A/N: Everybody's got their own version of how it (might) have happened. Well, here's mine:)
Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Fairly OddParents. That creative genius Butch Hartman does. I do own this story and any characters not seen in the series (ex: my versions of Anti-Wandissimo, Anti-Blonda, Anti-Mama Cosma, Anti-Jorgen, Anti-Binky, etc.).
Double Trouble
Chapter One: The Anti-Fairy Godparents
"WHAT!"
A blue eyed pre-teen shouted in annoyance upon receiving some rather upsetting news from his fairy godparents. The pink and green haired creatures hovered over the fishbowl on his nightstand exchanging worried glances.
"Cheer up Sport," Cosmo ventured, "we'll only be gone for a few days."
"How can I cheer up?" Timmy crossed his arms and began pouting. "Every time you guys get dragged away to Fairy World for some 'mandatory evaluation' my life becomes even more miserable than it already is!"
"Aw but Timmy this isn't an evaluation." Wanda corrected really pouring on the optimism, "It's the Fairy Godparents Conference and it's only held once every ten years."
Timmy arched an eyebrow, "Is it still mandatory?"
Twisting her wand in a nervous grip Wanda frowned, "Well...yes."
Returning his peeved gaze to the opposite wall the twelve-year-old became even grouchier, "Then this reeks!"
"But the good news is we've found you a pair of temporary godparents so that your life doesn't totally stink while we're away!" Cosmo piped up.
"Temporary godparents?" Timmy didn't like the sound of this. Thinking back to the last time he'd had a temp for a godparent he recalled a certain disgruntled elf who did anything but make his life easier.
"That's right Timothy," a malice laced voice with a British accent echoed throughout the bedroom.
Anti-Poof!
Spinning around just as the smoke was dissolving Timmy's eyes bulged out and his jaw came just inches from hitting the ground. "ANTI-COSMO!"
"And don't forget me!" another voice spoke up in a southern drawl.
Timmy spun around again to find that another blue and black clad bad luck being had poofed right next to him. "Anti-Wanda too!"
"Well of course Bucky Pink Hat!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed zipping over to her husband's side and slinging an arm around his shoulders, "Me and Anti-Cozzie here is a package deal!"
"So it would seem precious," Anti-Cosmo sighed trying to suppress the slight grin that was tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Um, ya see Timmy, the temping service didn't work out so well last time so-" Wanda tried to explain only to have Cosmo cut in.
"-so we went with two hardened criminals instead!"
Timmy gulped as his left eye started twitching.
Seeing this Wanda used her wand to fasten a metal plate over his mouth. "What Cosmo means is we volunteered you to be the first godkid to try out Fairy World's new Prisoner Reform Program."
"What's that?" Timmy questioned, keeping a wary eye on the anti-fairies.
"Oh come now child," Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes, "it's not THAT hard to figure out. Well...maybe for a simpleton like you it is."
Wanda glared at her husband's snobbish counterpart warning him to knock it off with the insults.
"Anyway," he continued, "Anti-Wanda and I are out on parole so long as we agree to participate in this farce of a rehabilitation program."
"We gotta be on our best behavior and makes sure that you stay outta trouble or else ol' Jorgen von Strangle's gonna stick us both in solitary confinement for the next fifty years!" Anti-Wanda added.
"Indeed," her partner nodded, before redirecting his attention to their counterparts, "so off with you already. I believe there's a conference you're required to attend."
"Well..." Wanda was starting to have second thoughts, "...I don't know..."
"Aw he'll be fine!" Anti-Wanda assured them grabbing Timmy in a headlock and rubbing her fist playfully (albeit a bit painfully) in his hair. "We'll take good care of him and makes sure all his little wishes come true."
"Besides," Anti-Cosmo held up his wrists to reveal two metal devices that resembled handcuffs only without the chain linking them together, "Jorgen 'equipped' us with these magical restraints that alert him if we step the least out of line."
"Now that's handy," Wanda appeared to be impressed yet still reluctant to leave. Anti-Wanda may not be much of a threat but Anti-Cosmo was a cunning evil genius!
"And stylish too!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed as she modeled her high tech accessories, "This pretty jewelry even sends out big electric jolts whens we tries to be bad! I sure hope they let us keep this stuff when this is over. It'll go great with my slimming orange jumpsuit!"
Timmy's fairy godfather was started to get edgy being stuck in the same room as his smarter, more refined counterpart. Gasp! What if he's a nickel thief too?
"Okay then, bye!" Cosmo grabbed Wanda's hand before she could protest and poofed himself and his reluctant wife away to Fairy World.
This left Timmy alone to deal with his two new temporary godparents—or to be more precise—anti-fairy godparents.
Oh man... the twelve-year-old panicked as his two blue tinted magical guardians stared him down in a very intimidating manner. It was a lot like the time he'd found himself cornered by those vicious junkyard dogs while wearing that stupid kitty slumber suit.
"So then kid," Anti-Wanda finally spoke, "what'cha wanna do first?"
"Yes Timothy," Anti-Cosmo grinned deviously, "pick your poison."
"Um, actually I thought I'd just run off screaming like a little girl right about now," Timmy moved to dart away but was held back when Anti-Cosmo caught him by the collar.
"I'm afraid that won't do child," he informed him, "you see part of the program requires that we spend some 'quality time' with you and grant wishes. And that means-" Anti-Cosmo's voice changed to a more threatening tone as he stared Timmy down with a fang revealing scowl, "no running away."
Swallowing the lump that had formed in throat Timmy nervously nodded and breathed a sigh of relief when Anti-Cosmo loosened his grip and floated a few feet away.
Anti-Wanda (who hadn't really been paying much attention and had poofed herself up a sandwich to eat—with her feet) took another bite of her snack and tried again, "So then Short Stuff, what do ya'll wanna do first?"
Regaining a bit of his composure Timmy straightened up and glared back at his temporary godparents, "First off, let's start by getting my name right. It's not Short Stuff, it's not Bucky Pink Hat, and only my grandparents (and sometimes the substitute teacher) call me Timothy! It's Timmy, got it?"
The anti-fairies looked at each other with bored expressions before facing the annoyed pre-teen again.
"Fine," Anti-Cosmo responded tirelessly, "anything else Timmy?"
Tapping his chin for a moment his face brightened as he thought of something to add, "Yeah! Since you guys have to pass this rehabitation program-"
"-that's rehabilitation, you dope." Anti-Cosmo corrected, muttering the last part.
"Whatever, the point is you two need to keep me happy or else you get stuck back in the Fairy World Maximum Security Prison. And you know how hard that place is to break out of."
Folding his arms Anti-Cosmo retorted snootily, "Well perhaps if you're a band of hapless morons, or a slow-witted twit-" he paused a moment to cast a glare in his wife's direction, "-but for me it was a simple matter of jotting down a brilliant escape plan."
"And for me it was a matter of learnin' to keep my bad toothed mouth shut!" Anti-Wanda chimed in.
"Well good luck getting out again without any help!" Timmy snapped pointing a finger at the condescending fairy, "Because unless you do a good job as my temporary fairy—ur—anti-fairy godparents those restraints will go off and Jorgen will haul your butts straight back there!"
Narrowing his eyes Anti-Cosmo studied the uppity boy. It appears young Turner isn't as stupid as he looks. If my plan is to succeed I'll have to gain his trust and wait for the precise moment when his guard is down to make my move...
Anti-Wanda finished off the last of her sandwich before spotting the fishbowl. "Do we gots to sleep in there?"
"Yep," Timmy placed his hands on his hips and glanced at the nightstand, "Cosmo and Wanda probably have a room all fixed up for you inside their castle. And you'll have to poof into goldfish anytime my parents, babysitter, or friends are around."
"All these dang rules are givin' me a headache." Anti-Wanda groaned rubbing her aching head.
"Enough with the formalities Timo-Timmy," Anti-Cosmo broke in, "either start the bonding or our bonds will go off and alert that muscle-bound brute."
"How the heck are we supposed to bond?" Timmy demanded, "We can barely tolerate each other!"
"That never stopped us, did it hon?" Anti-Wanda beamed floating over to Anti-Cosmo and snuggling against his shoulder.
This time a surprisingly soft smile spread over the evil genius's face as he returned his dimwitted wife's loving gaze.
"Wait," Timmy had to know, "just how did you two wind up together anyway?"
"You might call it destiny," Anti-Cosmo mused, "You see all anti-fairies are counterparts of fairies. That means we have certain preferences, those tend to lead to the same results only...opposite of each other."
"Huh?"
Rolling his eyes Anti-Cosmo removed his monocle and began polishing it as he tried again, "Let me put this in terms that even my darling Anti-Wanda could understand. If a fairy like Cosmo finds a fairy like Wanda appealing then an anti-fairy like me would find that same fairy's counterpart (that's you Anti-Wanda) to be equally as appealing. Thus, we are complete opposites yet one in the same."
Timmy scratched his head for a moment as his brain tried to absorb this confusing piece of information. "So...even though Anti-Wanda's an idiot like Cosmo you'd still rather be with her than someone smart like Wanda?"
"Exactly!" Anti-Cosmo poofed up a graduation cap and diploma, "He can be taught!"
"Well I don't get it and I am an anti-fairy!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed, her head was really pounding now.
"Aw sweetums," her husband grinned, "don't you recall that magical moment when we first met?"
"Sure do!" the pink eyed anti-fairy instantly perked up, "It was way back when we both started our first year at Anti-Carl Poofy Pants High!"
"Precisely, that's when I first laid eyes on your lovely swirly hair." Anti-Cosmo seemed lost in a dreamy daze.
Anti-Wanda joined him as memories of their old high school days returned, "And when I met the smartest anti-fairy in the whole dang universe."
"And when I beheld my future bride in all her crooked toothed glory."
"And when I learned that eating paste can really mess up your-"
"Enough already!" Timmy was thoroughly grossed out from the sudden onslaught of mushiness. "Geez you guys are worse than my parents when they pull out the photo albums."
"Well pardon us for being in love." Anti-Cosmo replied haughtily.
"Yeah, it's not like you were thinkin' up anything interestin' to do." Anti-Wanda huffed.
"Look, I really don't care if you two wanna take a trip down memory lane but do you have to be so mushy about it?"
The green eyed anti-fairy was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. "Perhaps not Timmy, if Anti-Wanda and I tell you a bit about our pasts that should be more than enough to meet the 'bonding' requirement of the Prisoner Reform Program."
"Plus it's real quality time!" Anti-Wanda tossed in helpfully.
"Fine," Timmy conceded, "but it'll have to wait until after school. The bus is gonna be here any minute and I've still gotta get some breakfast."
"Very well then," his temporary godfather agreed, "we shall await your return here...in the fishbowl." He spoke the last word with clear disgust.
"Deal." Timmy was already halfway out the door when the anti-fairies reluctantly disguised themselves as goldfish and dropped down into the fishbowl.
"Yuck," Anti-Cosmo winced, "when's the last time he bothered to clean this bowl?"
"Woooweee!" Anti-Wanda cheered as she swam round in circles elatedly, "I'm a swimming in my own toilet and I likes it!"
Amanda/Artiste: And there ya have the first chapter of my 'how Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda met and fell in love' fic. Next Chapter: It's flashback time as Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda relate their first meeting to a less than eager Timmy Turner. Will his short attention span hold out or will his temporary godparents find themselves locked away in solitary confinement? Now if you'll excuse me I have to hit the hay before the Sand Man passes me by. Oh yeah, review please! No flames.
Sand Man: It's Sandman, and you're up awfully late little lady.
Me: :yawns: Yeah, but ya know what they say. "Gotta strike while the inspiration's hot!" Or...ya know, something like that.
Sand Man: All the same, no sleep equals no beauty and plenty of crankiness in the morning.
Me: :eyelids start drooping: Must...reach...bed. Pillow...so...soft.
Sand Man: I mean, what would the world be like without sleep? I'll tell you what it'd be like. It'd be chaos! People rioting in the streets! Insomnia would rule and everybody'd be snippy all day long. And night—heh—don't even get me started on what the night would be like then!
Me: Zzzz...
Sand Man: Hello? What, am I talking to myself here?