"It really isn't that bad. You can hardly tell at all."

"Are you out of your bloody tree? Look at me! I'm horribly disfigured."

"You aren't horribly disfigured. Just cast a Glamour on it."

"No, Glamours dry out my skin. That's the last thing I need. I can't be seen like this Harry. Tell everyone I'm dead. Better yet, tell them I'm terminally ill. Days to live."

"I'm not telling everyone that you are terminally ill, that would rob sympathy from those who are really about to die. That's incredibly selfish."

"I'm incredibly selfish. I don't care about sickly people, I care about ME and my reputation!"

"What about me?"

"...I care about you sometimes. Mostly I hate your guts."

"Thanks. That was heartfelt. How about I tell everyone the real reason you aren't going anywhere today."

"They'll never believe you. You're a spastic, half-retarded ex-Gryffindor shift-lifter."

"I'm your spastic, half-retarded ex-Gryffindor shirt-lifter."

"Ha! You admitted to it! I win!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Not."

"Too!"

"Fine. If you'll excuse me, I have breaking news to report to the Prophet about Draco Malfoy. I must inform them that he has a..."

"Don't...say...it. It's bad enough I have to look at it."

"You don't. Put some concealer on it."

"I don't have any muggle cosmetics, I'm not some mudblood girl."

"I've seen you wear makeup before, Draco. I know you have it."

"It wasn't mine...I borrowed it from Pansy..."

"...Right. Fine, I'll get some from Herm..."

"No! I'm not wearing some mudblood girl's bloody makeup. It probably has GERMS..."

"Then wear yours. You have some. Don't deny it. You're too girly to not have makeup."

"Fine, I'll go and check if I still have some of Pansy's..."

"You mean fetch some from your loo."

"...Or fetch some from my loo. Whatever."

"Get eyeliner too."

"Why?"

"Because you'll look sexy with it on."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll let you have your wicked way with my body."

"Really?"

"No."

"Asshole."

"Am not."

"Just put this bloody stuff on me and make my horrible disfigurement disappear."

"It's not a horrible disfigurement. You have a bleeding pimple, that's all. It's not the end of the world."

"How do you know? It very well might be! Malfoy's don't get pimples. Pimples are for lesser mortals. They are a sign of being unclean. I'm not unclean, Harry! I'm the cleanest person in the entire U.K.!"

"You don't know that, unless you observe people's washing habits. You don't, do you?"

"Of course not. I just know that there isn't another person who cares enough about their hygiene to bathe three times a day. And how do I get repaid? I get stuck with a pimple the size of Surrey!"

"It's smaller than Surrey. Marginally."

"I appreciate that. Can you fix it?"

"Hold still."

"I am."

"There is only half of a tube left. I don't know if there is enough to cover this Surrey-esque deformity."

"Ha ha ha. You're a comic genius."

"I know."

"Just do it and get it over with."

"Fine."

"I love you Harry."

"Shut up."

"I do."

"Whatever. I'm done. You look lovely. Better than before, if I may say so."

"I can't look any better. I'm already perfect."

"Yeah, that's why you have a pimple."

"Shut up."

End