And we love Harry and Hermione. That's all that matters. So lets not quit writing -- lets embrace the challenge we've been handed. Let's not give up because of something as silly as JK writing what she had planned the entire time, let's not give up because a few Ron/Hermione shippers got their way and gloated. We'd have done the same.
It's time to prove our loyalty to the ship we've all gotten so much out of and made so many amazing friends from. Cause you guys rock. So fucking hard.
And the song this is based on is Fuck Forever by Babyshambles. Hope you guys enjoy. A bit of smut. 'Tis necessary in harder times.
by Ellie
How d'you choose between death and glory...
How d'you choose between death and glory?
Happy endings don't bore me
Happy endings, they never bored me...
But they, they have a way
They have a way to make you pay
And to make you toe the line.
"Somehow you don't shock me anymore," Hermione muttered, as they walked across the empty lawn outside of the Burrow.
She wrapped her arms around herself, she was clad only in pajamas and it wasn't a warm night. She hadn't really remembered a warm night for a while... maybe it was all the death and destruction, but even if it was the hottest day of her life, it seemed like it would still feel like this. Dark and desperate for a bit of light.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked quietly. They were walking slowly, and he stopped suddenly, and said "Here's good."
They sat down on the grass now wet with dew. Hermione looked over at him, watching him look up at the sky, his eyes not really on anything in particular -- just... looking.
"If you'd woken me up at two in the morning for a walk a couple years ago, I would be surprised."
She sighed, and started picking at the grass.
He still stared up. "I don't understand..."
She kept picking at the ground, refusing to look at him for the time being. "You just... god, Harry. You go through these moments where you seem to stop talking to me. Like I'm not... necessary, I suppose. I used to think that wasn't possible."
She felt her eyes water up, but didn't let him see. She knew that if she kept looking at the ground, her face would be shadowed. She refused to let him see her break down anymore.
The pause felt too long for her.
She just heard him breathe, and she knew he knew he'd done it. That he'd thought about it. That not talking to her wasn't just a figment of her imagination.
She pretended like the tear that fell was just her imagination, it didn't make a difference when it landed on the already wet grass.
"I..." He paused again, and she heard him inhale sharply. "That's why I woke you up. We don't really get a chance to be just us anymore, do we?"
She finally looked up at him, and saw him staring right back at her. She bit her lip, and was glad that he continued, because she knew that if she opened her mouth to say something, her voice would break.
"With everything going on... during the day, it's just hunt, hunt, hunt -- we have a job. Not that we don't have one right now, but there's no time anymore to just talk -- it's all about the end... right?"
He stared at her the entire time he said this, pleading with her to understand. It wasn't about her, it wasn't about him. It was about the bigger problem, the one that was unavoidable.
"I didn't mean for this to happen," he finished.
It was the biggest apology she would get from him.
"I'm sorry," she said. "That I'm taking it so personally, it's selfish, it's--"
"No, it's not," he said quickly, cutting her off. "It's really not, I owe you so much and I've done a shitty job of showing it."
He smiled wearily, and found her hand in the dark.
"I'll always have your back," she said quietly. "You know that, right?"
He paused for a moment, and then squeezed her hand. "Yeah... yeah." He paused again. "That's why I owe you so much. You haven't given up on me, a lot of people have."
That's when his voice broke.
She quickly scooted closer to him, her pajamas wet but she really didn't mind, she just needed to hug him.
She wrapped her arms around him, and rested her head on his shoulder. It was comforting, having him so close. She worried so much about Harry lately that it was almost unbearable to not have him in the same room as her.
She felt his arm curl around her, and hold her tighter, and he let his head rest on top of hers.
"It's not going to be any easier than tonight," he said in a small voice. "I don't know if we'll have any more opportunities to just sit out here. I'm not even sure how safe it is, right now."
She breathed in, smelling grass and that significant scent of Harry. She never knew what it was, it was more like dirt... something very earthy.
"I know," she said, her voice muffled a bit.
There was another pause. "Hermione?"
"Hmm?"
He took another deep breath. "This... er... just in case we never get this chance again," and she felt his hand pull up her chin, and before she could register what he was going to do, his lips were on hers.
She didn't know quite what was happening. Harry was kissing her right now, and she couldn't respond.
He pressed harder against her, urging her to do something -- anything -- to not disregard this. He knew they both needed it.
And she decided to just let go of every fear she had, and pressed back. The night was still cold, but she was quickly warming up... she breathed in deep through her nose, and opened her mouth to him.
His tongue shot inside, and suddenly the kiss became desperate, needy -- she sucked on his tongue, and felt him let out a tiny moan, and her hands shot to his hair, pulling his head even closer.
His hands were all over her back, her sides, anywhere he could possibly reach without compromising this kiss.
She felt her face flush as he let her fall back onto the ground, and he quickly rolled on top of her, pressing himself against her.
He moved from her mouth and trailed hot kisses to her neck, where he sucked and nipped and made her breathing ragged, and she completely forgot about the cold.
He smiled against her skin, and let out a shaky breath as he felt her hands find their way under his shirt and meandered up his stomach, she just had to feel him. She just had to touch Harry...
He moved back to her mouth and gave her a chaste kiss before his hands went for her breasts, and he suddenly stopped, frightened.
He stared at her, and she stared back. She gave the faintest smile, and he understood.
Stop holding back.
She reached up for another kiss as his hands grazed up her stomach, making her shiver and she smiled into this kiss, which was slower than before.
He cupped her bare breasts, and she let out a small whimper. His fingers found her nipples and gave them a small squeeze, and before she could do anything, her shirt was up and they were replaced by his mouth.
Hot... wet. Amazing.
They were the only words that would register in her mind, as she'd never felt this before. Just desperate for anything Harry, but he wasn't close enough for her, not nearly.
She pulled his head up for another kiss, and as he met her mouth, she quickly rolled him over onto his back, and reached into his pajama bottoms, bypassing his briefs and softly grabbed what she was looking for.
He let out a shaky moan, but she didn't break the kiss. Instead, she stroked him slowly, and he bit her lip in annoyance and bliss -- and she loved having this power right now, loved knowing that she could be his release.
And right now was his moment.
She slowly pulled the clothing that was in the way down, exposing him completely. He tried to say something, but it didn't come out as words, more like hungry rambles. She knew she heard the word "Please..." somewhere, but also knew he didn't expect it when she encircled him with her mouth.
His hips bucked involuntarily against her, and he tried his best to control it.
She licked the tip of him and bit his lip trying not to grab her head or buck again, and when she started to suck him lightly, he felt like he'd disappeared from the world.
"Hermione," he breathed, his voice raspy and dark and he knew he wouldn't last long. A girl has never done this to him, and he never thought his first would be Hermione.
Never.
She kept licking and sucking, and then she looked up at him. As soon as his eyes met hers, he knew he couldn't control it, he bucked again and he fell back onto the ground, panting as his orgasm came over him.
She let go of him and pulled his pajamas up again, as they stared at eachother the entire time.
"God, Hermione..." he whispered, "Come here," and he lazily pulled her face towards him, and kissed her as much as he could, but he felt like he could sleep for ages.
She stared at his face as she pulled away. He was looking at her with this glazed sort of awe, and she wondered vaguely if this was why he had woken her up and taken her outside. But the small shock on his face told her otherwise. He just wanted her company.
He had no idea this would happen.
Then again, she didn't either.
He sat up and said, "Maybe we should go back in, it's cold." He didn't want to say it, but it had to happen. Their lives had to go on.
"Yeah," she said again, not feeling cold at all.
She stood up first, and grabbed his hand to help him to his feet. They walked back in silence, but as they got to the door, she paused.
"What now?" she asked, tentatively.
He looked at her. "I... I don't know."
"I guess that's the most reassurance you can offer these days," she said quickly, feeling tears fill her eyes again.
He sighed. "I wish it was different." He looked at her face as she glanced down and bit her lip, but he quickly leaned in and kissed her one last time. He pressed his lips gently to hers, and then pulled away.
-------
The next morning, Harry woke up late for breakfast, but didn't go downstairs right away. He hadn't slept in so long, and he remembered hazily what had happened the night before.
He let out a sigh, and sat up in George's old bed. His eyes darted to the desk, where there was a small piece of parchment. He grabbed for it.
Dear Harry,
When this is all over, I'd like to take a walk with you again. We both know why it can't happen again for now.
Love,
Hermione
He read it twice and swallowed hard. He knew it was coming.
Trying not to think about it, he dressed quickly and headed out of the room.
When he went downstairs and entered the noisy kitchen, he saw everyone standing around or sitting and eating.
His eyes quickly found Ron and Hermione, engaged in a happy, joking conversation -- he felt his stomach churn.
Suddenly Hermione's eyes shot up at him, and her grin faded into a small, sad smile. He returned it.
And now he felt as if he had one more reason to live through this -- because all he wanted to do right now, was ask her to go outside again.
Oh I'm so clever
But I'm not very wise
Fuck forever,
If you don't mind --
I'm stuck forever,
Stuck in your mind.