Title: Competing With Ms. Perfect

Author: Gunsmoke N Cigarettes

Summary: When Spike returns with his angel, Faye feels that she always pales in comparison to Ms. Perfect. Can she prove to Spike that she can be otherwise?

A/N: Hello, beautiful reviewers! This is a co-written story by The Infamous Bounty Hunter and Kendra Luehr! We both hope that you'll enjoy, and of course, read and review! Love you!

(Warning: Coarse Language)

CH 1

Cradling his blonde angel against his chest, Spike smiled to himself as he piloted the zip craft into the hangar; at last they were home.

Faye looked up from her cheesy romance novel as the hangar door opened. She cocked her head to the side, somehow instantly knowing whom it was: Spike.

Not wishing to be seen, she dropped her book onto the couch and sped for her room.

Julia, meanwhile, led her lover in by the arm, fawning all over him while peppering his handsome face with affection kisses.

"Oh, Spike," she whimpered, pulling him in for a heartfelt embrace, "I'm so happy you asked me to come with you...I'll finally get to meet your family!"

Spike smirked. "Well...they're not my family, family, but they're sure as hell as close to the real thing as anything."

Jet came into the commons as soon as he had heard Spike's voice. Edward and Ein followed suit, but once Edward saw Spike, she went crazy!

"Whoa, whoa, kiddo!", the mossy-haired cowboy exclaimed, pulling Julia in front of him as a shield since he figured that the child would shy away from a stranger.

Crying out, Julia screeched and squeezed her eyes tightly closed once Edward latched onto her luxurious blonde locks, squealing at the top of her lungs, "Oh, my hair! My beautiful, styled hair!"

Edward jumped off, slightly offended. "Faye-Faye never minded when Ed did that! Faye-Faye is much prettier than Screaming Blonde Lady! You're mean! Edward doesn't like you!" With that, Edward ran off, Ein trailing behind her while struggling to catch up.

Julia blinked, sourly touching the back of her head as she sent Spike a sharp glance, which he blatantly ignored.

Instead, he took his girlfriend by the waist and pulled her over to Jet, introducing warmly, "Jet, this is Julia...the love of my life. Julia, this is Jet Black, my oldest and dearest friend."

She smiled, extending her tiny hand for him to shake. "Charmed."

Jet took her hand and shook it. "Sorry about Ed...she's like that." Pausing, he hurriedly added, "Well, I'm off to work on my bonsai."

As the older man walked off, Spike couldn't help but frown. Why had his best friend just brushed off his girlfriend...the woman he wanted to marry?

Not seeming to mind in the slightest, Julia took him by the hand and leaned in to kiss him on the lips, purring seductively into his ear, "Now that I've been introduced to all your 'family', allow me to introduce you to someone who's been dying to make your acquaintance for the past three years." She lightly bit his ear lobe, causing him to shudder.

"Uuh, yeah...hehehe...I mean...oh," Spike instantly stopped his incessant babbling upon spotting Faye standing in the doorway. "Hey, there, Faye...this is Julia."

"Hello," the blonde called, waving.

Faye frowned sourly. "Get a room! I'm just here for my book." Walking in-between the two lovers she moved to retrieve her romance novel.

She was aware that she had to bend over to do this, so she did this quickly so Spike would have his attention drawn toward the action.

Julia also took note of this and felt her cheeks redden with annoyance, sending Spike a swift nudge to the ribs upon noticing that his eyes were straying.

"Ugh," he muttered, rubbing his torso with slight agitation. "What did I do?"

Julia merely turned up her nose, demanding crossly, "I don't know...should I leave you two alone?"

"What are you talking about!", Spike demanded, sending Faye a disgusted look. "I do not like that...that..." He faltered.

What was she to him, anyway? At that moment, she very much resembled a thorn in his side.

Faye snarled and retorted to both of them, "Oh, it's alright, Ms. Perfect, I'm merely just getting my book. I don't want to be in a room alone with him." While Faye walked out of the room proudly, she muttered, "Perfect Bitch and Afro Ass...what a perfect combo."

Julia twitched. "Oh! The nerve of that woman! She seemed so nice when we met before..."

Spike glanced interestedly in her direction. "You two've met?"

"Of course! She's the one who told you I was waiting in the graveyard," Julia snapped, growing more and more irritable by the second. "If I have to deal with any of this stress any longer I think I might...I might...snap!"

"Julia..." Spike reached out to her, but she proudly pushed him away.

"I need a shower," she muttered, stalking off towards the bathroom, thus leaving her mossy-haired lover standing there crestfallen and in absolute disbelief.

Stupid vixen...

Faye, meanwhile, had changed into a nice warm outfit, seeing that it was freezing on the Bebop. She was now wearing a violet long-sleeved shirt and some nice black pants, comfortable fleece socks adorning her feet, as well. She was toasty warm, and she loved it. She had gotten rid of that annoying headband long ago, so lately her hair hung loosely about her lovely face.

She looked very attractive, but in a conservative way; quite the opposite of her old lifestyle.

Stalking out to the living room, Faye came to the glorious conclusion that no one was there, so she giggled and leaped for the couch, bringing her novel up to her nose in an instant. What she didn't realize, however, was the mere fact that Spike had been lying on that couch and now had a face-full of Faye's hair.

"Get OFF me!", he growled, pushing her away almost aggressively.

After Faye found herself on the floor, she looked up in absolute surprise. "I didn't know you were there! I swear!" She held up her hands in defense.

Sighing, Spike placed his hands in his pockets, then leapt up and to his feet, muttering sourly, "You can keep the damn couch...I'll be in my room." Pausing, he took one quick look at her, then quickly headed toward the hallway, only to be intercepted by Jet.

The balding man stared at him, then stared at Faye, giggling on the couch. Jet shrugged; it wasn't his business what they did.

Spike noticed the funny look etched out across his features and groaned. "Don't get any ideas, old man," he muttered, trying to push past him, but to no avail. "C'mon, make way...I've got a 'date' with Julia." He gave him an impish grin.

Jet looked at him with disgust. "I don't want to hear any screams or groans...and no bed squeaking. We have a kid on board."

"Who, Faye?", Spike teased, sending the vixen a sly grin.

Faye kept on giggling; she hadn't heard a word of what Spike said. The cowboy frowned upon realizing that his teasing hadn't made an effect on her.

Rolling his eyes, he pushed past Jet, only to run into Julia, her hair soaking wet from the shower and her petite body wrapped up in a towel.

"Th-th-the w-w-waater's...f-f-freeezing on here!", she squealed, rushing into her lover's arms so that he could warm her up. "Why didn't you tell me!"

Spike glanced over at Faye and frowned. "Well, guess somebody hogged all the hot water..."

Faye scoffed. "I have my own water heater and bathroom. Not my fault she was in the shower for so long."

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but you need to start treating Julia with respect! She's my fiancee!", Spike growled, only to immediately realize that he had spoken his feelings.

Julia blinked, a smile suddenly coming to her lips. "F-fiancee? Spike? You mean...you want to marry me?"

Spike grinned sheepishly. "Um...surprise?"

"Oh!" Leaping into his arms, Julia squeezed the life out of him, giggling to herself as she locked eyes with Faye and smirked.

Faye frowned sadly and retorted, "Spike Spiegel, you don't tell me who to respect. I don't care if you two are married. I don't like her, so get over yourself." She leaned on the doorway, her arms crossed.

Spike stiffened, yet his real eye reflected something within its amber depths that could not be placed.

"Fine," he agreed, pulling Julia close, "I'll respect your decision, Faye, as long as you leave my woman alone."

Faye snorted, muttering under her breath, "Woman? What woman? All I see is a slut."

"Excuse me?" Julia was absolutely livid.

Spike felt something snap deep within him, and whatever warmth he had felt was now gone.
Before he could control himself, he stormed toward the complacent vixen and snatched her by the chin, drawing her face so close to his own that she could see deep within his eyes, and it chilled her to the very soul.

"Don't you ever talk about her that way again, Faye!", he growled, his grip about her chin only tightening due to his intensity. "If I catch you doing something like this again, so help me God..."

He flinched, suddenly realizing what he had done.

Releasing her as if he had been burned, Spike turned away, then immediately stalked off into the next room so as to escape his sins.

Faye let out a grunt, then snarled over at Julia, walking back to the commons where she sought comfort in her novel where everything was perfect. Jet just shook his head and ignored the blonde all together.

Julia felt something throb within her heart; pain, yet a new type of pain. She was not used to being so rejected.

Frowning, she turned, then slowly followed Spike into the shadows, sending one last hateful look over her shoulder at the woman on the couch before heading on with a new purpose.
She would fuck Spike senseless, just to spite her.

Faye looked up to see if the coast was clear, then reached for a bottle in her pocket.

Pain killers.

Perfect.

Spike, meanwhile, was busy chain smoking in his room; as far as he was concerned, his cigarettes didn't have nearly enough nicotine to calm his nerves.

"Spike?"

He looked up. "Oh...Julia. It's you."

She appeared to be rather hurt by how he addressed her, yet nonetheless entered, a small negligee now adorning her petite figure as she slunk down onto his bed.

"Come to me?", she offered, holding out her arms.

He immediately shook his head. "No...not right now."

Julia blanched. "Not right now?"

Yes; rejection was a new thing for her, indeed.

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Faye was dreaming. She saw her mother and father, both crying, crying at the mess their daughter had become. Faye reached a hand up to her face, but touched tears. She was crying for herself...

"Hey...hey, Faye, wake up."

She whimpered, only to find herself gazing up into Jet's concerned sky blue eyes.

"Having a nightmare about Spike?", he questioned, giving her a sympathetic pat on the hand.

Faye's face screwed up in disgust. "No way! I may have had a crush on the guy, but I don't dream about the fool! Besides," she added, stretching as she stood up, "I need to cook dinner. Go to the freezer, and get me out some beef cubes, ok?"

Jet gave her a rather condescending look, then nodded, instantly regretting bringing up the rather touchy subject. "Ok, but do you need any help?"

Faye laughed, shaking her head. "No thanks, Jet. I'm going to make us some yummy stew. Meat, rice, noodles, potatoes, and little dices of ham. You can watch, if you'd like."

Jet inwardly pouted. Everyone had always depended on him for the chow, and now that he was constantly being replaced, he felt as if he was no longer needed.

Sighing, he shook his head. "No, thanks, Faye...I'll just...uh...read a book, or something."

"Jet, don't be that way. Hey! Maybe you can cut the meat and potatoes for me! I hate doing it...I feel like I'm going to cut off my fingers." Faye shivered visibly, and looked at Jet with expectance.

Realizing that she was offering, the balding man couldn't help but smile. She sure had a heart of gold, these days...

"Sure, kiddo," he finally agreed, "but only under one condition."

"What?" She asked, fearing what this condition was...

"You and Spike need to get over whatever it is that you're harboring against one another," Jet returned sternly, folding his large arms across his chest. "Are we understood?"

It was moments like these that he truly felt that he was their father...

Faye's pretty face was ruined by the scowl that was immediately placed there. "I'm not harboring anything against the guy! Please, I just hate him, is all! Go get me the meat, daddy!" Letting out a growl, she then stalked over to the kitchen in order to escape their troublesome conversation.

Jet stiffened, only to call acidly after, "Be that as it may, Faye, you have got to stop behaving like a child! Do you want to harbor grudges against someone that you have to live with 24-7!"

Faye stiffened, herself. "You mean Afro Ass and that wench are going to live here?" She turned to him, her shoulders drooping considerably.

"Of course that's what I mean! Do you think I can just let Spike leave without any course of action!", Jet demanded, giving her a firm glare that could have easily scared any individual shitless. "If you can't live with it, you can get out! This is my ship, therefore you have to go by my rules!"

"Fine! You can cook your own damn food and hunt your own damn bounties! Here's an idea! Why don't you use my room as the honeymoon suite? I'm out of here!", Faye screeched as she ran out of the room and toward the hangar, not even turning back.

Grimacing, Jet didn't even bother stopping her, realizing that there was no way to revert that woman's impulses once they were fully ingrained in her brain. He nearly jumped out of his skin, however, when a hand came down upon his shoulder from behind.

"What's going on, Jet?"

He flinched. "Spike!"

"Yeah," he demanded, giving him a curious look with his naturally inquisitive eyes. "Where's Faye?"

He looked away. "She's in the hangar...maybe you can still catch her..." He faltered. Spike was already gone.

Faye, meanwhile, was running back into the living room. She had left her damn shoes by the freaking couch!

"Jesus!", Spike exclaimed, nearly colliding headfirst into her lithe being upon her entrance. "What are you doing, woman! You're insane!"

Faye simply side-stepped him in response, then continued to run into the living room that seemed so far away.

"Hey...wait!", he exclaimed, irritably furrowing his brow before stumbling after. "Where the hell do you think you're going!"

"Home," She returned wistfully, not even turning to give him a second glance.

"Faye," Jet began softly, "you are home..."

"And surrounded by people who love you very much."

Spike stiffened...Julia. Where had she come from, and why had she just said that?

"Lies!", came Faye's harsh reply came, immediately turning to run back into the hangar. Forget about the fucking shoes, her mind chanted. Just get out of here!

Spike groaned. "Faye, c'mon! Are you just going to leave because of my fiancee!"
Noticing her pause, he added, "The girl I knew wouldn't let something as simple as this get her down...you really have grown weak since I last saw you."

Faye was absolutely livid. "Do you think that's why I'm leaving? I'm not leaving because of you or Julia, or Jet! I'm leaving because of ME! I have to get better!"

"Then get better here...where you belong," Spike tried again, realizing that he, himself, was beginning to sound weak. "Don't you understand, Faye? In a weird, sick sort of way...we're family."

"No. We've never been family, and we never will. You don't understand at all." Faye walked calmly to the hangar.

Spike made a move to follow her, then suddenly thought better of it. "Fine!", he hollered, his face growing a brilliant shade of scarlet, "get lost then, you worthless woolong-sucking wench! I bet you're just going to a fucking strip club so you can actually get a job, cuz you sure as hell can't work anywhere else!"

As soon as he had uttered these unthinkable words, however, he immediately wished that he could somehow retract them.

"Fuck off, you whore dating fuck!" Faye gave him the finger, then headed to the Redtail.

Spike felt his anger return tenfold, his fist immediately smashing dead-on into the wall of the hangar, thus leaving, to Jet's tremendous displeasure, a huge dent the size of a baseball in it's wake.

"Bitch...," he whispered, quivering amidst his angry passion.

Jet's eyes widened in horror. "Spike..."

"Open the hangar, Jet! I'll come back when the two are off happily living in their fucking dream!", Faye ordered hotly, opening the cockpit before stepping inside.

Jet grimaced, then reached for the desired lever, only to immediately be cut off once Spike grasped his wrist.

"No, Jet," he urged, his grip only tightening to a terribly painful degree, "it can't end like this...that bitch has to wake up and smell the coffee! We are all she has! She's nothing without us!"

"Jet! Open the fucking hangar!" Faye yelled again, this time her voice stained by the oncoming tears.

Jet nodded. "Spike...I have to do this. Step aside."

Absolutely shocked by the older man's conviction, the mossy-haired cowboy moved away amidst his aura of absolute contempt, his eyes narrowing at the vixen in her zip craft as he realized, to his utter despair, that it was they that needed her.

It wasn't necessarily he, himself, that needed her, but Jet and the kid were much happier with her around, and if that's all it took to keep his 'family' happy, he would damn well try and keep things that way.

"Selfish bitch," he muttered, never taking his eyes off of her livid form.

"Jet, I'm going! I'll blast open that hangar if you don't open it right now!" Faye's voice was hysterical, desperately pleading with him.

"Jet, if you do this, I'm leaving, too," Spike retorted, thus to the older man's utter dismay.

"Good God," he muttered, throwing his gaze heavenward once he realized that there was no pleasing these two.

"That's it!" Faye screeched, irefully shutting the cockpit of her Redtail. She fired up the ignition, then blast through the hangar, shattering the steel bars in a macabre of sparks and shrapnel.

"Aww, shit!", Jet cursed, smashing his cybernetic arm down onto the control unit in complete and utter disgust, "this is all your fault, Spike! Now I'm going to have to pull thousands of woolongs that we don't have out of my ass!"

Spike, on the other hand, was completely un-phased by all this. "We'll send her a bill, ok? That rotten wench deserves what's coming to her."

"You don't mean that," Jet insisted, noticing Julia's pleased expression out of the corner of his eye. "And you...what's so pleasant that makes you completely unable to stop fucking grinning?"

The smile that had once adorned Julia's pretty face immediately disappeared. "I...I..."

"Nevermind," he muttered, running his fingers through his sparse hair in disgust. "Spike, I hope you'll learn from this...you've really hurt Faye."

He shrugged. "I don't care and I never will...she can go to hell."

Jet groaned, only to bark out harshly, "Well, I'm going to go get her! When I do, no fooling around. You're going to apologize."

"Fuck that," Spike muttered, seizing Julia gruffly by the arm before yanking her over in the direction of their room. "If anything, she should be apologizing to me!"

"You're a damn coward, Spike! Just accept the responsibility!" Jet called over his shoulder as he walked toward his Hammerhead.

"Only when you do!", the irate cowboy retorted, immediately abandoning the idea of going to bed as he stormed into the hangar. "You should know that she wants the attention, Jet! Yet what are you doing? Why, of course...you're giving it to her by going after the stupid wench! Don't you get it! She doesn't care whether we live or die! She's the freaking coward!"

"Goddammit, Spike! She's changed! I've helped her...she's been so scared, because she's like a child! Remember that video? Faye is that person now.." Jet opened his cockpit, then climbed inside.

"What do you mean?", Spike demanded, suddenly beside himself. "Are you trying to tell me that Faye Valentine, the Faye Valentine isn't a selfish, conniving freeloader, anymore!"

"No..she's a woman. A real woman."

Jet thought for a moment and hopped down from the zip craft. She'd come back when she felt like it. It was Faye's choice, not his.

"Sounds like you've changed, too," Spike remarked dryly, pausing to glance back at Julia, whom was suppressing a smile. "If you have such a thing for Faye, take it out on her, not me."

Jet gagged. "Faye is like my daughter! And stop being so smug, you jackasses!" Jet crossed his arms, staring gruffly at the two.

Spike couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, sure, old man...and I'm her secret lover." The tremendous sarcasm was not lost on the cybernetic-armed man.

Jet knew he was being sarcastic, but decided to play him on it. "Oh yeah, Spike. That's why I heard the moaning coming from your room!"

Julia gasped. "Spike!"

The bounty hunter became terribly flustered, spitting out fretfully, "What the hell is your problem, Jet! I wouldn't touch that woman with a three thousand gajillion million infinity foot pole!"

Then to Julia he added, "I swear, Jules...you're my one and only."

Jet, however, was not done just yet. "Oh really, Spike-O? Didn't you hold her that one night? I swear I heard moaning, and if it wasn't you and Faye...maybe it was you and Ed!" Jet appeared to be appalled at the suggestion.

Spike gagged. "Good God, you are sick tonight! If you heard moaning, Faye must've been feeling herself up while thinking about me, cuz I would never!" Glaring, he added, "And why were you listening, anyway, you old pervert?"

"I wasn't listening Spike, it was so loud, that you just heard it. And now are you saying that you did sleep with her?"

"NO!" Spike was absolutely miffed. "Julia," he immediately turned to her, "you know that I would never sleep with another woman, right?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow, then suddenly turned up her nose, declaring hotly, "Well I don't know, Spike...I cheated on Vicious for you, so who's to say that you wouldn't do the same!"

"WHAT! Has everyone gone complete nuts!", Spike exclaimed, ready to tear every last one of his curly locks out of his head.

"Well, my work here is done. Have fun!" Jet waved his hand girlishly, then cheerily trekked down the hall and to his room.

Spike sulked. This was war...

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A/N: Welp, that's it for now! How was it? Good? Bad? In-between? Please let us know whether you want us to continue or not!