Chakotay heard the doors open and close. He knew who it was; only three other people on the ship could have opened the doors after he had locked them and only one had a reason for being here, instead of summoning him, yet he made no attempt to turn around until he heard the hesitant footsteps stop some 2 meters behind him. Then he turned to face her.

"Come to confine me to quarters?" He asked tartly.

"No, I came here to talk."

Chakotay turned away from her, "If you came here to continue your wild accusations, you can just stop right now, because I'm not listening."

Kathryn walked around to face him, as she turned, he thought he got a glimpse of something behind her back.

"No, I came to give you two things. One of them is this." She held up an item in her hand, Chakotay saw that it was a palm tree branch. "Peace Chakotay?" She asked hesitantly.

Chakotay did not take the branch. "What was the other thing?"

Kathryn lowered her branch and placed it on the stone beside them. Her hurt expression was almost more then Chakotay could bear, but he did. He was still very angry with her. Kathryn for her part continued, determined to make him hear what she was saying, if she couldn't take comfort in the fact that he accepted the branch, then she would take it in the fact that he had not walked out on her. She switched tactics as a sudden inspiration came to her.

"There is a sort of dilemma with the crew.'

"Why are you telling me about it, I'm sure your Security Chief is more than able to handle this"

"No he is not, this needs your expertise"

"There is a Section Head with a bit problem. Two months ago, her right hand in the department received a letter from the alpha quadrant and was very secretive about it. At the time, she didn't notice because she herself had gotten a devastating letter informing her of her ex-fiancés new wife. And then there were all the things that happen to us between then and now. When she realized that he hadn't said anything, she dismissed it, thinking that if there was something that he wanted her to know, he would tell her in his own time. So then she put it out of her mind, or so she thought. But it was unusual for him to keep such a big secret from her, after all it was a letter from home after four years of silence, anything in it was something big, so she wondered what was in it. At the same time she noticed that he was drawing into himself. At least he was drawing away from her, not doing all the things that they used to do together because he seemed to be spending more time with others and not with her. Although she prides herself in being an independent woman and after all they were not involved or anything, she was hurt by his actions and still smarting form her ex-fiancé's rejection she was not thinking clearly"

Chakotay saw it on her face, but she turned her face slightly away from him as soon as she realized that it was visible.

"Then there was an incident that occurred today involving some members of her department. When she investigated, she found that this was not the first of such incidences. The thing is that this sort of thing was caught by the person who was her right hand and not brought to her attention and with everything that's was going on, she felt betrayed. Because of that hurt, she lashed out at him and accused him of things he hadn't done, and said things that she shouldn't have and things that she didn't mean. Now she is afraid that because of what she has done, the one person who she has trusted more than life maybe lost to her personally. She doesn't want to lose the friendship and she asked me what to do in order to make things right."

"What did you say?"

Chakotay had already forgiven with her first part of her speech, it went out from him instinctively and naturally, but he wanted to hear more, to know more. That outburst from Kathryn was over the top even for her and he wanted to know exactly what was behind it. She was revealing herself to him, and he didn't want to stop it.

"Well I told her to just go to him and tell him the truth, he should accept that."

"And if he doesn't"

"I told her make sure that he hears her apology and not to give up on their friendship. I've seen the two of them together. Their relationship is one of the most life-giving that I've seen. I know for a fact that this section head is who she is today because of him and the trust nurtured in that relationship. For the good on everyone on this ship that relationship must continue."

"If she trusts him so much, what's with the wild accusations?"

"Because something is very wrong, and she's reacting to it, instinctively."

"With her or with him?"

"With both of them actually. However, I told her that for once, she should concentrate on him. What was happening to her is out and she is dealing with it and recovering even thought it's tough going sometimes. But whatever is going on with him, is still being held close to his chest, and that is what she should be concentrating on. Being there for him the way that he has been there for her……Always."

Kathryn crossed the final few feet between them and touched his arm.

"Chakotay, something is very wrong here, and it has to do with that letter that you got from the Alpha Quadrant. The craziness that came from me is reflected off of your actions. I'm hurt by your refusal to trust in me. You walked out on me in your quarters. If you hadn't and I had to guess, I would have thought that I was in Tom's Quarters. They were such a mesh, I've never seen them like that and I have never seen you like this. Something has been wrong for the past two months. Please Chakotay, tell me what it is. You have always been at my side, you have never once wavered in your commitment to me. You told me that I am your best friend, so please let me in to what is hurting you this much."

Something was. Chakotay looked lost and for a moment he just looked at her then he stepped back.

I blew it Kathryn felt her heart fall.

Chakotay picked up the palm branch and held it for a moment studying it. Kathryn felt hope and she took a risk. She took his hand and then she felt his fingers entwine hers. Chakotay seemed to be studying the branch for a long time and then Kathryn realized that he was composing himself.

"Walk with me Kathryn." She didn't' say anything as he guided her. She realized that she was composing herself also.

"Where are we?" She asked, looking for neutral subject to ease the heaviness of what had just transpired.

"My home planet, in the back of my village in the woods. I used to play here a lot when I was a kid. Now I come here a lot just to think."

They walked along in silence for about 15 mins through a path in the woods that was clearly defined. Finally they came to a big rock that was next to a stream. It was then that Chakotay let go of her hand and sat down making himself comfortable. She did the same next to him. He still didn't say anything for a long while. Kathryn was growing impatient, but she squelched her feelings. If there was one thing she knew that she couldn't do was rush things. So she distracted herself in her mind. She tried to think of all the work that she still had to do, but something about the calm of the environment got to her, eventually she stared into the water thinking of things that she didn't want to think about. The things that were at the heart of her crazed reaction. Things kept coming to her mind in these unguarded moments while waiting on Chakotay to speak that she didn't want to face so she kept her mind full and busy. But still those thought were in the back of her mind like pin-pricks begging for her attention. But she wasn't giving in to them. She sighed and forced her mind back on work, as usual

She was relieved when Chakotay began to speak.

"What happened today?"

"You don't know!"

"It's my day off, did you forget?"

"No, I thought that someone would have told you by now."

"I haven't heard anything."

"Ayala and Gerron started a fist fight in the Mess Hall today. Five crew members ended up in Sickbay."

Chakotay whistled. It had erupted.

"It won't happen again. I assume that this fight was started because of a stray comment about the Marquis."

"Yes, how did you know?" Kathryn looked at him perplexed. She hadn't even prepared that official report yet.

"The day after we lost contact with the Alpha Quadrant, I told them that it was all over, that the Marquis had been defeated and that all of our friends in the various cells had been killed. A few survived and they are in a Federation prison. One of the people who survived was the person who recruited me into the Marquis. She wrote me with the news."

"Chakotay, I'm so sorry." Concerned lined her eyes, and finally she understood what had been going on with certain members in her crew including her First Officer. She reached out and touched his arm. Chakotay's idea of being comfortable sitting on the rock involved hugging his knees and resting his head on his arms. He did not change position when she touched him.

"Is this what everyone's been dealing with?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me? This is having disastrous effects on the crew."

Chakotay finally looked at her and was about to speak when Kathryn continued.

"It was because of my letter wasn't it?"

"Yes, do you remember what you were like right after it?"

"Yes." Her whisper was as loud as her breath and she lowered her arm.

"Even after a time when I thought you had sufficiently recovered, I tried to find the right time to tell you, there was never that. I was so busy seeing about the Marquis and everything else that was happening, that it just never seem the right time." Chakotay continued

"And you are not the only one. I should have made the time to listening to that nagging voice in my head, but I didn't want to pry, you've always said that I'm too curious, I didn't want to prove you right again."

Chakotay finally smiled at that, and then he got serious.

"There is something else that you should know. The Cardassians are not the one who slaughtered the Marquis, at least not directly. They have a new ally, a species from the Gamma Quadrant called the Dominion. They aligned themselves with Cardassia to gain a foothold into the Alpha Quadrant and have been trying to impose their version of Quadrant order under their leaders in the Alpha Quadrant. As you can well imaging, the Federation did not take kindly to that, nor did the Klingons, We are at war Kathryn. The Federation with the Klingons, against the Dominion with the Romulans having a non-aggression pact with the Dominion."

"My God Chakotay" Kathryn shot up, and turned away. Then she wheeled to face him.

"This is a joke Chakotay, this cannot have happened. How well do you trust this person? Could she be making this up?"

Slowly Chakotay got up and faced her. "I trust her as much as I trust you, with my life." Chakotay had a funny look on his face, but Kathryn ignored it.

"I don't believe this!" Kathryn said shaking her head, She stopped suddenly and faced him squarely and said,

"We should have been there, maybe we may have been able to stop this."

"Kathryn, we don't know that. It's possible if we were there, then we would have died with them, we're alive because we got sent here."

"You mean, because I stranded us here." Kathryn exclaimed turning from him, the feeling of guilt descending on her like an avalanche

"Now you'll understand why I haven't said anything about the war to anyone. It will be too damaging if we have a crew full of people thinking what you are thinking now." Chakotay said this softly.

"Yes, now I do." They stood behind each other in silence for a little while. Kathryn turned to face him after a time.

"And you've dealt with this by yourself for two months. No wonder your quarters have been in such a mess." Kathryn got closer to him, still in her gut, there was something….something else.

"I'm surprised you came after me, you were in full snit, when I left my quarters."

"I saw something there that made me realize how wrong I was."

"In all that mess?" Chakotay asked his eyes twinkling.

Kathryn didn't return his smile. But she looked directly at him with a soft expression on her face as she said.

"Your medicine bundle was opened. There were three items that I had never seen before, two of which intrigued me greatly, one was a miniature bathtub. I read a lot into that. If that means what I think it means, then you would have never had it there if you were planning anything destructive on this ship."

"What do you think it means?"

"Well you once told me that the bundle contains items that define who you are. I'm taking it to mean that a part of who you are is defined by me."

There was a slight smile and a short nod.

"I'm honoured Chakotay." Kathryn said softly reaching out for his hand again. "Well it made me realized what a jackass I was being. Though I must confess, I'm confused, why a bathtub from New Earth? I can understand that you would want something personal, something that would define all of me. But there have been so many adventures, so many other mementos, why that one?"

"Peace" Was all Chakotay said squeezing her hand. Kathryn understood.

"I should have trusted you Chakotay, you would think that after our encounter with the Borg and Species 8472, I would have learnt my lesson."

Chakotay's face darkened. "Perhaps you shouldn't be so ready to do that." He broke the connection and turned his back. "We should be starting back, you must have a lot of work to do."

"No Chakotay," Kathryn walked in front of him and put her hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving."

"Whatever is outstanding, it can wait. And you're on your day off, remember? There is something else isn't there? The other item that had me confused was the hand written letter? Does it have something to do with that?"

"Yes it does." Chakotay looked at her uncertainly. "I fell in love Kathryn."

Whatever she expected, it wasn't this. But she was happy for him, even though a feeling of loneliness and loss came over her suddenly. She smiled but with a little hint of sadness and asked "That's wonderful Chakotay, do you mind me asking who is she?"

"Her name was Kellin, she was on the ship for a short period of time." Seeing her frown, Chakotay went on to relate the story to Kathryn.

" I find that hard to believe."

"I did too, but according to my own handwriting it happened. I also left some information on the page that only I could know about to convince me that I had written the letter."

"Are you OK about this?" Kathryn bit back her questions about the race that they had met who had so effectively wiped the memories of her crew and her computers. He would have told her if there was something she should know, something that would affect the physical safety of her crew. She trusted Chakotay, she may have acted differently today, but that reality in essence has never changed.

"Nope. Why should I be?" Turning from her Chakotay let go. "From what I can tell, I really loved her, but I wonder if I haven't been duped, yet again."

"What does you gut tell you?" Kathryn let him hide and let her voice pierce his thoughts.

"That it was real." Chakotay did not hesitate to answer. Kathryn felt her heart heavy, but she pressed on.

"Then it was. Keep the memory Chakotay and let it guide you in the future. You know sometimes I envy you. You can be so free; you give yourself totally to whatever and whomever you believe in. You take big risks."

Chakotay snorted. "Look who's talking"

Kathryn was deadly serious as she continued. "Oh, I take risks alright, but never with my heart or my emotions. I always play my cards very close to my chest. But you are able to be an effective first officer and still be very close to the crew in a way that I cannot be. In fact in a way that sometimes I dare not be, not just because I'm the Captain….but because…..

"Of the level at which you can and will be hurt." Chakotay finished for her. "Believe me Captain, sometimes I prefer your way and I know that I am envious of your absence of emotion in the face of great crisis, and you must admit the fear that you instil in some people is a lot more effective than mutual respect."

"But it's not who…."

"I am, I know my nature." Chakotay looked at her and actually began smiling. She joined him.

"Do you know what kind of blind spots I have because of it?" Chakotay asked, his smile still there, but it had becomes a little sadder and a little more wishful.

"As much as you know the kind of blind spots I have because of my nature." Indeed she did know.

"But that does not mean that you don't trust yourself in anything, only that you be more careful when the situation involves your "Spot". Once you are aware of the fact that a particular situation falls in that category, it should be easier for you to step out of yourself. And of course when it doubt ask your best friend" As Kathryn said the final sentence, a wicked smile played on her lips

"Why! For you enjoy yourself pointing out my faults?" Chakotay was laughing at this point.

"No, for me to practice doing the same with you." Kathryn sobered. "It was one of my 'Out of Borg Space' Resolutions if you will. Worked well for me during our work following the Omega Directive. When you can't trust yourself, trust me. The same way when I can't trust myself, I'm trying to trust myself to trust you."

Chakotay took his hand and very gently touched the side of Kathryn's face. His hand was enormous and it brought a warmth to Kathryn's face. His hand lingered on her face and he scrutinized her with a look of longing that began alarming her. In one brief moment of panic, she thought that he was going to kiss her. But she calmed down and trusted in him as this was her main blind spot, and he didn't disappoint. He removed it after a brief contact.

"I'll try" Chakotay changed the topic as his stomach rumbled, he was hungry. He was glad Kathryn was there; he had missed her although he didn't realize how much it until now.

"You know, Kathryn I was about to eat before I got distracted. Care to join me for a picnic, or do you have too much work to do to get away?"

"I'd love to love to join you for lunch, and the reports can wait what I'm doing here is more important."

"Oh, and what are you doing here?"

"Being here for my best friend." Kathryn was serious when she said it and then she grinned, "Besides, I can't remember when I had lunch that I didn't work through, must have been about oh….." She cocked her head as she pretended to be trying to remember.

"Two months ago." Chakotay laughed

"I wonder why."

"Computer……."

The end

Part 10: A Matter of Trust