The Evil Opera

Summary: Martin has been watching too many soap operas since Daphne moved in with Niles, and it's starting to affect him. Takes place mid-season 10.

Author's Note: I know this is really weird, but I'm really weird. I don't remember how the idea came to me, but it did, and I like it. The characters are slightly OOC on purpose…

Disclaimer: I do not own these fabulous characters. I would like to, but I don't.

A Rude Awakening

Martin Crane was seated in his favorite green and orange chair. He was casually watching the Sonics game on TV while eating popcorn and drinking a beer when someone began knocking at the door frantically. He groaned as he tried to imagine who could be at the door. Frasier, Niles, or Daphne would have a key. Roz was still at work with Frasier, and her daughter Alice was still at daycare.

The knocking only persisted.

"Alright, keep your shirt on!" Martin called as he placed the bowl of popcorn on the table. He reached for his cane and began walking over towards the door. He opened it slowly and stepped back. "What's the rush?" he asked before screaming as he realized exactly who was standing there.

Lilith Sternin rolled her eyes as she walked past Martin and sat down on the brown couch. "Martin, we need to talk," she said seriously.

"Why the hell do you need to talk to me?" Martin asked as he backed away from her. "I never married you!"

"I know, but I did ask a favor of you about three months ago," Lilith pointed out as she turned around to face Martin. She meant business.

Martin knew that. He walked back to his chair. "Right," he said finally as he turned the television off. "You wanted another child," he stated plainly as he placed his cane on the side of his chair that was away from Lilith. "And you wanted it to have Crane genes. You said Frasier and Niles said no, so I gave you a sample because, well, I felt bad for you, and I wanted you out of Seattle, and that was the only thing that would get you out."

Lilith sighed. "That's fair," she noted. "But I was not completely honest with you that evening," she continued.

"What do you mean?" Martin asked in confusion.

"Well, I told you that Niles and Frasier refused, but I actually went to each of them and told them that you and the other one refused," she began hesitantly. "Essentially, I got sperm from all three of you that visit. I was planning on weighing each of your strengths and weaknesses to decide which one would create the most ideal child."

Martin raised a hand. "Lilith, is there a point to this little story?" he asked. "The Sonics were down by two points."

"I'm getting there," Lilith said crossly.

Martin groaned. "Get there faster," he told her as he slouched back in his seat.

"Ok, well, considering my age, I felt I would have a higher probability of conceiving if I had embryos implanted. That was my mistake." She drew in a deep breath. "Somehow at the clinic, the sperm were mixed up."

"What are you saying?" Martin asked as he sat back up. His face suddenly had a look of panic on it. "Are you saying you didn't get implanted with a Crane?"

Lilith shook her head. "No, that's not it at all. I had three different sperm samples, remember? Those got mixed up, and, um…combined," she said. "And since they implant more than one embryo…"

"What are you saying?" Martin asked again.

Lilith drew in another deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm pregnant with triplets, and there's actually a high probability that you are the father of one, Niles is the father of another, and Frasier is the father of the third," she explained.

Martin's mouth dropped open. "You can go back to the slow way," he said as he slouched back on his chair.