Let's make sure that everyone knows that there are some MAJOR SPOILERS for THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE in here (just making sure you guys caught that…), so if you want to spare yourself the agony of knowing what happens, then don't go any further. Unless of course, you want to know what happens. Then by all means – go ahead.

Right. So I don't own any of these characters… J.K. Rowling does… It's a bummer, I know…

A/N: I'm thinking that this is going to be no more than a ten-chapter story. Not quite sure yet, because though because a) shit happens and I have to accommodate that stuff… and b) I've never really planned a story out chapter-after-chapter beforehand… so we'll see how this works out. Email me with any suggestions, comments, or concerns. Or you know… just comment and tell me how I did. That's always nice.

A/N # 2: This story deals a lot with flashbacks and whatnot – hence the setting, date, time stuff… I'm not quite sure how much detail (like actual dates as in May 22 or just significant happenings… like… the day Harry gets whisked away from the Dursleys for the 143rd time) I want to go into on each SDT (setting, date, time) heading or if I'm going to stay consistent with the format of each one whenever something changes. Just know that you'll be amply warned of a SDT change with some symbols surrounding the SDT. Mkay? Right then. Enjoy the story and review. Cheers!

A/N #3: Due to me updating this many times and trying to get dotted lines to appear, I'm going to use "o"s to separate where the A/N's are and where the story is. Right? Cool.

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Ω Hogwarts, a spare staff bedroom. The night of the Death Eater attack on Hogwarts, also the night of Dumbledore's death. Nearly 2 a.m. (could also be construed as the morning after the attack for the bitterly anal). Ω

The sheets were gently rustled as Tonks shifted her position again. She sighed and struggled to keep her intake of air steady, rather than the shaky breath that fought to come out. The air hung thickly in the room, doused in tension and heavy with the scent of battle and perspiration. Tonks blinked a few times, moistening her lips silently.

Remus sat quite still, his legs swung over the side of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees. Clenched in the fists of both anxiety and conflict, he didn't say a word. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to speak at all.

Silence gripped the tiny room in an over-extended awkward pause.

Not much had happened in the last four minutes; it was a break from the ceaseless horrors that they had had to endure only hours before. Both had passed through the door to the spare staff room with less than bubbly feelings. Not only had both experienced the loss of a friend, but they had experienced the leaking of their feelings for each other in a less than private place – something they both felt that they regretted.

The room was quite plain, though neither of the two noticed that less-than-cared-for look of the room when they entered it. The walls were a matte puce color, something that looked as if it had been painted over a different, more vibrant color… something that looked like it had been done recently – maybe during Dolores Umbridge's horrendous stint at Hogwarts. There was a small, mahogany dresser pushed up against one of the walls that had been collecting dust for some time. Against the opposite wall was a desk of pale oak that had long been abandoned for actual use and now sported a large black ink stain that was splotched across the top. The stool that matched the desk also had a smattering of ink across the top, along with a bit of ink smudging; evidence that a poor soul had sat down upon the wet ink and probably ruined a set of robes. Pressed against the back of the room, betwixt the dresser and the desk and stool set was an exceedingly plain bed. There were white and cream sheets that were tucked into the corners, both on top of each other and both clashing dreadfully. On top of those sheets was a light blue, fuzzy, woolen blanket that looked as if it had been tossed on haphazardly without any care whatsoever – like someone had an effort to make the bed, but never really had any heart in it. No pillow was placed at the head of the bed. Instead, the pillow had been tossed onto the floor, next to the dresser, and it now lay there, unused, crumpled, and rather old looking.

The bed had more wrinkles in it.

Of course it would have – there were two people occupying it at the moment. Both sat at opposite sides of the bed, each giving the other some much needed and yet, much hated space. Neither spoke and the awful silence bore on.

Tonks sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed by the head, which happened to be closest to the wall. Her hands were fidgeting in her lap; and more than once, she tried to calm herself and stop moving. It didn't work. Instead, she put her mind to twiddling her thumbs quietly, but she soon found herself dazing out and her thumbs caught onto one another and ruined the entire exercise. Her teeth mashed against her bottom lip, biting the corner with a slight forcefulness that was evidence of her nerves and had shown her reverting back to her old habits.

Remus sat at the opposite end of the bed, his legs still dangling over the side and his feet planted firmly on the ground. His hands had nothing to do. He didn't usually have those nervous habits that other people were often cursed with, and now was not an exception to the fact. His brow was knit slightly as he stared off at the floor paneling, his amber eyes following the intricately weaving patterns of the wood grain. He was at a loss of what to do. This hadn't been a pleasant evening and he suddenly wished for it to end immediately. He wanted to retire to his own room and sink into his bed to wish for sleep to come and take him away for a few hours. At the rate that this silent conversation was going, it looked as if that goal of lying sound asleep in bed wasn't ever going to be attainable.

He decided to break the silence and he cleared his throat softly. He didn't look up as he spoke, and he didn't even flick his eyes over in Tonks' direction. "Listen. It's been an altogether and entirely too long night. I… I don't know why I came in here, but it was a mistake and I think it'd be best for the both of us to get some sleep before tomorrow; because you know as well as I, that tomorrow is going to be just as long as tonight… if not longer… and… well… Goodnight." His voice was completely level throughout and though he had just told her goodnight and his plans to leave for the evening, he didn't move an inch.

At the sound of his voice, Tonks immediately looked over towards Remus, her eyes soaking him in, imploring him to look at her. She found herself knitting her brow at the fact that he had just bid her goodnight in such an abrupt way. There was nothing in his voice for her. It was so empty. Her eyes stayed focused on him. "Don't you even want to talk? About tonight? About Albus? Us? Anything?" Her voice had a sort of desperate quality to it, though she had tried to keep it under control.

He didn't look up. "What is there to say? I have no words for what I'm feeling right now. It's… It's not something I fancy talking about right now."

"What do you mean 'it'? Are you talking about the attack? Or Dumbledore? Or us? What?" She didn't like how nonchalant he was being right now… but then again… that was Remus; able to keep his cool in almost any situation. And now didn't seem to be an exception. These sorts of talks they had never were an exception… Tonks thought bitterly to herself. He was never able to raise his voice at her or yell at her or anything and that annoyed the hell out of her… but somehow, she liked him for it.

His reply was just above a whisper and Tonks subconsciously felt herself leaning in towards him slightly. "I mean… everything. I don't want to talk about the attack. I don't want to talk about Snape or Greyback or Albus. There's nothing I can say about any of them right now. Either way, you probably know how I feel. You've known me that long and I don't think I'm that unpredictable. And about us? No. There is no us. I've told you a thousand times. I—" He stopped and let out an exasperated breath. He had hit his own soft spot. He threw his head back and looked up at the ceiling. He could see a spider rolling up its prey in that sticky sheen of string that was coming out of its backside. He looked away, not willing to watch this horrid metaphorical representation of himself. God, how much he hated seeing things like that and relating them to events that were actually happening. He shook the feeling away and continued on, his voice louder, "Why? Why did you have to bring us up tonight? There's enough going on… I mean… Bill and… and…"

Her eyes flashed and her voice was raised as much as his, if not higher, "I brought it up because it was able to be put into the conversation. It was completely relevant. I know how Fleur feels. I…" She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

Remus took advantage of the pause and added his own thoughts to the matter, "With Bill and Fleur, it's completely different. You can't honestly think that I would take Bill and Fleur's situation and meld it to be like ours?" He mentally kicked himself for saying that… yes, he would do that sort of thing… he had just done it with that damn spider…

"Oh yes you would, Remus. Don't try and fool me. I was watching at you. I saw how you looked when Fleur affirmed her love for Bill. Don't you dare try and twist the situation and say something about Bill being only 'maybe contaminated.' It's the same exact thing. The same fucking thing." Tonks looked at him with her face contorted into angry disappointment.

All Remus could think to say was, "Don't curse at me Tonks. It's not becoming of you." It sounded just as stupid and curt and rude out loud as it did in his head, but she had gotten him going and he didn't want her to get the last word in edgewise. A thought flickered across his mind, wondering why he was doing this… this was so unlike him to want to argue like this… "Like I said before… Honest to Merlin – I'm much too old for you. You should find someone your own age with money and a proper lifestyle. You don't want to be on the run with me all the time… and every month…" he trailed off dejectedly.

Tonks looked at him with her mouth ajar. She couldn't believe that he had said something so… Well, it didn't matter. She was going to tell him how she felt and then… And then… She hadn't the slightest clue where she was going or why as the first words tumbled out of her slightly pouted lips. "Fine! You know what – if you're so hell-bent on not being together, then fine. But don't you dare – don't you fucking dare toy with me and say it's just because you're old and poor and dangerous. You know I don't care about how old you are or how much money you have. That appalls me that you think I'd care about that…"

Remus interjected quickly with, "I was just implying that you don't want to have to be scrounging around for every knut that you can get your hands on. It's not the sort of life that I'd want you living…" He still couldn't look at her…

Tonks continued as if he hadn't even spoken. "And the danger. Ha! Remus. Did it slip your mind that every day I'm in danger? That every day I go into work and face danger all the time? I'm an auror and I'm a part of the Order. It's not as if I'm saying that I laugh in the face of danger – by all means, no. But that's a really lame excuse Remus… that your life is too dangerous for me…" She rolled her eyes derisively.

He couldn't stand it any longer, he looked up at and had a pleading look in his eyes, "It's not just that, Tonks. There's that part about me changing every month… if I bit you or got you infected… I don't…" he trailed off once again, his voice returned to barely a whisper.

His eyes were filled with such sorrow and dolor that Tonks was immediately caught within his gaze, returning it with a comforting one of her own. Remus suddenly looked away, unable to keep her gaze for more than that moment.

"So you're scared then? Is that it? What is it that you're worried about? I've already told you that looks and money and things like that don't matter… Are you afraid that I suddenly won't want to be with you once I spend more than a month with you? Well, you know what? To tell the truth – I'm scared too. I'm scared out of my fucking wits, but you're worth that Remus. I'm willing to sacrifice what I've got for you. I'm not going to throw you away like all the others. And I know that deep, deep down in that heart of yours, you know that too… I don't even really know why I'm scared then… It's the mystery, I guess – you know, Remus? The unknown… that sort of grey area that no one really chooses to scope out. The part where you go, 'What's going to happen next? Where the devil am I going, flying blindfolded on a rickety old broom on a cloudy night?' I… I…"

She paused for a moment…

"Do you remember that one night?" Her voice had relaxed and quieted immensely and she felt her gaze soften as she gradually and unconsciously looked off towards the front of the room, dazing off. "The first one? You know – the one where we got ice cream from Fortescue's shop and then we went back to my flat to eat the cones and get out of the heat?"

Tonks was quite unaware of just how loudly she was breathing or how heavily her chest was heaving up and down with each breath of air that she took. She was staring off at the wall… the door… the threshold… she didn't really know what she was looking at. It was merely a place for her eyes to rest, for her mind was in another place… another time.

Remus spent his time not looking at her. In fact, his eyes were darting around the room, looking anywhere but her. He remembered that night. He remembered all the nights. He had played each one over in his head many times, and he was sure that she did as well. Each time he relived one of those memories, new wounds were cut and smothered with salt as he realized that such euphoric times couldn't live forever; they were momentary, a blink of an eye, something that would not last. He knew exactly how this one played out… this particular night – their first, but he remained silent and let her continue.

"We were sitting on the couch and I'd just finished my ice cream and you were still toodling away on yours… and your eyes… when you looked over at me… They had that sort of grey-ish tinge or look or whatever to them… Where we weren't just friends eating ice cream anymore… it was… it was something – something –"

Tonks stopped a moment, searching for a word to describe the indescribable as she sought to carry on.

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A/N #3: Wow! First chapter finished! Okay… so to all my faithful and loyal and awesome readers/fans out there waiting for other stuff to come from me (like… maybe a 20-somethingth chapter of Defeat or another chapter of Vanished… perhaps another bit of well… Just ask, all right? Email me or comment and ask me to write something and I'll do it. Yeah. Totally. I'll do it. But I just don't know what you guys want to read anymore, cuz it's been sooooo fucking long and I'm sorry for that!…). Okay. Next chapter for this story should be out soon. I'm not sure just how soon, because my internet's down and I've been forced for the past month to get on the internet at my aunt's house instead of the comfort of my own. . Bad times. Okay. This is long enough. For a closing A/N… so I'll let you guys go have lives…

Cheers!

Elf Girl 4

PS: Remember to email and or comment for me! My email's on my bio page!

PPS: Hey... if any of you saw any typos or whatever, tell me and I'll be happy to go and fix them!