Disclaimer- I own nothing... I bet you're wondering how I typed this without a computer, aren't you? Well, I guess you could say I own that, but some of the lines of this story and the charachters are just being borrowed
a/n: The fic begins in Rome. It's while Lorelai and Rory are in Europe of course, and it's Lorelai's POV (may change to Luke's at some point, but I'll give you a heads up if so). This is a total JJ fic, and if you're anti-LL, beware! Will definitely have LL hook-up, but I'm not sure when yet. R+R, please! And Enjoy.
"So if I don't see you, have fun on your trip with Nicole."
"Oh, we may not go now."
"What? You were really looking forward to it."
"I don't know if the timing's right, and... things are kinda weird right now."
"Oh no."
"What?"
"It's because I teased you about the commitment thing and proposing. I ruined it."
"No, that's not it."
"Please, promise me that's not it. It would break my heart."
"But you weren't wrong about that. It got me thinking and it is kind of like committing to her."
"So?"
"I don't wanna lead her on."
"But you like her, Luke. You like her a lot, ...don't you?"
"Yeah, she's great."
"Then go. No matter what she's reading into it."
"Really? You think that's okay considering... I don't know... everything?
"Yeah, I do."
"Oh, okay. I'll probably go then."
"Good."
"I guess I was just nervous about nothing."
"That's what I think, too."
"I'll see you in a couple months."
"Yeah, I'll see you then."
God! I must have played this scene in my head a million times, and each time I feel stupider and stupider. I need to think before I speak!
I hate the way when I close my eyes all I can see is Luke leaving me, walking away again and again. It plays over and over, and I just can't stop it. Usually when I picture Luke walking away it isn't as painful as this- it's usually a pretty pleasant sight. And now... Ugh! I'm in Rome. I shouldn't be thinking about lost love or whatever the hell I'm thinking about... Is that what this is? Lost Love?
No way. I don't love Luke. I've never loved Luke. I mean I must admit I like him an awful lot for just being friends, but I don't love... Luke... At least I hope not. That could complicate things, ...thoughts.
"Everything"- I now officially hate that word, and Luke for choosing it. Everything could mean anything he wanted it to mean. How is Little Ol' Me supposed to know what his "everything" is? God! He can be so frustratingly cryptic sometimes! Okay, so let's think about this logically "everything" could mean- (A) him not loving Nicole, (B) him not being ready for commitment, (C) him not being the criuse-y type (Yeah, I know. It's not too likely), or (D) him not wanting to lead on another woman when he's in love with someone else... meaning me... I wonder how likely it is that it was the last one. God, I just hate to think what he's doing right now... or who. Ugh! That image is gonna be in my head forever now- eww!
Why am I doing this? Maybe, he didn't go after all. Maybe, ...hopefully, I'm worrying about nothing. Then again he could also have just proposed to her.
I'm stirred from my insane thoughts, when Rory asks what we should do for lunch. We must have been sitting on this bench for a while. I hope she's not too bored with me. "Um, food would be good." I notice just how hungry I am.
"Possibly the reason I asked. Connect the dots, Missy."
I'm still staring at my shoes.
"Mom? You okay?... Are you thinking about Luke again?"
"What? How did you know what- um, who I was thinking about."
"I didn't really, but you just told me... Plus, last night you dreamt about him- dirty too. Either that or you were having a conversation with someone and saying his name an awful lot."
Oh my god! "I didn't know I talked in my sleep"
"Well, it's okay cause you don't."
"You just said—"
"It's more like moaning or yelling."
"God!"
Rory tries to duplicate said screams, "Luke, Luke, oh, Luke!"
"Shut up!"
"You're blushing."
"You're lying... Aren't you?"
"Not really... I had to put my pillow over my head to shield myself from the trauma."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Well, you sounded like you were enjoying yourself. I didn't want to ruin it for you."
I shake my head at her, cause I can't believe she's acually saying this, but then I remember my dream from the night before, and I end up being pretty glad she didn't wake me up. "Yeah, okay thanks."
"That calls for an 'eww!'. So what were you thinking about just now? You look kinda sad."
"Yeah, well he and I had a little discussion after the graduation ceremony, and I said some stupid stuff."
"Really? That's so unlike you."
"Are you not gonna help?"
"Okay, I know you 'need help', but what do you want me to do? Take your mind off him?"
"I want to talk about it. I mean I already feel like I'm talking to myself."
"You haven't really said anything to yourself or to me."
"In my head, Smarty Pants."
"Really? That actually is unlike you, cause usually if you're gonna talk to yourself, you're gonna do it aloud so you'll be annoying everyone around you. You know- killing two birds with one stone."
"Oh, don't kill the birdie!"
"You're frustrating."
So is Luke.
"... Sooo."
"Yeah?"
"You said you wanted to talk about Luke?"
"Over lunch, okay?"
"Fine with me, but again the question comes up- where shall we eat?"
Reviews are my Lorelai's coffee... or something like that. Although, I love coffee as well... My point is both keep me going, so leave a review... and some coffee if you wish!