Thankyou everyone for the reviews. I'm trying hard to edit everything and be up-to-date to what I had before.
L.o.v.e – T.h.a.t – W.a.s – N.e.v.e.r -
M.e.a.n.t - T.o – B.e
(Chapter 4)
---------------------------------------
I stood there, my back facing him, waiting for him to leave, as my through wondered again. 'Inuyasha. I miss saying the name that seems to simply roll out of my tongue. Am I destined to unrequited love? What about Darien? Why is his presence affecting my love towards Darien? Is my love towards Darien even real? Inuyasha, what have you turned me into? I don't understand myself anymore; I don't understand straightforward emotions every human requires. What did I do to deserve a love that I can only give but not returned?' I sighed and stared at my surroundings.
I was so caught up in my little
world that I forgot Inuyasha was standing there behind me. Silently, I turned
around, hoping I still had a chance to steal a glance, only to meet a soft red
fabric. My face was merely touching his chest; I gave a small 'yep' and
stumbled backwards, only to trip over my own feet.
I closed my eyes, waiting for my arse to hit the ground; instead I felt a
painful tug on my arm and then warmth around my waist.
Opening my eyes, I found myself staring right through a pair of golden, addictive, caring eyes.
"Even though you have changed, you're still as clumsy," he grinned.
Normally, I would have already sat him and yell at him, but today, his painful eyes and soft, considerate words made it seems like a compliment. For the first time in history, I, Kagome could not utter a single word, every phase and word in my vocabulary had evaporated.
"You alright?" He asked.
I nodded dumbly at him, he chucked in response.
Without warning, he leaned forward and softly kissed my lips, I stiffened up, surprised at his action. Before I could react, he pulled away, frowning at himself. "Shit, I'm sorry. It was a mistake."
My heart fell for a strange reason, 'Mistake, it was a mistake,' my breath became faster, I diverted my eyes and pushed him harshly away, making him stumble in the process. I turned around; not facing him as my eyes was glassy at the moment. "Yeah, you're right," I gave him a fake smile, "it was a mistake. Meeting me was a mistake, and so was everything else."
"That's no what I meant, It's just since-"
"Don't. I don't want to hear it. Everything that seem to come out of your mouth is a lie Inuyasha." I gritted angrily, hoping my anger will override my sadness. "Tell them that I'm tired and I can't join you guys. I'm going to bed," I said and before placing on an emotionless face and walked past him, deliberately hitting his arm in the process.
The night was soon calm after everyone had gone to sleep. There was no sound now, just the soft howling of the wind and the rustling of the trees. The night was beautiful even if there were no stars or moon. The weather was great for a good night sleep, but I, Kagome, could not fall asleep. Instead I grabbed my white jacket and went outside for a walk.
It was near sunrise – at least a hour or so, cold and windy. Without realising the direction I was heading, I arrived at the one place I didn't want to remember, the place that had changed my life, the place where they first kissed.
I strolled towards the God Tree, my
hand grazed softly at the rough bark. Memories emerged from my head, memories
of the first time I laid eyes on a particular Hanyou, pinned on the tree
without any regret. The face of what I thought was an angel, an angel that displayed
no rage, just a peaceful and content expression.
I sighed out loud, slouching against it as I looked up towards the sky. I
smiled sadly, hugging myself as my body temperature decreased. Closing my eyes,
I let out one of my many talents I developed with
Darien's help in the past 2 years.
Don't
say it's like a fantasy
When you know this is how it should be
You kiss me
I'm falling can you hear me calling
You touch me, I want you
Feels like I've always known you
'Darien, that's right, he taught me everything about life. Everything that I wanted, he would provide for me even if it was to his disadvantage. He showed me that I will never be hurt again by love, but instead be loved. I trusted him, and like he said, I received love. He chased after me, wanting me to love him, but Inuyasha, was different. I needed his love, although he didn't love me back. Not the way I loved him. His touches send a tingling sensation through my body, aching and begging for more. His kiss, his kiss makes me throb and crave for more. But I only feel this, he doesn't. Right?' I sighed to myself.
On
a night like this
I wanna stay forever
On a night like this
Just wanna be together
On a night like this
Circling the tree, I returned to my original spot, touching the hole where Kikyou's arrow pierced through him, flashbacks came back.
Flashback.
Walking back towards the well with my ruined bike in hand, trying best to keep it in a straight line. But something diverted my attention, as I saw something I was not supposed to see.
"Kikyou?" I muttered softly to myself.
I stoped on my tracks and watched her from afar. Watching the way her hand glided around the god tree, the place where she has pinned Inuyasha on. My heart quickened, as I stood there silently watching.
Her face fell into sadness as she muttered "Inuyasha…" gasping in shock, I broke the silence, allowing Kikyou to recognize my presence. In a swift motion, I dropped my bike, and hid behind a small shrub. 'What…why am I hiding? That's just stupid.' I yelled at myself. I took a deep breath and slowly stood up, but Kikyou had already disappeared.
'God Tree…this is where I met Inuyasha,
and this is the place where Inuyasha and Kikyou last met.' My face fell as
I lowered my head in pain, 'But both of
them were attacked by each other here, so…' I took a deep breath as images
of Kikyou kissing Inuyasha flashed into my head. My throat became dry 'Kikyou is still in love with Inuyasha.'
I sat down on the tree with a thump, letting my emotions run wild. Without
warning a shadow appeared, I was to absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't
realise Inuyasha's presence. "Idiot you came here" He said casually.
"Inuyasha!" I blushed in surprised, our face inches apart. However, he wasn't affected by this closeness at all.
Without looking at me again, he glanced around, "Why are you here alone anyway?" sniffing at the surround in the process.
My heart dropped in sadness. 'So he knew. He would always know when she's around. If only he would pay as much attention towards me as he does towards her.'
"What do you mean?" I questioned leaning backwards due to the intimacy.
"Oh…nothing," He muttered, narrowed his eyes and looked away.
I frowned, he knew why he was here, but he would not tell me.
"Did you come here to find Kikyou?" He tensed up, as his ears twitched in response, "Ah! I knew it! You ran over here to find Kikyou!"
It was true, he scowled in annoyance, "Your so rude! Be quite, it's none of your business." He stood up and backed away, turning his back towards me.
'That's right. Inuyasha and Kikyou, no matter how far apart they are, they still are attracted to each other. There's no way I can come between them.' I thought to myself, watching him silently as he sniffed the air; still trying to anticipate Kikyou's location.
End of Flashback
I slid down the tree, until I sat silently on it. Tears that were kept in for so long became visible; I sniffed, trying to hold down the sobs. Yet all the pain he caused me – whether he acknowledged this or not – came spilling out. I sobbed in agony, crying loudly onto my frozen hands. I held my face in my hands, as emotions surpass my emotional barrier. I sat there crying, without knowing the presence of an intruder.
I froze, feeling the aura of some creature, as I felt a branch snap. Suppressing the sniffs that threatened to arise, I bit my lips harshly, hoping to stop myself from further danger. However, I bit down too hard, tasting my copper bitter blood in my mouth. I stiffened, reaching to the back of my shoulder, but paled when I felt emptiness.
I almost wanted to scream. Again, I had left them behind without even thinking
about the dangers that might lie ahead. I heard the grass move in the background;
turning slightly towards noise.
I was scared, scared that a grotesque demon was hiding there. I slowly got up
on my feet and backed towards the tree, praying silently for my safety.
It was still too dark to distinguish the figure, but as it leisurely paced towards me, I moved my legs and arms apart ready to fight bare-handed. I held my post firmly, as the figure came closer.
"Inuyasha!" I gasped, lowering my guard.
"Why are you still awake?" He questioned eyeing me suspiciously.
"I…I was looking at the moon,"
"Liar. There's no moon tonight. Why are you here?" He asked me again.
Ignoring his question, I let my mind wonder again.
(Kagome's thoughts)
After all these years, Inuyasha and Kikyou are finally together. After all they've been through, they are finally together. I should be happy for them, very happy indeed. But I can not feel contentment, only melancholy and remorse.
It was me who decided to pursue him even though I acknowledge the fact that he would never disregard Kikyou. It was me that stayed by his side knowing I am nothing and will never be worth something to him.
Every time he saved him, I constantly recognize his motives. I was similar to Kikyou yet different. My appearance so analogous to Kikyou, that it really resembles the similarities that we have in a way. I presume he receives comfort when he sees me…why? Easy, because I represent Kikyou.
I attempted giving him signs that I like him and I will do anything for him. I tried…but he saw nothing. I was wrong, wrong to think I could change his love towards Kikyou. There is no way in which a 2 years love can overcome a 50 years love. There is just…no way…
Yet, I tried. I tried my hardest.
What is love? I really want to know, what is it? I can not use the word love as I really don't know anymore. Is this what it feels like to be confused about love? I guess this is what it means to be a star-crossed lover.
How does it work? How does love work? Kikyou hated Inuyasha when she first awoken, she tried to kill him, yet he just stood firm looking at her. Not moving. Despite the fact that Kikyou pinned him to a tree, he was still in love with her. He was peaceful, resting there peacefully when I laid eyes on him. His head, tilted on an angle, with his expression soft and fragile. Even though she pinned him on a tree, he still loves her. He was not angry, but instead…loving.
I want to feel what it is like…what it is like…to feel that love.
"Nothing. I wasn't doing anything. Just like you said, keep your nose out of my business." I declared coldly, "Go back to your Kikyou, and stop following me around. I am not Kikyou. I, Kagome Hiragashi, am the girlfriend of Takahiro Yamasaki - Darien."
Without looking at him again, I brushed against him and
left. 'I know now…this feeling can never
disappear as it is simply, love.' I thought miserably.
Thank you For reading, and thanks heaps for the reviews!