Seriously, no excuses this time – I said I'd update and I didn't. I've been a very naughty girl and deserve a slapped wrist.
But here's the last chapter of The Love of a Brother, and there is a sequel…oo-er.
Catch ya later guys.
Faerlain
Chapter 10: Guilt and Decisions.
Hithaer died before they reached the palace. Legolas completely broke down in the courtyard as he watched the healers take away the lifeless body of his youngest brother. He could barely stand alone, but luckily Thandiel and Tatharion were there to support him. Everyone was silent in shock and dismay.
"I failed him…" he stuttered. "I wasn't fast enough, I…"
"Hush," Thandiel soothed, running her fingers over his tear-streaked face. "Calm down before you start accusing yourself."
"HE WAS MY BROTHER!" he yelled, scrambling to his feet. "I should have been there when he needed me! And now he's dead, and nothing anyone can say or do can change that!" He ran inside, ignoring the stares of the people in the courtyard.
When Ladrenîl arrived only ten minutes later, it was to see the entire courtyard deserted. People had returned to their homes in respect, already mourning the death of the youngest Prince. He ran inside to find a pale and shaking Legolas hugging his knees up to his chest on the bottom stair, staring into nothingness with tears still trickling down his porcelain face.
The Queen was inconsolable. For days she wept in her room, refusing to come out, even ignoring the pleading of her husband. From the other side of the door, Thranduil could only hang his head as he listened to her painful sobs and cries. She had locked the door, and he had no way in.
Legolas also went into solitude. He would stay in his room from dawn till dusk, speaking to no one and eating nothing. The raw pain gnawed at his insides like claws. Hithaer had died, and it was because of him. He had not been quick enough to get his little brother home, and he had died. He had not been looking when Hithaer had been struck by the arrow. They had lingered too long in the clearing. If only he had just grabbed Hithaer and galloped off…If only…
The rest of the Royal Family were deep in their grief. Sîladiel had small cuts across her back, and vomited a few times. But she didn't actually die, to many people's surprise. She herself could not explain it.
Gîlorn felt empty and dead inside. He had been exceedingly close to Hithaer. They had done so much together, and just thinking of the time when they had taken over Legolas' duties just weeks ago made him cry bitterly. Nauralad would sit and comfort him for hours on end, her own tears falling silently.
Esgalloth stayed with Ladrenîl. She could sense his feelings of deep guilt and betrayal. He would hold her in his arms on his balcony until the Sun set, and then they would talk long into the night.
Lothriel felt completely abandoned. Not even Legolas was talking to her, and she felt distanced from him. He had created some sort of wall between him and the rest of his family that nobody could break through. She would wander into his room to find him lying on his bed, staring disdainfully at the ceiling, or sat on his balcony rail, feet dangling precariously over the edge. She would try and get into a conversation, but he seemed completely oblivious to her presence. She would walk away, feeling dejected and lost.
There was no one she could turn to, nowhere she could go. She went down into her garden she had made for Legolas. Sat amongst the plants there, she felt a little more at peace. Hithaer had liked it there as well. He had commented often on how much work she had done, and how beautiful it looked.
But Hithaer was gone now, and there was no one to fill the gaping hole he had left in their lives. She cried silently in the garden, watched from afar by her two friends Esgalwen and Híwiel. All previous arguments forgotten, they comforted her as best they could.
It's not fair. Everyone has become so distant and mournful. I feel totally alone, completely lost amongst this sea of grief. What am I to do, where am I to go? Even Legolas has abandoned me. He feels guilty, as though he is to blame for Hithaer's death, but we all know he is not! He tried his best to get him back, but the poison was evidently too strong…
She blinked away the tears that had already blotted her writing.
I need to talk to him, but whenever I try, he acts as if I am not there at all. Like I am invisible. Maybe I am. People are so busy grieving over the loss of my brother that they have forgotten I exist at all. I have not seen naneth in over a week. She has not come out of her room. Adar is pulling his hair out with both worry and grief. My siblings seemed to have paired up to help each other through this – Ladrenîl and Esgalloth, Nauralad and Gîlorn. Sîladiel is being her usual distant self and Legolas…he is just alone. I want so desperately to help him, but I know not how.
Hiding the diary under her pillow, she decided to try and speak to Legolas again. But when she got to his room, she was startled to find it empty. Immediate panic set in, though she could not explain why. She hurried out, frantically rushing down the corridor to search for her beloved brother. She checked every room, apologising if someone was in there. But he was nowhere to be found.
She sped outside, eyes desperately searching the courtyard. When she could not see him, she went into the stables. Ands breathed a sigh of relief.
He was with his horse, gently stroking her and whispering to her. Lothriel walked up to the pen, trying to calm her nerves and get her breath back. She leant on the door, just watching him.
"You had me really worried then," she said softly.
Legolas turned to her. He was paler than usual, and seemed thinner. But he managed a weak smile. "And why is that?" They were the first words he had spoken to her in days.
"You just…disappeared. You know I worry like mad when you do stuff like that."
"Sorry Loth. But I needed to get out the palace." He turned back to his horse, giving her a final stroke on the nose before leaving the pen.
She followed him as he walked out, lifting the hem of her dress slightly so as not to trip over. "Legs, talk to me, please. Everyone is distancing themselves so much."
He opened the gate into the gardens and held it open for her. She gripped his hand tightly. "Legolas don't do this to me." To her shame she started crying. "Legs…brother…I need you…"
His neutral expression faltered for a second. He had remained completely passive, trying not to let his emotions show. But at the sight of his most beloved sister, he let the mask go. The tears fell, and he pulled her into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head.
"I am so sorry Loth, please forgive me."
She sobbed into his chest. "What is happening Legolas, I don't understand. Hithaer died, and then everyone…naneth has retreated into her room and won't come out…I haven't seen adar for days either…you and the others have gone so quiet and distant…I don't know what to do anymore."
He picked her up and cradled her as he walked further into the gardens. Once at their spot, he sat down and laid her head in his lap, stroking her golden hair absently. She seemed calmer now she was finally with him, and just sniffed quietly every now and then.
"I needed to think," he told her. "Everything with Hithaer…it's messed me up in here." He tapped the side of his head.
"Have you talked to the healers about it?"
"The healers?" he scoffed. "What can they do? They may be good with physical stuff, but as far as mental stuff goes…" He shook his head.
Lothriel paused thoughtfully. "So what are you going to do?"
He shrugged, picking at a few blades of grass. "Eru knows. I can't face my family because I feel so guilty…"
She sat up. "It wasn't your fault Legs," she told him sternly. "It was not your fault Hithaer died."
He remained adamant though. "I was there Loth. I could have saved him. If we hadn't dallied so much. I was so shocked I couldn't move, couldn't pull myself together…and Hithaer was just lying there in my arms, slowly being poisoned to death. I should have just got up and gone, brought him back here quicker."
"He was too far gone anyway," she told him. "Nauralad told me. The poison was too far into his body."
"And that could have been prevented if…"
But he faltered as she shook her head. "No Legs. The arrow tip was in real deep. The poison was so far into his system…nothing could have saved him. No matter how fast you had gotten him back here."
He went slightly paler. "But he was supposed to be under my guard," he whispered painfully. "And I let him down."
"No, no you didn't. You were there with him until the end. That accounts for so much more."
Legolas was silently crying again. "Then why do I feel as if there was something more I could have done?"
"It's natural. Its part of the grieving process. Trust me Legs."
He enveloped her into another large embrace. "I love you Lothriel," he whispered. "I'll never let you down, never ever."
"I know you won't," she replied, hugging him just as tight. "I love you too Legolas. You mean the entire world to me. You're my big brother."
----
But it seemed Legolas was not enough to keep Lothriel happy. Just two weeks after Hithaer's funeral, she announced she was leaving for Rivendell. The family was utterly stunned.
Lothriel explained that Mirkwood held no joy for her anymore. The past few years had taken its toll, and she needed to get out. As she spoke to them in the lounge, all were silent, eyes fixed upon her slender figure.
Legolas realised how much his baby sister had grown up. She was 260 years old, but showing the maturity of a much older Elf. To everyone's surprise, he supported her, and was the first to do so.
"I'll even escort you there myself," he told her with a small smile.
She beamed at him. "I was hoping you would Legs."
She looked slightly scared, standing there in the middle of the room surrounded by 9 pairs of eyes. Legolas motioned her over to him and held her protectively in her lap. She snuggled her face into his shoulder, feeling safe in the circle of his arms.
Aurêl was silent. She had ventured out of her room at long last, looking much the worse for wear. She had lost a dreadful lot of weight, and looked gaunt and exhausted. She was now spending a lot of time 'resting and recuperating', her daughters eagerly being her carers.
"Must you go?" she asked wearily. "So soon after…?" She trailed off, looking out of the window.
Lothriel nodded. "Please understand naneth, I am not leaving because I hate it here or I don't love you. I love you all so very much, and Mirkwood is my home, but I need space and time. That is what Rivendell can offer. Mirkwood has become too mournful, too atmospheric. I need a break."
"I am in full agreement with her," Legolas told the gathered. "I think we all do, really, and only Loth is acting upon her impulses."
"I cannot leave Mirkwood Legolas, as you well know," Thranduil told his son sharply.
But Legolas gave a reply straight back. "But Lothriel can. And you can all take rest. Let someone else take over, if only for a few days. Adar, you have plenty of advisors who can take care of things whilst you spend some well-earned time with naneth. Ladrenîl, I'm sure Glînvara and the others are perfectly capable of sorting the Army out. Nauralad, there are plenty of healers in the wards. Everyone just have some time off, relax. Everyone has their limits, and I think we have reached them."
There was silence. Legolas looked round at his family, eyebrow delicately raised. Eventually, Thranduil sighed and nodded. "Legolas is right, as is Lothriel. You two go off to Rivendell, and enjoy your time there. Just don't stay too long. We'll miss you dearly you realise."
Lothriel smiled widely and ran over to embrace her father tightly. Kissing him on both cheeks, she thanked him profusely. "Adar, this means so much to me. Legolas will take care of me. You need not worry at all. And when we get to Rivendell, there'll be Arwen and the twins to spend time with. Lord Elrond won't mind us going there. I've already written…" At this she blushed slightly.
The rest of the family laughed, breaking the tension that hung in the air. "Well that's good then," Thranduil said a bit more cheerily. "Go and start packing girl. You too Legolas. I want you to take good warriors though. People like Cullas I mean. People you know and trust."
Legolas nodded as he rose gracefully to his feet. "I shall take care of it right now adar." He left with a bow.
And so Legolas left with his youngest sister a few days later on the long road to Rivendell, accompanied by seven other Elves. Lothriel rode her own horse, but kept close to Legolas at all times. Their journey was to be long, and fraught with danger.
But that's another story.
Ack…that was a pathetically cheesy ending and I killed him. Before you lot start protesting and such, it felt right. Dunno why, it just did. Thanks for all your reviews on this one and I know it's been slow. I'm normally good at updating, but I've had such a crazy few months. The sequel is more or less done, so should be up soon. Thanks again and see you all soon.
Faerlain