a/n: first attempt to this relationship. i always wanted them together. quite glad they are. )

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I hadn't counted on such things to happen. Actually, I never really thought anything would happen. Never thought about the future. But I've learned my lesson.

How was I to know something would come between us? How was I to know that something so simple could turn so comlicated? I remember when things were simple. I remember when things we good. I remember how I had met him. The one person who would cause all this change. I remember everything.

I remember when I was still ten, and Sirius and his friends were roughly twenty. Well, Sirius and James were twenty-one. Peter Pettigrew was about to join them, while Remus had just turned twenty. It was a month before my eleventh birthday, May third. And within half a year, I would be entering my first year at Hogwarts. I was pretty excited. Having just discovered my rare talents for morphing, I was eager to show off to anyone. I took my metamorphmagism as an added bonus when I would be in school. I had spent the whole month transforming myself, I totally forgot my origins. My unstopped morphing had not only crashed my memory, but I lost my identity.

Well, the day of my birthday, my cousin Sirius was coming. He always came visiting on my birthday. He and my mum got on pretty well. She was only eight years older than him, as she had me right after she left school. Because of this, my childhood was pretty much spent alone. Both my parents were young. They had to find jobs to keep up the family. I've always wondered why they got married so quickly. My mother worked in St. Mungos, dealing with patients who have been obscured by magical creature. My father worked for the Daily Prophet, as an editor along with his own column. When they were home, however, we were a pretty tight family.

Anyway, during my eleventh birthday, my parents had arranged for Sirius to come and watch me. The both of them were very well into their work during this period, as Voldemort's rising was great. The hospital needed extra staff. Although my mother specialised in magical creatures, she was called in to help with those who had been cursed, petrified and whatnot. My father was sent on a mission to scoop up as much as he could around the Ministry and the outside Muggle world for the Prophet. The were both extremely sorry, and to make up for it, they gave me the largest birthday cake and a new Comet Two-Sixty Broomstick. It was alright. I knew what was important. At least I had Sirius to keep me company.

My parents left the house around two in the afternoon. Sirius had just arrived, planting the biggest kiss on my nose and squishing me into one of his tight hugs. He was armed with presents, but had set them aside on our couch. I thought it was pretty strange. Sirius never brought that many presents. I mean, I knew he loved me. I didn't know he loved me to that extent.

But ten minutes after the departure of my parents, I found out exactly why he was loaded with all those parcels. I had just come out from the kitchen, clutching a glass of juice. I froze in terror as I heard a sudden bang errupting from my living room. I knew it was the sound of someone apparating, but the people who usually apparated into the house were my parents and Sirius. Everyone else used the Floo Network. Seeing as both my parents were gone, and Sirius was standing on the other side of the room, I panicked. Someone had come into the house, and I screamed with terror. Of course, I didn't think to look at whoever had come in. I threw my glass of juice and ran to hide behind my cousin.

It wasn't someone who came into the house. It was a bunch of people. Four others in fact. One had messy black hair with glasses, and was oddly gangly and well built at the same time. His arm was wrapped around someone with vibrant red hair and alarming green eyes. Beside her, a short dumpy character came into view. All I saw was a weird vibration coming from him. And lastly, beside him, someone tall, lean and a bit shabby stood.

I peeked at the four people. All were men, except the redhead. They seemed familiar. Well, the guys did at least.

'Alright you guys,' Sirius said. 'It's my cousin's birthday, as you well know. We're in her house, so don't mess anything. And don't try sneaking into the food cabinet, Peter. Ted's pretty stingy when someone eats his food. Trust me.'

The short one, I took it, was Peter. He made a sort of sound and was mopping his hair, which was dripping with the juice I had thrown on him. 'I feel gross.'

Taking a step aside from Sirius' legs, I bit my lower lip as I saw Peter give a disgusted grunt.

'I'm sorry,' I said shakily, looking at him wearily. He had given me a glare.

I never understood why he glared at me. After all, it was only juice. He was a wizard. He could've zapped it gone anyway.

'Don't get all touchy, Pete. It's just juice. Orange juice at that.'

The woman had spoken. I can't really have called her a woman. She looked quite young. But she had a bulge in her middle. She was pregnant.

She took out her wand, and withouth even uttering a word, Peter was dry. I was quite impressed by her. She didn't even need to say anything to cause magic. And to show her my admiration, I had transformed my hair long, red and wavy - just like hers.

Everyone's heads had whipped my way as they saw a sudden colour flash. I had smiled weakly up at the pregnant one. Thankfully, she smiled back.

'Hi! I'm Lily Potter,' she said, putting out a hand. I nervously shook it. 'Happy birthday!'

I uttered a small thanks. She was nice enough. I warmed up to her.

'I'm James,' said someone suddenly. It was the one with messy hair. 'James Potter. Her husband. Her wonderful, handsome, just-too-good-to-be-true lover.' He pointed to Lily. I smiled at him. He was a lot like Sirius, complimenting himself in boisterous ways. I warmed up to him too.

I looked at Peter next. He just scowled.

'That's Peter,' Sirius equipped, giving Peter a bit of an angry look. Pettigrew said nothing. He made a squeak sound that sounded a bit terrified.

And finally, I turned my head at the last guess. He was quite different from everyone else in the room. Although he was young - I knew he was at least twenty - he looked older. And more tired and worn out. But nevertheless, he gave me a big smile and offered his hand.

'My name is Remus Lupin. What's yours?'

Even his voice was different. Sirius had always been one of the loud ones, and I knew James was too. He always talked to mum about James and his other friends. I've heard Remus Lupin pop up numerous times, but I never knew as much about him as James. He seemed quiet, friendly, and honest.

I took hold of his hand, quite larger than my own. He had a gentle clasp. 'Nymphadora Tonks.'

I never liked my name. It always irritated me.

'We always called her Tonks,' Sirius had suddenly said, breaking the contact. 'Tonks, Little Tonkers, Tonksy. But mostly Tonks.'

I did prefer Tonks. It was simple, unique, and even fun.

Remus had given me an odd look. He bent down so that our faces were level, and gave me a searching look. It gave me weird sensations. Pleasure, uncertainty... but it was good.

'I like Nymphadora. It's different and uncommon. Uncommon names are the best.'

It was weird. But I felt special. 'Remus is pretty uncommon either.'

'Well, whaddya know? We're two of a kind.' He gave me a small wink and flashed a boyish smile. 'I think I shall call you Nymphadora.'

I had taken a liking to him. My hair had instantly changed from red to sandy brown. And once again, all heads came into my direction.

'Tonks, what's up with you?' Sirius asked me uncertainly. Everyone was looking at me curiously and a bit afraid. Well, everyone but Remus. He had an odd look. One of those looks of knowing.

'Mum said I'm a Metamorphmagi.'

Everyone's mouths dropped. All, of course, except Remus.

'Tonks, don't be ridiculous. Metamorphmagi are pretty rare. Are you sure?'

'Mum said so!'

I had felt rather defensive and angry.

'Tonks, really - '

'I can prove it!'

And within the time span of twenty seconds, I completely changed my whole image. My hair was green, my nose resembled Sirius', my mouth was deep red, and my eyes were an eerie purple.

'Whoa.'

I stood there looking at everyone. While they all stared back at me, I resumed my sandy brown hair, big blue eyes, and my Aunt Gretchen's mouth.

'Tonks, go back to your original form,' Sirius had requested.

It was hard. I didn't remember what I looked like. 'Sirius, I don't know how.'

'What do you mean you don't know how?'

'I can't remember.'

He just gaped at me. I stood there feeling ashamed of myself.

But he finally snapped out of it. 'Your hair was dark brown - almost black. And so were your eyes. You had Narcissa's mouth.'

I had tried, and got everything right except for the mouth. He grabbed at his pocket, and pulled out a pouch I've seen dad had. It was called a wallet. One of those muggle trinkets. He flipped through it and showed it to me. There was a picture of me. And seeing my mouth, I transfored back to my original self.

'Don't ever forget about yourself, Tonks,' Sirius had told me in a shaky voice. He seemed scared. 'Always remember who you are. What you look like. Be proud of who you are.'

He gave me a final half awed, half petrified stare, and had walked briskly into the kitchen, quickly followed by James, Lily and Peter. The four were muttering things under their braths that I hadn't heard, but was sure I was the topic of discussion. But Remus, on the other hand, had stayed behind.

I had taken a seet on my father's armchair, lost for words. I wasn't scared. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't even sorry. I guess I wasn't anything.

Remus had just sort of drifted beside the chair. I looked up to see him smiling at me. He was a pretty odd character.

'Unique name, unique nickname, unique personality, and unique abilities. I guess we're not two of a kind.'

I was startled to hear him say that. 'Why?'

"Because you're extraordinary, Nymphadora. You're special. You are one of a kind.'

It was then that I began to truly like my powers. I truly was one of a kind. But not entirely.

I stood up from the chair, standing up beside Remus. I only reached past his elbows then.

'Remus?'

'Yes?'

'I prefer not to be one of a kind.'

'Why?'

'I'd much prefer to be two of a kind with you.'

I had taken a liking to him.

- - - - - - - - -

And since then, I have known Remus Lupin. I lived two years in the midst of Sirius and his friends. Lily had been an excellent mentor, giving me tips on what colour hair complimented me, and how to achieve status amongst my peers. The advice from the guys, however, were a bit different. They taught me how to avoid homework, how to save myself from the wrath of McGonagall, and certain passageways to escape to in the castle. Remus had also taught me a useful trick incase Peeves came upon me. I was there in the summer when Harry Potter was born. I had helped choose his name.

But it all changed. Although everything seemed alright, I knew it wasn't. People looked more panic stricken. Sirius and his friends grew more tense. My mother was constantly called out to give aid to others. My father was alwasy at the ministry. I was always left with the odd babysitter. Sirius never had any more time to look after me. He was in some sort of club against Voldemort. I just bounced my way around sitters - at least, those who were willing to sit.

And then, a year since Harry was born, it became silent.

No more fights. No more deaths, captures, tortures, and missing people.

But it wasn't completely silent.

Sirius had been sent to Azkaban on account of Murdering Peter Pettigrew. Now, I've never liked Peter. I just never warmed up to him. And he always gave me odd looks. Everyone seemed to be against Sirius. Even my own mother, whom she claimed that apart from my dad and me, was her only family. But she had turned cold to him. So had my father. But not me. I knew there was something wrong, but I just didn't know exactly what it was.

And he had been sent to Azkaban. I tried asking to mum to visit him, but both my parents were very strict to that. I now know why. But I still needed to save Sirius.

Everyone lost contact. Even Remus Lupin - who I liked most out of all of Sirius' friends, stopped his contacts with me. I guess he thought we were part of the betrayal that left him friendless. In revenge for everything, I vowed that I would stop crimes. All crimes. And take out the innocent out of Azkaban. And so I became an Auror.

And just three years ago, Sirius escaped. And a year later, we were reunited. He looked different. Cold. Angry. Tortured. Unsettled.

Different.

After fifteen years, I saw Remus Lupin again. He had aged mercilessly. But he had changed too. He and Sirius were friends again. I didn't approve of this at first. I felt betrayed by Remus.

I had been cold towards him for the first two months. I didn't know he was part of the Order as well. He didn't even recognize me until Sirius told him who I was.

'That's Tonks, Remus. Remember her?'

He gave me one of his looks, with a raised eyebrow. I raised mine in return.

Sirius saw our exchange. 'Grew up good, didn't she eh?'

I did grow up to be quite different. I've been told my mum that I took after her sisters. My mum never spoke much of them, and usually when she did, her tone was bitter. I wasn't sure if looking like her sisters was a good thing. I've seen pictures of them, and they didn't resemble mum. My mother looked more like her father, with a more angular face and dirty blonde hair. My aunts were a different story. They seemed to have inherited all the goods of the Ancient Black Family, and apparantly, so did I. My hair was the same wavy almost-black sort of brown, just like Bellatrix. My nose grew to look like hers too, dainty and well pronounced. My mouth had changed, just like Narcissa's, a full pout. And my eyes like hers also, but with the colour of Bellaxtrix - dark brown. Like I said, I'm still not sure if it's a good thing. But I guess inheriting the godly Black looks was alright. I mean, I had to admit, I didn't look bad or anything.

Remus had tried to engage me in conversation numerous times. Because I still hadn't warmed up to him, I either shrugged him off, ignored him, or gave blunt answers. He usually laughed at my blunt answers, which had made me even angrier. He himself changed in appearance. He had streaks of grey in his hair, with puffy bags under his eyes. He seemed more quiet, and more reserved than before. He never said much in the Order unless he was asked his opinion. But then when situations were indeed harsh, he also put in his word, which was pretty wise for a thirty-five year old.

I think Dumbledore and Sirius saw my bitterness towards the man. Many of my tasks for the Order were accompanied by Remus.

When we picked up Harry from his Aunt's place, I tried to avoid him. When he introduced me to Harry, he even called me Nymphadora. I had told him in a harsh tone that I preferred to be called Tonks. But even still, he called me Nymphadora.

But after numerous taks, I had no choice but to talk to him willingly. And soon, we were back on speaking terms. What can I say? I had taken a liking to him. He lived with Sirius at Number Twelve, and I was a frequent visitor. My father had died a few years back due to a Muggle disease called cancer. He refused to go to St. Mungos, saying cancer was uncurable. I don't believe it. He could have survived - he chose not to. My mother to this day is in St. Mungos - but for different reasons. One of her patients had be bitten with a sort of venomous snake, and he had went insane. The open wound had found its way onto her bare skin, and now, she too, is in the hospital. They can't seem to get out the venom. It had somehow transported into her bloodstream. By getting the stuff out of the blood, she'd lose too much blood to survive.

So, I sold my parent's old house, and rented a nice apartment above Madam Malkin's. It does get lonely. I do have the occasional visit from Fred and George, and I do pay them a visit too. But still, it's lonely.

Before Sirius' death, I sometimes lived with him for alternating weeks. He too was lonely. Even though Remus lived with him, he was always doing Order business. Not that I was left out. Nope. I too had order business. It was good that way. Tasks from Dumbledore were now mostly done individually. So Sirius always had someone with him. Everytime I was busy, Remus wasn't, and when I wasn't busy, he was. We did bump into each other, though rarely.

But then Sirius passed. And now, I'm back in my dinky apartmnet across from Fred an Geogre. Molly offered a place to stay at the Burrow. But no thanks. I don't have the energy to deal with Fleur. She's a handful. And besides, I don't want to face Molly. Not since it happened.

The feelings were there since I saw him again. I swear, it wasn't intended. It just happened. I couldn't control them. Everytime he talked to me, I'd get a giddy jump in my stomach, even if I tried to ignore it. He was the only one who called me by my name. I'd usually tell off the person who did, but never him. I didn't know why, but the way he said it made 'Nymphadora' sound okay.

At first, I thought they were just foolish feelings. You know, infatuations. I was never one for infatuations. Infatuations never led me nowhere anyway. But I'm not too sure if it was infatuation. Isn't infatuation just liking someone for physical attractiveness? I mean, Remus was no looker exactly. Well, he looked much better than 'alright', but he was different. The grey in his hair and his puffy eyes usually gave him an old look. But I knew he was young. Younger than even Sirius. Sirius had been almost twelve when he first entered Hogwarts. Remus had just turned eleven the day before September first.

I also liked his personality. And the way he talked tol someone; it made you think that it was only you in the entire world. And he was unlike the other men. Every man I knew was boisterous, loud, rude. They had an odd sense of humour. And sometimes even were disrespectful towards women. But no, not Remus. He was always nice to women, holding doors for them, waitng until they were seated, pouring their tea. Even the older women flustered around him - especially Molly Weasley. Just by him saying 'Molly, you've got the greatest nack for cleaning up Doxy feces!' could make her day. He was truly gifted at making others feel good about themselves. He didn't crack as many jokes as Sirius or Kingsley Shacklebolt, but when he did, they were ten times more funny. He wasn't one for small talk. He liked long conversations about subjects that mattered, such as Goblin Revolutions and House Elf freedom - not like the usual mutters from Mundungus that consisted of cheating and money. Remus didn't have much money. I could see that. His robes were always frayed. But I wondered why. He was an intelligent person.

And then I knew why. He was a werewolf. Society never treated werewolves like normal folk. But still, Remus treated everyone as his equal, even down to the homeless.

I liked all that about him. So is it considered infatuation?

I soon realized that I fancied him. I never really admitted it, but I knew I did. And Molly Weasley knew also. I think it's her mother's intuition. The woman was like everyone's mother. And we were her litter of chicks.

When Sirius was gone, my feelings grew stronger. Maybe it was because Remus was the closest thing to Sirius, being one of his closest friends and all. I missed my cousin, but I saw some of him in his friend. And so I clung onto the only thing closest to the past.

And then, on July fifth, I told him. I told him I liked him. I told him my feelings were sincere.

Remus is the kind of man who understands everyone, no matter the situation. The one with words of comfort. The one everyone looked to when they needed advice. Kind, gentle, understanding.

So I was surprised by his answer.

He told me I was being stupid. I didn't understand.

He told me I was too young. He was too old.

I fought back. We were only a ten year difference. I've seen bigger. My mother once told me my Aunt Narcissa was a thirteen year difference with her husband, Lucius Malfoy. I relayed the bit of information. He just smiled cruelly.

He said he was too dangerous.

Because he was a werewolf? I told him I didn't care. Werewolf or not, I liked him. I didn't care.

He said he was too poor.

Money isn't everything. I don't care about money. As long as we survived, money didn't matter.

He laughed at me with a bitterness I've never heard before. He asked me why I chose him.

And my answer was that I had taken a liking to him.

He's not here anymore. He's now on his mission to recruit as many werewolves as possible, living with them in their headquarters under ground. Yes, I worry. He's different from the other werewolves. They aren't the kind, gentle type. They are harsh, mean, and merciless.

Molly had tried to help me get over it. I can say it helped a bit. At first, she tried to use me to get Fleur away, but I had refused. Bill loved Fluer, and she him. I was secretly jealous towards their relationship.

And I'm at my post, in Hogsmeade, looking after Harry. It helps take my mind off everything, though not entirely.

I don't know why he denied me. Why he sounded so bitter.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken a liking to him.

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