Trickle - 1 - Dreamers

[She completely held his world together.]

April 3

This morning, I woke up without a struggle. I don't know, for some reason it felt like there was something to wake up for. But when I got out of bed, and made my morning cup of coffee, I sat back and realized that things are still the same. Things are always the same. I would roam Balamb Garden like I usually do, giving my little "Please don't run in the hall" speeches and my occasional "Hello's" to the students that passed me.

I was hoping that I would run into him today and catch him doing something that I could scold him for. I guess the only reason I actually want to yell at him is because he'll stand there and actually argue back--well, not really argue, more like convince me that he would never do a bad thing. It's weird; sometimes I actually believe that he would never do a bad thing, but when I look at the scar carved into his face I'm brought back to my senses.

I wonder where he is. Today seems so empty without his little cocky comebacks stuck in the back of my head.

.

I closed the cover of the hardback book that held everything about me inside. The outside was torn and tattered, dying and used; struggling to still hold all the pages; those pages that contained everything. In a way, the book sort of resembled me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm ready to just let go. To let everything out to somebody, anybody. But so far nobody is willing to listen.

My hair was starting to fall out of the bun that I carefully took my time doing this morning. It was driving me mad. Always falling into my face, and tickling my cheeks. That feeling reminded me of my childhood. Playing in the sand with Squall, flirting with him, chasing him, getting to know him...touching him.

I slammed my hand down on the desk, reached behind my head and pulled the pin that was half-way falling out of my hair off. Golden hair fell back against my neck. I loved those days, they were the best. But how could something so good be so painful to remember?

It was only 9:37 p.m. but I felt like I had gone days without sleeping. The moon was shining through my window and my bed was calling my name, but in a strange way I didn't want to sleep. I didn't really feel like dreaming and there was nothing to look forward to the next day, so what's the point?

The room was too silent and dark. It was hard to breathe in a place like this even though I grew up in these kinds of rooms. I decided to go outside.

Outside of my room the halls were very quiet; it was worse than my room. I stopped and wondered for awhile where everyone was, but then I remembered that there was a field exam the next day and everyone needed the rest. Good thing it wasn't my class. I don't really feel like instructing students and informing them about the "Dangers in Battle".

Breathing in deeply; this addicting silence, I continued walking down the hall.

I wanted to talk to someone, but whom? Zell is probably asleep or too busy with his metal knuckles and punching bags to carry an interesting conversation. Selphie and Irvine were probably out partying. Rinoa and Squall? Who knows? Maybe I should walk past his room, just in case.

I stepped quietly through the halls trying to not let my footsteps echo through the building. I could see his door from here. To my surprise, it suddenly opened. Stopping in my tracks, I stood there and waited to see who it was.

Squall, without his jacket on, in a white T-shirt, his boots and his black jeans. He looked so naked without grayish-brown fur surrounding his face. He turned around slowly; facing the door to make sure it would shut quietly.

I still stood there not saying anything, hoping he would notice me and actually talk to me. I was kind of wondering where he was going too.

After letting go of the doorknob slowly, he was about to turn and walk down the hall when he turned quickly and looked at me.

"Wow, you scared me." He said startled, his voice breaking the silence

"Sorry, didn't mean to...where are you going?"

"I'm thirsty." He said laughing and shaking his hand. I could hear the change swishing around in his fist.

"Ah, alright...you're so secretive about it; I thought maybe you were planning on escaping from Rinoa or something." I said giving a fake little laugh at my own pathetic joke.

He gave a vague smile and looked down.

I stepped towards him so we didn't have to talk so loud. Our voices weren't really loud, it just seemed that way to me.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked with a concerned look.

"Oh, got bored, I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a little walk." I said tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

He nodded.

"Well, you can walk with me to the soda machines outside, if you want to."

Does this mean he wanted to talk to me? Was he just feeling sorry for me? Will he actually listen if I try to talk to him?

"-noa's sleeping and I have to hurry back in case she wakes up."

I blinked slowly and came back to reality. I didn't really catch what he just said, but I nodded and smiled as if I did.

"Sure, I'll walk with you."

He smiled and waited for me to take my first step down the hall.

We didn't really talk about much on our way outside. We just spoke of little things; like the field exam tomorrow, how Rinoa's been really tired a lot lately, how Selphie and Irvine spend too much time outside of Balamb late at night, things like that. The conversation was so pointless.

I was hoping I'd run into someone else that I could talk to. It's not that Squall wasn't great company; I was just getting tired of hearing of his days with the "great and beautiful" Rinoa.

Yeah, I guess I was jealous. In fact, I knew I was. Here I spent my whole life trying to open him up and trying to make him see how much he meant to me, but nothing seemed to shake him. He didn't know Rinoa that long, but I could tell even when he denied his feelings that she completely held his world together.

Rinoa is a great person. She's so easy to love, but then again so easy to hate. She had everything.

I sighed

"--Work to do, and I just got this incredible craving for something cold and in a can---"

He stopped talking, and gave a quick glance at me.

"I'm sorry; I know I ramble a lot late at night."

"No, no, it's not that..." I added reassuringly. "I just have a LOT of work to do, and I'm wondering how I'm going to get it all done."

That lie was so easy to see through. I wonder if he could see how bored I was getting.

He didn't say anything.

We finally reached the soda machines. He inserted the change quickly. One of the quarters fell back into the change slot. Casually and a bit embarrassed, he put it back into the little slit.

It came back out.

He let out a frustrated sigh.

I reached out and grabbed the quarter before he could.

"Here, let me try."

I raised the coin to my mouth and licked the quarter.

He stood there with a nervous look on his face. I'm not sure what he was thinking; "Oh, here goes Quistis, trying to work her charm on me again."

I laughed.

"Relax Squall; it's a trick I learned from somebody."

I placed the quarter into the slit and listened to it slide down the machine. It worked.

He stood there amazed.

I laughed and moved a little piece of hair away from my eyebrow.

"Are you going to choose what soda you want?"

"Oh, right, right." He laughed.

After the little scenario at the soda machines was over, we headed back inside the building.

"Hey! What are you guys doing out here this late?!"

We stopped in our tracks. We didn't need to turn around, we could already tell by the excited-ness in her voice which student was behind us.

She ran in front of us. Her yellow dress looked dim and her usual soft bouncy hair looked a bit tangled and matted to her head.

"I think the better question is, what are you doing out this late, looking like you were rolling around in a pile of bushes?" Squall asked laughing and throwing his soda can from one hand to the other.

Selphie ran her fingers through her hair trying to de-tangle it.

"Oh--nothing, Irvine and I got a little bored and there was this little party some kids were holding outside of Balamb and we decided to go."

Squall and I looked at each other with the kind of "I know what they did at the party" smiles.

It got silent.

"Where's Irvine?" I asked breaking the quietness that came too often.

"Back there." She pointed towards the soda machines to a stumbling, drunk looking Irvine.

We all stood and watched him approach, making sure none of us had to run up to him and catch him from tripping over the smallest things.

Squall let out a laugh like that's what he was expecting.

"Well Selphie, we have to be heading back inside." He added.

"Oh. Alright, well see you guys later." Selphie said happily, but still staring at Irvine with a concerned face.

Squall started walking, but stopped when he saw that I wasn't following.

I turned and looked at him

"Oh! Don't worry about me; I think I'm going to just hang out here for a bit."

He got a disappointed look on his face and kept on walking.

"Alright, I'll see you later then." He called back.

I turned back around and noticed that Selphie was over by the soda machines now carrying Irvine back like a wounded soldier; with one of his arms around her neck and her arm around his waist.

He was walking slowly and it was keeping her from getting to me.

I suddenly saw a shadowy character a little bit behind them. Although it was dim-lit outside, I could tell who it was by the way he walked so quickly and confidently.

A smile grew upon my lips.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't the Instructor herself! What're you doing out at this time? Meeting somebody?" His cocky voice sounded so calming to me.

I stared at him for awhile, trying to erase my smile but I couldn't help it.

He raised his eyebrows and waited for my response.

I looked behind him at Selphie and Irvine who were now close to us and looked back at him.

He gave them a quick glance and looked back at me.

"Are you not going to talk tonight, or what?" He asked, sounding a little annoyed.

I opened my mouth to answer him.

"I'm out here beca--"

"I'm going to take Irvine to his room, he needs to sleep."

"Of course." I said nodding my head; glad that she cut into what I was going to say to Seifer. I didn't really know what I was going to say to him anyway.

I looked at him.

He was giving Irvine a disgusted look, like he was a bug found in a drink.

Irvine was oblivious to what was going on around him. He didn't say anything.

"Bye Quisty!"

Selphie completely ignored Seifer, maybe she saw the way he was looking at Irvine.

I looked down embarrassed. I didn't really like the fact that she called me Quisty. Seifer just looked at me, pressing his lips tight trying not to laugh at my little pet name. Oh great, he just discovered a new thing he didn't know about me that he won't let go of for days.

["It's taken me all this time, to find out what I needed."]
-Bush