be everything that she wanted and not be judged; she almost had that slipped from her very fingertips.

The memory was flashing at the back of Neela's head; she felt she was back at that narrow supply room again...

Neela absentmindedly counted the number of swabs, which Abby had asked her to get, from the piled-up shelf that screamed to be reorganized. However, her mind was lingering on that positive result from yesterday's pregnancy test that she took by herself during the lunch break; a million scenarios flew her mind as she was imagining telling Ray about the test.

"Hey," a husky, familiar voice greeted her from behind; she jumped a little and turned around sharply; her eyes widened as soon as she recognized who it was; then a warm, bright smile took over after the initial shock. The petite resident promptly placed swabs on the nearest shelf and threw herself at the young man, momentarily forgot about the pregnancy.

"Michael!" she cried and gave him a brief tight hug and pulled back from him. Michael frowned a bit to himself about the briefness of her hug but quickly put on a happy face when he heard she was talking to him.

"What are you doing here? I didn't realize the base hospital would give you a break in the middle of a week?"

"Oh actually I just got back from Germany, and I'm on my way to California. I'm just passing through the neighborhood," shrugged Michael.

"You're 'passing through the neighborhood'?" Neela questioned doubtfully.

"I'm changing plane here," he grinned sheepishly. "Can you afford to take a break now? My plane takes off in two hours and I'd really like for us to catch up. We haven't talked for so long."

"Have you talked to others? I'm sure Pratt, Abby-"

"I've already seen them. Come on, I really wanna catch up with you, whaddya say?" Neela thought for a moment and nodded, "Sure, I'm signing off in five minutes anyways. I'll meet you outside."

They ended sitting on the cold hard bench in front of the hospital since Neela convinced Michael that she had promised to meet someone there. It was an unspoken ritual between her and Ray since they started dating to meet right outside of the hospital in between shift changing. This way, even when they were assigned to different shifts, they'd at least get to see each other briefly instead of not at all. The chilly wind blew harshly against Neela; she wrapped her thick coat tightly around her. Michael was telling her about the time he stayed in Germany after she had told him about her recent life. Sometime later, they were both watching snowing falling gracefully down on the ground; it was a fairly peaceful day, highly rare for the ER but very appreciated indeed. A somewhat uncomfortable silence started to grow between them.

"I missed you," Michael suddenly broke the silence in a dangerously soft tone that was meant for someone more than friends. Neela sighed, "Michael. W-"

"Would you stop using that tone?" annoyance was written all over his face when he turned to face her.

"What tone?" her brow furrowed.

"That tone of yours. It sounds as if the idea of us getting together is ridiculous."

"How could it be ridiculous when it already happened once?"

"What about again?"

"Michael we've already been thro-"

"No, you have. I-"

"And I also explained to you why. Listen Michael, I care about you. I do."

"As a friend, right?" snorted Michael.

"Slowly yes," glared Neela, "but when I'd decided to do what I did, it wasn't a walk through the park for me either. I wanted a stable relationship."

"You think I don't want that too?"

"You chose the army."

"And you're punishing me for it?"

"No! I'm not punishing anyone. I can't merely drop everything I know and have behind and switch hospitals every other month! I'm not an army doctor. Look, the last time you'd come back from Iraq, I realized that I wanted someone that'd be here to share every step of life together. Not just spiritually but physically as well. I couldn't bear a long-distance relationship where your safety was constantly at stake in a long run. It was very stressful, and I'm sure stress wasn't something that you desperately needed either. I suppose I'm more selfish than you," Neela finished the last sentence very quietly. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth again, "It wasn't just the distance, but you and I too. Everytime you came back, I felt like you and I had changed a little without either of us meaning to. And sometimes I think the reason that you keep coming back to me is because it's more convenient."

"That's not true," he protested.

"Well, at least a small part of it is, isn't it?" Michael was silent. She smiled weakly and continued, "Listen, I'm not mad or hurt that you think that, because if I were you, I probably would've done the same thing too. It's always easier to get back to the people you're familiar with rather than establishing a new relationship of any kind from scratch when you've gone through so much and are trying to adjust back to a life you knew before. I don't regret a minute that I spent with you, nor do I resent that you picked the army hospital. I think it's a very honorable choice, but the bottom line is that you and I have changed. And we should move on."

"Are you seeing someone else?" he asked with a slight accused tone.

"I don't see how's that relevant to what we're talking about here," she defended.

"I think it's very relevant since you're talking about moving on. So are you?"

"Yes," the young resident replied simply.

"Who?"

"Mich-"

"Who?" Michael pressed.

"Ray. Ray Barnett."

"That punk-rocker roommate of yours?"

"Yes."

The young army doctor gaped at her somewhat bewildered as her confirmation was sinking in gradually but surely.

"Are you happy with him?" he inquired in a small voice after awhile.

"Yes I am," staring straight into his gaze, she answered sincerely.

"Look," said Michael seriously, "I know we've changed, and I am moving on, but I guess there's still a tiny part of me that naively believes being with you could bring my old self back," he raised a hand up before she could say anything, "And yes, I know you can't because it is up to me to be whom I want to be, and not you. I know me wanting my completely old self back is like it wanting to be a kid again. I am adjusting to a new self. Not totally brand new but with old bits here and there, you know?"

"Yeah, and I know the 'new' you will be a big hit," she smirked playfully.

He chuckled loudly to himself and stared at her. Without any warning, he leaned forward to kiss her sweetly on the lips. Neela was caught off guard and froze for several seconds before she could comprehend what was happening.

"What the hell!" a voice, that she never wished to hear at that moment, roared at them from a few feet away. Neela stood up as if the bench was on fire and saw a confused, fuming Ray running towards Michael.

"Ray! Thi-" Neela said surprisingly. Before she could finish, the rocker resident had thrown his right fist at Michael but fortunately, the former County General doctor ducked it fast.

"Stop it, Ray!" shouted Neela and grabbed his right arm with all her might.

"I...I'm so sorry. I didn't know what came over me...I shouldn't have done it," Michael apologized earnestly.

"The hell you shouldn't!" Ray yelled again trying to free his arm from the petite resident's firm grasp.

"Ray Barnett! Stop acting mad! Get your ass to work. This doesn't concern you!" Neela said sternly. Ray whipped his head sideways and stared at her incredulously for a moment, then held his two hands up in the air as though in surrender and said coldly, "Fine. I'll go. I guess 'us' doesn't concern you either." With that, he picked up the duffel bag that he had dropped earlier and headed to the hospital door angrily.

"Do you want me go talk to him?" Michael asked hesitantly after they saw Ray disappearing into the hospital.

"No, I'll do it when he's calmed down," Neela sighed heavily and looked back up at him, "I think you should go now, or you'll miss your plane."

"I'll take you home. Wait, aren't you meeting someone here?"

"You just saw him."

"Oh."

"I'll catch a taxi so don't worry about me. Take care, Michael."

"You take care too," his mouth arched up lightly; he was about to give her a hug but thought the better of it, "and I'm really sorry about the kiss."

Neela nodded understandingly and left to hail a taxi wordlessly.

Slamming her bedroom closed, Neela flopped down on her bed without even bothering to change her clothes. She turned to lie on her stomach and buried her face into the puffy pillow. Tears were threatening to come out as she screamed into the sunken pillow. Everything had become so complicated, so fast; she hadn't even figured out how she'd tell Ray about the pregnancy and now this happened. She wondered how in the world she'd sort everything out, but right now, she felt worn out; she just wanted go to sleep...

A small tug at her hair brought Neela back to the reality. She blinked for second and looked down at her daughter who was moving all her fours up in the air and making spontaneous, incomprehensible babbles. Neela laughed softly to herself and put down the bottle. Holding Bela up over her shoulder, she gently patted her back until a loud burp came out of the small baby. She settled Bela back into the play bin, played with her for a moment, and went back to the kitchen to clean the milk bottle.

To Be Continued...