DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. JK Rowling and her cool publishing friends do. I'm not one of her cool publishing friends. I make no money!

A/N: Holy moly, here I am. Finally posting my fanfiction. Siiigh. It's been a long and winding road, etcetera. I can hear all my friends laughing at me, and they're well entitled to it. Anyway, I suppose I have to thank my three USELESS betas, Liz, Lauren, and Annie. Continually blurring the line between proofreader and cheerleader. Other than that, a job well done to me, and a kowtow to Rhysenn for showing me those many years ago how very fun it can be to make innocent characters do naughty things.

Chapter the First

"He dumped me!"

Pansy Parkinson rolled her eyes as several people dropped their silverware in surprise. Draco was indulging his dramatic side again, just in time for dinner.

"Harry-bloody-Potter dumped me! How in Merlin's name is that possible!"

Much of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was wondering the same thing. After all, it was a well-known fact that Draco wore the proverbial pants in the relationship. In fact, Draco had always been a bit…cold, where Harry was concerned. He was a bit cold about most things, but one would think that his own boyfriend would get to see some hidden intimate, romantic Draco. Apparently not.

Pansy shrugged. "Maybe because you treated him like shit."

Draco scoffed. "I did not." Did he? No. Pansy was off her rocker. Jealous, most likely. Wench.

Blaise, who had been eavesdropping rather shamelessly, chimed in. "Yeah, you did. Hermione was congratulating him on having done the right thing, earlier."

That fucking Granger. She'd probably put Harry up to it in the first place. Her and her stupid Weasel, always mucking about in Harry's business. Draco couldn't understand why they couldn't just exchange saliva without wanting to fix things for dearest Harry. Gods, could that boy have picked more annoying friends?

"DRACO! Are you even listening to me?" Pansy was looking a little irritated. Apparently she'd said something. Draco made a face. "Well fine, if you're going to be a git, I won't give you my advice."

Draco clutched at his heart melodramatically. "Oh Merlin, whatever shall I do without your guidance!"

"Well you don't have to be sarcastic about it," said Pansy huffily. With that, she got up and stormed three seats away, and sat down next to Millicent Bullstrode, who was currently looking for something to consume or destroy. Fucking Millicent. Fucking Pansy.

"Stupid bint," Draco muttered. He then turned calmly to Blaise, who was stifling giggles. "What were you saying, Blaise?"

Blaise attempted to straighten his face. "Well, I was in the Gryff common room—"

"Don't call them the Gryffs. You sound like an idiot."

"Alright, fine. I was in the Gryffindor common room after breakfast…"

Draco didn't even bother to say anything snide about cavorting with the enemy—Blaise was an honorary Gryffindor these days, seeing as how he was generally considered the most approachable Slytherin, and he was dating Seamus Finnigan. Of course, anyone who knew anything about their relationship knew that the only appropriate term for it was fucking, because that's what they did, day in, day out. Draco thought he ought to be grateful that they spent most of their time in Gryffindor Tower, because from what he'd heard, Finnigan was a screamer. Then again, he'd heard he was a screamer too, but that was probably just Blaise being a git. Fucking Blaise.

"DRACO! For Merlin's sake, I'm trying to gossip about your ex-boyfriend!"

"Don't call it gossiping, that makes us sound so poncey."

Blaise raised an eyebrow. "Draco, you're the biggest ponce in the entire school. And you love to gossip. So be quiet and listen!"

"Yes, fine. Keep going. The last thing I heard was that you were in the Gryffindor common room after breakfast." And for the record, Blaise was way poncier than Draco.

"What! Well, now I have to tell the whole damn thing again! So. I was in the Gryffindor common room after breakfast, y'know, and Harry'd just dumped you in front of the entire Great Hall—"

"Well I know that part! I was there!"

"Oh, right. Well anyway, I was sitting with Seamus on one of those big chairs they have—we ought to get some of those in the dungeons, they're quite good for snogging—and Harry comes in all blotchy-eyed like he'd been crying and his hair was all tousled and his tie was undone and he looked pretty hot, now that I think of it—"

"I hate you."

"OH! Sorry. Anyway, er, so he's standing in the portrait hole wallowing in his misery and all that, and Hermione gets up and goes over to him and brings him in and says to him 'Oh Harry, don't feel bad, it's for the best, you'll see.'"

Fucking Granger. Draco would see to it that the one-and-a-half remaining years at Hogwarts were absolute hell for her. That know-it-all cow. Blaise was still speaking, Draco noticed, and figured he'd better pay attention or he'd get yelled at again.

"So she brings him over and sits him down in the chair across from Seamus and me and sits down next to him…"

Draco sneered. She probably had her arm around him and everything. What a slut. Fucking Granger.

"And Ron comes over and pats him on the back and says, 'Cheer up mate, he was a git anyway.'"

Ron-fucking-Weasley. Draco hated Ron Weasley more than every other Gryffindor combined, including the Creepy Creeveys. Ron Weasley's head was so fat Draco wondered how he got it through doors. Weasley was truly an idiot, it wasn't just Draco being mean, which he admitted he could be at times. Weasley was just braindead, any way you looked at it. Draco had told Harry this on numerous occasions, and somehow it always ended with Harry yelling and Draco not getting any sex for a week. He'd learned not to bring it up after a while.

"So now all of sixth year Gryffindor was crowded around Harry, consoling him," Blaise continued, "Well, except for Seamus, he was trying to get his hand up my shirt, and I was trying to get him to pay attention, but then he started tickling me and—"

"Christ, Blaise, I asked you to tell me why you thought I'd been treating him badly, not to tell me about your sordid relations with Seamus-bloody-Finnigan!"

Blaise stuck out his lower lip. What a ponce. "Well you don't have to have a hissy fit about it, I was getting to that part."

Draco put on one of his award-winning sneers. "Well get there faster, I haven't got all evening."

Blaise rolled his eyes. "Okay, er, well. What Hermione said was that he was better off without you, since you'd always treated him badly and hadn't ever cared about the way he felt, and being with you was bad for his self-esteem, since he obviously cares a lot more for you than you do for him."

"That's not true!"

Blaise gave a dry laugh. "Isn't it?"

"It's not!" Draco wasn't quite so sure of himself this time, but he didn't let it show.

"Draco, Harry's and your relationship was the most ridiculously one-sided thing I've ever seen. He snuck about in the middle of the night to come to the Slytherin dorms. He sat over here at every meal. He bought you loads of expensive stuff for your birthday. He always let you win when you had a row. And what did you ever do for him? Nothing."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Clearly you don't understand the yin-yang nature of our relationship," he intoned icily. "He is good, and I am bad. He is light, and I am dark. He's a Gryffindor, and I'm a Slytherin. He's selfless, I'm…a Slytherin. I mean, for Merlin's sake, we've even got opposite coloured hair!"

"Yes, but you weren't even nice to him! I mean, he was your boyfriend! That means you're at least supposed to like him!"

"I did! I still do!"

Blaise shrugged. "Could have fooled me."

"Well if I didn't like him, why did I bother shagging him?" Ha. Take that, Blaise!

"Obviously, because he's gorgeous," replied Blaise in a very Granger-esque fashion. "And laying claim on Harry Potter is pretty impressive."

Draco was incredulous. "Are you insinuating that I used him? That he was some sort of trophy wife? How dare you!"

"You never proved otherwise. Besides, I'll bet one million galleons that he never topped once."

Draco looked away. "He said he liked being bottom…"

"Oh, please. Look at it from a psychological standpoint: He had no freedom at all until he was eleven, and since then he's had Dumbledore and his minions in his hair, messing around and preparing him for battle with You-Know-Who, who also has a personal vendetta against him and has appeared, what, three or four times at the end of the year to try and finish him off. Don't you think Harry's had enough of being controlled?"

Draco had to admit it made sense, although he wondered how exactly Blaise knew all this about Harry. He'd have to inquire about it later. But the fact remained that Harry had said he was fine with being bottom. If he'd asked to top, Draco probably would have let him. Although, the thought of it was a bit squicky. So what, he wasn't comfortable with his sexuality yet! Harry was perfectly fine with it! Fucking Blaise, overanalysing the entire situation.

"And, for that matter, have you ever…y'know…serviced him?"

Although it was painfully obvious what Blaise was getting at, Draco feigned ignorance. Blaise deserved to squirm, the little wanker. "In what way?"

"Er…Have you ever sucked him off?"

Trust Blaise to make it sound as vulgar as possible. At least he hadn't said 'polished his wand' or something stupid like that. "That's none of your business, quite frankly."

Blaise smiled smugly and Draco wanted quite badly to punch him. "Well, another million galleons says you haven't, or if you have, it was once or twice and not anywhere near the amount of times he's polished your wand."

God dammit. Draco decided he needed to find new friends. Greg and Vince never interrogated him about his sex life. Then again, Greg and Vince mostly pointed and grunted. At least Blaise liked to gossip.

Ooh, please review! Concrit is LOVE. More chapters fairly soon.