Disclaimer- No, I don't own Inuyasha or the Chinese folktale I will use in this chapter…it used to be a tale for the moon festival, and I might have left out some parts for my own purposes.
Suzu- I hope you all don't mind that I have started yet another fic before I finished 'The Woes of Hollywood'. But I felt lonely with only one fiction out and running, so here I am, starting another one.
Recently, I've been feeling an urge to write an angsty story about Kagome, with a child, after they've abandoned the Sengoku Jidai because of unspoken memories.
About Kagome's diary entries:
After the night they separated, Kagome starts a journal pouring out her unspoken feelings and darkest fears, all into one diary. This diary comes at the beginning of the chapters, and that is when we get a really deep look into Kagome's thoughts and the memories that truly haunt her. Some of these entries might analyze the contents of the chapter, where all the action and dialogue is going on. Some entries might give you an insight as to the significance of the events into the chapter. Some entries might just offer some memory that readers might want to know. The entries of the diary might be written after, before, or have no correlating time connections with the main contents of each update.
Did Inuyasha join the bad side, you ask? Well, no, not really.
What had happened to Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and supporting cast? Um… that is yet to be told.
Of course, this starting plotline has been used many times, but I'll do my best to spice things up a little, and add some twists.
…………………………………………
Prologue
…………………………………………
Dear Diary,
Five days ago was the night I left him forever. I know I can't return there anymore. My job as a shard detector is done, and there's nothing that could have convinced me to stay any longer. You know my life is here, in the modern era, with Gramps, Mom, and Sota. I must finish school here…I've only a few more months now until I graduate and leave my younger years behind me. It's not a time to reflect and look back, yet, my heart yearns for only that.
Perhaps…may my heart hold as I say this…he did love me, for a time, at least. I could have sworn that all those times he'd looked at me with what I deemed to be sentiment in his eyes. Maybe those golden orbs are just too deep to guess the true meaning under each glance. After spending three and a half years with him, my time there, I had hoped, might have done something to him, changed his nature, even. But now I am thoroughly convinced that everything was only as sand in the wind, for he'll never settle his heart with me. Not when it already belongs to her.
Yes, her. Does not a single twinge of jealousy pull at my heart every time I think of Kikyo? Even though I would like to think of her with open contempt, to think of her as an enemy, I know that that description does not suit her well. Can one learn to truly hate her mirror image, especially an image that has endured so much suffering that its reflection's life is but a pale and weak comparison to hers? Well, I vow to never think of it again. It should not worry me that he is with her, wherever the two may be at the moment. I had already said goodbye and surrendered my ability to love that night.
I still remember it all so clearly. The images haunt my head with shadowed thoughts and lurking horrors. That night when he had relinquished all the connections that had held us together…except for one. That night when Kikyo had finally told me the bare truth, which I had desperately tried to keep far away from me…that Inuyasha and I can never be together.
Still, the nights before that had been so…magical. I had thought that our eternal vows to one another would hold out until the end of time. But that thought was ethereal, and the completion of our problems couldn't come with just that. I thought he'd love me forever…or at least would come to protect me always…but that was not to be.
A puddle of moisture comes to my eyes as I write this, making the page blur before me. No matter, I do not want to see the words anyway.
The memories of that night clash and then fade away again in my head. This dramatic theatre plays itself over and over…until all I can do is be consumed by it once more…
"Kagome…" Inuyasha breathed her name into her ear slowly, letting heat consume all other thoughts. She heard herself gasp slightly when his hold on her waist tightened, and she shivered in response. Inuyasha had given her no warning when he had embraced her fiercely just a few moments ago. Kagome dismissed it as impulse, and her heart leapt wildly at the thought of all the other things males did on 'impulse'. But Inuyasha wouldn't try to hurt her, she was sure of that, and leaned up to meet his mouth with hers. All emotions and thoughts hung in the air, as both of them cuddled together in sensuous lethargy. There was no need to go further that night.
When the night stretched on, and the stars continued to light up the sky absently from afar, too important to come down and greet the love struck gazers, Kagome rose from the damp grass. She smiled shyly down at the hanyou, who was gazing up at her with a mixture of adoration, love, and desire as he looked upon his goddess, surrounded by the celestial lights of the heavens above. He smirked at her too, and groaned loudly as he hoisted himself up from their spot on the cozy little hillock. She giggled at his mutterings, and their hands slid together as if attracted by a magnetism that neither understood.
"I heard a fairy tale once, Inuyasha, about two lovers…" Kagome looked at Inuyasha, who was staring back at her intently, too engrossed in the feeling of completion to make any snide remarks. She continued. "The man was but a mortal villager, and the woman was actually a goddess who had come down from heaven to come seeking an earthly thing she had heard of known as love. When she and the man met, they fell in love, and years passed by as they raised a family together. The man did not pursue the fact that his mistress was immortal, and they lived happily."
"Pretty pointless little tale if you ask me," Inuyasha huffed. Still, Kagome caught a smile that he'd unwillingly let play on his lips and shushed him softly. "Inuyasha! Will you just let me finish?" He put a look of hurt on his face, which Kagome just laughed at until she returned to her story.
"But love between mortals and gods were unheard of, and when the brother of the goddess heard what had transpired between his sister and the villager, he stormed down onto earth in a fury and snatched away his sister and the children she had bore. Rising up into heaven, he did not heed her tears and the children's wails, but placed her on the moon and made her live there, separated from the man she loved." Kagome's eyes blinked rapidly as she looked up at the bright moon and took a shaky breath. Inuyasha squeezed her hand for comfort.
"When the birds on the earth saw all that happened, they were filled with sorrow for the lovers. Building a bridge with their forms, it created a pathway that linked the earth to the moon. Thus, the goddess and her children would come to meet the mortal man at the halfway point on one day of the year." Inuyasha's nose sniffed the scent of salty tears, and he extended a clawed finger to wipe at the drops that were sliding slowly down her face. No, he didn't want to see her cry, no matter what the cause. He made no remark on how she always got so emotional at the smallest thing. Wanting to protect his mate, Inuyasha wrapped secure arms around her, and cradled Kagome like a child. Smiling softly, Kagome snuggled into the soft folds of his hoari, seeking his warmth, asking him to be there for her.
Suddenly, a new scent invaded the space that was his and Kagome's. His eyes opened wide at this new presence. "Kagome," he said in a low tone, telling her with one word that it was unsafe, and that he needed to protect her now. She reacted immediately, and slid out of his hold regretfully. Looking around, she too sucked in her breath when she saw the figure of the priestess before them. A look of uneasiness and worry crossed her features as she looked at her reflection/twin soul. The white and red Shinto garb, the snowy pale skin and ebony black hair, the smell of grave soil and the aura of death: Kikyo. However, Kikyo shouldn't be in this world anymore. Only the grave soil, a piece of heavy black magic, and dead souls kept the priestess roaming these lands. Her mind swam with unbidden possibilities that seemed to pounce whenever she thought of Kikyo. What was she doing here now…had she come for Inuyasha?
"What is it Kikyo?" Inuyasha's tone was wary and uneasy, which mirrored Kagome's own feelings. Her heart stopped thumping hard for a second. Maybe he wouldn't run away with her tonight…like all those other times he had gone to her. She felt a shred of jealousy claw at her heart, and she cringed at the horrible thoughts running through her head and the unpleasant memories plaguing her soul.
Kikyo looked unconcernedly back. "Inuyasha, I need to talk with you. It's important." She stated simply, and left that statement hanging in the air, knowing it would draw Inuyasha's curiosity. Then he would come to her. Already she saw his face tighten, unsure if it was all a trap.
Inuyasha looked back at Kagome, who tried to smile weakly at him, but it ended up like a grimace upon her face. "Important, you say?" He'd seen all the things Kikyo could do, and all the ways he could manipulate him. Yet in the end, he still hadn't figured out if she wanted him out of love or hatred. She had saved him, had shot at him, had smiled and relayed her thoughts to him when he saved her. He felt himself being drawn towards her words, and the old guilt of her death knocked upon his chest again. But what…what about Kagome?
Kikyo's face remained stoic. She could see that the effect she usually had on Inuyasha still remained, but…he seemed more attached to her now as well. Still, the guilt of her death played heavily in his mind. Good. It would help her carry out her intentions.
"Kagome, stay here." Inuyasha's voice betrayed hurt and guilt, but he couldn't look back at her, couldn't bear to see the crestfallen expression on her face. Still, for his safety, and for hers especially, he had to find out what was so important. What if it was a new enemy? Had that bastard demon Naraku spawned another wretched offspring? "I'll be back soon." He assured her as he started to trudge up the slope where Kikyo was leading him.
"…" Kagome didn't say anything. She couldn't see the backwards glance he shot him because her face was turned the other way. He didn't turn back to tell her it was okay, to assure her, because he couldn't see the tears that were pouring down her face in a flood of sorrow. Kagome's thoughts all turned towards one feared conclusion…that Inuyasha really didn't stop loving Kikyo. Kagome was there for him as a convenient lover, but in the end, he would always abandon her for second. She would always only be loved in the background, whereas Inuyasha would always drag around the eternal memory of Kikyo, his first and foremost love.
There…that was the end…she recognized that her love for Inuyasha would never be requited with the same intensity that she had for him. Her hand reached down to cradle her abdomen, and she pitied the life that was forming there, unbeknownst to the father as of yet. Kagome had wanted to surprise him. Even she hadn't been sure if she truly was holding a new life, but now a motherly sense gave it away, and she knew instinctively without a doubt that her child was there. It was as if she could feel a twin sorrow that rested in her abdomen that too mourned the loss of its family that was never to be.
"Inuyasha, this is where we will be conducting our talk." Kikyo looked solemnly at the hanyou, whose eyes were glaring at her warily, but behind the glare, the dead priestess could tell he was still wrapped up in the emotions of fifty years ago. There was guilt, the hurt of betrayal, the uneasiness of being tricked by an enemy, but the love wasn't there anymore, and it pained Kikyo that this was the way it had to be. Now, all she wanted to do…all she needed to do…was set things right in the Sengoku Jidai and then perhaps lay to rest when Naraku was well gone.
Inuyasha's arms crawled by the way he had spoken his name: so different from the friendly enveloping warmth that came to him every time Kagome spoke it. But Kikyo…Kikyo had been his first love…and he couldn't deny her his duty after she had been pulled back from the dead because of him. Taking a deep breath, he growled, "What?"
Kikyo smiled a fey little smile. "I think the time has come when my reincarnation must go back to her own time." Her smile stopped there, the curves of her pale lips falling down into a thin straight line. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke. "Naraku's tainted ways slowly come to rest upon many creatures of the land, some of them who are willing to fight an all out war against you and your traveling band. When that army comes, do you think you will be able to protect Kagome from every one of the monstrosities that have set their eyes on her and the shards she carries?" Kikyo let the realization sink into Inuyasha; she knew the hanyou would do anything to protect his mate.
"I…I" Inuyasha's gaze rested on the ground, his face withdrawn and shaded. His hands clenched and unclenched as he realized the truth in her words.
"Listen, Inuyasha. This is what I have come to tell you about tonight. In her place, I will carry the jewel shards and fight the demons that will come this way. I am trained, and my spiritual ability knows many techniques and counterstrikes that will be fortuitous in battle." Kikyo's voice drifted off as her senses caught another one at the edge of the clearing…who was listening intently on the conversation. Good, this was what Kikyo wanted. However, she seemed to have noticed Kikyo's awareness, and darted away quickly.
Inuyasha was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear or smell her properly. Finally, he muttered out, "But what about the time where you gave most of the Shikon shards to Naraku? And…I still need Kagome."
Kikyo frowned slightly. "Inuyasha…trust is a thing you and I will have to develop. I too hate Naraku from the bottom of my lost soul. Although you should know, what you don't need is Kagome wounded…possibly dead from the demons Naraku sends. Think about this Inuyasha. Give it a chance."
Treading soundlessly through the underbrush, the dead miko disappeared into the night of the forest as the leaves rustled at the passing disturbance. In the pale light of the clearing, Inuyasha sat down on the mossy floor and cursed.
Kagome ran as fast as her numb legs would take her. Every twig and branch she snapped was magnified tenfold and she prayed fervently that no one would hear her. Grimacing when a particularly large branch snapped underfoot, she ran on even faster. The conversation of Kikyo and Inuyasha still rang clear in her ears.
"In her place, I will carry the jewel shards and fight the demons…"
Kagome clenched her teeth. Why did Kami-san always disagree with her? A tear ran down her cheek unbidden. This was the last time she needed to be here. She felt it in the deepest part of her gut. After a few more missteps, she reached her destination. But a too familiar presence was there as well. Quickly, she masked the look of hurt and anguish on her face.
"Kikyo… What is it?" she asked dully, suddenly feeling very tired as the trees and ground beneath her swirled in a complex pattern of light and dark. She closed her eyes for a few moments and grasped her yellow pack to steady herself. Maybe this was all a dream…in the morning, she would wake up…be with Inuyasha again…and…and Kikyo wouldn't be there at all.
Still, the voice of the priestess sent her back to reality with a pang of coldness that felt like an unbroken wave of cold water. She shuddered against the feeling as goose bumps rose under the fabric of her sleeves.
"I presume you already know what I'm talking about. You were there to hear Inuyasha and I speak." Kikyo's face showed no sign of emotion; she spoke in terms that revealed the barest truth to Kagome's unrelenting mind. Kagome flinched again when she thought of the conversation.
"…In her place…"
"Don't think that I do not love Inuyasha also. I will not harm him while you're gone." Kikyo spoke again in monotone, allowing just a bit of sorrow to coat her words. Kagome almost wouldn't have believed it. She would bet anything that Kikyo could manipulate words and emotions to play together in an act that would be undistinguishable from the real thing. Still, the sorrow deep in her eyes, and a pang of envy too, chilled Kagome with its depth and truth.
Kagome brought up her strength to speak. "What makes you think I will be gone?" She tried to speak with the same drabness, but her voice only shook terribly, making it obvious that she was afraid-too afraid-of the reality.
"You know truth from false information as well as I. Don't hide from it until it's too late." Kikyo's tone shook Kagome, as if she was rebuking her like a little child. Well, considering the age differences, she was like a child compared with Kikyo…a little, spoilt…brat. She clenched her teeth against the onslaught of words as the priestess spoke again. "I have only one place I truly need to be, as do you. But this coming time will bring changes that neither of us may be able to completely fathom. Have you noticed the darkening of the sky? Of course not-- it has barely reached this village yet…but it will soon. Kagome, this is not the time to stay in this realm. Go back to your own time to live a good life there. Go back so that you can raise the babe in your womb!"
Kagome's hand froze over her abdomen. How did Kikyo know…well, she was a powerful miko. Tears slid out and down her face again. For the baby…
Kikyo continued after looking sympathetically at Kagome. "I never had a babe. My heritage made it difficult. But I chose a family over my powers because I had found the man I wanted to be with…before fate tore it from me once more. In the land of the dead…do you think I wanted to come back and face this horror again?" Her face shone with suppressed emotion. "No, I didn't. But I had come back…and I force myself to believe to this day that I came back for a reason. Kagome…no mother wants her child to have war as their home lawns, demons as their neighbors. Do it for the child. It is not you which Naraku holds a grudge to."
Kagome's tears were flowing freely now, dripping unbidden onto the dewy grass. Neither of them made a move to stop the flow. Kikyo's hand went to the lip of the well. "I can feel Naraku's will to suppress the well. If you don't go now…it will close forever. Inuyasha's heart will always be divided. Do it now so that your own heart may have peace!" Kikyo forced herself to lie as she stood watching the younger girl shed tears to the ground. Slowly, though, Kagome began to rise, pulling her pack behind her.
Kagome propped herself on the lip of the well with effort as sweat beads dotted her forehead. Squeezing her eyes shut, she jumped into the solacing darkness of the Bone Eater's Well. As she disappeared into the shadow, Kikyo whispered softly, half wanting her reincarnation to hear, half not wanting Kagome to hear and return:
"When you get home, I will not seal off the well. It is up to you how to decide your fate."
With that, the priestess stalked off into the shadows to tell Inuyasha the news. She would heed him to not try to get her back…and that might just be the end of their relationship. Jealousy tugged at Kikyo's soul as she thought of Kagome's babe, wondering how it would be birthed, and what it could do in the future to come.
Suzu- Not the longest chapter…but it's the prologue. To all my readers of 'I Still Want You by My Side', did you notice that I started this fiction approximately at the time where I left off with that fiction? No, it's not a sequel, though. I don't really have enough people asking for epilogues that it'll be worth it to write one…so…well, we'll leave that so to you guys.
Also, I'm so sad that The Woes of Hollywood gets a lot of hits but almost nobody seems to review. (Although, my other fiction gets the same treatment) Should I leave more cliffhangers for the readers to mourn over? (Contemplates that thought.) I can't force you to review if you didn't like it…but if you have any suggestions or thought it was okay, could you please leave a little note? All you have to do is to hit the little purple button to the left side and write a little blurb.
Well, I'm a little tired recently but I'm happy to start another fic. Ja ne, and with lots of love, I wish all my readers a happy summer.
Suzu-