Red vs Blue:War is Hell
I don't own Halo or RVB!
Chapter 1
At the Red base in Blood Gulch, the box canyon, an man with orange armor and a man with maroon armor stood on top of their base.
The maroon one spoke, "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
The orange one, called Grif, turned to him. "Simmons, haven't we had this conversation before?"
Simmons nodded and said, "Oh yeah." He then saw a pink armored man, named Donut, come up the ramp and walk over to the duo.
"Hey guys." Donut said happily. "Can you believe it's been three days since a blue attack?"
"Yeah." Simmons nodded. "The only reason we've not attacked them is because this orange bastard used all our bullets for shooting at crickets." he pointed to Grif.
"Wonder why they've not attacked us?" Donut asked.
At Blue base, a blue, a cobalt, and a teal armored men stood atop their base. The blue one, Caboose, spoke, "Hey, why don't we attack?"
The cobalt one turned to him and glared under his visor. "Because you wasted all of our ammo, you moron!" Church shouted.
The teal one, Tucker, said, "Yeah, when you tried to spell your name on the side of the canyon."
"Didn't even spell right." Church sighed pointing to bullet holes on the canyon wall spelling, "Kabuse".
"When will command send us some more?" Tucker asked.
"Untelling." Church said. "I sent in the request about three weeks ago, still nothing."
"Maybe we could use Shiela?" Caboose suggested.
"Hey wait." Tucker said turning to the tank parked outside their base. "Why don't we use Shiela?"
Church stared at Tucker, then the tank and muttered, "I have no idea." he then yelled, "Oh shit! None of us are armor certified, remember?"
"Never stopped Caboose." Tucker said as Caboose jumped off the side of the base. "Hey wait. Where'd he go?" Tucker and Church both turned and saw Caboose run up to Shiela. He pressed his helmet against her 200 ton body and made kissing noises.
"I'll never understand him." Church shook his head.
Back at Red base...
Donut was inside the base trying to jump out through the large hole in the roof letting you see out onto it and outside. Grif was standing over the hole as Donut kept trying to jump through.
"You idiot." Grif muttered. "If you couldn't do it before, why do you think you can now?"
"I've been practicing." Donut groaned jumping more and more.
"Ladies!" Sarge came running up a ramp and got on top of the red bunker. "Front and center, on the double." All three privates quickly ran to the top of the base, standing in front of their Sergeant. "Okay, you dirt bags; no offense, Simmons."
"None taken, sir." Simmons nodded.
"Kiss-ass." Grif muttered to his comrade.
"Now, do you three remember when those blue jerks got that freelancer girl?" Sarge asked.
"How could we forget?" Grif asked rolling his eyes from behind his orange helmet.
"Let me guess!" Donut shouted. "You killed her?"
"No." Sarge shook his head. "Moron. I hired a freelancer for our own uses."
"Oh! How exciting!" Grif yelled in a very happy tone. "Is it a girl? Please say it's a girl. It's been, what? Three years since the last girl I saw. Besides that bitch in the black armor. And Donut, here."
"For the last fucking time!" Donut shouted. "It's lightish red!"
"For God's sakes!" Sarge shouted hitting Grif with the butt of his shotgun.
"Ow!" Grif shouted.
"Shut up!" Sarge shouted. "Do you pussies want me to tell you this or not?"
"Not really." Grif said.
"Let him speak." Simmons said punching Grif in the stomach. Grif muttered something and stood up straight and listened to Sarge.
"The freelancer, Colorado, will be here within the week." Sarge said rubbing his head because of his horrible headache.
"Why is his name Colorado?" Grif asked.
"Because he's from Colorado, dumb ass." Simmons growled.
"I wish is could be a freelancer." Donut groaned. "I'm could be freelancer Iowa."
"Donut," Grif said, "You're a retard."
"Okay," Tucker said reading a manual for Shiela. "Open the driver's canopy by saying, 'Open Driver's Canopy.'"
"Alright." Church nodded and turned to the huge tank, which Caboose had fallen asleep on, "Open driver's canopy."
"Opening driver's canopy." Shiela said as the hatch to the driver's seat opened. "You know, Private Church," Shiela said, "You could enter the driver's seat, and I could drive for you. Just tell me-"
"Not now, Shiela." Church said waving his hand interupting her. "What next, Tucker?"
"Enter the tank."
Church nodded and hopped into Shiela's driver's seat. He looked at all of the controls and turned his head to Tucker. "Why am I the one getting in the tank? I've never been in it. At least you and Caboose have sat in her." Church then reached for a switch but Shiela stopped him.
"Do not touch that." she said. "Private Church, we have a problem."
"Aw shit." Church moaned hopping out of t Shiela. "What now?"
"I seem to be out of gas."
"You're kidding." Church groaned.
Red base, two days later...
"Excuse me." a black armored man with a deep voice walked up to the top of the red bunker. Grif and Simmons turned to him.
"Colorado?" Grif asked. "Thank God."
"Yes, well, where are the blues?" Colorado asked.
"Wait." Simmons said. "You got ammo, right?"
"Um, yeah." Colorado nodded. "Why would I not?"
"Well, we need some ammo." Simmons sighed. "This bitch used all of our's."
"No can do." Colorado shook his head. "I need all the ammunition I can have to kill the blues."
"Hey Colorado." Simmons said. "I'll give you five bucks to kill Grif."
"You Grif?" Colorado asked nodding his head towards Grif. Grif nervously stepped back and shook his head.
That's it so far. hope you're enjoying it so far. i'll update soon :)