Disclaimer: I disclaim. JK Rowling's the brilliant one. I just like having fun with her characters. Oh, there's also a reference to something that happened that's VERY similar to something that happened in the show Zoe Busiek: Wild Card. I just changed some slight details…But that credit goes to…well the people who own that show.
Summary: So what goes on inside the brilliant mind of a certain Lily Evans? She's Head Girl…she's respectable…she's intelligent…she writes an awful lot about a certain dark haired boy….and she's most likely going slightly insane.
A/N: I'm a horrible person…I can't believe me it took me THIS long to write this…Oh I'm so horrible. Ok, I won't bore you anymore; go read.
The Diary of Lily Evans Epilogue
Lily's Bridal Shower – AKA: her Stagette Party
Lily's getting married!
Oh my gawd. I can't believe you found this.
It's a monumental event Lily, it MUST be documented.
Oh gawd, I need Firewhisky. Right now.
Oh chillax Lilykins. It'll be fun! The girls will be here soon and you can dish all the details of his proposal and then we can get drunk to the point of insanity!
How thrilling.
You bet! Oh tonight will be fun!
Oh joy. I'm so excited. Can't you tell?
Ooooo, was that the door bell? That means Alice and Mary are here!
Documentarium Spell: Recording
Chelsea Fanrae hurried to the front door of her apartment.
"Come on Lily!" she called, "We have to go to the club!"
Lily, looking as if she'd rather eat a flobberworm than go to the club, nodded and grabbed her jacket. Alice laughed.
"Why so glum, Lily-kins? Aren't you excited? In two days, at this time, you're going to be Mrs. James Potter. Well, Mrs. Lily Potter. Or are you going for both names? Both names and a hyphen?"
Lily cracked a smile, "I'm just tired. Well, and nervous and absolutely terrified that I'm going to screw something up."
Mary, a tall girl with long, curly brown hair, laughed, "And you think James will care? That boy will be thrilled as long as in the end you're wearing a ring on your finger. Besides, that's what the rehearsal dinner is for."
"Come on Lily. After a few drinks and some lap dances, you won't be worried at all!" Chelsea said, grabbing her friend's arm and heading down the hallway out to the car.
Lily just groaned.
In a few minutes, they were seated at the table of a very posh muggle club, complete with hot waiters and a bar.
Lily was very thankful for the bar. She sipped happily on her strawberry margarita.
"So Lily, gonna fill us in on all the juicy details of James' proposal?" Alice asked, smirking devilishly.
"Yes, we want all the dirt," Mary conceded. Lily gulped audibly.
"Well it wasn't anything that special…" Lily said, her face blushing a deep scarlet. Sometimes it really sucked being a redhead. Alice flicked her long, dirty blonde hair over her shoulder smiling and saying, "Oh come on Lils, it can't be that bad! When Frank proposed to me he put it in my wine glass. I downed it without looking, preparing myself for when he broke up with me as I thought that was what he was going to do, and almost choked to death on it!"
Chelsea cracked up, "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious!"
"It wasn't terribly funny at the time," Alice grumbled, still smiling slightly. Lily, smiled.
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you. Well, I came home to my apartment and everything appeared completely normal. James and I had plans to go out to dinner later that night, so I got ready and-"
"Wait, wait," Chelsea said, shaking her head and holding up a hand, "that didn't tip you off? The whole 'going out for dinner thing'?"
"This may seem like an unusual concept Chelsea, but James and I tend to go out for dinner a lot," Lily said, speaking to Chelsea as if she were dense. Chelsea huffed and the others laughed. Lily continued.
"So we go to dinner, and he doesn't do anything out of the ordinary. He later drops me off and goes home."
Lily paused, smirking at her confused friends.
"Did I miss something?" Mary asked, looking perplexed. Alice and Chelsea nodded as well.
"I'm setting the scene, girls," Lily stated, laughing, "Anyways, at about 4 in the morning, there was a knock on my door. So, I drag myself out of bed, vaguely resembling someone who had just been hit my a semi truck, and opened the door."
Lily paused dramatically. Her friends held their breath.
"And guess who was there?"
"ooo…the milk man! I always knew you two were having some torrid love affair…"
Lily smacked Chelsea upside the head.
"Shut up twit, it was James."
"Well we all knew that."
"Anyways, it was James. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink and he was wearing the clothes from our date-"
"Wait, wait," Mary said, "Does it actually count as a date?"
"What do you mean?" asked Alice, scrunching her small nose in confusion.
"Well, is it still called a date when you've been seeing the person steadily since seventh year?"
"What else would you call it?" Chelsea asked.
Lily eyed her friends and raised an eyebrow, "Listen, do you want me to tell you this story or not?"
"It was an honest question Lilykins. But please, continue," Chelsea answered, motioning for Lily to continue.
"Where was I? Oh right, James was at my door at four o'clock in the morning."
"How did you know it was four?" Alice asked suddenly.
"Because I looked at the clock! Now be quiet or I won't finish. You wanted me to tell you the story and you aren't even listening!"
"You know, I can't really understand why you never told me the story before…I am your best friend…" Chelsea noted.
"Because you went on a trip to Canada!" Lily shouted, crossing her arms. Chelsea smirked, "Oh…right. That was fun."
"Lily, please tell us the story! We still want to hear it!" Alice said, pointing at Mary and herself.
"Hey, I still wanna hear it! I just-"
"Shut up Chelsea," Mary said, cutting her off. Lily smirked.
"Ok, so James was at my door and he said to me 'Lily, gawd I'm sorry to wake you up this late…well…it's early I guess…but I just couldn't sleep…' and he trailed off so I said 'Yeah, James, I noticed, motion at his clothes'. He just sort of smiled bemusedly at me and then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black velvet box."
A squeal rose from the girls' table. Lily smiled, blushing again.
"So he opened it and revealed the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, " she said, holding out her left hand and wiggling her fingers to make the diamond in her engagement ring glitter, " and he said to me 'I meant to ask you this at dinner, but I couldn't find the right moment…And I couldn't sleep another night without asking you…Lily, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?' and well, you know the rest."
The grown women squealed again. Lily sipped from her nice alcoholic drink again.
"Merlin, Lily, James is such a sweetheart," Mary said, smiling wistfully. Alice nodded.
"Hey Chelsea, what ever happened with you and Sirius?" Alice asked, looking curious.
Chelsea grimaced and took a large swig of her drink. Lily winced and did the same.
"You don't want to know," she said grimly. Lily nodded, a perturbed look on her delicate features. Mary and Alice looked confused.
"But I don't get it. You guys are friends. It couldn't have ended that badly," Mary said.
"Nuh-uh," Chelsea said, shaking her head and wagging her finger, "Sirius and I aren't friends. We simply have an agreement."
Mary and Alice had been at Hogwarts around the same time as Lily and Chelsea, but they hadn't talked much until the end of seventh year, which was after Chelsea and Sirius had broken up.
"Chelsea likes to pretend that relationship never happened," Lily said, drinking from her glass again.
Chelsea nodded, draining her glass and holding up her hand to get the attention of the waiter.
"Why?" Alice asked, looking from Chelsea to Lily and back again. Lily emptied her glass as well, remembering the aftermath of the break up. She then looked at Chelsea, "Should you tell them, or should I?"
Chelsea groaned, gulping back yet another drink.
"Alright, I will. You see, Sirius and Chelsea were almost…too similar."
"What do you mean?" Mary asked.
"Oh you know. Stubborn, bossy…"
"I resent that," Chelsea smustter from her position with her head on the table, an almost empty glass beside her.
"But it's true. I mean, sure they got along at first. Who doesn't?" Lily said, pausing. Her friends stared at her pointedly.
"Ok, so James and I fought a lot, but that was before we started dating. Anyways, it started out ok, but then…well…things got out of hand."
A bitter laugh was heard from Chelsea's direction.
"What happened?" Mary asked, eyeing the probably drunk form of Chelsea.
"Oh you know, Sirius wanted to just have fun all the time. Chelsea wanted an actual relationship. Then…well he tried to get her to lighten up by playing a prank…and next thing we know there's another prank war on our hands. Except this time they were even dirtier than James' and mine. I believe there was underwear that turned into slugs and hair that turned into spiders at one point. Chelsea was bald for a week."
There was another groan. Alice noticed that there was another glass of alcohol by her, and it was already mostly gone.
"Things got worse and worse until they refused to be within twenty feet of each other. It kind of put a strain of James and mines' relationship, so they created a…well I guess 'truce' is the best word. They decided to be civil to each other for James and I," Lily finished.
Mary patted Chelsea on the head, "It's ok. We'll let the strippers we hired dance for you. Lily would have refused them anyway."
Chelsea perked up slightly, smiling drunkenly.
It was early in the morning, after each woman had downed much more alcohol than they really should have, that they finally made their way home, Lily and Chelsea forgetting to shut off the documentarium spell.
When Lily awoke, she groaned and clutched a hand to her head.
"Oh my skull…stupid skull is too small…poor, poor squished brain…" she muttered, scrunching her eyes closed tight against the mid day sun. From the bathroom there came the disgusting sounds of one's inner stomach contents being 'transferred' into the toilet.
"Chelsea?" Lily called, her voice hoarse from sleep. The reply was more revolting noises. Lily rolled off the guest bed in Chelsea's apartment and landed on the floor with a thud. She groaned, stood up awkwardly and stumbled over to the bathroom. There, sitting on the floor and holding onto the toilet bowl for dear life, was Chelsea Fanrae.
"Damn blue stuff that looks like mouth wash…" Chelsea groaned before leaning over the toilet again. Lily grimaced at the sound and the smell.
"I told you not to drink it. It didn't even taste good."
"I was too drunk already to really care."
"Really? I never noticed. Poor bar man, I don't think he expected you to actually take off your tee-shirt."
"I don't want to talk about it, ok?"
"Ok…Hey, what time is it?"
"Uh, one? One thirty?" Chelsea answered, glancing at her watch.
"OH MY GAWD!"
"What?"
"THE REHEARSAL IS AT 2:30!"
"Oh…crap."
In a flurry of panic, the girls got up, showered, dressed, made themselves look less zombie-ish and drank several cups of coffee, and rushed out the door, Lily grabbing the diary as she ran out the door.
Once they were in Chelsea's car, Lily opened the diary.
"We forgot to shut it off," she said, glancing over the pages of the leather bound book.
"Should we even bother shutting it off?" Chelsea asked, wincing as a headache struck her.
"Well, we don't want to waste pages with the wedding rehearsal. I'll turn it on again when we're at dinner."
"Ah yes, that should be interesting. The Potters and Evans'…all sitting at one table."
"Yes, exactly why I don't want to waste pages with the wedding rehearsal," Lily said, smiling wryly.
"Smart girl."
Documentarium Spell: TerminatedDocumentarium Spell: Activated
Lily quickly stuffed the diary into her purse, before James could notice.
"Honey, what was that?"
Unfortunately, Lily wasn't quite quick enough.
"Nothing, James dear," she answered smiling and attempting to distract him with a quick kiss. But, as she kissed him, James reached into her purse and pulled out the diary. He stared at it in shock.
"James!" Lily said, making a grab for the book. She glanced around the parking lot. They had just arrived at the restaurant and their families would be expecting them inside soon. James held the book out of her grasp and smirked down at Lily.
"I remember this book. You had it with you all the time before that incident during the full moon. So it's made a re-appearance? Our wedding counts as a monumental event? I'm so pleased."
Lily scowled and crossed her arms, "James, just give it back," she said indignantly.
"And why would I do that? I haven't even read it yet," he said matter-of-factly.
"Because if you don't, I will call off this wedding."
"Lilykins darling, don't you think that's a wee bit drastic?"
"No. Especially not if you call me Lilykins again."
"Oh you know you like it. Especially when we're…" he trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Lily smacked him on the arm and grabbed her notebook at the same time. James smirked, laughing. Lily grabbed his hand, dragging the still chuckling James Potter into the restaurant.
When they reached their reserved tables, Lily stopped dead.
"James, don't make me do it."
"Lily, love, what's there to be afraid of? Our parents like eachother."
"Yeah, a little too much. And oh gawd…Petunia's here…with Vernon."
James chuckled, "Lilyki-" James started over when Lily glared at him, "Lily, she won't do anything. It's the day before your wedding and she's surrounded by wizards and witches."
"James, you obviously don't know Vernon and Petunia very well."
James, chuckling again, led Lily over to the table. James' parents, Henry and Annette Potter, were sitting across from Lily's parents, William and Claire Evans. Petunia and Vernon were sitting at the end of the table, by the adults. Meanwhile the Mauraders, along with Chelsea, Mary, Alice and Frank, were sitting at the opposite end, leaving room in the middle for James and Lily to sit beside each other. Sirius, who was sitting across from James, smirked.
"What took you guys so long?"
"We had a few…minor setbacks," James said. Sirius snickered.
"Sirius, shut up," Chelsea said from her spot on the other side of Lily.
"Yeah Sirius, honestly, get your mind out of the gutter," Lily said. Sirius feigned shock, "Me? Mind in the gutter? Oh no! Never! I never thought anything of the sort! Perhaps it is you, dear Lily, who has a gutter mind. Only someone with a gutter mind would be able to tell when some one's mind could be in the gutter in the first place."
"Sirius, your mind is always in the gutter," Remus said, chuckling at his friend as he read of the menu casually. Mary snickered along with Alice and Frank. Chelsea then nudged Lily.
"Are you recording?" she asked.
"That's what caused the hold up."
"Ah."
"Yeah, he saw me activate the spell. He almost read it."
"Would it really matter if he did?"
"Well, no," Lily acknowledged, then as a second thought, she added, "actually, yes."
Chelsea smirked, "You just don't want him to read all the sappy things you wrote about him."
"I am not sappy."
"Are too."
"Are not!" Lily argued, her voice rising.
"You're not what, Lily?" her mother suddenly asked. Then the entire table fell silent. James, who heard the conversation, was forced to jam him fist in his mouth to stifle laughter. Lily kicked him under the table. Lily felt her face turning red.
"Uh, I'm not…a fan of Kalamari. The whole squid thing just…doesn't do it for me."
"Nice save," Chelsea whispered, chuckling slightly. James' face was flushed with laughter and he let out a snort.
"Shut up, you." Lily whispered harshly. James' parents were searching the menu.
"There's Kalamari here? Where is it on the menu, Lily?" Annette asked, looking questioningly at Lily. Lily gulped.
"Uh…you know, I think I misread…yeah I did! It actually just says…k…k…cucumber."
James snorted with laughter. Lily elbowed him. Chelsea, who had taken a large of her water, sprayed it all over the table at Lily's answer.
"See, at least I didn't do that," James pointed out in a whisper. Lily scowled and poked him in the side.
"Be quiet you," she said, standing up, "Come on Chels, lets see if we can use the hand dryers in the washroom to dry your shirt."
Chelsea nodded, still trying to calm her bouts of laughter as they made their way through the restaurant to the washroom.
"Gosh this shirt takes forever to dry," Chelsea said, doing an odd sort of dance under the hand dryer as she tried to get her shirt on a better angle so it would dry faster. She had already been there for five minutes. Lily snickered and made her way over to a stall, locking the door behind her.
"Maybe dabbing it with toilet paper will work," Chelsea muttered to herself, walking into a stall as well.
That's when they heard voices outside the door.
"Gawd Vernon, I can't take one more minute of those freaks. I need to you all to myself…all on our own…Come into the bathroom with me."
"Petunia, your sister and her freak friend are in there still, aren't they? And why does it have to be the women's washroom?"
Lily heard Chelsea locker her stall door just as Petunia pushed open the main door and looked inside.
"See Vernon? It's empty! We can even lock this main door to make sure no one can come in while we're in there!"
"I don't know…"
"That's right Vernon," Chelsea whispered, "you think it's a stupid idea. Do not come in here…please do not come in here…"
"Oh all right, but only because I love you."
"Damn you Vernon Dursley, damn you," Chelsea muttered, shaking her fist in the air. Lily, who could just barely hear Chelsea in the stall next to her, had to slap a hand over her mouth to stop from laughing.
"I'm just going to check under the stalls, just to be sure no one's hiding. I never say the freaks come back," Vernon said. They heard him move towards their stalls. They both silently hopped up on the toilet seats.
"Vernon, there's no one here, and I can't wait a minute longer to kiss you…" they heard Petunia say, her voice sounding odd. They heard Vernon growl. They both cringed.
Lily looked over and could just barely see Chelsea's head over the top of the stall.
"Chelsea," Lily whispered, "We have to get out of here!"
"You don't say?" Chelsea whispered, sarcasm dripping off every word.
"But how? Any ideas?" Lily asked. There was a pause, which was horrifically accented by the disturbing sounds of Vernon and Petunia making out.
"Well, we are witches…we could…."
"We could what?"
"I have no idea," Chelsea answered. Lily sighed.
"Ok," Lily whispered, "We're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way. On the count of three, run. One."
"Two," Chelsea said.
"THREE!" they said together. They leapt off the toilet seats, unlocked the door and scampered over to the main door and then madly dashing to their table where they plunked down in their seats, breathing heavily.
"Lily? Are you alright?" James asked. Everyone looked at the two friends.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said to everyone and then added quietly so only Chelsea and James heard her, "I'm, just scarred for life…and I still have to pee."
Chelsea nodded, then said, "And you know what really sucks?"
"What?" Lily asked.
"My shirt's still wet."
Lily smirked, "We seem to have bad luck with bathrooms, don't we?"
Chelsea laughed, "Yeah, and they always seem to prove enlightening."
"I wouldn't exactly classify that experience as enlightening."
"Well ok, maybe not. But I was enlightened a little bit. I learned that I can run really fast when need be," Chelsea cracked, smirking.
James, who had been listening to the conversation and had pieced things together by what he had seen as Petunia and Vernon left, laughed, "At least you didn't drop anything in the toilet this time."
All of them smirked at the memory. Mary, Alice and Frank looked confused.
"Did we miss a memo or something?" Frank asked, looking at each of his friends. Lily laughed, "No Frank, you didn't. You really don't want to know anyways."
"I think Frank deserves to know!" Sirius piped up, "It's a great story!"
"Sirius, if you tell it, it'll end up being completely twisted," James commented. Remus and Peter nodded.
"I'll tell you three another time," Lily said, her cheeks flushing slightly, "It isn't exactly one of my shining moments, I don't exactly want the parents over hearing."
"Don't want us over hearing what?" Lily's father, William, asked.
Everyone turned to look at Lily expectantly; all of the young adults face's fighting the urge to burst out laughing. Lily, being the smart woman she was, tried evasion tactic number two.
"What? I didn't say that. James did."
"Oh great, thanks," James whispered, looking pointedly at Lily. Lily smiled innocently.
"So James," his father said, "what don't you want us to hear?"
As James began to talk his way out of the whole Lily had dug for him, Lily pulled out her diary from her purse. She flipped through the pages.
"Chelsea I'm gonna shut this off for now."
"But Lily! You have to document everything! How will you ever portray events accurately if you only ever have half of the event! It's just not---
Documentarium Spell: Terminated
The Day of the Wedding – The Bride's Dressing Room
You're marrying James Potter today! Just think, in a few more hours, you're going be Mrs. James Potter!
I think I may throw up. I can't breathe in this dress and the hairpins in my hair are digging into my scalp. Do I look bloated? Is that why the dress feels too small? I feel bloated. Gawd I am bloated, aren't I?
Lily, calm down. You aren't bloated.
Is it warm in here? It feels really warm in here.
Look, I'll open a window, ok?
No, I'll just continue fanning myself. I'm fine.
Lily, stop hyperventilating.
Hyperventilating? I'm not hyperventilating, what are you talking about? Oh gawd I'm hyperventilating.
Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out…Hyperventilating is a stupid word.
Lily. Lily! Stay with me here!Why am I freaking out? I shouldn't be breaking out! I'm marrying James Potter, the love of my life. I bet he isn't freaked out.
Of course not. He's been ready for this day since fifth year.
The correct answer would have been: Oh I bet he's nervous too. You know, he doesn't want to mess up since he's so lucky to marry a non-bloated, un-hyperventilating, calm and beautiful woman like you.
Yeah, but I can't lie…LIE! LIE, LIE, LIE!
Lily, everything will be fine, now, as your Maid of Honour, I shall take this diary and make sure is documents everything. Now, the band will start any minute, let's go.
Ok. Deep breath Lily Evans, cause that's the last time that will be your name.
There ya go Lily, now just one foot in front of the other. Oh look, she's breathing AND walking…she's so grown up.
Sod off.
There's the Lily I know and love.
Documentarium Spell: Activated
The wedding was taking place on the Potter estate, outside in the vast gardens. Shear white gauze was weaved back and fourth over a large gazebo type area, and several rows of chairs sat beneath it. White orchid and lilac bouquets were placed every so often around the area, bringing a soft, sweet fragrance with it.
When the music started, the brides maids made their way down the isle in pairs with the groomsmen. Lily, from where she stood out of view, could see Chelsea and Sirius, the Maid of Honour and the Best Man, bickering quietly. She smiled. Lily took a deep breath as the brides music came on, and slowly started her procession down the isle. The congregation of family and friends rose from their seats, and some small gasps were heard as she walked by, along with whispers about her beauty. Her father was walking arm in arm with her and smiling proudly. Lily's emerald eyes locked on James and she smiled beneath her vale. When they reached the bottom, her father turned to her.
"Lily," he said, "You couldn't have picked a better guy," and gave her an enveloping hug.
"Thanks dad," she whispered, "I love you."
"Love you too sweetheart."
Lily smiled and turned away from her father to face James.
"Ready?" he asked quietly as they walked towards the marriage commissioner. Lily smirked, "I'm ready for anything."
"You look beautiful," he said, as they stepped in front of the woman who would marry them.
"Thank you. You look handsome," Lily said, smiling, "See, I was ready for that."
James smirked, and then fell quiet at the woman started speaking. Lily suddenly flick to auto-pilot mode. She was sucked into a strange little world where only her and James existed. She could tell her mouth was moving, and she was saying words, and she would see James was doing the same, but she was just too caught up in the moment. James really did look handsome in his black tux and with his hair tousled, like he had been extra nervous and had run his hand through it twice as much. She smiled wider. So he had been nervous.
She felt James putting the ring on her finger, and saw herself doing the same. She vaguely wondered if he was onauto-pilot too.
She only truly came too, when the woman spoke the last words of the ceremony.
"You may now kiss the bride," she said, smiling.
James was simply glowing with joy, and Lily was pretty sure she was too.
James leaned into kiss her, but hovered just millimetres from her face. Lily let out an impatient grown and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him to her lips. She felt James smile against her mouth, and clapping in the background, and soon, she found that she was smiling too.
It was a few minutes later, before the wedding party regrouped to take photos, that Lily pulled Chelsea aside.
"Have you checked on the diary?" Lily asked. Chelsea pulled it out, saying, "Lily, don't worry, it's recording everything…whoa, we're on the last page."
"Yeah, I know, that's what I was worried about."
"Stop talking, you're taking up space!"
"So are you!" Lily exclaimed, pointing to the last page in the book.
"You're taking up more!"
"Shush!"
They were silent for a moment. Then Lily got an idea.
"It's freaky how it does that, " Lily said, "Anyways, come on, this is the perfect time to end this."
"But Lily! What about the reception! We were all going to tell stories about you and James!"
"Most of which are in here. Now come on, we're running out of space."
"Let's use every last line."
"Chelsea, don't be stupid."
"I'm not being stupid! Hey! Put that wand away! Oh no you don't! Don't you dare shut it off until I'm on the last line! HAHA! THE LAST ----
Documentarium Spell: Terminated
A/N: Well there it is. The end. That's it. It's over. No more. Nada.
I'm sorry I took so long to finish. I guess part of me didn't want to end this story. It's just been so much fun to write. Please, please review! It's the last chapter so even if you've never reviewed before, now is the time to review! And thanks again for reading! You're all fantastic. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your wonderful words of encouragement! Wow, I'm actually feeling emotional….oh dear…
SHAMELESS PLUG: Watch out for 'Washing James' Whites'
Cheery-o,
SuperSpy