The Tomb of Tutankitty
by Squeaky

*Laverne and Shirley's Apartment*

Laverne is crouched looking for something underneath the couch. Shirley walks slowly out of her room.

Shirley: (defeated, shrieking) He's gone, Laverne. He's gone! Gone, gone, GONE!!!

Laverne: He isn't here either, Shirl

Shirley: (breaking down) Oh, where oh where could he possibly be?

Laverne puts her arm around her friend.

Laverne: Aw, Shirl, don't cry. We'll just keep lookin'. He's gotta be here somewhere.

Shirley: We've looked all over the place.

Laverne: Well he couldn't just have walked out of here, Shirl. Listen I'm gonna start makin' dinner. We'll keep looking for Boo Boo Kitty later.

Laverne goes to the kitchen and Shirley stays behind. She sits on the couch.

Shirley: What if someone stole Boo Boo Kitty? Maybe the mafia took him, or maybe aliens.

Laverne: Quit yappin' about that crazy stuff, Shirl. Lenny and Squiggy are looking for it in their apartment. It probably got mixed with Squiggy's clothes after you ripped apart his laundry bag yesterday.

Shirley: It was an accident.

Laverne crosses her arms.

Shirley: Don't look at me like that, Laverne. He said I was cranky and I don't get CRANKY!

Laverne: Fine you don't get cranky. And don't you be getting all worked up, you hear me? We'll find him, you'll see.

Shirley is lying down and fast asleep.

Laverne: Hey, Shirl… Shirl? Ain't you gonna help me here in the kitchen? (to herself) How can she fall asleep so fast?

Shirley: (mumbling) Boo Boo… Boo Boo…

DISSOLVE TO:

*King Tut's Tomb - 1922*

Lenny is Howard Carter & Squiggy is Lord G.E. Carnarvon, famous archeologists.

Squiggy: (British accent) At last, my dear Howard, we have found the tomb of Tutankhamen!

Lenny: Why are you talkin' funny?

Squiggy: (normal accent) I ain't takin' funny; it's my British accent.

Lenny: Oh. How come I ain't got no accent?

Squiggy: Never mind.

Lenny walks to the right side and looks at all the treasure.

Lenny: Wow, look at all this junk.

Squiggy: (irritated) Gold, gold, gold… We always find gold.

Lenny: Ain't this supposed to be our big discovery? This ain't not different from the Hap--Haps--Hup---

Squiggy: Hatshepsut temple.

Lenny: Gabless you.

Squiggy: Thank you. There must be something of greater value here. This tomb has remained intact for three thousand years!

Lenny: No wonder it's all dusty.

Squiggy: Look!

Lenny: What? You mean the six feet ruby-decorated golden statue?

Squiggy: No, behind it.

Lenny finds and grabs Tuntankitty.

Lenny: It's a stuffed cat.

Squiggy: Come, Howard. Let us take this fake feline and show the world our great discovery!

Lenny: What about the gold?

Squiggy: Who cares? We have found---

Voice: TUTANKITTY!!!!

The ground begins to shake and the two archeologists rock back and forth.

Squiggy: The tomb is collapsing!

Lenny: Let's get out of here before this thing falls apart.

Squiggy: Every man for himself!

The rumble ceases.

A mummy appears, walking slowly, steadily toward the two scared men. They shake and throw back and forth Boo Boo Kitty.

Lenny: It's all yours!

Squiggy: No, you keep it.

Lenny throws it and the mummy grabs it. Squiggy gets hold of the mummy and starts pulling on the bandages. The mummy begins to spin and Lenny grabs Boo Boo Kitty. The men gasp. The mummy is no other than…

Shirley: (forcing a care-free laughter) Hello, gentlemen. Sorry if I scared you. See, my name is Shirley Feeney. I'm from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. That cat you found isn't Tutankitty. His name is Boo Boo Kitty. I've been looking all over for him and here he is.

Lenny: Why didn't ya tell us in the first place?

Squiggy: Yeah! Why'd you go and dress up like Toilet Paper Woman like that?

Lenny: And how you'd get in here?

Shirley finds no answer. Squiggy grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her.

Squiggy: Come on, start talkin'!

Lenny: Yeah!

Laverne enters the tomb, pushes Squiggy away and starts shaking Shirl.

Laverne: Okay, wake up, Shirl.

Shirley: What?

DISOLVE TO:

*Laverne and Shirley's Apartment*

Shirley sleeps on the couch and Laverne is shaking her.

Laverne: Wake up, Shirl.

Shirley: But how'd you find me?

Lavere: I turned left from the kitchen table and walk straight to the couch.

Shirley: What? Oh it was all a dream…

Laverne: Come help me peel the carrots. I ain't doin' all the cookin' tonight.

The girls walk to the kitchen and start working.

Shirley: I had the most awful nightmare. It was horrible, irritating and I never want to experience anything like that ever again.

Squiggy: Hello!

Lenny and Squiggy enter the apartment. Squiggy holds Boo Boo Kitty way up high.

Squiggy: Look what we found!

Shirley furiously rushes toward Squiggy and grabs him by the neck. She squeezes hard.

Shirley: You are not taking Tutankitty! I'm not gonna let you!

Squiggy: Help!

Laverne tries to loosen Shirley's grasp as Lenny grabs Shirley by the waist and pullsher back. Squiggy is released and Lenny is still holding Shirley.

Squiggy gasps for air.

Laverne: You okay, Squig?

Squiggy is bending down, hand on knees. He gives Laverne Boo Boo Kitty.

Squiggy: You take it. It's too dangerous.

Shirley: (to Lenny) Will you put me down?

Lenny: Promise you won't kill Squiggy?

Shirley (annoyed) I promise, I promise!

Lenny puts her down and Laverne gives her Boo Boo Kitty. She caresses Boo Boo Kitty and baby-talks the little stuffed cat on the way to her room.

Squiggy: What was that all about?

Laverne: She gets crazy when something happens to the cat.

Lenny: Crazy and cranky.

Shirley: I DON'T GET CRANKY!

THE END