Fool of Me

By: Nicole Lopez

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or its characters, or this song, but I do own the idea!

(a/n: I danced to this song and I thought it would be a cool fan fiction, so enjoy! Check it out! Meshell N. And, if I get enough reviews, I'll add more about another character. Who do you want to hear about?)

'I remember when you filled my heart with joy was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space cause now … you have no interest in anything that I have to say', the song on the radio began. I always hated this song. How it told my entire life story and reminded me of all the mistakes I had made in the past.

Somehow I knew all along that I was kidding myself, like people in high school could actually have something that was so real that no one could get between it. But I never thought little Miss "save the trees" would be the one.

I still couldn't look at Jay. All I wanted to do was kill him, but kiss him, and then kill him again. How could he? He was the closest that I'd ever been to being in love … like I want to be with you beyond high school love, but he threw it all away like it didn't even matter. I sighed to myself taking a puff of my cigarette. Foolish me.

'And I allowed you to make me feel, I feel so dumb. What kind of fool am I?'

I knew what happened when my so-called mother feel in love with some sad ass drunk. He beat the shit out of her and she kept calling him back and apologizing, like it was her fault.

'You so easily, set me aside.'

"What are you thinking about?" Spinner asked in the driver's side as Alex watched Jay chase after Emma. Not running after her, chasing after her, like he had never done for me.

"Nothing." She lied, stroking his hair roughly.

"You look … sad."

"I'm not." I responded, kissing him forcefully. "Just drive." I demanded. "Don't think." If anything I was mad as hell. How could I fall into the very same trap that led Amy into being the biggest whore in all of Toronto? Yet, here I was singing that same old song.

"You can talk to me." Spinner reassured me as I shook my head firmly.

"Just stop the fucking car, okay? I don't need you to think or that talk about your feelings' bullshit." I bolted out of the car before he could come to a complete stop. Anger was the only way I knew how to react and crying was not an option. Not now, not ever.

Yet, all I could think about was the fact that I was about to cry. I could feel my eyes watering and was instantly ashamed of myself. Crying showed vulnerability, and I was not ready to have the entire school pitying me over what happened. Taking one more puff of my cigarette, I rushed into the school just late enough so that the hallways were clear, but early enough to make it to class on time.

"Sup!" Someone called behind me as I rolled my eyes.

"What asshole?" I gave my normal response, ignoring the fact that I knew that voice better than my own. "Oh." My voice softened. "It's you." I practically yelled, frozen in place and unable to decide whether to kick his ass then and there or go find the source of our problems herself.

"Yeah, Alex. You're really making this into something bigger." He tried to explain.

"Stop with the emotional bullshit. You fucked with another girl. I get it. I don't need anymore clues that make it any clearer." I sighed.

'You say that you don't care but we made love. Tell me why?'

"I just wanted you to know that … I'm with Emma now."

'I want to kiss you. Does she want you with the pain that I do? Smell you in my dreams, but now'

My heart dropped as I kept eye contact with him, careful not to show any kind of emotion. "Good for you." I turned around suddenly and started walking away, and then I turned back around. "Didn't it mean anything? Didn't we almost have it all?" I asked stupidly. I knew what the answer was. I was in love with him … and this was my way of—giving him another chance.

"It's high school." He shrugged, looking away as if none of it meant a damn thing, like he had no interest in me or anything that I would say would change anything.

'When we're face to face. You won't look me in the eye, no time, no friendship. No love.'

"But, didn't it mean something …" I repeated as my eyes started watering again. "Don't you care that we made love?" I moved in closer, reaching and longing to touch him.

'You say don't touch you. I can't touch you no more.'

Jay threw up his hands in response as if he didn't know what to do with me. "Please … don't touch me … I've gotta go." He turned around.

'I can't touch you anymore.'

"Wait." I begged, trying to regain eye contact, but he wasn't looking at me anymore. He looked past me to Emma.

'Anymore.'

"Hey babe." Jay walked over to her, practically pushing me out of the way to get to her.

'I feel like such a fool.'

"Whatever." I stomped away, flicking them both off before terrorizing whoever was left in the hallway to make me feel better. But it didn't.

'You made a fool of me. Tell me why?'

They all stared and whispered, and despite my efforts, I was still late to class. But this time, being late was different … I was walking alone. I lost Jay, and most of all, I let him get to me. He made a fool of me, and everyone knew it.

(A/N: Just check out this song from the movie Love and Basketball. It's amazing! And review if you're interested in more or if this is not your thing. –NL)