All rights and privileges to "Codename: Kids Next Door" are copyrighted trademarks and property of Tom Warburton, Cartoon Network, and all peoples associated. The characters of these fictions are used WITHOUT permission for the entertainment purposes only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. As if anyone would actually pay money for this thoughtless drivel. And even if they like it, it's right here and money is not required. So there! Bottom line: I don't own them I just like to play God with them. Like an ant walking back and forth across my feet for what seems like miles upon miles. Or a bug with a magnifying glass as it slowly burns into nothingness. Ahem Yes, I don't own them. Never have. Never will. Sigh
A/N: And there are a lot of them. This is not a happy fic. If you want a fluffy, feel-good fic, turn back now. If you don't like Lizzie, this fic may change your mind, so you don't have to turn back. She just likes monopolizing One's time. And how many of you can say that you didn't do that when you were 10? If you like Eighty Six, turn back now. I was originally going to pair her up with One, but that didn't exactly happen. If you think Three and Four are perfect for each other, so do I. However, if they are the only couple with Four involved that you like, turn back now. If you think Two and Five are perfect for each other, so do I. If you like One… I like One as well… sort of. Well, I don't hate him, but he's not exactly the most lovable character on the show.
This takes place in everyone's senior year of high school. They have not forgotten about the KND, for whatever reason you want to give. My theory is that they are all around the same age as the Delightful Children From Down the Lane (damn, that's a long name). As the DC grew, they needed an enemy that grew with them to keep them in check… Or something like that. Whatever. I shouldn't be thinking this hard about a cartoon that doesn't make sense to begin with. They are kinda the Teens Next Door, but as soon as they hit college, that all ends. They will no longer be kids but adults. There is pressure on them to defeat the DCFDTL once and for all. This leaves tempers high and hormones higher.
This fic contains slash. As in guy-on-guy action. This fic also contains dirty, underhanded manipulation. At first I thought that it was entirely unrealistic for people to do this in life, but then I turned on the TV and watched the election news. So, in honour of election year, I have created a story in which children think like politicians.
There are made up words in Wally's sentences and sometimes Kuki's as well. Yes, I do realize that Wally's favorite word is 'crud,' I also realize that he is seven years older in this fic than in canon. Speech patterns change constantly and I honestly think that Wally would be the profane one of the group, so that is why 'crud' matured into 'shite.'
Whenever Kuki speaks, replace the r with l's in the words that don't make sense. Most of the Japanese is translated. I apologize in advance for my shoddy language skills. I'm sure I've messed up tenses and the like.
Whenever Abby speaks, say it out loud if it doesn't make sense in your head.
Hell, none of this makes sense in MY head.
Second Disclaimer: I do not condone the use of the word "get" or any variant that thereof in any context other than its original meaning. AKA: "to get" is NOT synonymous with "to be."
On to the fic:
Chapter One…
"Ah fucked up, all right!" Numbuh Four snarled crossly.
"Oh really," Numbuh One drawled back.
"Do you want me to confess again!"
"No. I want to know what the bleeding Christ you were thinking."
"Ah wasn't: is that wot you want to hear? Ah wasn't. Ah was acting purely on mah gut."
"Next time, try consulting your head."
Four did not respond and refused to meet One's eyes.
"The leader is only as good as his team. If the team is not together, the leader is blamed, and a dysfunctional leader is dismissed. I won't have you cost me the rest of my team. This is your first and final warning: mess up that badly again and you're gone."
"If Ah were to leave, the dynamics of our team would be thrown. Who would you blame then? Without your superhero?"
"Numbuh Four, you are not a superhero. Superhero's don't mess up, they prance around in tights. You, however, do mess up and don't prance around in tights. Now, if you're done being obtuse, you may leave."
"Fine," Four growled under his breath, stalking out of One's room.
"And don't sl – " Four slammed the door behind him. "Slam the door," One concluded weakly.
- - -
Normally, when Four messed up and One ridiculed him, he retreated to his room to beat upon his punching bag. Four would emerge later that night, usually after the rest of them had gone to sleep, a lot calmer than when he had stormed away.
One waited until everyone had gone to sleep before slipping into Four's room to apologize, finding it disturbingly empty.
Without even thinking, One pulled the alarm.
Three groggy operatives later, One briefed them on the situation. "We are down a man," he began.
Three raised her hand.
"Three?" One asked resignedly.
"Who is dat, Numbuh One?"
"What do you mean?" He eyed her suspiciously over his glasses.
"Aren't we all here?"
"No, Four is missing," he crossed his arms.
"Oh, him," she smiled. "He left."
"What?"
"He left," she repeated.
"Is dat all?" Five asked skeptically. "'Cause Numbuh Five has an exam tomorrow and duh'n't have time ta deal wid lover's tiffs."
"Yes, yes, go on, Five. You as well, Two," One waved a hand distractedly in dismissal.
Two gave him a funny look before heading off with Five.
"Now, Numbuh Three, what did Numbuh Four say to you?"
"Somet'ing about…." She trailed off uncertainly. One looked at her expectantly. "Oh yeah, somet'ing about being out of fig jam and then he said somet'ing about a boggy. No wait, bodgy. Why would he want fig jam, Numbuh One?" Four was now 17, and had adopted the American way of speaking, but whenever he was angry or upset, he slipped back into his native slang. Unfortunately, One had no idea what those particular words meant, if Three had pronounced them correctly: it was very late and he had woken them up.
"Is that all he told you?" One pressed.
"I t'ink so."
"Thank you, Three. You may go back to sleep now."
"Okey-dokey!" She ran off down the hallway.
"This is worse than I anticipated. Bugger."
- - -
Four stood on the front stoop. He hesitated, then pressed the doorbell. A moment later, a light turned on, shortly followed by the front door swinging open.
"Wally?"
"Mum."
----
transmission interruption…
----
If you like tell me so and I shall continue, if you don't like tell me why so that I can fix it.
This fic is dedicated to all who've forgotten high school as soon as they escaped.