I wrote this AGES ago. YEARS ago, in fact, and I was under the assumption that I had submitted this to Until I checked. So here it is!
By the way, this is NOT a Kaiba-bashing fic. Its just sort of a black comedy in story format based on an email I once had. Whether its your type of humour or not is beyond me, but please be nice.
Seto's Bad Day
Seto Kaiba was walking down the pavement one day checking his watch every five minutes to see the time.
He would've been in his limo if his damned driver weren't so...bald and annoying. Why was he annoying? Because he was bald. Why are bald people annoying? Because to Seto Kaiba on one of these days THEY JUST ARE. (A/N: That was not meant to insult bald people so please take no offence to this ).
He was already late for work, which annoyed him greatly.
He checked his watch again: 8:25am. He frowned and muttered a curse under his breath obviously annoyed that it was exactly 8:25. Not 8:24 or 8:26 but a perfect 8:25.
Seto Kaiba was very annoyed.
A few moments later, he checked his watch again: 8:25am.
'Why the fuck is it still 8:25? How long does a fucking minute take?' He thought.
Another few moments later, he, again, checked his watch: 8:25am.
"HOW THE FUCK?" He yelled, clearly annoyed. In a fit of frustration Seto Kaiba ripped his watch off his wrist, threw it on the floor and stepped on it.
He stepped on it again.
And again.
And again.
Until finally, getting annoyed, he ended up jumping on it a number of times.
The watch read: 8:25am.
"ARGH!" He yelled into the skies, causing pigeons to flutter from the buildings nearby.
Kaiba eyed the watch evilly.
8:25am.
In an act of pure rage, he grabbed his hair and pulled on it. Unknowingly, Kaiba managed to pull a clump of it out.
Spitting on the watch and hurriedly taking another watch from the inside of his trenchcoat, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
He was very annoyed.
As he started down the pavement again, his new watch on his wrist, a man stopped him briefly.
"Excuse me, would you happen to know the time?" The man asked, pointing to his wrist.
Seto Kaiba watched the man's finger point to his wrist again, and again, and again. The gesture of this man's finger annoyed him considerably.
He kept his gaze on the finger as it tapped this man's wrist.
Finally, after gazing at this gesture for a few moments he switched his gaze to the man as his brow furrowed in rage.
Seto Kaiba was very, very, very annoyed.
"I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Huh? HUH?" He said, his voice gradually getting louder.
The man blinked and stepped back.
"Er.."
"DO I POINT AT MY CROTCH WHEN I ASK WHERE THE TOILET IS?" Kaiba screamed at the man causing him to run down the pavement past him.
The breeze that swept upon Seto Kaiba as this man ran by him annoyed him.
It annoyed him so much that he decided to take a day off work and go back home. After all, he was incredibly frustrated.
When he got home, to his rather large mansion, which was so large it annoyed him, he found Mokuba sitting on the couch staring mindlessly at the television.
Deciding against going to work in his room, he sat down beside Mokuba and stared at the television which was currently showing a car chase. Cars annoyed Seto Kaiba. They reminded him of bald people. What was so annoying about bald people? Nothing. But to Seto Kaiba, on one of these days, EVERYTHING!
"Change the channel, Mokuba," he demanded in a calm, monotone voice.
Mokuba simply gawked at the screen, not blinking once.
"I SAID CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL, MOKUBA!" Kaiba screamed causing his younger sibling to jump, reviving him from his trance.
"Ok, big brother," he replied shakily, "just as soon as I find the remote." With that he got up and searched the room for the television's remote control.
This annoyed Kaiba greatly.
Choosing to ignore the frustration and rage dwelling and bubbling up inside him, Kaiba tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch.
Mokuba searched high and low for the remote, but to no avail. However, he kept looking, determined to find it.
Seto Kaiba was annoyed. This annoyed him more than the bald man did. But the bald man still did annoy him a considerable amount.
Mokuba still hadn't found the remote.
Seto was angry. In a fit of frustration he grabbed the cushion next to him and threw it at his brother, rising to his feet. As the soft, round-edged cushion collided with the younger Kaiba's head he turned around to face Seto.
"Mokuba, you're looking all over the fucking room for the fucking remote when you can just fucking change the fucking channel MANUALLY!" Kaiba bellowed.
The sibling blinked and did as his brother suggested.
Seto peered at the corner of the screen, which told the time…8:25am.
"HOW THE FUCK?" He yelled. This annoyed him so much that he stormed out of the room.
As Kaiba was about to walk upstairs he felt Mokuba tugging at his trench coat.
"Big brother! I found the remote! It's always in the last place you look," he stated excitedly.
Kaiba rolled his eyes. Mokuba was annoying him.
"Of course it is, Mokuba. Why the fuck would you keep looking for it after you found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?" With that said, well...screamed, Kaiba stomped up the stairs and into his bedroom.
Every little thing bugged him today.
After a little while of brooding in his forsaken bedroom, he decided to cheer himself up with a trip to the movies. However, he was fully prepared to walk as not to be pestered by the annoyingly bald limo driver.
What was wrong with bald limo drivers, you ask? Everything, to Seto Kaiba at least, as today everything annoyed him.
As he stepped outside onto the pavement he couldn't help but notice the reading on the town's clock-tower…8:25am.
"FUCK!" Seto yelled to the heavens and beyond, clutching his head in great annoyance.
After a long, annoying walk Seto Kaiba finally reached the movie theatre. As he walked in and confronted the ticket-selling-guy annoyed, he realised that this annoying person was BALD. BALD and ANNOYING.
The annoying, bald ticket-selling-guy noticed Seto and smiled…Much to Seto's annoyance.
As he was greatly, greatly annoyed he bought the ticket quickly and turned on his heel to leave but, just out of annoying curiosity, he decided to ask the annoying, bald ticket-selling-guy a valuable question.
"What's the time?"
Annoyingly, the bald guy checked his watch, which reminded Seto, with great frustration, the guy who had pointed to his wrist when asking him for the time.
"Sir, I believe it to be 8:25am," the annoying, bald ticket-selling-guy perked up. Suddenly, his cheerfulness was dissipated as the anger and frustration was seen to be building up in the CEO's eyes.
"HOW THE FUCK IS IT STILL 8:25AM?" Seto yelled, causing everyone in the area around him to stop and stare with shocking anxiety due to his publicised obscenity
Seto noticed this...and it annoyed him...greatly.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT!" After receiving nothing but fearful stares he trudged off to watch the movie.
He didn't seem to be able to enjoy the movie. Anger was still bubbling through his veins from the previous event.
Finally, much to his further frustration, a man sitting next to Seto leaned over to him obviously trying to be friendly.
"Wow, did you see that, mate?"
He was obviously indicating the part of the movie with the most computerised graphics, which Seto could perfect in minutes.
His eyes wandered sideways to the man who was awaiting his answer yet not realising what he was now in for...
"No, loser, I paid £6 to sit and stare at the fucking floor!"
"I was only saying, mate."
He had replied.
No one was ever meant to reply to one of Seto Kaiba's insults.
This was just it. Insolence. This was just what annoyed Seto Kaiba the most aside from annoying, bald people.
"WELL, DON'T FUCKING SAY, MATE, JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Listen, mate, you should calm down. People are starting to stare. If I were you, I'd get anger management. There's a service called AngerNoMore. They're new and improved!" The guy stated.
"New and fucking improved? New OR improved! WHICH IS IT! If it's new, then there has never been anything before it! If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it to improve, you fucking dumbass!"
With that said, with extreme frustration, he stormed out.
Everything was annoying him today. Was everyone out to annoy him?
Obviously they were.
Stupid fucking world. They were just all jealous. 'Jealous because THEY AREN'T FUCKING RICH LIKE ME!' He thought, with frustration wafting along the corridors of his annoyed mind.
Seto Kaiba was very annoyed.
He reached his mansion again and trudged inside with heavy, annoying footsteps.
Mokuba, obviously hearing Seto's arrival, skipped up to him, much to Seto's annoyance, and smiled up at him somewhat nervously.
"Big brotheeerrrr? Can I ask you a questiooooon?"
Seto blinked and stared down at the younger version of him.
"You didn't really give me a fucking chance there, did you, Mokuba?"
Without a second glance and another word he swiftly walked past Mokuba and proceeded to his room once again for brooding.
However, the moment Seto slammed the door closed, it opened revealing his brother once again.
Greatly annoyed, Seto frowned and rubbed his temples with his fingers soothingly. It didn't work, it just made him realise he needed to cut his nails.
Mokuba plopped himself down on Seto's bed and motioned him to sit down next to him.
Seto refused.
"Ok then, stand. Seto...I need to talk to you..."
"Are you here to give me a fucking lecture, Mokuba? Because if so-"
"No." Mokuba intercepted, causing Seto to become all the more annoyed. "Seto, the company phoned up today wondering where you were. You seemed to be annoyed today. Do you want to talk about it?"
"We fucking are right now, aren't we?"
Mokuba sighed and shook his head.
"Big brother...Life is short...and..."
"Mokuba, what the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What the fuck can you do that's longer!"
Taking in, and taking advantage of, the fact that Mokuba was too stunned to say anything, he slipped out of his room, walked downstairs, slammed the front door open and slammed it shut again as he walked through the annoyingly gold-decorated doorway in restrained frustration.
He was going to work. Maybe firing people would rid him of his frustrating annoyance.
He wasn't going to walk, nor was he going to put up with the annoying, bald limousine driver. He was going to take the bus.
The bus stop.
So annoyingly graffitied and smashed up yet this was the closest one to his home.
Seto took a seat, which was annoyingly uncomfortable, and waited.
Dare he check his watch?
8:25am.
'1... 2... 3... 4...'
Seto was attempting counting in his mind to ease him anger yet each number made it worse.
It was then, to Seto's greatest annoyance, a man came running up to the bus stop and sat down next to him.
"Has the bus come yet?" The man asked.
Seto was sure smoke would erupt from his ears and his vein would stick out of his temple due to how much frustration channelled through him at that moment.
"IF THE BUS CAME, WOULD I BE FUCKING WAITING HERE, DUMBASS!"
As Seto raised his hands in a fit of frustration he couldn't help but notice the reading still on his watch.
8:25am.
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What's the moral of this story? Well, I'm sorry but there isn't one. Only this: Frustration is a fucking fickle friend…Try saying that fast 10 times.