Life In A T Chapter 1: The Address Book, a teen titans fanfic

Well here's my latest fic. I much prefer scriptish form but I guess I'll have to resist.Each chapter focuses around different characters and sometimes more than one. Not much to say now but read and hit a certain box located to the bottom left of your screen.

Beast Boy was lounging on the couch waiting for the other Titans to return from whatever place they had gone. They didn't even tell him they were ALL leaving, it was like they wanted to get away from him... then again, he had a super head cold that would spread to each and every one of them if they even looked at him. He began to think of things to do to past the time quicker...

" This just sucks!" The changeling exclaimed " Everyone left me just because I have a cold! It's not even that bad!"

He picked the stereo remote up and turned on the stereo where the song Bored by Deftones blared to life.

" Hmm, I don't listen to this kind of music... or do I? Oh well, I'm bored so I might as well listen to a song called bored..."

Suddenly, a little black book with a peculiar design appeared on the coffee table. There appeared to be... a purple elephant?... on it. Beast Boy finally noticed the book and turned his attention to it.

" Dude, what's this thing?" He picked it up and flicked through it " An address book? ...Maybe I can prank call someone!"

Out of boredom, he began to search for a number. The names were listed in a mess and were abbreviated so it was hard to know exactly who he would be calling. He finally chose and picked up the phone.

Ring

" Moe's Tavern, how may I help ya?" a rugged voice asked

" Hi, I'm looking for Mya."

" Huh, Mya who?"

" Mya Butthurts!"

" Yeah, hold on." The bartender put his hand over the phone, despite that Beast Boy could still hear " Does anyone know Mya Butthurts! ...Come on, Mya Butthurts!"

There was muffled laughter in the background.

" I... oh wait, it's you again! Listen you little brat! If I ever find out who this is, I'm gonna rip yo' eye balls out and roast 'em over a campfire and then stick an apple in your mouth and roast you like a pig!" He said and then hung up

" Dude, that was so mean! ...Time for another number!" He chimed and picked out another number

Ring

" This is Bob." A funny voice said

" Hi Bob!"

" Bob says Hi."

" Uh..."

" Bob likes you... Bob likes sharp things... I suggest you run from Bob."

" Ah!" The changeling squeaked and hung up "... Nope, I still wanna prank call someone!"

With that, he looked through the strangely decorated book and found another number to call.

Ring

Ring (You think he would have gotten the point by now)

Ring

" Good day citizen. You have reached the phone line of Area 51..."

" COOL!"

" However, for safety reasons, we must now trace your number and come erase all your memory of this event. Please stand by while we trace your number..."

Classical music began to play as he hung up violently.

" ...One more couldn't hurt!" Beast Boy commented

Ring

" Hello, you have reached the home number of your local operator. May we suggest that you hang up now and simply press 0 to contact your official operator. If you cannot find the 0 button on your phone, press 1. If you would like to report a molestation case by Michael Jackson despite the fact that his trial is over, press 2. If you cannot press any buttons because your phone is broken, press 3. If you would like a blind date with a beautiful moped-loving woman, press 4..."

Beast Boy attacked button 4 only to break it in the process.

" Ah... so close!"

" If you have spotted an Osama Bin Laden look-alike on your local highway and have ran him over repeatedly with your vehicle, press 5. If you are very bored and need someone to hang with, press 666..."

" Umm... Suspicious, but okay!" He struck the 6 three times

" You have pressed 666 meaning: You're friend is on their way... HAVE A NICE DAY, MUAHAHAHAHAHA..." The phone went dead

" Silkie! No chewing on phone cords!" He Unhooked the worm-larvae thing from the wire and quickly set him on the table

And before boredom could return, there was a knock on the door.

" My new friend? Here already? Oh well!" He said as he made his way to the door

And he practically teleported to the door to open it and saw a familiar red antlered demon.

" Gasp! It's Trigon the terrible!" He shouted fearfully

" ...Um, no... I'm... Trigon Ometry!" (A/N: and put them together and what do you get?)

" Are you sure...?"

" Oh yes, as you can see, I'm not as big so I'm not Trigon!" Trigon notified a lie

Beast Boy took out a measuring tape and measured the demon " Hey, you're right! Come on in!"

" Gladly!" He grinned evilly

" So my new friend, what can we do?" The two made their way to the room where Beast Boy was before that doesn't really have a distinct name

" Whatever your mortal attire desires."

" How about we go play Gamestation! I just got the coolest game ever!" The changeling grinned

" Perhaps later. Where are all your fellow teammates?"

" They all left me here 'cause I got a head cold!"

" Excellent... um... we can 'hang out' now without the interference of your 'peers', yo..."

" Yeah, they won't be back for a while, I'm guessing."

" Perfect, now I can carry out my plan ... to.. 'chill' with you in your 'crib.' "

" Dude... you talk cool, wanna prank call some people?"

" If it brings me closer to my goal... of hanging with you... then yes my 'homie.' "

" Ok, I'll dial a number and you do the talking!" The green teen said, quickly dialing a number and throwing the phone at Trigon

Ring

" This is Amandafrom Walmart, how may I help you?" A girl answered

" Uh... Do you have any walls in stock?" The demon asked being dead serious

" No sir, we sell a variety of things such as appliances, toys, movies, clothes–"

" Do you have the 'Create your own Apocalypse without the use of your daughter kit'?"

" I'm sorry, sir. But we're all sold out. A Mr. Wilson just dropped by and bought them all, he was really nice. He went over to the preschool and gave them out to the children! Strange fellow though, had a split mask and was laughing evilly when he checked out.." She stopped and made a realization " Umm... sir? I'm going to have to let you go now, I need to go make a recall on those 'Create your own apocalypse kits', BYE!" She blustered and hung up

" Curses..." Trigon uttered

" Ok, I guess the prank calls should stop now." He laid the book down on the table

And then by the power invested within the author, the book disappears mysteriously.

" So... wanna hear a joke?" Beast Boy asked the demon

" Sure."

" What do you call a rabbit's car?"

" I do not know, please tell me what a rabbit's car is called.."

" A hop rod! Get it? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!"

" Hmm, well yes, funny... ha ha... Would you like to hear a joke?"

" Sure!" Beast Boy beamed

" Well, there was this pregnant woman who was due to go into labor at any time and ironically it was April fools day. So suddenly, she begins to have contractions and goes to the hospital where she shouts ' I'm having the baby! I'm having the baby!' So she gets wheeled off to a delivery room where several doctors and nurses have gathered to deliver the brat... er... baby. Then suddenly, the pregnant woman sits up and shouts 'April fools!' And the doctors didn't seen too amused with her joke. So the woman goes back home and then enters real labor. She quickly speeds back to the hospital and shouts again ' I'm having the baby for real!' The doctors, however, do believe her and once again they all gather in the delivery room. The woman eventually gives birth to her child but feels something is wrong as she has not seen her baby yet. She looks down to where the doctor is and she sees the doctor throw her baby at the wall! So she cries 'What are you doing to my baby?' and the doctor replies ' April fools! It was already dead!' "

Beast Boy's jaw dropped half-way to china. " ...Ok, lets go do something else..."

" What shall we do for fun?"

" I say Gamestation!" He smiled and pulled him over to this entertainment rig-up... which was reallysat upby Cyborg

...About an hour later, the Titans return well equipped with gas masks and bio hazard suits...

" Okay Titans, we should be safe from Beast Boy now." Robin told

" But Robin, I do not understand..." Starfire tolled (A/N: ever notice that she never refers to him as 'friend' Robin unlike everyone else. I wonder why...HINT ) " Why are we wearing these strange over-sized suits?"

" So we don't catch his head cold! Those things are evil!" Cyborg hollered

" Does anyone else thing we're slightly overreacting here?" Raven asked

" Not at all."

" Nope."

" I'm doing what is best for my kornasp."

" And girl, don't you remember the last time he caught something?" Said the humanoid

Flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Well guys, I'm officially chicken pox free! See ya all later!" Said a cheery Beast Boy

" Where are you going?" Robin inquired

" I rented a ka-jillion movies from blockbuster and I have to bring them back right away!"

" Oh, see you later then."

As the changeling left, Starfire and Raven entered the room

" Does anyone else feel a tingle all over their body?" Starfire paused

" Well now that you mention it, I am kinda itchy... The only cause I can think of is..." Raven stopped

" Hold on, you guys haven't had chicken pox before?"

" No." The two girls said at once

" Well congratulations on catching your first earthly disease!" Robin grinned

The two girls shoot him a glare until they hear a distant scream... that sounded kinda girly

Cyborg appeared from the hall covered in spots and looked furious " YO MAN! I'm half-robot, half-scab! ...Where's Beast Boy?"

" Join the club. It's called 'Who wants to see a green imp dead?' " Raven replied

" I do not see the harm of the chicken pox. It shall only last an earth week or more." The Tamaranian stated

" Starfire, we're older. That means we get it even worse and even longer... Not to mention you'll scar if you itch." Raven told her

" ...Lets get that little oro'kligis!"

End Flashback-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Yes, quite well." Raven sighed

" Come on, we're safe this time." Robin said, leading them out from hiding

The four ventured into the living room and spotted a giant red demon taking up most of the couch while sitting next to Beast Boy... playing the new Teen Titans video game...

" What the...?"

" Is that not..."

" Trigon!" Raven exclaimed as she flared up with dark energy and destroyed her biohazard suit

The Titans managed to keep a psycho Raven from attacking her father as they watched the changeling and the demon play their official video game.

" Tiger power!" Beast Boy shouted as he played himself in tiger mode

Trigon was also playing as himself " I don't understand this battle simulator... why are our statistics of equal levels when I... er... Trigon clearly is stronger?"

" Dude! I can kick Trigon's butt! I'm just not... uh, tall enough to reach him!"

" So... what are you guys doing?" Cyborg walked over to them after losing a game of paper-scissors-rock

" We are battling through this three-dimensional vortex you mortals like to call 'Television'."

" Ooookay..." He vociferated and edged over to Beast Boy and whispered " Dude... why is he here?"

" I was... calling around looking for someone to hang around with and he showed up!"

" That's nice..." Cyborg rans over to the other Titans " EMERGENCY WHO WANTS TO KILL A GREEN IMP MEETING!"

Everyone huddled football style.

" This can't be good. How did Trigon get here and why is he acting... non-villainous?" Robin asked

" Before we go any further, who votes we just throw him out the window?" Raven remarked

" I don't know, but this is really freaky..." Cyborg shuttered

" He could be up to something. If we just spring on him, we won't know what he's up to." Robin said

" Element of surprise? Okay, how about we take him up to the roof and push him off when he's not looking." Raven stressed her plan

" This Trigon does not seem as himself, he is very out of character and is much shorter than Trigon."

" Hold on..."

Cyborg snuck behind Trigon and uses his scanner on him, then rejoins the huddle.

" Scanners show he's not using a cloaking device or anything. I think that's the real Trigon..."

Beast Boy was now playing as Slade " Hiyaaaaa!"

While Trigon played as Robin " Hm... this simulated fighter does not have any powers nor strength... perhaps I should have chosen a more powerful character..."

A vein promptly popped on Robin's head.

" I vote we all just play it cool and keep an eye on him." Cyborg optioned

" Agreed!" Starfire shouted

" Ok...Agreed. But then we toss him out a window." The demon's daughter corresponded

" ...Agreed." Robin said

" EMERGENCY WHO WANTS TO KILL A GREEN IMP MEETING OVER!" Cyborg's war-cry boomed

" Friend Cyborg, why was our meeting called... that... if we did not discuss Beast Boy?"

" Rule # 231– Any problems that are caused by the one known as Beast Boy are reported and discussed at the weekly meeting. However, if the problem persists or the problem is serious, then an emergency meeting is held right away. Except if the one known as Raven was affected by the problem in anyway, there shall be no emergency meeting, there shall be an emergency funeral planning meeting."

" Thank you, friend Cyborg. Now let us go keep a watch on the terrible Trigon?"

" ...Nah. We can go relax. Robin and Raven got it covered."

Raven and Robin were both near Trigon shooting him evil glares, and when Beast Boy happened to look he would catch one.

" Wonderful! Now I can catch up on watching my 'Snow White' DVD... Oh, I wonder if her prince will ever come and awaken her up?"

" Well duh! I saw the thing a thousand times when I was a kid. He comes, they kiss, she wakes up, they marry, yadda yadda, happily ever after." Cyborg stated

" ...YOU RUINED THE ENDING YOU..."

Due to Starfire's nice reputation, she has requested the last word to be removed... We're sorry for any inconvenience caused by this incident.

...Much Later, as in Raven and Robin have slacked off their guard...

" Well this was a fun day!" Beast Boy said cheerfully

Trigon pretended to cough and slighlty turned away to chug down an entire bottle of Aspirin " Quite..."

" Uh oh, I hope you're not catching my cold!"

" Oh no, just got something caught in my throat..."

Beast Boy stared at Trigon " Trigon, my how big your eyes are!"

" All the better to see you with, my boy."

" And Trigon, my how pointy your ears are... seriously dude, they're worse than mine!"

" All the better to hear you with my boy."

" And my what big fangs you have that remind me of mine and are coming at me right now trying to bite me HELPPP!"

Robin suddenly glided in and kicked Trigon where it hurts while Raven pushed Beast Boy out of the way of Robin and Trigon. Trigon fell to the ground in defeat.

" Aaoooohhh..." He rolled a little

" DUDE! He tried to eat me!"

" Relax, I have a plan for him... one that involves being thrown out something square and then falling."

" How did you get here, Trigon?" Robin said like an over-dramatic hero

" Through the power of ... the purple elephant!"

" You gotta be kidding me..." Raven grumbled

" Hey! There was a purple elephant on the address book I found! The one I used to call people and got him to come over!"

" Uh, okay, we believe you..." Robin blinked

Raven looked around as she grabbed Trigon and started dragging him " Well seeing how the windows are all securely locked, I'm going to go jam him down the toilet. Be back in a few."

"Nooooooooooooooo..." He echoed as he was dragged to the nearest washing facility

After a long period of silence, a loud flush was heard with a demonic cry. Raven then came back half-grinning. And Starfire and Cyborg finally came back after hearing the commotion.

" Tell me, what was that strange noise that sounded like a demon being flushed down the toilet?" Starfire asked

" Um, a demon being flushed down a toilet?" Robin responded

" Not funny, dude!" Beast Boy quivered looking a bit deranged

" This was just one weird day..." Cyborg said " Lets just all call it a night and pretend it was a funny dream. You know, the odd dream you have after eating something weird that day, like tofu?"

Beast Boy then noticed they were all out of their biohazard suits " Oh no, I feel a sneeze coming on! AHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... choo?"

Everyone is still in the same position.

" Cyborg? Cyborg? CYYYY? CYYYYBORRRGG?" He poked Cyborg and watched him fall over

Then he realized they were all cardboard cutouts... The lights then suddenly went out.

" OK! I'M GOING TO BED NOW!" He fled the room nearly tripping over the stairs

Hope you likey, and if not I plan to turn up the humor as this fic progresses. I just have to exit my serious writing mood and enter my jolly happy funny one. So R&R my dear frienddd...