Lady of the House

Disclaimer: I do not own Howl, or any other characters mentioned.

----------

She cut up my new suit again. And it was so nice, too. It was made of a lovely white silk, with gold trimmings and patterns woven into the fabric. Sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming senile.

I knew she was mad, and I shouldn't have left it lying around for her to find. Especially after her history of shredding perfectly fine garments. That cost me a pretty penny, too. It wasn't like she didn't have any expensive clothes, either. She could have cut hers up if she felt like it.

I suppose it was my fault that she was mad. So, I was standing a little too close to the lady. And she happened to be rather pretty. Am I not allowed to talk to pretty girls anymore? Apparently. So what happens? Dear little Sophie gets jealous and tears up my suit.

I reminded her that I was going to wear it to Michael and her sister's wedding, and she needed to fix it. Apparently, I'm now allowed to wear any old thing I want. Though I had wanted to wear that suit.

I thought girls cared about how they dressed. And looked.

She always tells me I spend more time in the bathroom than her. Well, unlike her, some of us don't have "natural" hair. Is it really my fault if my hair was not born as lovely as hers? Should she be able to deny me the right to beautify myself for the benefit of others and myself?

What is truly the worst part is that Calcifer can do whatever he wants, now. Not that I am not excruciatingly happy for him for his, and my own, freedom. However, this means Sophie, his little freedom-fighting friend, asks him to stop warming my water? Well, we all know what happens, right?

Cold showers for me.

It can absolutely ruin my hair, too. So I've been pacing myself, conserving the warm water, and proving her wrong. I took out a good ten minutes from my routine that morning. I think she noticed. Despite what she says, I think she should be proud of my hygiene standards, as they are higher than most males.

Of course, whenever I say this, she then asks me why my castle was covered in cobwebs, and why no one could breathe when she swept the floor.

Sometimes I wonder if the old lady ever really left her. She kept the metal tip on her old walking stick and attached a new stick to it. She doesn't use it, but she talks to it sometimes. I told her she'd get hunched over if she used it.

We certainly can't have that, can we? But, she appeared to dislike my view on it.

She tells me she gets lonely now that Calcifer and Michael are away all the time. She wants me to stay home more often, too. Well, I tell her that she should come with me, then, because I certainly wasn't sitting around doing nothing.

Then she insists we cannot leave the shop alone. Honestly. It's a flower shop. No one's going to steal anything. If someone really needed some flowers, then they should come and place an order.

I find some comfort that she dropped that subject, but then started saying Calcifer might not be able to find us! Of all the idiotic ideas! Of course he could find us. He could travel the globe in a day; I think he'd find us somewhere.

She honestly thinks that I go out everyday to flirt all over the place! Well, okay, I did sometimes, but I swear I go out for strictly business now! Does she really think I'd invite her along if I were going to go about flirting with every pretty girl that came my way?

Well, I guess it shows she cares. She's decided to come, and I warned her that it wouldn't be as exciting as she would think a wizard's life would be. And she said that it didn't matter. She said that exciting things always seemed to find us.

And I guess that's why she's the Lady of the House. My house, I might add.

----------

AN: Yep, complete pointlessness. From Howl's point of view, of course. He's talking about Sophie, if you didn't catch that. Yep...