SAMARA: I can't believe we actually decided to let him out of the closet.

CRYSTAL: Think about what you just said, Sammi…

SAMARA: (Thinks, then CRACKS UP!) OMFB!

GEOFF: Just shut up, the two of you… (Looks embarrassed.)

CRYSTAL: Hehe. Okay, so?

GEOFF: "Prima Donna" wasn't THAT bad… Well, YOUR version, anyway…

CRYSTAL: HA! So, you DO like it!

GEOFF: (Thinks.) Damn you…

CRYSTAL: Hehe… Anyway, even if you DIDN'T like the last chapter, this next chap is a great chapter.

SAMARA: Trust me, I helped with it--IT'S GOOD!

GEOFF: Okay, cool. Uh, so… who's Gerry?

CRYSTAL: (Coyly.) None of your business.

GEOFF: (Smidgen of jealousy.) Come on, tell me.

SAMARA: Ooh… jealous, are we?

GEOFF: YES--uh, I mean… (clears throat) …no. No, of course not… Who is he?

CRYSTAL: Later, my dear. Later.

GEOFF: (To himself.) I hate when she plays these games.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

CHAPTER 6: You Better Love Me! -- "Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh" to "All I Ask of You (Reprise)"

(SAMARA: Okay, well, I'm back. I can hardly say as much for Crystal, though… she said she'd be back later. Something about an "experiment" she's working on. GEOFF--Jealously: Yeah… "experimenting"… she's probably with "Phantom Erik." SAMARA: You know, Geoff, jealousy is an ugly thing. GEOFF: So is that Phantom's face, but Crystal still likes him. SAMARA: Hey, be nice! Anyway, Il Muto is just about to start, and Firmin and Andre have magically wound up in their private box. GEOFF: Not to mention, all of France is now in the house and Raoul's in Box Five… again. SAMARA: Yeah… stupid Fop. Anywho, the orchestra has started and the curtain opens, revealing the Countess's Confidante, two epicene men, and Meg dressed as a maid. Off-stage, Carlotta's maid places her throat spray on a table, when a mysterious gloved hand replaces the bottle with another exact replica of it. GEOFF: Ooh, creepy. SAMARA: I know! Anyway, let the play begin!)

CONFIDANTE

They say that this youth has set my lady's heart aflame-a!

1ST FOP (I'm not kidding--this is what they're called in the script!)

His Lordship, sure, would die of shock!

2ND FOP

His Lordship is a laughing-stock!

PIANGI (Off-stage.)

Are they talking about me?

CHRISTINE (Off-stage.)

Yes, now shut up.

CONFIDANTE

Should he suspect her, God protect her!

CONFIDANTE, 1ST FOP, 2ND FOP (Insincerely.)

Shame! Shame! Shame! This faithless lady's bound for Hades! Shame! Shame! Shame!

(SAMARA: Meg strokes her index finger with her other--"Shame, shame!" Hehe. Anyway, the canopy drapes apart, revealing Carlotta as the Countess and Christine as Serafimo, the pageboy--KISSING!)

PIANGI (Freaks out.)

Oh, no! Carlotta's a lesbian! I'm in love with a lesbian! No wonder she doesn't like me! (Cries.)

RAOUL (In Erik's box… damn Fop. Squinting.)

Hey, that pageboy's kind of cute… (Realizing.) Oh, my God, wait! AHHH! I LIKE GUYS!

ERIK (Off-stage.)

That's Christine, you fop!

RAOUL (Relieved.)

OH! Okay. (Realizing.) But wait… AHHH! CHRISTINE'S A LESBIAN?

CHRISTINE

I'm not a lesbian, you fop!

CARLOTTA

Me either! Did you not ever hear of "acting"?

RAOUL & PIANGI

OHH! (Completely relieved.) Okay. Continue.

CHRISTINE & CARLOTTA (Sigh.)
Idiots.

COUNTESS (CONT'D.)

Serafimo! Your disguise is perfect! (Knock at door.) Why, who can this be?

CARLOTTA (CONT'D.)

As if we didn't already know… (Meg answers the door.)

DON ATTILIO (Enters stage.)

Gentle wife, admit your loving husband. (Slaps Meg's ass.)

MEG (Gasps, then slaps Piangi.)

OH! Bastard! No one touches me like that, except Joey!

(GEOFF: Meg realizes what she has just revealed and gasps again, covering her mouth with her hand, in pure shock.)

BUQUET

That's my Meggie!

(SAMARA: Yup! And her stalker--I mean, mommy comes out to the side stage, gaping in complete shock.)

MADAME GIRY

MEG! YOU LITTLE TWO-BIT WHORE!

MEG

…IT WAS THE CAPE!

(SAMARA: LMFAO! Madame Giry comes onto the stage and slaps Meg across the face and Meg starts to cry.)

MADAME GIRY

Oh, suck it up, you little crybaby! Geez! (Exits stage.) Continue!

ANDRE (To Firmin.)

Now THAT'S exactly the sort of thing the public loves.

(GEOFF: Tell me about it! All that's missing is the white t-shirts and the pool of water! Haha! CRYSTAL & SAMARA: Groan…)

DON ATTILIO

My love--I am called to England on affairs of state, and must leave you with your new maid.

(SAMARA: Piangi goes to touch Christine's ass, but she slaps his hands away from her.)

CHRISTINE

Hey! That's reserved for Erik!

ERIK (Off-stage still.)

The Phantom!

CHRISTINE (Corrects.)

The Phantom!

RAOUL

THE PHANTOM?

CHRISTINE

I mean, Raoul!

ERIK

FOPPY?

CHRISTINE

I mean--(Confusion.)--Just keep going!

DON ATTILIO (Aside.)

Though I'd happily take the maid with me!

CARLOTTA

What? You don't love ME anymore?

PIANGI

Of course I do, Carlotta! Just… acting, remember?

CARLOTTA

Oh, yeah… Okay. Anyway…

COUNTESS (Aside; CONT'D.)

The old fool is leaving! (Audience snickers: "Snicker, snicker…")

ANDRE (To Firmin.)

Look! It's the Countess de Charbourg! She's invited us to her salon, you know.

FIRMIN

Nothing like that ever happened to us in the junk business.

ANDRE (Corrects.)

Scrap metal.

FIRMIN

Oh, let's face it, Andre. It was the piece of shit business, hands down, period.

ANDRE

Yeah, you're right.

FIRMIN

I know. Now, let's watch the show.

ANDRE

Okay.

COUNTESS

Serafimo--away with this pretense!

(GEOFF: Christine rips off her skirt. SAMARA: Oh, what "manly breeches," LMAO!)

COUNTESS (CONT'D.)

You cannot speak--

CHRISTINE

Yes I can.

JOEL (Off-stage.)

Christine…

CHRISTINE

AHHH! (Not speaking.)

COUNTESS

--but kiss me in my husband's absence!

CHRISTINE

Okay. (Hides behind Carlotta's fan with her, "kissing.")

RAOUL

Christine!

CHRISTINE (Pulls out.)

What? Oh.

COUNTESS

Poor fool, he makes me laugh! Hahahahaha! Time I tried to get a better, better half!

COUNTESS & CHORUS

Poor fool, he doesn't know! Hohohohoho!

(SAMARA: A figure comes out from a door high in the opera house. GEOFF--Sighs: "Phantom Erik.")

COUNTESS & CHORUS (CONT'D.)

If he knew the truth, he'd never ever go!

ERIK (Thundering voice--ooh… sexy…)

Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty… Sir Fop?

RAOUL (Realizing.)

Oops.

MEG (Terrified, whispering… what a sissy.)

He's here, the Phantom of the Opera…

CARLOTTA (Nervously.)

It's him.

CHRISTINE

Your part is silent, little toad!

CARLOTTA (Confused.)

Huh?

ERIK (To himself.)

Ah, Christine… so evil… so vengeful… so… stupid. Oh, well. Two out of three's better than nothing.

(SAMARA: However, instead of Carlotta going to get the throat spray, Christine does, then comes back to hand it to Carlotta. Carlotta sprays herself liberally before putting the bottle back on the table.)

CARLOTTA

Okies!

COUNTESS

Serafimo, away with this pretense! You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's--CROAK!

AUDIENCE

GASP! Then… HAHAHAHAHA!

COUNTESS (Tries again, quietly.)

Poor fool, he makes me laugh! Hahaha--CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! (Cries, humiliated, then runs off-stage, curtain closing behind her.)

(GEOFF: Audience continues to crack up, with the exception of Firmin, Andre, Reyer, Raoul, and Madame Giry. Erik has left, retreating back into the crevices of the opera house, Firmin and Andre have disappeared from their box, and Raoul feels bad for Carlotta.)

RAOUL

Aw, poor Carlotta.

CHRISTINE

HEY!

RAOUL

Oh, sorry.

FIRMIN (With Andre, are magically on the stage.)

Er, ladies and gentlemen, we apologize. Er, the performance will continue in ten minutes' time… when the role of the Countess will be played by--(Amazingly finds Christine behind the curtain and pulls her out.)--Miss Daae. (The audience applauds and Christine smiles big, until Firmin throws her back behind the curtain.)

CHRISTINE

Ow! (Clatter.)

FIRMIN

Thank you!

ANDRE (Ignoring.)

Meanwhile, we'd like to give you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's performance.

REYER

WHAT?

FIRMIN

Thank you! (Both exit.)

(SAMARA: Reyer hurriedly begins the music and all the dancers come on. GEOFF: Let's just say, it's pure chaos. CRYSTAL: Your average Triton play--for those of you who know what I'm talking about, LOL! SAMARA: Haha! True that! Hey, what're you doing here, anyway? I thought you had an experiment? CRYSTAL: I do… it's in progress. SAMARA: Oh. CRYSTAL: Yeah, anyway, while Madame Giry helps Christine get ready, up in the rafters, Buquet has been jumping around, pretending to be Erik. Frankly, Erik is pissed off at this and has decided to, um… finish him off, so to speak. Erik is hunting him down, as we speak, while the Triton version of Il Muto is going on. GEOFF: Meanwhile, in Carlotta's dressing room, Madame Giry gives another single red rose with black ribbon to Christine, whose hair now doesn't look like a boy's.)

CHRISTINE

Another single shitty rose… I'm getting sick of this.

(SAMARA: Hehe, Madame Giry tightens Christine's corset TIGHTLY.)

CHRISTINE

OW!

MADAME GIRY (To herself.)

I'm getting sick of you…

(SAMARA: Buquet spots Erik stalking him and runs. GEOFF: But it doesn't do him any good. CRYSTAL: Considering Erik eventually catches up to him anyway, Punjab in hand--)

BUQUET

Please, Monsieur Phantom… I never meant anything by anything! I swear! I'm just a stupid-ass, drunken bastard!

ERIK

That IS true… but still. (Loops the lasso around his neck. We oddly hear the Psycho theme playing.) Die, imposter-poser, die. (Evil smile… ooh… sexy.)

(CRYSTAL: --and strangles him. SAMARA: Buquet's body drops from the rafters to the stage. GEOFF: It causes mass mayhem onstage, as well as in the audience. SAMARA: Yes, and, once again, magically, Firmin and Andre are back in their box.)

FIRMIN (Trying to settle everyone.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Er, do not panic. It is simply, uh… (Looks at Andre for help.)

ANDRE (Whispers.)

An accident.

FIRMIN

An accident! Right, an accident…

(CRYSTAL, SAMARA, GEOFF: Riiight… SAMARA--CONT'D.: Anyway, Christine has found Raoul, slowly making his way down the stairs, and grabs his arm, leading him another way. GEOFF: Yeah, back UP the stairs. Unfortunately, we all know what Raoul plus stairs equal. SAMARA: Yup. Sir Foppy strikes again… CRYSTAL: Let's see, shall we?)

RAOUL

Why--ow--have you--ow--brought me--ow--here--OW!-- Christine, I think I broke my nose.

CHRISTINE (Picking him up by his collar.)

We can't go back there!

RAOUL (Choking.)

Can't we? OW! We must return!

CHRISTINE (Dragging him up the stairs.)

He'll kill you, stupid! His eyes will find us there!

RAOUL

Christine, don't say that… OW! FUCK!

CHRISTINE

Those eyes that burn!

RAOUL

Ow… seriously? Don't even think it… Hey, I think--ow--I saw that before.

CHRISTINE (Still dragging him.)

I doubt it.

RAOUL

No--ow--serious--ow--ly. Hold up!

(SAMARA: Oh, God… GEOFF: What? CRYSTAL: They're walking up a down escalator.)

CHRISTINE

Oh, my God… And if he has to--CROAK! (Gasps!)

RAOUL

"If he has to croak"?

CHRISTINE

N--CROAK!

ANDREW

Don't tell me she used the throat spray…

JOEL

Christine, did you use the throat spray?

CHRISTINE (Nods, embarrassedly.)

CROAK!

ERIK (Off-stage.)

Oh, God…

RAOUL

Oh, shit! OW!

(SAMARA: HAHAHA! GEOFF: What? CRYSTAL: Pay attention, Geoffy! Fop got his coattails caught in the escalator steps! LOL! GEOFF: Oh. LMAO!)

RAOUL (CONT'D.)

AHHH! I'm going to die! Christine, help me!

CHRISTINE

CROAK!

(SAMARA: Amazingly enough, they reach the doors to the roof, but… IT'S LOCKED!)

CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)

Hey! Who locked the CROAK-ing door? Let us the CROAK out!

(SAMARA: There are already two people on the roof… and both dressed up as Christine and Raoul… but who are they? GEOFF: I have a feeling we'll find out soon enough.)

MYSTERY CHRISTINE

MYSTERY RAOUL

The Phantom of the

The Phantom is a fable…

Opera will kill and kill

Believe me, there is no

again! (To herself.)

Phantom of the Opera…

My God, who is this

(To himself.)

man who hunts

My God, who is this man,

to kill…? I can't

this mask of death…?

escape from him…

Whose is this voice you hear

I never will!

with every breath…?

MYSTERY CHRISTINE & MYSTERY RAOUL

And in this labyrinth, where night is blind, the Phantom of the Opera is here / there: inside my / your mind…

RAOUL (Off-stage.)

There is no Phantom of the Opera! OW!

ERIK (From behind statue.)

Riiight, Foppy…

(SAMARA: Okay, seriously, who are Mystery Raoul and Mystery Christine? GEOFF: Likewise… CRYSTAL: Heh, heh… Mystery Raoul turns around to reveal… GEOFF: DARTH VADER? CRYSTAL: And Mystery Christine… SAMARA: DR. FRANK-N-FURTER FROM "ROCKY HORROR"? LMFAO! GEOFF--Thinks in head: As long as Crystal and Samara don't find out that I thought Mystery Christine was kind of cute… I should be fine. Becomes shifty-eyed.)

ERIK (Thinks in head.)

Even I didn't think Mystery Christine looked good… I mean, honestly…

(GEOFF: Bite me, Phantom.)

ANDREW

Who invited Anakin and Dr. Transvestite?

FRANK-N-FURTER

I'm just a sweet transvestite… from transsexual… Transylvania…

DARTH VADER (Breathes.)

Haw-per…

JOEL

I don't know, but it should make this movie more interesting than with Christine and Foppy.

ANDREW

Good point. Continue, please?

CHRISTINE & RAOUL

LET US OUT!

JOEL

Go die.

FRANK-N-FURTER (In a deep, manly woman voice.)

Raoul, I've been there--to his world of unending night… to a world where the daylight dissolves into darkness… Mm, darkness, sexy man… (Gets close to Vader.) Raoul, I've seen him. Oh, can I ever forget that sight…? Can I ever escape from that face? So distorted, deformed, it was hardly a face, even though I've never seen him to begin with, in that darkness… ooh, darkness, Vader-baby… (Semi-trance-like.) But his voice filled my spirit with a strange, sweet sound… ooh, sexy voice… In that night, there was music in my mind… And through music my soul began to soar! And I heard as I'd never heard before, baby…

DARTH VADER

Haw-per… What you heard was a dream and nothing--haw-per--more…

FRANK-N-FURTER

Yet in his eyes--oh, those eyes--all the sadness of the world, those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore… My kind of man, baby!

(GEOFF: Wow… this is creepy. SAMARA: Yeah, now Vader's… ew… touching Frank-N-Furter all over… Gags… They're getting a little TOO friendly…)

FRANK-N-FURTER (CONT'D.)

Ooh, you're my kind of man, snuggle-bunny…

DARTH VADER

Christine… Christine… (Snuggling with Frank-N-Furter… EW!)

ERIK

Christine… and I mean, the REAL Christine, get out here NOW! This is getting a little TOO freaky!

(CRYSTAL: Suddenly, Christine bursts through the roof door, still holding Raoul by his collar. Foppy's got a bloody nose, split lip, and black eye from his rendezvous up the down escalator. He looks as if he got into a fight with it… and lost… DRASTICALLY. SAMARA: Haha! Christine looks pissed off as hell!)

CHRISTINE (Huffing and puffing, and as red as her cape.)

You are NOT going to ruin MY song!

FRANK-N-FURTER (High-pitched screech.)

AHHH!

DARTH VADER (Lets go of Frank-N-Furter.)

Haw-per… AHHH! Haw-per…

(SAMARA: Christine throws the rose and drops Fop--)

RAOUL

OW.

(SAMARA: --and chases Frank-N-Furter and Vader around the rooftop and shoves them both off. Wow… she's REALLY pissed. CRYSTAL & GEOFF: Uh-huh…)

JOEL (To himself.)

Damn it, she's back… (Sighs; to Christine.) How's your voice Christine?

CHRISTINE

Better.

ERIK

Wow… remind me not to piss her off.

(CRYSTAL, SAMARA, GEOFF: Don't piss her off.)

ERIK

Thanks.

(CRYSTAL: Not to mention, her hair is now magically and mysteriously tied up perfectly… A little disturbed. There's something VERY, uh, weird about her hair.)

ERIK

Tell me about it. (Also disturbed.)

CHRISTINE

Okay, come one, Raoul. Let's go. (Helps him stand up.)

RAOUL

Okay. (Dusts himself off.) No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears. I'm here--

CHRISTINE

Oh, whoop-dee-fucking-do…

RAOUL

--nothing can harm you--my words will warm and calm you.

CHRISTINE

Really? 'Cause they're not doing anything yet.

RAOUL

Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears. (Wipes away Christine's nonexistent tears.) I'm here--

CHRISTINE

Yeah, we've already established that.

RAOUL

Look, can I sing here?

CHRISTINE (Sighs.)

Fine. Go ahead.

RAOUL

Thanks. --with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you…

CHRISTINE

Yeah, "guard and guide me"… I'm the one who saved you from the down escalator of death a few minutes ago. (Sighs.) Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime… Say you need me with you, now and always… Promise me that all you say is true--that's all I ask of you.

RAOUL (Holds her close.)

Let me be your shelter, let me be your light.

CHRISTINE

You never said what I told you to say.

RAOUL

Later.

CHRISTINE

No, NOW!

(SAMARA: Raoul thinks, then pulls out a Sharpie clicky-marker, clicks it, and shows it to Christine. CRYSTAL: Her eyes light up and she inhales… DEEPLY.)

ERIK

Whoa, how'd Fop find out about that?

(CRYSTAL: I don't know.)

ERIK

There goes another source of control over Christine…

CHRISTINE (Dazed; CONT'D.)

I love you, Raoul.

RAOUL

I love you, too, darling. You're safe: no one will find you--your fears are far behind you…

(SAMARA: Quote time: "The lovers move perilously close to the edge of the roof." CRYSTAL: Hehe… What? I didn't laugh evilly… Hehe…)

CHRISTINE (Still dazed, walking away from Raoul.)

All I want is freedom, a world with no more night… (Turns to him, swaying slightly.) …and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me…

(CRYSTAL: "A shadow. Perhaps the Phantom will send them to their deaths?")

ERIK (To Crystal.)

Trust me, I'm contemplating it. (Depression.)

(CRYSTAL: Awww…)

RAOUL

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime… let me lead you from your solitude…

ERIK

The girl has two guys in their thirties chasing after her… I don't think SHE'S the one living in solitude.

(CRYSTAL: Yeah, seriously.)

RAOUL

Say you need me with you here, beside you… anywhere you go… Let me go too--Christine, that's all I ask of you…

(SAMARA: Raoul holds her and squeezes her tightly. CRYSTAL: Christine gasps… for air.)

CHRISTINE (Quietly.)

Raoul?

RAOUL

Yes, my love?

CHRISTINE

Air.

RAOUL (Lets go, but holds her lightly.)

Sorry.

CHRISTINE (Breathes normally.)

It's okay. Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime… Say the word, and I will follow you…

RAOUL

That's right--me.

CHRISTINE (Dazedness clearing up.)

Don't start.

RAOUL

Sorry.

CHRISTINE & RAOUL

Share each day with me, each night, each morning…

CHRISTINE (Turns to Raoul; CONT'D.)

Say you love me…

RAOUL

You know I do…

CHRISTINE

Riiight…

CHRISTINE & RAOUL

Love me--That's all I ask of you…

(SAMARA: AWWW! They kiss! CRYSTAL: Awww… my poor, poor Erik… so sad… Tears… "The Phantom is watching, heartbroken." That is, until--)

CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)

OW!

(CRYSTAL: --Foppy blindly, literally, in the midst of twirling Christine around, collides her with the stone statue! Erik rolls his eyes, and honestly, is having a hard time holding in his laughter.)

RAOUL

Oops… fuck. Sorry, Christine.

CHRISTINE (Dazed, now on the ground.)

Talk about being "stoned." (Fop helps her up.)

CHRISTINE & RAOUL

Anywhere you go, let me go too… Love me--that's all I ask of you…

(SAMARA: They kiss again. GEOFF: Snore… CRYSTAL: However, Christine notices something as she embraces him… there seems to be a big bulge in Raoul's pocket… SAMARA: Thinking… bad thoughts… CRYSTAL--Sees the look on Samara's face…: NO! Not like THAT, Sammi! SAMARA--Snaps out.: Oh. Then… like what? CRYSTAL: Keep watching and we'll find out!)

CHRISTINE

What the CROAK--excuse me--is that?

RAOUL (Trying to hide it.)

Oh! Heh… nothing.

CHRISTINE

Yeah, right.

(CRYSTAL: She swiftly reaches into his pocket and pulls out-- SAMARA: GASP! GEOFF: Huh? CRYSTAL: --CHRISTINE'S MISSING STOCKINGS! Christine gasps!)

ERIK

SEE? I told you I didn't rape her!

(CRYSTAL: I never doubted you… but FOPPY? SAMARA: Still in shock. GEOFF: Still confused. CRYSTAL--Still narrating for others.:In utter disbelief, Christine slaps Raoul across the face and storms towards the door.)

CHRISTINE

I must go--they'll wonder where I am… (Begins to leave.)

RAOUL

Don't you want me to come with you?

CHRISTINE (Holds up stockings.)

After THIS?

RAOUL (Following.)

Christine, I love you!

CHRISTINE

Oh, fine, then! (Thinks to herself.) You better love me! (Aloud.) Come with me, Raoul! Order your fine horses! Be with them at the door!

RAOUL

And soon you'll be beside me!

CHRISTINE

You'll guard me, and you'll guide me…

(SAMARA: They disappear back inside the opera house, when--CRASH, BANG, CLATTER, KABOOM, CLINK, CRUSH, CAN'T-THINK-OF-ANYMORE-NOISE-WORDS! Can you take a guess?)

CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)

Raoul, you fopping asshole…

(CRYSTAL: He fell straight down the iron staircase. Hm. Anyway, Erik emerges from behind a statue and picks up the rose that Christine threw in her mad fit of rage. He looks so sad… awww…)

ERIK (Very quiet and plaintive.)

I gave you my music… made your song take wing… even though your stupid ass used the fucking throat spray… And now, how you've repaid me: denied me and betrayed me… gone and left with Fop-Boy… He was bound to love you when he heard you sing… Christine… (Sobs.)

CHRISTINE (Off-stage.)

What?

ERIK

Bitch!

CHRISTINE

Oh, that's it! It's on, now!

CHRISTINE & RAOUL (Off-stage, in an attempt to make Erik jealous.)

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime… Say the word, and I will follow you… (Erik crushes the rose in his hand.)

ERIK

Ow! That was a thorn!

(CRYSTAL: Aw, my poor Erik… are you okay?)

ERIK (CONT'D.)

Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. At least someone cares about me… unlike Madame Foppy…

(CRYSTAL: Lanky bitch…)

CHRISTINE & RAOUL

Share each day with me, each night, each morning…

ERIK

All right, I get it already! Stop rubbing it in! (To himself.) Stupid Fop… Lanky Bitch… (Furiously, runs and climbs up statue. Aloud.) You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asked of you…!

(GEOFF: The camera pulls away, higher and higher, then drops… to the ground below… breaking once it collides with the concrete. "Fade to black," HA!)

JOEL

Damn it… I lose more cameras that way.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

A/N: SIR FOPPY STRIKES AGAIN! LMAO! Anyway, sorry for such a long wait, mates… My writing muse was on such a role in the first five chaps that, I guess, I sort of ran out of steam. Hey, but luckily, I'M BACK! Hehe, anyway, THANKS: AXIE: What can I say? I love you! COURTENAY: REALLY? "Best one yet"? And to think, I thought it sucked:P! Thanks! DEZZ & MR. POOCH: I have to thank you guys, because if it weren't for you guys updating your Phic, I would've NEVER picked up my pencil today to write this chappy! THANKS SOOO MUCH! I NEEDED IT! ERIK'S SHADOW: YES FOR GERRY ERIK! AW! PUPPY DOG EYES ERIK! SOOOOO CUTE! KITTI: Thanks sooo much, Tiff! So much love! LAUREN: Ha, ha, ha! BTW, the "shushing" part is kind of a tribute to my wonderful theatre teacher, Mrs. McCollaum! Oh, and I'll TRY to fit that song in, Laur, LOL, ;)! MISS CHRISTINE DAAE: Hehehe, good stuff! Thanks! PHANTOM OF ERIK'S PAST: Hehe, updated! Your wish is my command! VARADROVIA: LMFAO! Sorry for skipping the mooning part! I know, it was harsh! But thanks for loving it:D! Hey, how'd everyone like Foppy with Christine's stockings? Hehe, I'd tell you how he got them, but alas… even I do not know such details, LOL… however, I'm not so sure we REALLY want to know, ;P! Okay, I'm getting down to the neck of the line here--only four chappies left to write:'(. Oh, well. 110percent all the way!

Cheers.

Your obedient servant,

--Crystal Phantasy

PS: Hey, guys! In case you haven't noticed yet, I have started a new story: "Unending Night." It's not a parody--sorry to say--but a PotO-based romantic drama (EOW, keep in mind, just in case that's not your thing…). So, if you're interested, check it out! Love yas! And THANKS AGAIN!