WHILE I'M MISSING YOU

Chapter 01: Apselene

---

Kagome pulled her legs up on her chair and rested her chin on her knees, not caring about the behavior of her skirt since she was alone. She watched the traffic in the street below, flashing in brief red and white lights under the cloudy night sky, and observed the variable shades of umbrella tops as walkers hurried by. She was protected on her balcony, since the wind blew the cold early winter rain away from her, but she still tightened her windbreaker around her seeking out its warmth and comfort.

Suddenly her cell phone chimed, and she looked down briefly to note a new text message from her cousin Miroku.

Somehow I'm not surprised. Do you need a place to stay?

Kagome smiled warmly at her cousin's offer but left the message unanswered for another moment. She blew her bangs out of her eyes and let her mind wander. She had always prided herself on being good at her job. She thought she addressed problems concisely and she was very efficient. However, it had always been the customers who had given her the most trouble. And ultimately, her inability to compromise with their illogical demands had designed the termination of her job.

"I can't have one set of rules for just one person and a different set for all the others," Kagome told herself, sighing. "I did the right thing..."

Her phone chimed again with another text message. She peeked down over her arms at it and smiled again at seeing Sango's name.

Please come stay with us awhile. We miss you!

Kagome reached out and slapped her hand down on her cell phone to reply to her friend.

I was coming in tomorrow anyway. You guys are the bestest. xoxo

She shut her phone down to preserve battery life, took a deep breath, and went back inside her apartment. All her belongings were packed away into two suitcases and her minimal furniture had already been sold. In the past months she had become deeply attached to her work, and now that she'd lost her job she realized just how much of her life she had dedicated to it. Even when she was kicked out for putting too many hours in, she had found other ways to contribute: organizing and overseeing functions, attending seminars, helping out coworkers...

Dragging her feet, she walked into her stripped bathroom and scrutinized her image in the mirror. Her dark hair was pulled out of her face in a ponytail, exposing how narrow her cheeks had become. Her eyes were shadowed with dark circles and she looked worn out.

"It's not just work, of course," Kagome mumbled to her reflection almost poutily. "It's coming home to an empty apartment night after night."

Still, that simple remark didn't whittle away to the core of the problem, which Kagome had never voiced aloud for fear of her own drama or silliness. The problem was that it didn't seem like she was missing company in general---she had always had the support of her friends and family, and she'd occasionally entertained romantic relationships of varying impermanence---it was that she felt someone specific was missing from her life.

"Only, how can that be?" Kagome asked, leaning back against the wall to think about it.

No matter with how much concentration she examined her life, she could find no single person whose absense would explain her intense feeling of loss. If she let go of her focus, which was something she dearly hated to do, she would experience emotions associated with---nothing. Suddenly she would feel love, safety, contentment, a sense of place, an overwhelming sorrow...but if she attempted to locate the events belonging to such strong feelings, nothing was there. As if something had been plucked out of her; and the longer she was out of work, the more often those things came back to haunt her.

She left the bathroom and secured the belongings she was taking with her, dropped her cell phone into her purse, and headed out to meet a cab.

"Good evening," she said cheerfully as she slid hurriedly into the back row with her suitcases, brushing rain out of her eyes. "I'm headed for the airport."

As the cabbie rejoined traffic, Kagome watched the other cars through a sheet of rain drumming against the window. The cold water and the heat of machine exhaust against the concrete caused a fog to form over the ground, making it difficult to determine the colors of other vehicles; only headlights stood out. She adjusted her arm over the smaller of her suitcases, which was propped up on the seat next to her, to keep it from sliding around and wondered why she had moved so far away from home to begin with. She had initially worked at a company reasonably close to her childhood home and thus near her family, but some detail she could no longer recall drove her to move partway across the globe, and suffer through learning the ways of that country's culture. So despite her sadness at losing her job, she also felt a muted excitement to be moving back home to Japan.

The cab jerked to a halt and the driver announced her fare. Kagome leaned forward and deposited the money before yanking her suitcases out of the car. She dragged them at a run towards the building, pausing underneath the protected walkway outside the doors to catch her breath. After she had straightened out her clothes and adjusted her shoe, she headed inside and checked-in electronically.

As she passed off her bags to go through inspection, she glanced around to note all the farewells taking place. A young woman beside her was waving energetically back to the boy she was leaving behind, smiling through her own tears. The man shouted out his love for her and laughed as the airport staff had to prompt her into moving along and collecting her things. Behind Kagome, a man with a small girl holding his hand was sending calmer farewells to his parents. The girl was nearly asleep on her feet.

"Miss." Kagome turned her head rapidly, feeling her ponytail bob along behind her, as the staff got her attention and encouraged her to move on through the line. She smiled in embarrassment and collected her bags.

"Gate 12...gate 12..." Kagome mumbled as she checked her ticket, seeking out the signs posted to fine-tune her route. Eventually she found her gate and sat down in the waiting area with a handful of other travelers. To give herself something to do, she fished around in her purse for her cell phone and powered it back up. While she waited for it, she glanced at a television hanging on the wall but found herself uninterested in the news bulletins and so allowed her gaze to move towards a snack stand across the aisle. Two businessmen spoke to one another about recent figures, an analyzation of a current project, and a prospective completion date as they took turns purchasing bottled waters. She wondered what it would be like to travel frequently because of a job. She doubted she would ever get accustomed to such a career. It took her a long time to adjust to sleeping in a different bed; she rarely got much rest on vacations.

Her phone chimed at her so she peered down to go through her recent messages.

I'll miss you, Kagome. Call me! was the most recent, from a fellow coworker who had managed the good sense to go along with customers.

Call me when you get in, I'll come pick you up. Kagome looked up from Sango's text at the sudden crying of a baby a few seats down. His mother held him and cooed lovingly, trying to offer him a bottle. She smiled briefly as she shut down her phone again. She stared down at her reflection on the pristine tile, glowing wavily in the fluorescent lighting, and tried to be more cheerful about her situation. She would stay with Sango and Miroku a night or two to play catch-up and then move back in with her mother, brother, and grandfather until she could secure a new job. Losing her old post wasn't the end of the world, she reminded herself. She needed the break. Her current work-absorbed state of mind would only be destructive. Certainly she was already distracted. A little bit of time off wouldn't hurt; she'd built her career too well without focusing on anything outside of it.

Soon Kagome found herself boarding the plane and searching out her seat. An attendant helped her move her suitcases up into the overhead compartment and she sat down, immediately uncovering her window to watch staff in yellow jackets, bright even in the night, loading up suitcases. She peeked up to look at the sky and hoped that the rain would pause long enough for a take off. Despite her hopes, the flight was delayed for another half hour before the sky was finally clear enough for departure.

"So, are you headed home?" the aging woman next to her asked.

Kagome grudgingly smiled at her talkative row partner and replied, "Yes. How about you?"

"Yep. I was just here on a holiday to visit my grandchildren." Kagome nodded and allowed the woman to ramble about the touristy things the family had done together. Even though Kagome was tired and didn't especially want to chat with her, she found her mood improving when the woman produced her digital camera and began showing off pictures of her grandchildren.

They separated when they were released into their arrival gate and Kagome immediately began a stressful rush to the other side of the airport for her connecting flight, pulling her suitcases behind her. By the time she boarded the plane, she was panting with the effort of her run. She sunk down into her seat, glad to see the rain had not followed her this far, and tried unsuccessfully to sleep as the passenger next to her played a video game on a handheld. She found herself unable to sleep, but the flight managed to feel surreal anyhow and mercifully her mind remained peacefully blank. Time passed, the whine of the plane engines accented by faint conversations and the repetitive music from the video game.

Kagome watched as the sun began to rise in the small window, limning the sky with pink and red clouds. She felt herself smile slightly as she realized the plane was descending and she was touching down in her home for the first time in over a year. When the pilot announced that passengers were allowed to resume usage of electronics, Kagome dug around for her cell phone to call Sango.

"Hi, Sango!" Kagome said quietly. "Sorry for waking you up."

"Don't worry, Miroku works mornings at the emergency so we're always up now. Where are you?"

"Right now I'm at the airport. I'm going to take a taxi to your house, is that alright?"

"Sure---but wouldn't you rather I come pick you up?" Sango asked.

"Would it bother you?"

"Of course not. Here, where are you picking up your stuff?"

Kagome replied. "I took everything carry-on, so I'll wait just outside for you by Terminal C."

"If you're sure. Have some breakfast while you're waiting!" Sango ordered before bidding a cheerful farewell. Kagome grinned, hung up, and managed to find help in getting her bags down from the overhead compartment.

She took Sango's advice and bought something to eat at a stand and hauled her things outside. It felt good to finally be on the ground again after an entire night in the air, and she felt the unhappiness of the past week melt away into a sort of relief. She was home and things would get better.

Sango arrived nearly a half hour later, and cried happily when she caught sight of Kagome. "There you are!" she said as Kagome jumped up and embraced her, seeking comfort from her best friend.

"I'm so glad to see you, Sango," she admitted happily, squeezing shut her eyes. "It feels really good to be back here."

Sango pulled away and grinned. "Now, don't leave again!"

Kagome laughed. "I promise." Sango grabbed one of Kagome's bags and began leading the way to her car.

"You look exhausted," Sango pointed out as the two women loaded the bags into the backseat, staring at Kagome shortly in concern. "You feeling alright?"

Kagome nodded. "I just wasn't able to sleep on the plane. It's been kind of a rough week."

"I can imagine," Sango replied sympathetically, glancing briefly over at Kagome as she drove out of the parking lot. "But that's all in the past. Now, I knew you'd be tired so I set up the guest bedroom for you so you can just sleep today. Tomorrow we'll have a girls' day."

"I'm excited, it's been too long since we've had a girls' day. Shopping, eating, chatting without any petty little arguments or perverted quips!" Kagome said, clapping her hands in anticipation as Sango mirrored her happiness. "Oh---" She turned around in her seat, trying to grab for her purse but found it was too far out of her reach. "Ah. Can I borrow your cell to call my mom?"

"Go for it." Kagome thanked her friend and fished around in her purse for her cell. "I should have her cell number in there."

"Mm good, I don't really remember it off the top of my head," Kagome explained as she opened up Sango's address book. "She's on speed dial on my phone. Wow, you have a lot of contacts! I thought you engineers were awkward and antisocial?" she teased.

"Very funny, Kagome."

Kagome paused, thumb hovering over the navigation buttons as she stared down at one name in the list that seemed to stand apart.

"What's wrong?" Sango asked, looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Just zoning out," Kagome explained, scratching her cheek as she zoomed down the list again to select her mother's name. But even as she announced her arrival to her mother and planned to meet the family for dinner the following night, Kagme only paid partial attention to her own conversation. In her head she tried to puzzle out the name from Sango's contact list. Where had she heard the name Inuyasha before, and why did it seem to be meaningful to learn of his person?

* * *

When Kagome woke up, it took her a moment to remember where she was. Groggily she groaned and rolled out of bed, going to the window. She brushed away the strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail and squinted out into the quiet darkness outside. With a yawn she checked the digital clock on the bedside table to discover it was after five in the morning. She rubbed her arms for warmth and went to the hallway, navigating to the kitchen where she found Miroku and Sango at the breakfast table. Miroku was eating but Sango was only working on a glass of milk with a peaceful look on her face.

"Good morning," Sango said cheerfully.

"You're up early," Kagome said, rubbing at an eye that refused to unblur.

"I work mornings at the emergency room," Miroku explained. "Sango usually goes to work early too so that we have time together in the evenings."

Sango grinned. "But I've taken today off so that you and I can go out and enjoy the fine holiday atmosphere."

Kagome thumped down at the table with her cousin and best friend. As if still in a dream, she poured herself a glass of orange juice and nursed it slowly. "I slept for so long, why am I still tired?"

Sango giggled while Miroku pointed out, "You overslept again."

"Ugh. I'm going to numb my brain even more for awhile," Kagome replied, leaving the table and collapsing on the sofa in the living room. She pulled a magazine off of the coffee table and propped it on top of her face so that the sun wouldn't bother her as it slowly turned the horizon gray. Blindly she secured the television remote and turned it on, allowing the sound of a music video sung in Mandarin to lull her into a sort of doze.

Before she could get too comfortable, Sango came in and moaned. "Kagome, get ready! We have lots to do today. Let's go get breakfast at our old favorite cafe."

Mentally, Kagome reviewed her options. She could sleep her troubles away in the warmth of a comfortable, familiar place or she could be eating a greasy stomach ache-inducing meal amongst a noisy crowd of students who were grabbing breakfast before school.

"Noooo..." Kagome complained as Sango ripped the magazine away from her face and looked at her sternly. Kagome resigned to her fate and left to get dressed before Sango could start chasing her.

"There, you'll feel more alive after we eat," Sango said when Kagome reappeared in more presentable attire. Kagome hooked her arm into Sango's and the two set off, barely pausing to bid farewell to Miroku. Soon Kagome felt revitalized and began talking to Sango about some of her experiences abroad and asked for details on Sango's own work.

"You're awfully bouncy today," Kagome pointed out with a grin as Sango enthusiastically recounted a story.

"I'm happy my friend is home," Sango replied. Then she leaned in and said in an excited whisper, "I also have some big news to share...but let's wait until we're at the restaurant."

Kagome and Sango sat down across from each other at a table reasonably far away from the regular group of high school students, sending off their orders right away from memory. Sango, smiling mischievously, got Kagome's attention.

"Okay, Kagome. I'm really excited to share that...Miroku and I are having a baby! I'm pregnant."

Kagome's mouth dropped. "Really? Really? Oh my gosh, Sango! I'm so happy for you!"

Sango nodded proudly. "Just found out two days ago. So actually, it's really good you're home now...Now we can go shopping and stuff when we know if the baby is a boy or girl."

"Aww Sango, this is so wonderful! I hope the baby's a girl," Kagome replied. "Then we can get all those pink little clothes."

Sango laughed. "I knew you'd say that."

Kagome sighed happily, smiling for her best friend, and thought about the upcoming months. "This is going to be a wonderful time," she proclaimed. "How far along are you?"

"Only about a month. We're going to the doctor on Monday to do bloodwork to get a better approximation."

"I'm so excited! Here, you and Miroku should come have dinner with my family tonight so you guys can share the announcement---I'll text our old high school friends and maybe we can all get together later, too, right?"

Sango laughed. "Now that I've told you, the whole city is going to know by the end of the week!"

"If I was pregnant I'd be informing every stranger I met," Kagome replied with a giggle. "How far along do you have to be before we can feel the baby kick?"

"Probably around eighteen to twenty weeks," Sango answered as Kagome stretched out a hand. "Here, eat your breakfast and stop trying to grab me!"

"Okay, Sango-mama," Kagome agreed cheerfully. She paused in the middle of a bite of egg as a thought occured to her. "Wait, don't you get morning sickness?"

"I actually get sick in the middle of the night," Sango said with a shrug. "Luckily my breakfast appetite is just fine, even if I can't sleep worth a crap."

* * *

"I missed you, too, Mama!" Kagome said as her mother held her tightly. Kagome screwed shut her eyes and allowed herself to be rocked, feeling at peace surrounded by her mother's loving arms, her teenage brother prying at her, her grandfather lecturing her, Sango and Miroku talking behind her and taking off their coats. Everything was so normal and familiar, as if she hadn't left at all. She had forgotten how good it felt to be nearby those who loved her.

"Okay!" Her mother pulled away and smiled, eyes shining. "I've made your favorite---oden! Souta, take our guests' coats and hang them up!"

"Auntie, I've been waiting all day for your oden!" Sango said.

"I've been waiting months!" Kagome added. "Miroku, what are you piddling around for? Ouch! Souta, don't pinch me!"

"Kagome, I have to tell you about my math teacher!"

"No!" Kagome retorted, breaking out of her brother's grasp as her mother ushered everyone inside the house and out of the noisy hallway. "You can tell me after I forgive you for pinching!"

"Kagome!" Souta whined, trying to hit her with a jacket as she was steered away.

"Kagome Higurashi," her grandfather began, "where have you been?!"

"With me, Grampa," Miroku said. "Come on, let's go eat the wonderful meal Auntie has made for us."

"Hurry up, Souta!" Kagome moaned as her brother took his time putting coats away. "I'm starving!"

"You've been eating all day!" Sango replied in some amazement.

"Okay, I'm here, everyone!" Souta announced, grabbing a bowl. "Let's eat!"

"Mama, Sango has something important to share!" Kagome said around a mouthful of food, elbowing her friend lightly. Sango made her big announcement and was mobbed with well-wishes, hugs, and people heaping more food into her bowl.

"Eat, Sango!" Mama told her. "You need lots of vitamins. It's important---"

The doorbell rang, effectively hushing everyone and allowing Sango a brief break. Souta grinned and jumped up from the table. "I'll get it!"

As Souta disappeared, activity resumed. Kagome laughed and jabbed at Miroku with a chopstick, ordering him to protect his wife. She'd just popped a bite of potato into her mouth when she heard yelling from the front room. Everyone watched, puzzled.

"I'll go see what's going on," Miroku said when everyone realized Souta was struggling with whomever had knocked on the door. But, although he had begun running to Souta's aid, he did not progress further than the edge of the kitchen when a man burst in with the younger Higurashi tailing him and pulling on his tee-shirt.

"I'm sorry...I tried to stop him," Souta panted. "Stupid brother Inu..."

"Inuyasha, what are you doing here?" Miroku asked with a frown. He exchanged a worried glance with Sango. Everyone watched Kagome, who stared at Inuyasha, mouth slightly parted, as he looked down at her.

"Inuyasha," Sango said quietly. "Why are you here?"

"Kagome..." he murmured, having eyes only for her. Kagome, confused, glanced at the gathering. Everyone was intently waiting for her reaction with nervous expressions. She swallowed her bite of potato.

"Who told you Kagome got in?" Sango asked in a louder voice. "Inuyasha. Who told you?"

Inuyasha glared briefly at her. "In case you've forgotten, I'm Souta's PE coach. He was pretty damn excited about her coming home tonight."

Souta smiled anxiously as everyone gave him stern looks. "Sorry..."

"What's going on?" Kagome whispered into her mother's ear.

"We're about to have a rough evening," she whispered back.

"Say something, Kagome," Inuyasha requested. She observed the lines of his face, lingered on the solemn intensity of his words, saw a sadness in his eyes, a look to him that made Kagome feel as if she understood something secret about him. Though he was a stranger to her, his voice somehow was intimately familiar. Slowly she stood, and timidly she approached him, as if being nearer to him would answer her own questions.

"Kagome..." Miroku warned.

"Kagome," Inuyasha repeated.

She looked self-consciously around. Everyone was still watching her with worry, fear, or anger. She felt confused about this man's sudden entry---why had his presence made such a stir? And why had he come for her?

"I'm going to my room," Kagome announced, moving past the stranger with her face turned away.

"Wait," he pleaded, reaching out a hand to touch her. His fingers brushed her cheek gently in a restrained but desperate gesture. The contact sparked something within her, a light that illuminated a darkness where something had previously existed; an aching emptiness that had been with her for so long, as if she had been missing some dear part of herself, roared up and threatened to consume her. Emotions she had never been able to assign a source since she first recognized their presence suddenly screamed to be associated with this person; such emotional recollections that had power of truth, but no memory with which to be united---as if she had always remembered someone else's life, or someone else's dreams. The person she had been missing.

She stepped back and faced him again, forcing herself to focus. Something hazy came through the darkness of her memory, resurfacing as if it had been pressured down and this sudden meeting allowed it a new avenue of escape. She nodded slowly. "We met at...Sango and Miroku's wedding. Sango made you dance with me."

Inuyasha, confused, glanced briefly to those gathered at the table before agreeing. "Yeah."

"Kagome? Are you alright?" Sango asked, clearly concerned. Everyone watched her expectantly.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't remember anything else."

"What? I don't get it," Inuyasha replied slowly. Sango put a hand on his arm to keep him calm as Kagome smiled apologetically. She looked at him quizzically, as if some word or sigh from him could make her remember more.

"I'm sorry. I don't know who you are."