Yo and hello peoples! This is my first YGO fanfic! Now I'll tell you right off the bat that this is hardly serious…the idea came to me once in biology class while I was talking to my friend Alex about our favorite little ancient Egyptian homos! Hehe! Just remember none of this is to be taken to offense it's all in fun…so please don't flame me! Oh and for this fic all the Yami's have their own bodies!
WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS HARSH LANGUAGE, YAOI THEMES, INUENDO, MAJOR TEA/ANZU BASHING, SOME SLIGHT Serenity BASHING AS WELL!
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO because if I did it would be really screwed up!
Ch.1 Wangsta Alert!
It was a warm summer day in the tranquil suburbs of West Virginia…unfortunately that has nothing to do with this story! Anyway…. Once upon a time in the home of Seto Kaiba…
KNOCK! KNOCK! Came a loud thumping noise coming from the front door of the Kaiba estate, Seto Kaiba sat leisurely on the sofa of his living room painting his nails. "Do-do-da-do…and a bottle of pudding! Oh baby yeah! And marshmallow pie…yeah, yeah!" The brunette CEO sang to himself in a bubbly little voice as he applied a third coat of translucent pearl nail polish on his finger.
KNOCK! KNOCK! The loud knocking caused the CEO to jump slightly and smudge his pinky nail "DAMN! That was the third coat! Not the first…the second…but the THIRD!" the tall duelist hissed maniacally as he through his nail supplies to the side.
Kaiba paused and sniffed the air cautiously "hmmm…. I smell…poor people…" Seto whispered to himself as he looked around shiftily. Seto dropped to the ground and did a 007 roll over to the front door before standing up and proceeding to open it, "HI!" Ryou, Anzu, Joey, and Yami all chimed. Seto sweat dropped "what the hell are you people doing here?" Seto asked as the four newcomers ran past him and into the house, "we came here to see you FRIEND isn't it okay for your FRIENDS to visit you at you're FRIENDly house!" Anzu asked Kaiba in that normal annoying voice she always used.
Kaiba frowned at the drooling psychotic girl "um…SECURITY!" he yelled. Suddenly two flying monkey's from the wizard of oz materialized on either side of the busty friendship whore and grabbed her arms before disappearing into the night…. or the front door…whatever! "Anyways…we're here cause Yug told us ta meet 'im ova at your place…he said he had sumthin to show us," Joey said as he lay back on the couch and began channel surfing. Yami was currently fixing his hair in the small compact mirror he had produced from his pocket while Ryou skipped around the living room singing Madonna's "material girl" in his weird British dubbed voice.
Kaiba grumbled at the sight before him and sat down on the couch beside Joey "move over wheeler" Seto said coldly to the blonde laying beside him, "aww…but Kaiba…" Joey pouted. "Don't make me get the leash puppy," Kaiba threatened causing Joey to whimper and sit up. Suddenly Anzu busted through the window wearing a McDonalds uniform and holding a pair of gopher chucks "I have returned my FRIENDS!" she cackled like Rosie O' Donald.
Ryou stopped his prancing and shrieked before hiding behind Yami "oh my friggin gosh! Where did she come from!" Yami gasped overly dramatic in his deep dubbed voiced. Seto stood up and faced the busty brunette "I thought I sent you back to hell?" he asked suspiciously and Anzu simply smiled and began to stroke her gopher chucks "awww such cute little FRIENDS you are…lets have some fun…FRIENDS" she cooed as she licked the little mammals happily. "We already tried sending her to hell remember? Satan got so pissed with all her friendship crap that he banned her from hell" Joey sighed as they watched Anzu molest her gopher chucks.
Suddenly Yami jumped up and threw a chicken leg out the window and Anzu chased after leaving a trail of friendship juice behind. Seto inspected the large bubbling puddle of friendship juice on the carpet and sighed angrily "damn it! That was new carpeting! Gross now we'll catch friendship diseases!" Seto whined as he jumped up on the couch like the germaphobe he is. "MOKUBA! Get me a scrub brush and a bottle of disinfectant! The BIG one!" Seto yelled up the stairs to the younger Kaiba.
"Aight Yo, I be there in a second ya 'eard me?" came a loud ghetto ass voice from upstairs, Joey and the others exchanged looks "aight? What does that mean?" Ryou asked as he twirled a strand of pale platinum hair around his index finger. Suddenly the sound of footsteps descending the stairs echoed through the room "Yo…where you at bro?" Mokuba asked as he walked into the living room. Seto nearly chocked on his own spit (A/N: ew!) as he saw his young brother enter the room dressed in a big black t-shirt with baggy denim jeans and a backwards baseball cap. Mokuba had a diamond stud in his left ear and gold chains around his neck "Yo bro I couldn't find dat cleanin shizzat" the young Kaiba as he leaned against the wall.
"M-Mokuba…. what the hell did you do to yourself?" Seto asked, as he was too stunned to really form more intelligent sentences. Mokuba looked at Seto like he was a damn fool "I aint do nuttin', I was just upstairs chillin' and talking to one of my honeys on da cell…. oh hey J-dizzle, Y-fizzle, R-hizzle…. what's poppin?" the raven haired Kaiba asked as he noticed the other three guys in the room. "Whoa…I think you're brother just spoke another language" Ryou said as he sat mystified on the couch. Suddenly the doorbell rang "I'll get it homie!" Mokuba said as he walked off to go get the door…. falling in the process due to his jeans being so damn baggy.
"Hey whaz up dawg?" came a new voice as Mokuba closed the door again and headed back into the living room with none other than…Yugi! Yugi was wearing a white wife beater with baggy denim jeans and mounds of bling around his neck, "Oh no…not the midget too!" Seto gasped as he saw the tri colored haired boy enter with Mokuba. "Who you callin a midget bitch? Betta check Yo self fo you reck yo self-homie" Yugi said hostilely as he flashed a gold capped grin at the rich brunette.
"Yugi, have you been sniffing Yami's hair spray again?" Ryou asked curiously from his spot on the couch, Yami perked up from his stupor and glared at the albino boy "excuse you? I don't use any product in my hair…my luscious locks are naturally this full and bouncy" Yami said with a huff as he crossed his arms over his chest. Ryou scoffed "yeah right…look it's nothing to be ashamed about I'm sure Yugi doesn't mind high maintenance guys" Ryou said snarkily.
Yami stood up and stepped up in Ryou's face "oh yeah…well at least I pride myself in looking good…it's a good thing Bakura must like that trailer trash look" Yami said harshly and Ryou gasped highly offended. "Damn! He dissed you big time dawg…you just gonna let him do you like that?" Mokuba asked as he sat beside Joey, Seto, and Yugi who were all eating popcorn and watching the cat fight. Ryou pushed Yami slightly "well at least Bakura doesn't have to spend all his time on some card game to have fun…I keeps my man Sa-Tis-Fied" Ryou said as he snapped his fingers in a "z" pattern.
"OOOOOOOH HOUSE!" Mokuba and Seto chorused, "Yup…definite diss…you better go defend your man Yug" Joey whispered in his friend's ear. Yugi stood up brushed a little dirt off his shoulder and sauntered over to his boo and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist. "Look you little two dolla ho…you just jealous because I get to tap this fine ass every night!" Yugi said as he slapped Yami on the butt causing the ex Pharaoh to jump slightly.
Ryou suddenly became so flustered that every orifice in his body closed up and he exploded into a pile of muffins. Suddenly Snoop dog and a truckload of hookers busted through the door, "mmm the snoop doggizzle smells sum tastizzle muffizzles fo rizzle dizzles" the scrawny rapper said. Then he and all his scientifically enhanced hoes attacked the pile of muffins that were once our little pale friend Ryou, "whoa…how did a platinum rap artist from the U.S suddenly appear in my house?" Seto asked to know one in particular.
(Chizz: umm…err…Internet)
"Ooooooh ok!" the simple minded duelists chimed "hey…did you's just call us dumb or sumpthin?" Joey demanded…oh wait is he talking to me? (Chrono walks into the room and nods) Ohm…. ok…wait…Chrono! (Glomps Chrono…proceeds to rape and molest) "Eww…bitch you is crazy" Mokuba says while getting a massage from a big hootered hooker named Cherry. (Chizz: I know that! And there's nothing you can do about it bitches! Muwahahahahaha! Hahahahacough bleggg…err hairball…. uhh…. anyway)
Suddenly FBI agents appear and sprinkle fairy dust over the living room and Snoop doggy Dog and hookers all disappear. "Wow…that was weird" Seto whispered to himself and the other's nod. "Yugi…I cant believe you slapped my ass! That was so unlike you…it was kind of…cool" Yami said seductively as he caressed his little hikari's cheek. Yugi smiled "yeah well you know baby…I got da magic stick…so uh…how bout I take you to da candy shop" Yugi winked suggestively as he kissed Yami's neck sensually.
The others were all shocked…except for Mokuba who was still getting a massage…hey! (Chizz: Yo bitch! Get Yo skanky track mark ridden ass up out of here…you're bit in the story ended like forever ago!) The hooker stops molesting the young boy's back and readjusts her booty shorts before walking dejectedly out the door "call me Serenity!" Mokuba yelled after the girl. "Hey…you don't think that was…" Joey started but no one paid attention because…aw hell we all knew Serenity was a slut…going blind my ass!
Anyway… "Oh Yugi…that was the corniest, lamest come on I've ever heard…but somehow that turns me on…" Yami declared as he leapt into the shorter boy's arms and proceeded to ravage each other like horny toads on horny pills in horny land!
"Yo man…this shit is mad boring fo rizzle Yo" Mokuba sighed as he kicked his nasty air force ones up on the table and started flippin listening to a C-murder CD. Seto sighed defeated "damn it…I knew I shouldn't have ordered BET" he mumbled to himself. All of a sudden a group of black lawyers materialized out of nowhere "excuse me…what was that you said?" one of them said while holding a paper with the words "Lawsuit" written on it.
(Chizz: Oh please! You aren't offended…you know damn well some white dude owns BET)
The lawyers shrug and disappear, suddenly a rumbling noise is heard from outside. "Damn…somehow I know my house shall suffer" Seto sobbed into his fuzzy pink shag carpet. And he was right…poor bastard…just then none other than our favorite pedophiliac homo Pegasus came bursting through the wall in his big blue smurf mobile! "Hello boys!" the white haired freak said in his usual creepy child molesting voice causing Joey to scream like a forth grade girl whose sister just cut off her Malibu Barbie's head.
"PEGASUS!" Yami growled as he stood up from his make out session with Yugi and tried to re zipper his pants, the others stood up and took defensive stances as well "what the hell do you want ya sheep fucking freak?" Joey spat venomously. Pegasus pouted, "hey that was only one time and I was really drunk!" the older man protested. "Hah! Suuure and Joey's sister isn't a whore…yeah right!" Seto retorted, Joey looked hurt for a second "hey! That's a lie my little sis isn't a slut!" Joey defended. "Like hell she isn't!" Merik scoffed as he appeared behind Pegasus, "whoa…where in the heavenly chicken flavored name of Samuel L. Jackson's boxer shorts did you come from?" Yami asked dumbfounded.
Everyone looks at Merik then Merik looks at the authoress…then everyone looks at the authoress. (Chizz: um…the power of the gerbils who live in my pants?) The others shrugged seeming to be satisfied with the answer "anyway…like I said your sister is a slut wheeler! She's like a door knob.everybody's had a turn…in fact I banged her skanky ass last night!" Merik declared. Joey scoffed "hah! Oh yeah well that's where ya wrong…that was my mom!" Joey said proudly and everyone chose to ignore that little outburst.
"Anyway…. I came with a proposition for you and your little friends Yugi-boy" Pegasus said as he cast a leering gaze over the young duelist's body…thinking…. um…naughty things. "Well what is it bitch we aint got all day…I'm supposed to be meetin my boys down at da club in like a hour" Mokuba grunted as he finally joined the conversation. Pegasus contemplated the boy's words before twisting his face in a sinister smirk "ok…I propose…that we all…GO TO LAS VEGAS!" he sang out in a girly voice.
Seto blinked…Mokuba blinked…Joey blinked…then Yami blinked, Merik was torturing some small animals and touching up his eyeliner. "Las Vegas…?" Yugi asked slowly suddenly Yugi and Joey turned and looked at each other with starry eyes "HELL YEAH! ROAD TRIP!" they squealed like junior high girls as they hugged each other while jumping up and down screaming like their rich uncle had finally died and they were inheriting Disney land!
Pegasus smiled triumphantly "so…what do you say?" he asked creepily. All eyes turned to Seto who seemed to be the one with the largest percentage of active brain cells left so he was ultimately the leader, Seto raised a considering eyebrow "well…ok" the CEO replied and a round of cheering was released throughout the room. 'Dear lord. What the hell have I gotten myself into' the eldest Kaiba thought
A/N: Ok lol I know that was hella weird and maybe dumb…oh well I had to get this off my mind ya know? Oh and no offense about the BET thing but…well yeah half my family are BET addicts and so I just know these things. Lol! Well if you liked it I'll continue but if you didn't I'll leave it be as a one shot or delete it! This is my first Yu Gi Oh fic and my friends thought it was funny so I posted it! Ha…well please REVIEW SO I KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO CONTINUE!
Love, Chizz