I don't even know how to be the girl who started this story. I have to finish, though. I just have to. I can't even bring myself to read the previous chapters, so fuck continuity, nothing's going to make sense but I have to finish this. I was TWELVE when I started this story. I can't even fathom what was going through my mind then, I used to live and breathe School of Rock fanfiction. I don't even know if anyone who used to read this is out there. But I'm going to college in August and I have the strangest feeling that I can't let go of my childhood until I've finished this fucking fanfiction. So here goes, the second to last chapter, and so help me GOD I will be back with the last chapter in the next few weeks...and to anyone who does read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Past Mistakes and Present Problems

Chapter 17 - Waiting

Summer knew it had to be done. In order to dissolve a court case, in order to convince someone to drop charges, the lawyer had to actually come face to face with the accuser. She just wished that the accuser wasn't the ex-wife of her child's father. She just wished it didn't sound like the plot to an episode of Days of Our Lives. This has to be done, this has to be done, this has to be done, she repeated to herself as she stood at the front door. Granted, she wished Freddy could have handled it when she asked him to, but you can't ask so much out of a person who is used to taking care of only himself. He's doing great, I just need to be patient. He's been everything I never thought he could be. Summer marveled at her neurotic ability to talk herself to the edge of a cliff, and the mere mention of Freddy could bring her back to earth. She realized that feeling must be what true love feels like. True love means doing everything it takes, no matter what. True love means showing up to Michelle Green's front door in order to do some serious groveling.

She rang the doorbell, and after waiting a few minutes she realized no one was going to answer. Shouldn't she have a maid somewhere, who's sole job description is door answering? She tapped her foot and checked her Blackberry (three times), before she finally heard it. Somewhere in the back of the house, she heard a shrill, unbearable giggle and a nervous laugh follow it. Summer recognized that giggle from somewhere deep in her memory. More importantly, she recognized the laugh from a place of great importance, somewhere very current. She couldn't believe it, but then again, yes she could.

After all, Summer was always underestimating Freddy. She thought he couldn't be responsible, he could; she thought he couldn't be a father, he could; she thought he couldn't handle facing Michelle one last time, he could. As she heard the distant sounds of Michelle and Freddy talking, she was conscious of the most indescribable feeling of happiness spreading from her hairline to her toes. Despite the constant reassurances of Freddy's devotion to her over the past few weeks, Summer couldn't just stop being Summer Hathaway: Pessimist, and completely disregard the pain of the past five years. Knowing Freddy's disdain for Michelle, but hearing him talk with her civilly, made Summer wholly aware of how Freddy felt about her.

Just because she trusts him with her life doesn't mean she trusts him with his own, so she knew it was necessary to eavesdrop a little, just to make sure he was saying the right things at the right time. Michelle can be tricky, Summer knew that more than almost anyone, having dealt with all of her bullshit during the School of Rock era.

After establishing that the ex-spouses were on the back patio, Summer boosted herself over the fence that kept the common riffraff out of the proximity of Michelle's home and headed towards the backyard. Her steps could only be described as jaunty, as she jumped from rock to rock on the path that led to the back, enjoying the last few moments of sunshine before the sun set. The grass was green, the sky was orange and all signs pointed to a happy ending.

Her voice cut through the air, stopping Summer dead in her tracks. "Freddy? Come on, for old times sake, don't you want to?" Even from her detrimental angle, Summer could see how gorgeous Michelle had become, how she was even more beautiful. How she was sitting on her boyfriend's lap, practically panting.

Summer knew that he couldn't, that he wouldn't, not ever. But instead of reassuring herself and turning away, she found her feet were cemented to the concrete. Her eyes were glued to the two bodies pressed together, one her favorite person in the world and one her least. She managed to blink, twice, but opening her eyes made matters worse. They were kissing. She was kissing, he was kissing back, and he was breaking everything. Summer pushed herself further into the wall, hating herself for watching but she knew she would hate herself even more if she were too cowardly to stay. They kissed for an eternity, and when it was finally over, Summer felt fuzzy. Michelle and Freddy were speaking to each other but all she heard was a flatline screeching inside her ears.

"It's not like that. She's been my lawyer. She's been helping me with this mess." Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeep.

She stayed long enough to hear the charges were dropped. The chargers were dropped, her heart was dropped, and she was gone.

"Katie, do you think I'll ever have what you and Zack have?" Summer felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest, but your own feelings matter very little when you have a whole other person to take care of. Rae, who had spent the day playing with Jacob, sat at the table, coloring.

The question took Katie by surprise, seeing as how the last time she had spoken to Summer she was falling more in love with Freddy every minute. The current look on her face suggested otherwise, as she ripped a paper napkin into smaller and smaller pieces. "I just mean, like, are you guys really lucky, or am I really unlucky? Or do I do this to myself?"

The greatest thing about Katie Mooneyham was that she always waited. She had an insurmountable amount of patience, which was a quality Summer greatly admired, especially when she couldn't quite find the words she wanted right away. Like always, Katie waited for her friend to locate the right sounds to describe what was wrong. Summer made a desperate glance in her daughter's direction, hoping to convey her reluctance to speak freely about the problem. She tried again to explain herself without revealing what was wrong to the child.

"I just think...if you really want something to happen. Like you want it so bad. It just should. Doesn't that seem fair? Doesn't it seem reasonable that a girl who does so many things right should want something right in return?"

"Yes, I think it's absolutely fair. Summer, you deserve more right things than anyone I know."

Summer continued to rip the napkin, using the careless movements as a way to ground herself to the awareness that things really were finished. The smaller the shreds became, the less she felt. "Then why..." she couldn't seem to pinpoint the phrases she wanted, "then why don't I...have them?"

Katie hardly hesitated in her answer. "Things are so fucked up, Tink." Rae looked up from her coloring book, eyes wide at the opportunity to exploit her aunt for using such an awful curse word but a look from Katie completely silenced her. "There are so many unexplainable things in this world, but sometimes the most important things are the ones that seem to mean so little."

She understood without being told that this conversation was about Freddy. More importantly, she understood that whatever had been happening wasn't anymore, and it wasn't through the fault of Summer.

"They mean little to some people, you mean. The most important things are most important to one person, but to another, they could mean nothing." The pieces continued to become smaller and smaller.

"I think they always mean something. Whatever that something is, I don't have a damn clue. But it's not nothing...it's never nothing."

Summer knew her friend was trying to help, and if this hadn't been about Freddy, it would have. Had they been discussing a breakup with Stuart, Summer would have smiled and recognized that sometimes things really don't work. But as Summer packed up Rae's things and grabbed her hand as they headed out the door, she couldn't help but whisper over her shoulder, "I wanted it to work so badly. I needed it to."

She got home and waited. Whether she was waiting for Freddy or simply waiting for things to make sense, she did it anyway. After tucking Rae in to bed, Summer played countless situations over in her head, imagining him.

He would stumble in, drunk, completely torn up about what he had done, unable to live with his guilty conscious. He would come home, kiss her on the cheek, and head to the kitchen to make a sandwich as if nothing had happened. He would come home, reserved and quiet, waiting for her to ask what was wrong. He would bring Michelle. He would tell her he never loved her. He would tell her he never loved Michelle. He wouldn't come home at all.

She didn't imagine the situation that actually occurred, she didn't think he would show up with her former teacher and principal banging on the door. She didn't think he would have the most beautiful smile she had ever seen perched on his face, reaching all the way to his ears, crinkling his eyes at their corners. She didn't imagine how proud he would look, how he would stand so tall, in between his mentors, looking as though he had just won a war. Maybe he had. Maybe he had been struggling with the decision between Michelle and Summer for ages, and finally a side had won. And one had lost. But the smile on Freddy's face made her heart melt and for a split second she smiled back, but her memory returned and her face formed into a grimace she hadn't felt herself make in over five years.

Dewey and Rosalie saw it too, and after exchanging a quick promise to return another time when Rae wasn't asleep, they were gone and all that was left was a thick silence as both Summer and Freddy waited for the other to speak.

He went first, "I got the charges dropped."

"So I heard." His eyebrows went up in confusion but she continued, "How could you do this to me? No-I guess I understand you doing this to me, after all I kept you in the dark for five years, fair is fair. But to Rae? How could you do this to her? She loves you."

The interesting thing about being absolutely in love with a person is never needing things to be explained. Freddy didn't know how she knew, but he instantly realized Summer had seen at least some of his interaction with Michelle.

"Sum, I don't know what you think you saw but, never. No way." He took a desperate step towards her, but she had already taken one backwards before he was still again.

"Freddy, honestly, I saw it all-"

"What did you see?" He knew he could explain everything, and after a bit of teasing her for actually thinking he would cheat on her, everything would be dropped.

"I saw you kissing her. It's okay, lying will make it worse. I'm a lawyer, I know better than anyone that a lie can make it worse."

"Or a lie can make all the difference. It can save someone."

"It's too late to be saved, Jones. I don't blame you for choosing her. I guess you could say that I'm a little confused but you don't owe me anything, let alone an explanation. I told myself five years ago that letting you in on all of this would be a mistake and now I'm paying for it. No strings attached, you're off the hook." She leaned against the wall and watched as her words hit him with the force of a tsunami. She unconsciously hoped to inflict half the pain he made her feel.

"No strings attached...Summer, are you willing to let this go so easily? We have a child."

"No, Freddy. I have a child. You are one." Summer said this so quickly it was as if she had always prepared the line, it had always hovered under the surface of her tongue, waiting for the chance to reveal itself.

Freddy was speaking so fast now, everything he said had a sense of urgency. "I wasn't kissing her. I did kiss her, but not romantically. It was like an experiment...I kissed her-she kissed me-and I realized I never want to kiss anyone else but you. Summer, you're the love of my life. One of them anyway."

"One of them."

"You and Rae, my two girls. Please don't be like this, you're everything to me and I used to be stupid like that but I'm not anymore. You taught me how to grow up in such a short span, but it was time and I'm a better man for it. You have to realize I wouldn't ever do this."

Summer didn't know what to believe. She wanted to believe the new him but she had known the old one much longer. She hadn't taught him anything, she had ordered him around until he was able to predict what she would want. He memorized at best, he didn't learn how to be a man.

"No, Freddy, you're a hopeless imitation of a man, and I can't wait forever."

"I would wait a lifetime...I would wait for you." He tried to grab for her hand as she walked past him but she was too quick, and before he could say anything else she was holding the door open for him.

"Luckily, you don't have to."

Freddy walked out the door and only then did Summer allow herself to cry.