THE HALL MONITER

By: Mike Staley

Based on characters created by Kiyohiko Azuma

INT.: MIHAMA LIVING ROOM.

The front door bursts open as Chiyo Mihama runs in with a look of sheer panic on her face. Her large dog, Mr. Tadakichi ran in beside her and lay down, contently.

CHIYO: Daddy, daddy!

Her father, a strange, yellow cat like creature enters in a bathrobe with a pipe in one hand and "A Tale of Two Cities" in the other.

CHIYO-DAD: What is it, Chiyo? I'm trying to read.

CHIYO: Daddy, just listen to what Miss Yukari said she was going to do to Mr. Tadakichi. It's terrible!

CHIYO-DAD: Now, calm down, dear. I'm sure whatever happened isn't something to get upset about. Now go upstairs. You're friends are waiting for you.

With that, he walks out of the room as Chiyo looks down, dejected. Finally, she goes up the stairs towards her room.

INT.: CHIYO'S ROOM.

Inside, Koyomi Mizuhara, Miss Sakaki, and Tomo Takino are studying. Yomi is reading a book. Sakaki is working on a drawing of a cat. Tomo is sitting around, doing nothing. After a moment, she turns to Yomi.

TOMO: Hey, Yomi let me see that.

Without waiting for a reply, she reaches over and pulls the book out of Yomi's hand. Yomi lets out a surprised gasp.

YOMI: Ouch! You gave me a paper cut!

TOMO: You shouldn't hold books so hard.

At that point, Chiyo runs in.

CHIYO: Miss Yomi, Miss Sakaki, Tomo. You'll never guess what Miss Yukari did today.

TOMO: This is such an interesting book.

CHIYO: Aren't you listening. Miss Yukari said.

TOMO: Shh. This is the good part.

Chiyo pouts as Tomo goes back to the book. Yomi walks over to her.

YOMI: Listen, just calm down. Your dad said he'd bring some snacks up later. They'll make you feel better. Besides you should know by now if you ever have trouble with Miss Yukari, run.

CHIYO: Run?

YOMI: Well yeah. It's not like you're fat or something.

Chiyo continues to pout and walks over towards Tomo again.

TOMO: You aren't gonna let Miss Yukari get to you, are you? Use that genius brain of yours.

Chiyo notices a paper she needs on top of a high bookcase. He begins to climb the case for it. Tomo, almost talking to herself, doesn't notice.

TOMO: Yeah, next time she gives you trouble, use your skills to get out of it.

Suddenly, Chiyo slips and falls off the bookcase, several different items falling on top of her. This brings Tomo out of her daydream and she begins to panic.

TOMO: Help! Help! Someone do something!

Sakaki and Yomi hurry over to pull the things off Chiyo, who sits up, a little painfully. Yomi turns to Tomo.

YOMI: What, you couldn't do that yourself? Aren't you good at anything?

At that point, the door opens and Chiyo-Dad walks in with a plate of snacks.

CHIYO-DAD: Hey, now. This doesn't sound like studying to me.

He then notices the cat picture Sakaki was working on.

CHIYO-DAD: Well, I guess if you can't have the real thing, a picture works as well.

SAKAKI: I know someday I'll be able to have a real cat.

CHIYO-DAD: Well, don't throw out the band aids and ointment yet.

He sets down the plate and walks out. Chiyo follows him as the other girls start on the snacks.

INT.: OUTSIDE CHIYO'S ROOM.

Chiyo-Dad starts to go down the stairs as Chiyo calls to him.

CHIYO: Daddy, you don't understand. I have to tell you about what happened at school.

CHIYO-DAD: We can talk about it after you're done with your homework.

He turns to leave but Chiyo grabs his arm.

CHIYO: But, Daddy. Miss Yukari said--

CHIYO-DAD: Chiyo, you have to calm down. I'll talk to you about it later, but right now I have to get ready for my Garfield complex meeting. Now try to stay out of trouble.

With that, he walks down the stairs.

CHIYO: "Try to stay out of trouble." He just doesn't understand. Being a ten year old high schooler isn't easy. Sometimes I just wish I was back with my old friends in elementary school.

Suddenly, music begins to play, coming from nowhere.

CHIYO: (singing) SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM

FAR AWAY

THERE'S A PLACE WHERE WE PLAY AND JUMP

ALMOST EVERYDAY

SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM

PARENTS KNOW

HOW IT FEELS JUST TO BE CAREFREE

WITH A HAPPY GLOW

SOMEDAY WHEN GRADUATION COMES

AND MY TIME HERE IS FINALLY DONE AND OVER

AMERICA IS WHERE I'LL GO

TO MEET PEOPLE LIKE GREAT GONZO, KERMIT, AND GROVER

SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM

MY FRIENDS LIVE

BEING WITH THEM OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM

OH, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE.

Tomo looks out from Chiyo's room.

TOMO: Where did that music come from?

INT.: MIHAMA LIVING ROOM.

The phone rings and Chiyo-Dad comes in to answer it.

CHIYO-DAD: Hello?

YUKARI: (V.O.) Mr. Mihama. I need you to come in tomorrow so we can speak about your daughter.

CHIYO-DAD: Chiyo? What's she done?

YUKARI: (V.O.) She's got to answer for my lost bottle of sake.

CHIYO-DAD: She drank it?

YUKARI: (V.O.) No, this is about her dog.

CHIYO-DAD: THE DOG DRANK IT?

YUKARI: (V.O.) No!

INT.: School office - - Day.

Miss Yukari Tanizaki sits behind her desk holding a broken bottle of sake in her hands. Chiyo-Dad sits on the other side of the desk with Chiyo beside him, Mr. Tadakichi beside her.

YUKARI: That dog following her to school is horrible. Look at what he did to my sake.

CHIYO-DAD: What are you doing with a bottle of sake at school anyway?

YUKARI: That's not the point. That dog's a menace and it owes me for this bottle. I demand that it be given to me to work off the cost of my sake.

CHIYO-DAD: "Work it off?" This is still the dog we're talking about, right?

YUKARI: Yes! I have plenty of things a dog can do for me. And if I don't get him, I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got. I've got a good lawyer too. He used to work on "Law & Order."

CHIYO-DAD: Drat.

CHIYO: I knew you should have hired someone besides your former college roommate to be your lawyer.

CHIYO-DAD: I guess we have no choice. How long do you intend to keep him?

YUKARI: A few weeks, unless he does anymore damage.

CHIYO: I can't believe you're agreeing to this! You can't give Mr. Tadakichi away.

CHIYO-DAD: I'm sorry, Chiyo.

With that, she gets up and runs out of the office, in tears. Chiyo-Dad starts to follow, but stops and turns to Yukari.

CHIYO-DAD: Listen here, you English speaking, immature drunk! Just because you're her teacher, it doesn't give you the right to take advantage of her like this. You know what I think? I think...well, kids might be reading this so I can't say what I think.

With that, he storms out as Yukari looks on in shock. She's so in shock that she doesn't notice Mr. Tadakichi sneak out.

INT.: SCHOOL HALLWAY.

Several students are coming to and from class. Chiyo sits leaning against a wall, in tears. After a moment, Mr. Tadakichi runs over to her.

CHIYO: Mr. Tadakichi! You got away. Come on. We have to get out of here.

She stands up and they run across the hall before stopping at a small fortune telling booth. She reads the sign above the booth.

CHIYO: (reading) "The Great Professor Ohyama. He sees all and knows all." Maybe he can tell us what to do.

She sits in front of the booth as Ohyama walks out from behind a curtain wearing a turban and cape. He sits in front of her a moment before speaking.

OHYAMA: Welcome to the home of the great Professor Ohyama. What are you interested in knowing.

She begins to speak, but he holds up his hand.

OHYAMA: Don't tell me. You want to know about your future husband?

CHIYO: No.

OHYAMA: You want to know about the upcoming stock market info?

CHIYO: No.

He then notices the tears in her eyes and Mr. Tadakichi beside her.

OHYAMA: You want to know what's going to happen after the sake disaster from yesterday.

CHIYO: How'd you know?

He simply laughs and quickly hides the school paper with the story on the front page.

OHYAMA: Well, let's see what we can find out.

He pulls a crystal ball out from under the table and sets it down.

OHYAMA: Tell me what you're thinking about doing? It may help me find the answers.

CHIYO: I don't know. If I go back to daddy, he'll make me give Mr. Tadakichi up again. I'm thinking of running away.

OHYAMA: I see. Well let's take a look inside my magic crystal ball.

He waves his hands over the ball and begins muttering strange words. Finally, he stops.

OHYAMA: I see something. It's a weird looking cat, all yellow.

CHIYO: Amazing. That's my daddy.

OHYAMA: (to himself) Thanks for telling me, Sakaki.

He again waves his hands over the ball.

OHYAMA: Oh no! I'm seeing bad things. He's looking at a picture of you. Are those tears I'm seeing in his eyes?

Chiyo begins to get nervous and tries to see what he's seeing.

OHYAMA: Oh no, he packing his bags and moving to the SPCA!

Chiyo jumps to her feet.

CHIYO: Oh no! Daddy!

With that, she runs off with Mr. Tadakichi. Ohyama smiles.

OHYAMA: Oh yeah. I'm good.

Chiyo, meanwhile runs through the halls, passing a "wet floor" sign. She slips and falls, hitting her head on the floor.

CHIYO'S P.O.V.

The world seems to spin before blacking out.

INT.: NURSE'S OFFICE.

Chiyo is lying on a bed, Mr. Tadakichi sitting beside her. After a moment, she wakes up and looks around.

CHIYO: What happened?

She gets out of the bed and walks over to the door. However, it's so heavy, she can't seem to open it. Finally, she pushes with all her might, and the door swings open. She and Mr. Tadakichi walk out.

INT.: SMALLER HALLWAY.

Chiyo looks around, confused. The hallways are filled with childish pictures and phrases.

CHIYO: Mr. Tadakichi, I have a feeling we're not in high school anymore.

Suddenly, she notices what seems to be a large bubble floating towards her. As it gets closer, she realizes it's not a floating bubble at all, but a large round luggage carrier being held by Minamo (Nyamo) Kurisawa, the high school P.E. teacher. Suddenly, the carrier slips out of her hand and rolls off down the hall. She starts to follow it, but notices Chiyo.

NYAMO: Oh, Chiyo-Chan. What are you doing here?

CHIYO: I don't even know where here is.

NYAMO: Well, you've definitely made quite a first impression.

She points to the door Chiyo entered from. Chiyo looks to see a pair of legs sticking out from behind it.

CHIYO: Did I do that?

NYAMO: I think so, but don't feel too bad. I'm thinking the kids here will be quite grateful.

CHIYO: But where is here?

NYAMO: This is elementary school, of course. Now come on out, everyone. You should thank her.

The strange music from nowhere starts to play again.

NYAMO: (singing) FROM HERE, FROM THERE

COME FROM ANYWHERE

AND MEET MISS MIHAMA

A PRODEGY RARE.

With that, kids begin to come out from the different classrooms.

NYAMO: (singing) SHE CAME TO OUR LAND

AND OPENED THE DOOR

THE NEXT THING YOU KNEW

MISS TAN WAS ON THE FLOOR

CHIYO: (singing) I DIDN'T MEAN TO KNOCK HER OUT

WHAT HAPPENED WAS JUST THIS

THROUGH THE HALLS I RAN

I HAD NO PLAN

THEN I SLIPPED UPON THE FLOOR

WITH A BIG SLAM

AND THEN MISS TAN

DOING JUST WHAT SHE CAN

WALKED INTO THE DOOR

WHICH HIT WITH A BAM

CHILD: (singing) AND OH WHAT HAPPENED THEN WAS GRAND

CHILDREN: (singing) SHE LAID UNDER THE FAN

WITH A FACE JUST LIKE A MAN

AND THANKS TO YOU SHE'LL

NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE GRAND

TO SAY GOODBYE TO EVIL MISS TAN

AND ALL HER CLAN

CAN BE DISBAND

CAUSE THERE'S NO MORE EVIL MISS TAN

Two kids run over to Chiyo.

KID #1: Gracias, Arigato, Merci, Thank you.

KID #2: So many ways to say it. Bottom line we'd like to bank you.

KID #1: "Bank you?" That makes no sense.

KID #2: Well it had to rhyme. You're the one that picked "thank you" last.

NYAMO: Let the joyous news be told. Evil Miss Tan's been knocked out cold.

The kids let out a cheer.

CHILDREN: (singing) YAY YAY! MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

WHICH MISS TAN? EVIL MISS TAN.

YAY YAY! EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

SPREAD IT THROUGH THE SCHOOL.

HEAR THE WORD. THE BEST WORD HEARD.

TELL THEM EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

NOW WE'LL HAVE A SUB WE CAN ADORE

AND BE AFRAID NO MORE

WE KNOW THAT WE'LL BE SAFE

BE SAFE AS WE SING

HEY HAI DELYDIAN

SING IT LOUD F YOU'VE BEEN TOLD

LET THEM KNOW EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD

The children dance around happily as Chiyo continues attempting to figure out what happening. Finally, two you boys walk out to the center of the group.

BOY #1: (singing) AS STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT

IN THESE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

I WELCOME YOU IN EVERY WAY.

VICE PRESIDENT: (singing) BUT WE MUST BE SURE THERE ISN'T ANYWAY

THAT SHE

PRESIDENT: (singing) THAT SHE

VICE PRESIDENT: (singing) COULD BE

PRESIDENT: (singing) COULD BE

VICE PRESIDENT: (singing) IN ANYWAY POSSIBLY

RANDOM KID: (singing) HOPEFULLY SHE WON'T BE

RANDOM KID #2: (singing) IT WOULD BE OUR BIGGEST FEARS

CHILDREN: (singing) IF SHE SOMEHOW COULD

BE BACK ANYTIME SOON.

With that, the school nurse walks to the center.

NURSE: (singing) AS THIS SCHOOL'S NURSE

I'LL LEAD THIS VERSE

TO SAY HER SITUATION'S WORSE

IS THIS THE ANSWER THAT YOU SEEK?

SHE'LL BE GONE FOR AT LEAST ONE WEEK

PRESIDENT: It will be a week of celebration to last from now till graduation.

VICE PRESIDENT: Should we make it that far.

PRESIDENT: Indeed. Yes, let the glorious news be told. Evil Miss Tan's been knocked out cold.

The children let out another cheer.

CHILDREN: (singing) YAY YAY! MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

WHICH MISS TAN? EVIL MISS TAN.

YAY YAY! EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

SPREAD IT THROUGH THE SCHOOL.

HEAR THE WORD. THE BEST WORD HEARD.

TELL THEM EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD.

NOW WE'LL HAVE A SUB WE CAN ADORE

AND BE AFRAID NO MORE

WE KNOW THAT WE'LL BE SAFE

BE SAFE AS WE SING

HEY HAI DELYDIAN

SING IT LOUD F YOU'VE BEEN TOLD

LET THEM KNOW EVIL MISS TAN'S OUT COLD

At that point, three girls in unusual uniforms come out.

GIRLS: (singing) WE REPRESENT THE BUTTERCUP BRIGADE

THE BUTTERCUP BRIGADE

THE BUTTERCUP BRIGADE

AND IN THE NAME OF THE BUTTERCUP BRIGADE

WE WISH TO WELCOME YOU TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

There boys in scout uniforms then come out.

BOYS: (singing) WE REPRESENT THE TIGER CUB SCOUTS

THE TIGER CUB SCOUTS

THE TIGER CUB SCOUTS

AND IN THE NAME OF THE TIGER CUB SCOUTS

WE WISH TO WELCOME YOU TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

CHILDREN: (singing) WE WELCOME YOU TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

SINGING "NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA

NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA"

PRESIDENT: (singing) FROM NOW ON WE WILL SING YOUR NAME

RANDOM KID: (singing) WE WILL SING

VICE PRESIDENT: (singing) WE WILL SING

PRESIDENT: (singing) WE WILL SING YOUR NAME

CHILDREN: (singing) AND TELL THE STORY TO ALL MEN

THEY WILL KNOW THE DEED

KNOW THE DEED, KNOW THE DEED

THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR US.

They begins dancing around happily, until, suddenly, the front door fly open and fog pours in. After a moment, Yukari walks in, trying to wave the fog away.

YUKARI: Boy, vision's almost completely gone out there.

She notices the feet behind the nurse's office door.

YUKARI: What happened to my sister? Who threw a door in her face?

Chiyo turns to Nyamo.

CHIYO: Sister? You mean, Miss Tan is short for Miss Tanizaki?

NYAMO: Yeah. Didn't I mention that?

Yukari walks over to Chiyo and Nyamo.

YUKARI: Chiyo. Trouble seems to be following you these days. You had something to do with this, didn't you?

CHIYO: It was an accident. She walked right into it.

YUKARI: Well, maybe you'll be walking right into something too.

NYAMO: Aren't you forgetting the money.

Yukari's eyes light up. He goes back to her unconscious sister and searches her.

YUKARI: Her wallet's gone. Where is it?

NYAMO: You're too late. It has a new home now.

She nudges Chiyo who finally notices a wallet in the pocket of her skirt. She looks at Nyamo accusingly.

YUKARI: Give me the wallet. It's my sister's wallet so I should keep a hold of it.

NYAMO: Don't let her have it. If she gets it, her sister will never see the money again.

YUKARI: Stay out of this, Nyamo, or you're next.

NYAMO: Please. Without me, you'd have to walk to school. Now get lost before someone throws a door in your face.

Yukari looks around, nervously.

YUKARI: Fine. I'll bide my time. But I warn you, go ahead and try to avoid me, brat. I'll get you my pretty, and your freakishly large dog too.

She cackles maniacally and runs off down the hall.

NYAMO: Well, it looks like you've gotten her really mad this time.

CHIYO: "I got her really mad?" You're the one that put the wallet in my pocket.

NYAMO: Either way, the best thing for you to do is get back home.

CHIYO: How do I do that?

NYAMO: The only one who can possibly help you is the hall monitor. He's wise in many things. You can find him on the other end of the school in the teacher's lounge. But I should warn you, it's a long journey. Don't worry, the kids will lead you safely out of the lobby area. And remember, don't lose that wallet, or you'll be at her mercy. So go along now. And follow the elementary school halls.

She takes her bubble back as a student brings it to her.

CHIYO: But what about--

NYAMO: Just follow the elementary school halls.

With that, she lifts the bubble onto her shoulders and walks off, seeming to float away.

CHIYO: Elementary school halls?

She takes a few steps.

RANDOM KID: Elementary school halls.

RANDOM KID #2: Elementary school halls.

CHILDREN: (singing) ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

ELEMENTARY, ELEMENTARY

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

YOU'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

THEY SAY HE'S WISE IN SO MANY THINGS

SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

SO MANY SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

THE HALL MONITER, HE KNOWS THEM ALL

THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL

HE EVEN KNOWS THE LOCATION OF NAPAL.

YOU'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

At that point, with the children waving, Chiyo dances off down the hall.

INT.: DIFFERENT HALLWAY.

Several students are walking to and from class as Chiyo appears along with Mr. Tadakichi. She looks around depressed.

CHIYO: This is getting tough. Where am I supposed to go now?

VOICE: The left fork is good.

Chiyo looks around, confused.

CHIYO: Who said that?

VOICE: The right fork is just as good.

Again, Chiyo looks around. Finally, the throng of student shrinks down and Chiyo sees Yomi sitting against the wall, reading a book.

CHIYO: Miss Yomi. It's you.

YOMI: Hi, Chiyo-Chan. What're you doing here?

CHIYO: I'm lost. One minute I was at school, the next thing I knew, here I am. What are you doing here?

YOMI: I heard the library here had a good book on diet foods. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't keep it off.

CHIYO: I'm sorry.

YOMI: It gets depressing. I spend so much time trying to find a working diet plan that I can't really enjoy life.

CHIYO: Well, what would you do if you had a good plan?

Yomi stands to her feet.

YOMI: Do? Why if I had a successful diet plan...

(singing) I COULD PASS RIGHT BY A SCALE

I KNOW I'D NEVER FAIL

TO WOW MY MANY FANS

THEY WOULD STAND IN SHOCK AGHAST

AT THE WEIGHT THAT I HAD LOST

IF I ONLY HAD A PLAN

I WOULD EAT SO VERY LITTLE

A FEW SMALL TENDER VITTLES

AND NOT BECOME INSAN

RANDOM KID: "Insan?"

CHIYO: (singing) WITH A WAISTLINE OH SO THIN

ANY PAGENT YOU COULD WIN

IF YOU ONLY HAD A PLAN

YOMI: (singing) SO GREAT

IN SUCH GOOD SHAPE

A FIGURE THEY'D ADORE

I COULD THINK OF THINGS

I NEVER HAD TIME FOR

CAUSE I'M NOT FAT

ANYMORE.

I COULD TELL YOU IT'S THE TRUTH

I'M NOT HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF

JUST LIKE DURAN DURAN

RANDOM KID: That doesn't rhyme.

YOMI: (singing) I COULD STOP AND HAVE SOME FUN

NOT BE SCARED I WEIGH A TON

IF I ONLY HAD A PLAN.

Several boos and catcalls can be heard about Yomi's singing.

YOMI: Everyone's a critic.

CHIYO: Wow. Dancing like that, I'm surprised you haven't lost weight that way.

YOMI: I already tried that. So how long are you staying here?

CHIYO: I don't know where I am, so I don't know how to get home. That's why I'm going to find the Hall Monitor.

YOMI: The Hall Monitor? Isn't it said he's wise in many things?

CHIYO: That's what Miss Kurisawa said.

YOMI: Do you think if I came with you, he might be able to help me find a weight loss plan?

CHIYO: I don't know. But even if he didn't, it's not like you'd be any worse off.

YOMI: True.

CHIYO: But it might not be a good idea. Miss Yukari is after me and it might cause some trouble if you're with me.

YOMI: That's alright. I'm not afraid of her. Come on, you could really use someone bigger to help you out, couldn't you?

CHIYO: Well alright. Let's go together. Down the halls?

YOMI: Down the halls.

CHIYO & YOMI: (singing) WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

THEY SAY HE'S WISE IN SO MANY THINGS

SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

SO MANY SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

THE HALL MONITER, HE KNOWS THEM ALL

THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL

HE SAW THE BUILDING OF CHINA'S BIG WALL

WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

With that, they dance off down the halls.

INT.: YET ANOTHER HALLWAY.

Chiyo and Yomi walk happily through the hall, not noticing a security camera watching their every move. Finally, they notice a group of science projects representing the solar system. Chiyo stops to admire one using fruit as planets. As she goes to touch it, a young boy runs over.

BOY: Don't touch that!

CHIYO: I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm.

BOY: How would you like it if someone came walking by and tried to ruin your hard work?

CHIYO: Ruin? But I--

YOMI: Don't let it bother you, Chiyo-Chan. Besides, there's not much more damage you could do to that display anyway.

BOY: Are you saying there's something wrong with it?

YOMI: Not at all. Though, I should point out, there are nine planets, not ten.

With that, the boy begins pulling off the fruit and throwing it at them. Chiyo and Yomi run, dodging the fruit along the way. Chiyo stops when she notices a familiar person leaning in the corner.

CHIYO: Miss Sakaki?

Indeed it is Sakaki, who turns to reveal a cat biting her hand.

SAKAKI: Help me, please.

Chiyo picks up a stray piece of fruit and lures the cat away with it.

CHIYO: What happened?

SAKAKI: I was walking home when I saw that cat come in the school. I was afraid he might get in trouble so I came in after him. But as soon as I got close enough, he bit me and wouldn't let go. That's when you two showed up.

CHIYO: Well, you're fine now.

SAKAKI: Fine? Look at these if you think I'm fine.

She holds her hands out, revealing many scars and scratches.

YOMI: If you look closely, it almost looks like Rurouni Kenshin.

SAKAKI: That's from all the other times I've tried to pet cats. I haven't been successful once.

CHIYO & YOMI: "Not once?"

SAKAKI: Not once. Nothing but bite.

At that point, the mysterious music begins to play again.

SAKAKI: (singing) WHEN A GIRL IS FULL OF LOVE

FOR KITTENS AND FOR DOVES

PUPPY DOGS AND SUCH

ALL OF THESE I COULD BE WITH

CELEBRATE LIFE AND HAVE TEA WITH

IF I ONLY HAD THE TOUCH

EVEN MORE THEN SOME NICE TAURUS

I WOULD WANT A CAT LIKE MORRIS

HE LOVED NINE LIVES SO MUCH

BUT I WOULD BE HIS TOP PICK

BY MY SIDE I KNOW HE'D STICK

IF I ONLY HAD THE TOUCH

PICTURE ME

AND SOME KITTY

LIKE GARFIELD WHO WOULD SAY

GARFIELD'S VOICE FROM NOWHERE: What are Monday's for anyway?

SAKAKI: (singing) THAT'LL BE A LAWSUIT

AW SHOOT.

A CAT AS NICE AS FELIX

CUTER THEN THE STAR WARS TWI'LEKS

OR STARSKY, EVEN HUTCH

HE WOULD BE MY BEST FRIEND

WITH ME TILL THE VERY END

IF I ONLY HAD THE TOUCH

She begins to do a little dance as Chiyo and Yomi whisper something to each other. Finally, the song ends as several kids come out of their classrooms to cheer for Sakaki's song.

YOMI: Oh sure. They like her.

CHIYO: We were just thinking, why don't you come with us to ask the Hall Monitor for help?

SAKAKI: What if he can't do anything for me?

CHIYO: I'm sure he must be able to do something. They say he's wise in many things. Besides, we've traveled so far already.

They're startled by the cackling of Yukari who stands not far away.

YUKARI: "Long?" The journey's just beginning. So you two want to help Chiyo-Chan along, do you? Well back off, or I'll help you lose weight the hard way, Miss Mizuhara. And you, Miss Sakaki, no animal can possibly cause the pain to you I can. Hey, Yomi, think fast.

Suddenly, she jumps forward and grabs Yomi's glasses. She begins taunting her with them as Yomi struggles to get a hold of them. Finally, Sakaki steps in and gets them back. She hands them to Yomi as Yukari runs off laughing.

YOMI: What's she on? I'll see you get to the Hall Monitor now, whether I get a plan or not. "Lose weight the hard way."

SAKAKI: I'll see you get to the Hall Monitor now, whether I get help with animals or not. Pain she can cause. I'm not afraid.

CHIYO: Thanks, you guys. That means a lot.

YOMI: Down the halls?

SAKAKI: Down the halls.

CHIYO, YOMI & SAKAKI: (singing) WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

THEY SAY HE'S WISE IN SO MANY THINGS

SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

SO MANY SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

THE HALL MONITER, HE KNOWS THEM ALL

THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL

WHY HE'S GOOD FRIENDS WITH ROBERT DUVALL

WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

With that, they march down the hall.

INT.: DARK HALLWAY.

Chiyo, Yomi and Sakaki walk through the hallway somewhat hesitantly.

CHIYO: Why is it so dark down here?

YOMI: I heard they're doing construction in this wing. Today's their day off.

CHIYO: Do you think there's anything to be afraid of?

SAKAKI: The only thing that worries me are the teachers, homework, and bullies here.

CHIYO: "Teachers?"

YOMI: "And homework?"

SAKAKI: And bullies.

CHIYO: Teacher and homework and bullies. Oh my. Teacher and homework and bullies. Oh my. Teacher and homework and bullies. Oh my.

YOMI & SAKAKI: Teacher and homework and bullies.

CHIYO: Oh my.

YOMI & SAKAKI: Teacher and homework and bullies.

CHIYO: Oh my.

YOMI & SAKAKI: Teacher and homework and bullies.

CHIYO: Oh my.

Suddenly, Tomo jumps out from behind a "wet floor" sign.

TOMO: Boo!

Caught be surprise, the three travelers jump back.

TOMO: Hahaha! You should've seen your faces. You were all like "Ahhh! Scary!"

SAKAKI: What are you doing here?

TOMO: What's the matter? Don't tell me you're bothered to see me after that little scare. Don't be a wimp, Miss "all animals hate me."

She turns to Yomi.

TOMO: What about you, tearful little diet girl?

YOMI: I told you never to talk about that!

CHIYO: What are you doing here, Tomo?

TOMO: To be honest, I come here sometimes to get away from it all.

CHIYO: Why?

Out of the blue, Tomo begins crying.

TOMO: Because when I'm around people like you guys it reminds me that you're all so smart, or athletic, and I'm not anything.

YOMI: At least you know. That's half the battle.

Tomo begins crying louder.

TOMO: I always get bad grades. I never do good in P.E. I've got nothing.

CHIYO: Actually, we're all going to see the Hall Monitor to get Sakaki help with her animal problems.

SAKAKI: And Yomi help with her dieting problems.

CHIYO: I'm sure he could come up with something for you.

TOMO: Wouldn't you be ashamed to be seen with someone like me? I would.

CHIYO: Of course not.

TOMO: That's nice of you. This has been bothering me for so long. I need to get it off my chest.

CHIYO: Well go ahead then.

TOMO: (singing) IT'S SAD NOW, MISS MIHAMA

MY LIFE IS SUCH A DRAMA

FOR JUST ONE THING I'D KILL

JUST TO DO GOOD ON A TEST

AND BE SMART LIKE ALL THE REST

IF I ONLY HAD THE SKILL.

I'M AFRAID TO FACE THE FACT

THE VERY THINGS I LACKED

WERE MORE THEN JUST THE WILL

I'D BE HIGH SCHOOL'S TOP FEATURE

SAKAKI: (singing) I'D BE FRIENDS WITH ALL THE CREATURES

YOMI: (singing) I WOULD NEVER BREAK THE BLEECHERS.

CHIYO: (singing) IF THIS TEACHER IS A TEACHER WHO WILL THRILL

YOMI: (singing) THEN I'M SURE TO GET A PLAN.

SAKAKI: (singing) THE TOUCH

CHIYO: (singing) HIGH SCHOOL

TOMO: (singing) SOME SKILL.

ALL FOUR: (singing) WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

THEY SAY HE'S WISE IN SO MANY THINGS

SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

SO MANY SO MANY YOU CAN'T RECALL

THE HALL MONITER, HE KNOWS THEM ALL

THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL, THEM ALL

WHY HE'S THE FAIREST ONE AT THE BALL

WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE MONITER

THE ONE AT THE END OF THE HALLS

They march off together, again not noticing the security camera watching them.

INT.: OFFICE.

Yukari has been watching all of this on the security monitors.

YUKARI: Well, I warned them, and they brought on another. Fine. There's only one thing to do. Poppy will put them to sleep. Yes, now they'll sleep.

INT.: BRIGHT HALLWAY.

The four travelers enter the hallway and look down at a door at the end.

CHIYO: What's that say?

YOMI: It's the teacher's lounge!

They cheer and begin running towards it. Suddenly, a girl steps out before them and begins playing a slow, monotone song on a violin. She wears a nametag that reads, "Poppy."

YOMI: What's this supposed to be?

CHIYO: I don't know, but it's making me really sleepy.

She lies down and falls asleep.

YOMI: Don't fall asleep now. We're almost there.

She then notices Sakaki being lured away by that same cat.

YOMI: Don't get distracted.

TOMO: Now that you mention it, a nap doesn't sound half bad.

YOMI: Don't start.

SAKAKI: What are we going to do about Chiyo-Chan?

YOMI: I'm more worried about Tomo at the moment.

As if on cue, Tomo falls to the floor, sound asleep.

YOMI: Figures. There's something wrong here.

SAKAKI: It's Miss Yukari!

YOMI: Wouldn't surprise me.

The sound of a cat's meow once again takes Sakaki's attention away as Yomi attempts to wake up Chiyo. After a moment, Nyamo walks in and chases Poppy off. With no music, Yomi's able to wake Chiyo and Tomo.

CHIYO: What happened?

TOMO: Why does my head hurt?

CHIYO: Oh no!

They turn to see Sakaki again being bitten by the cat. They hurry to try to get it off of her.

INT.: OFFICE.

Yukari has been watching this all.

YUKARI: Stupid Nyamo. She always gets in the way.

INT.: BRIGHT HALLWAY.

With everyone up and awake now, the travelers again begin moving towards the teacher's lounge.

INT.: OFFICE.

Yukari is on the phone.

YUKARI: That's right. And it's an emergency so I need you to take care of it as soon as possible.

She hangs up.

YUKARI: Let's see how you handle this one, my pretty.

INT.: BRIGHT HALLWAY.

The travelers finally reach the door to the teacher's lounge and press a small button beside it. After a moment, it opens slightly and Kaorin sticks her head out.

KAORIN: Who hit that buzzer?

TRAVELLERS: We did.

KAORIN: Didn't you see the note?

CHIYO: What note?

Kaorin looks at the door and sees no note.

KAORIN: Hang on.

She closes the door again. After a moment, she opens in and places a sticky note on the outside before closing it again.

TRAVELLERS: (reading) Buzzer not working. Please knock.

Chiyo does. Kaorin opens the door again.

KAORIN: That's better. So what can I do for you.

CHIYO: We need to see the Hall Monitor.

KAORIN: The Hall Monitor? But nobody gets to see him. Even I've never seen him.

CHIYO: How does he do his work if no one sees him?

KAORIN: That's a good question.

CHIYO: You have to let us in. Miss Yomi, Tomo, Miss Sakaki and I have been traveling so far for this.

KAORIN: Miss Sakaki's with you?

She looks over to see Sakaki standing to the side with them

KAORIN: So she is. Well, bust my buttons. That's a horse of a different color. Please, come in.

She opens the door and they walk in.

INT.: TEACHER'S LOUNGE.

The room is huge for a teachers lounge. The travelers look around a moment before noticing Osaka standing to one side with a carriage.

OSAKA: Free rides. Get your free rides around the teacher's lounge.

CHIYO: Hi, Miss Osaka. Can you take us to the Hall Monitor.

OSAKA: Well, I'm not supposed to, but sure, what the heck. First, though, we'd better get you guys cleaned up. You'll need to be presentable.

They all get on the carriage.

CHIYO: Thank you, Miss Osaka. We've been traveling for a long time...What did you do to that horse?

The others look to see the horse pulling the carriage is tye dyed.

OSAKA: Well, I'd always heard about the horse of a different color, but I didn't know what color to make it, so I decided to make it all of them.

She laughs.

OSAKA: (singing) HIGH HIGH HIGH

LOW LOW LOW

WHETHER YOU'RE SHORT OR TALL

THAT'S HOW WE SAY WHAT HEIGHT YOU ARE

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

LOOK LOOK LOOK

HEAR HEAR HEAR

WE CAN HAVE A BALL

SEEING, HEARING ALL THERE IS

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

WE COME IN AT EIGHT

AND CLASS HAS JUST BEGUN

A FEW HOURS OF LEARNING

THEN AT NOON WE'RE DONE

ISN'T THAT FUN?

HA HA HA

HEE HEE HEE

HO HO HO HI, Y'ALL

THAT'S WHY WE NEVER GET WORK DONE

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS.

INT.: BEAUTY SHOP?

Yomi is sitting down as Osaka cleans her glasses.

OSAKA: (singing) SPRITZ SPRITZ HERE

WIPE WIPE THERE

NOW YOU WON'T TRIP AND FALL

THAT'S HOW WE KEEP YOUR GLASSES CLEAN

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS.

She hands Yomi her glasses and moves on to Sakaki, who she begins bandaging from her cat attacks.

OSAKA: (singing) BAND AID HERE

OINTMENT THERE

THERE'S GERMS IN KITTEN CLAWS

THAT'S HOW WE KEEP YOU INFECTION FREE

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS

She moves on to Chiyo, who she begins straightening the hair of.

OSAKA: (singing) NOW TO FIND OUT IF THESE PIGTAILS ARE ALIVE

CHIYO: (singing) WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID? ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?

OSAKA: Uh huh.

CHIYO: Whatever you say.

Osaka now moves on to Tomo and begin fixing her hair like Chiyo's.

OSAKA: (singing) RUBBER BAND HERE

HAIR SPRAY THERE

BUT YOU MIGHT BE TOO TALL

TOMO: (singing) I'VE GOT A PLAN TO LOOK LIKE CHIYO-CHAN

IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HALLS.

Chiyo, Yomi and Sakaki join her.

YOMI: Ha ha ha.

SAKAKI: Ha ha ha.

TOMO: Ha ha ha ha.

CHIYO: (sarcastically) Ha.

ALL: (singing) THAT'S HOW WE GO THROUGHOUT THE DAY

WITH A HA HA HA

HEE HEE HEE

The song is interrupted by the sound a plane flying low overhead. Everyone looks out the window to see the plane spelling out a message.

"EAT AT JOE'S"

TEACHER: What's that supposed to mean?

TEACHER #2: I'll bet the Hall Monitor knows.

Everyone begins running towards the door marked "Hall Monitor." Kagura steps forward to try to calm them down.

KAGURA: Please, people. Everything's fine. The Hall Monitor is on top of things with the whole "Joe's." So just get back to your work.

They begin to disperse except for the four travelers who step forward.

CHIYO: Hi, Miss Kagura. We need to see the Hall Monitor.

KAGURA: I'm sorry, Chiyo-Chan. I've been told I'm not aloud to let anyone in to see him. No exceptions.

YOMI: But it's important. That message was a mistake. It was supposed to read, "Eat at Chiyo's."

KAGURA: Really?

They nod.

KAGURA: That's different. Wait here. I'll see what I can do.

She enters the room and shuts the door behind her.

YOMI: Hear that? She's seeing what she can do. I've as good as got my plan.

SAKAKI: I can already hear cat's purring.

CHIYO: I'll be back to my normal life soon.

TOMO: In another hour, I'll be the best in the school. All hail the champ!

She stands up straight as music begins to play.

TOMO: (singing) IF I WERE CHAMP

OF THE HIGH SCHOOL

NOTHING ELSE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

EVERYWHERE I GO

AROUND THE HIGH SCHOOL

PEOPLE WOULD STOP TO TAKE A PICTURE

OR STARE AT ME

IN RACES I'D HAVE THE BEST OFFICIAL TIME

I'D HEAR CHEERS, AND CHANTS, AND THEY ALL WOULD RHYME

WHEN I'M IN CLASS

I'D NEVER FAIL TO PASS

AND IN P.E.

EVERYONE WOULD SEE

I'D HAVE MY OWN A+ STAMP

IF I, IF I WERE CHAMP

EACH JUNIOR WOULD WANT TO BE LIKE ME

THE SENIORS WOULD ALL FIGHT O'ER ME

THOUGH I MAY BE THE BEST

MY EGO WOULD REST

ON EVERY LITTLE CHANT

IF I, IF I WERE CHAMP

JUST CHAMP.

CHIYO & SAKAKI: (singing) EACH JUNIOR WOULD WANT TO BE LIKE HIM

THE SENIORS WOULD ALL FIGHT O'ER HIM

YOMI: (singing) BUT SHE STILL WOULD BE SO ANNOYING.

TOMO: (singing) PLEASE, YOMI. I BEG YOU DON'T SING.

A fanfare plays as Tomo wave happily, in her own little world.

TOMO: (singing) AS CHAMP, MY HAND SHALL BE RAISED

NA NA NA NA NA NA HA HA HA HA HA

MY HAND SHALL BE RAISED.

CHIYO: Tomo, if you were champ, you couldn't be beaten by anybody?

TOMO: Not nobody. Not no how.

YOMI: Not even by the Rock?

TOMO: He's a crock.

CHIYO: What about Einstein?

TOMO: The guy's as nuts as Frankenstein.

SAKAKI: Supposing you faced Michael Jordan?

TOMO: I'd have to try not to die of boredom.

YOMI: What if it was Chiyo-Chan?

TOMO: I wouldn't even need a plan.

CHIYO, YOMI & SAKAKI: Why?

TOMO: Why? Skill. What makes Sakaki win all the time? Skill. What makes the Yankees win all those world series? Skill. What helped Kiyohiko Azuma create one of the best shows ever? What makesMike Staleyable to write fics like this? (Okay, bad example.) What do the judges on American Idol look for? What makes Cindy Crawford so thin? What have they got that I ain't got?

CHIYO, YOMI & SAKAKI: Skill.

TOMO: That's right...Wait a minute--

Suddenly, Kagura comes back out.

KAGURA: I'm sorry, you guys. The Hall Monitor said no.

She walks back in, closing the door behind her.

YOMI: Well that was a wasted trip.

Chiyo meanwhile, is beginning to cry.

CHIYO: Now I'm never gonna get back to my school. Being in high school at my age was a reward, but I didn't appreciate it. Now I'll never see it again.

Kagura, who peeked out to see what happened, begins to cry as well.

KAGURA: Don't cry, Chiyo-Chan. I'll find a way to get you inside. Come on.

She opens the door wide for them as the music begins again.

TOMO: (singing) FOR SKILL IS WHAT I LONG TO KNOW

MY TROPHY CASE WOULD HAVE TO GROW

THE WHOLE YEAR ROUND

I'D BE CHEERED AND CROWN

MY FACE WOULD BE PUT ON THE MAP

IF I

CHIYO, YOMI, & SAKAKI: If she

TOMO: IF I

CHIYO, YOMI, & SAKAKI: If she

TOMO: (singing) IF I WERE CHA--

She's gone too high by this point and her voice cracks. She takes a moment to think before lowering it a few octaves.

TOMO: (singing) CHAMP.

With that, they head into the room.

INT.: HALL TO MONITER'S OFFICE.

The travelers look around, noticing that the hall is very spooky looking. The group slowly moves forward towards the end of the hall where an open door waits.

VOICE: Come before me!

TOMO: You know, I'm starting to have second thoughts. I mean, who needs skill. I'm happy being the wildcat high school girl.

CHIYO: Don't worry, Tomo. It'll be okay...I think.

INT.: HALL MONITER'S OFFICE.

They walk in and see the Hall Monitor, a large green head with an orange hardhat on. Written on the hat is, "Safety First."

MONITER: I'm the Hall Monitor, wise in many things. Who are you?

Yomi, Sakaki and Tomo push Chiyo forward.

CHIYO: Um, hi. I'm Chiyo Mihama. We've come for--

MONITER: Silence! The Hall Monitor, wise in many things, knows why you have come. Step forward, tall girl.

Sakaki slowly moves to the front.

MONITER: So you want my help with your animal problems, you giant cat chew toy!

SAKAKI: Um, yes. You see, we were coming down the halls when--

MONITER: Silence!

Sakaki quickly runs back to the group.

MONITER: Now you, four-eyes.

Yomi takes Sakaki's place in front.

MONITER: You want me to help you lose weight, you near sighted, diet obsessed freak!

YOMI: That's getting a little personal, isn't it?

MONITER: Enough!

Yomi hurries back to the others.

MONITER: And you, hyper girl.

They push Tomo forward. For a moment, she simply stands there, shaking.

MONITER: Well?

With that, Tomo passes out. The others run over to try to revive her.

CHIYO: That wasn't very nice. She just wanted your help.

MONITER: Quiet! The Hall Monitor, wise in many things, have every intention of granting your wishes.

Suddenly, Tomo awakens.

TOMO: Say what?

MONITER: But first you must handle a problem you brought here. Get Yukari Tanazaki out of my school.

SAKAKI: How do we do that?

MONITER: That's your problem. Do it, and your requests will be done. Now get lost.

TOMO: What if she threatens to fail us?

YOMI: Like you're not going to fail anyways.

MONITER: I said, "Get lost!"

Tomo turns and begins running from the room in a panic the others not far behind.

INT.: DARK HALLWAY.

The travelers, dressed in army fatigues, are slowly moving down the hall.

YOMI: How did we end up in these outfits?

TOMO: How should we know? None of us wrote this stupid script.

They're startled by the sound of a creaking door.

YOMI: Anyone else starting to wonder if this hallway's haunted?

SAKAKI: There's no such thing as haunted hallways.

TOMO: Are you sure?

SAKAKI: Of course.

At that point, a ghost floats by, smacks her upside the head, and floats away.

TOMO: Yeah, I definitely believe this hallway's haunted.

INT.: YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Yukari is watching them on the monitors. Several big kids are behind her.

YUKARI: And you'll believe in even more before I'm done.

She turns to one of the kids.

YUKARI: Take your classmates and get the brat and her dog. Do what you want with the others, but I want her as is. Now fly, fly!

KID: Um, we can't fly.

YUKARI: Then run, you stupid sixth grader, run!

The kids do indeed run out of the office as Yukari laughs, maniacally.

INT.: DARK HALLWAY.

The travelers look up at the sound of shouts to see the sixth graders running towards them. Before they can react, the sixth graders are upon them, trying to separate them. Yomi is being taunted by a kid who's gotten her glasses while Tomo is on another kid's shoulders being airplane spun. Sakaki is being chased by a few kids while the remaining ones carry Chiyo off, one kid riding Mr. Tadakichi behind them. Finally, the kids disperse, leaving Yomi, Sakaki and Tomo alone. Yomi is struggling to find her glass as Sakaki and Tomo run over to her.

YOMI: Careful! They had tiny screwdrivers. They took my glasses apart and threw them all over the hall.

TOMO: So you must be blind as a bat right now.

YOMI: Will you shut up and help me get my glasses back together? We have to find Chiyo-Chan!

INT.: YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Chiyo is seated before Yukari, being guarded by two sixth graders. Mr. Tadakichi sits, tied, in the corner. Yukari walks over to him.

YUKARI: What a nice doggy.

She reaches out but he snaps at her.

YUKARI: Stupid mutt!

CHIYO: What are you going to do? Give me back my dog.

YUKARI: Gladly. When you give me the wallet.

CHIYO: But Miss Kurisawa told me not to.

YUKARI: Whatever. I'll just give the SPCA a call and tell them we have a stray.

CHIYO: No! You can have the wallet. Just give me back Mr. Tadakichi!

YUKARI: Now that's what I like to hear.

Chiyo hands her the wallet and Yukari notices for the first time, a large lock on it.

YUKARI: Stupid sister! I should have known she'd be stubborn. I guess there's only one thing left to do.

What she doesn't notice is Mr. Tadakichi pulling loose from the rope holding him. After a moment, he pulls free.

CHIYO: Run, Mr. Tadakichi!

He does, right out of the office.

YUKARI: Catch him, you idiot!

One of Chiyo's guards runs out after him. After a moment, he comes back in and shrugs.

CHIYO: Yay! He got away.

YUKARI: You should be more worried about yourself.

She puts the wallet on her desk and sets an oven timer next to it.

YUKARI: You have till the end of this timer to get that wallet open, Miss genius. If you fail, you're in big trouble.

With that, she marches out with the two guards as Chiyo begins to cry.

INT.: DARK HALLWAY.

Yomi is just getting her glasses back on as Mr. Tadakichi runs over.

TOMO: Where'd he come from?

SAKAKI: He's come from Chiyo-Chan. We just have to follow him to find her.

With that, they run off after Mr. Tadakichi.

INT.: HALLWAY OUTSIDE YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Yomi, Sakaki and Tomo are peeking around a corner at the office.

YOMI: So that's Miss Yukari's office. Poor Chiyo-Chan's in there?

At this point, Sakaki notices that same cat, wandering close by. She starts to go for it, but Yomi stops her.

YOMI: No. Chiyo-Chan's the best at getting them off of you and besides, you've got enough scratches as it is.

Sakaki sadly turns away from the cat.

YOMI: Now, Tomo, you're gonna lead us in there.

TOMO: Why me? I have no skills. What am I gonna do?

YOMI: Your hyperness is just what we need here.

Tomo then notices something behind them.

TOMO: Um, guys.

The other two turn to see what Tomo's looking at: three sixth grade guards. The guards pull them around the corner and several stereotypical fight sounds can be heard from behind the corner. After a moment, Yomi, Sakaki and Tomo peek out, now dressed like the guards.

SAKAKI: That's a very slimming look for you, Yomi.

YOMI: Thanks. This gives me another idea.

They begin moving in towards the door, ignored by the other guards. Finally, they make it to the door and knock.

INT.: YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Chiyo is wearing a welder's mask and is attempting to open the lock on the wallet with a torch. She looks up at the knock.

YOMI: (O.S.) Chiyo-Chan, are you in there? It's us.

Chiyo shuts off the torch and takes off the mask.

CHIYO: Yes! I'm in here. Help me, please. I'm running out of time.

INT.: OUTSIDE YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Yomi and Sakaki are using Tomo's head as a battering ram against the door. Tomo yells in pain.

INT.: YUKARI'S OFFICE.

Chiyo looks at the egg timer, which only has a few minutes left. Finally, the door burst open. She looks outside to see Yomi, Sakaki, and Tomo, whose eye are crossing.

TOMO: You have no idea how glad I am to see you.

YOMI: Come on, we'd better get out of here.

With that, they run out of the room.

INT.: SOME OTHER HALLWAY.

The travelers run down the hall, searching for an escape. Unfortunately, the hallway they've entered, has a dead end. They turn to see Numerous guards, with Yukari standing happily in the back.

YUKARI: You wouldn't be leaving already would you? We're just getting started.

As she speaks, Yomi notices a bulletin board hanging loosely on the wall.

YUKARI: The last to suffer here will see the first three pay before her and her freakish dog.

Suddenly, Yomi shoves Tomo into the wall, knocking the bulletin board loose. It falls onto the guards, giving the travelers a chance to get past them and begin running again.

YUKARI: Stop them! Don't let them get away!

INT.: OUTSIDE YUKARI'S OFFICE.

The travelers go by the office, but are stopped by more guards from every direction.

YOMI: How many sixth graders are there.

SAKAKI: This class must have a low passing number.

They back peddle into the office.

INT.: YUKARI'S OFFICE.

The travelers back inside, several guards blocking any exit. After a moment, Yukari slips into the room.

YUKARI: Well I guess you thought you were getting away, did you? Well time's up now.

As she moves in, Chiyo accidentally backs into a shelf, knocking it over. Liquid begins seeping from the broken shelf.

YUKARI: No! My backup sake! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! Oh what a world, what a world!

With that, she jumps out the window and runs off, screaming.

TOMO: Well that was a lot easier then I though it would be.

SIXTH GRADER: Miss Yukari's gone. We're free!

CHIYO: Wait. This means we did what he asked. Now I can finally go home.

INT.: HALL MONITER'S OFFICE.

The travelers stand before the giant head again.

MONITER: What are you doing back?

CHIYO: We did what you asked and got rid of Miss Yukari. After I knocked over her sake, she ran off, screaming.

MONITER: Ah, you eliminated her source of power. Good work.

CHIYO: So, about our requests?

MONITER: I've done a lot of monitoring today. I'm gonna need to take the day off. Come back tomorrow.

CHIYO: I can't wait till tomorrow. I don't know how to get home.

SAKAKI: It can't take that much work to help us.

MONITER: Who do you think you're talking to?

As he speaks, Mr. Tadakichi moves over to a curtained area and begins pulling at it. Finally, he pulls it away, revealing...

Mr. Kimura?

He is speaking into a microphone which is transferring to the head.

MONITER: I am the Hall Monitor, wise in many things.

He then notices the curtain open and quickly closes it.

MONITER: Ignore the handsome man behind the curtains.

Chiyo walk over and opens the curtain.

CHIYO: Mr. Kimura?

KIMURA: Um, I am the Hall Monitor, wise in many things.

CHIYO: What are you doing here?

KIMURA: Well, I do this after school. Not enough teachers are willing to help out around the school community, after all.

YOMI: But what about the help with animals you promised Sakaki, and the skill you promised Tomo?

SAKAKI & TOMO: And Yomi's diet plan.

KMIURA: Anyone can lose weight. That's a simple problem to handle. Back where I grew up, there were people who had the same concerns as you. And they found a way to handle it.

He goes to a closet and pulls out and black bag. He then pulls a rubber suit out of it.

KIMURA: Let me present you with this skin tight rubber suit. It should help you lose weight without trouble. So why don't you go ahead and try that on.

YOMI: Um, no, that's okay.

KIMURA: Well, alright.

He turns to Tomo.

KIMURA: Now, you want skill, do you? I think you're confusing what skill is. It's not just athletics and scholastics.

TOMO: But that's what I want.

KIMURA: Well, where I grew up there was a professional wrestler named Eddie Guerrero. His motto was "Lie, cheat, and steal." That being said...

He pulls a string out of the bag.

KIMURA: Next time you're in a race, tie this around your opponent's ankles and you'll be sure to win. So why not get into your P.E. clothes and try it out?

TOMO: No.

Kimura then turns to Sakaki who seems a little nervous now.

KIMURA: So, you want cats to like you. Well, where I grew up...alright I've got nothing on this one.

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a skimpy cat print bikini.

KIMURA: With this, you'll feel like you have cats right next to you. So why don't you go ahead and try--

YOMI, SAKAKI, and TOMO: NO!

TOMO: Why don't you just get to Chiyo-Chan?

CHIYO: I don't think I want anything from that bag.

KIMURA: Well, in that case, there's only one thing to do. I'm taking my daughter to the high school tonight for a play, I'll give you a ride with us.

CHIYO: Really? Thank you...I think.

INT.: LOBBY.

Kimura and the travelers are standing by the front doors surrounded by kids.

KIMURA: Alright, everyone. Until I return, I leave Koyomi Mizuhara in charge, seconded by Tomo Takino, and...Miss Sakaki.

He turns to leave with Chiyo, but Mr. Tadakichi runs down the hall after one of the kids. Chiyo runs to stop him. Kimura meanwhile, is distracted by a high school girl visiting the school for the buddy program. He follows her out the door as Chiyo returns with Mr. Tadakichi.

CHIYO: Where'd he go?

YOMI: He ran off after some girl.

Chiyo begins to cry.

CHIYO: Now I'm never going to get home.

TOMO: Why don't one of us take her home?

SAKAKI: Shh. It'd spoil the plot.

YOMI: Look, Chiyo-Chan. Here comes someone who might be able to help you.

They look over to see Nyamo, still carrying her bubble. She stops in front of Chiyo.

NYAMO: What's wrong?

CHIYO: I'm back where I started and I still have no way home.

NYAMO: That's no problem. Look.

They look out the window to see the fog finally beginning to clear. Past the fog is the high school just across the street.

YOMI: Why didn't you tell her the high school was right there?

NYAMO: Because it would have made it a very short story.

YOMI: Good point.

NYAMO: Now, Chiyo-Chan, all you have to do is go to the street, look both ways three times, and say, "there's no place like high school.

Chiyo walks out the door, slowly.

EXT.: ELEMENTARY SCHOOL -- AFTERNOON.

Chiyo walks to the edge of the street and looks both ways three times.

CHIYO: There's no place like high school. There's no place like high school. There's no place like high school.

She starts to walk across the street.

TOMO: Watch out for wet spots. It rained today.

As if on cue, Chiyo slips on a wet spot and falls to the ground.

CHIYO'S P.O.V.

She sees the sky with a few clouds for a moment, before everything goes black.

INT.: NURSE'S OFFICE.

Chiyo lays on the bed, surrounded by all her classmates.

CHIYO: There's no place like high school. There's no place like high school.

CHIYO-DAD: Chiyo, wake up, honey.

Chiyo opens here eyes and looks around.

CHIYO-DAD: I was worried. I though you were going to leave us.

CHIYO: But I did leave. I went back to elementary school. And all of you were there.

OHYAMA: Even me?

CHIYO: Wait, no. You weren't there.

OHYAMA: Figures. I finally get a chance at a big part and...nothing.

CHIHIRO: What are you complaining about. This is my first part in this and it's almost over.

Yukari moves in closer.

YUKARI: I'm sorry I got so upset over my sake. I know sometimes dogs do things we don't like. I won't take him from you.

CHIYO: Oh thank you, Miss Yukari. And don't worry. I promise to be more careful cause I love you all and I don't ever want to leave you again. Oh, there's no place like high school.

FADE OUT.

THE END