Disclaimer: Do I really have to…?
Author's notes: hehe… something I came up with just a while ago when I watched the film about Philippine Literature… anyone familiar of Urbana at Felisa:D
WARNINGS: major OOC on the character's part, especially Sasuke. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Parody-ish kind of humor, I guess. Might suck. Flames, accepted.
Summary: When did sending letters to each other be so complicated? The little topics our famous ninjas talk about aside from being fully loaded.
Mister Mailman
By: ang3Lix
Strike one: Sasuke to Sakura (theme: you're a bit too vulgar, aren't you?
The lone figure that stood against an open window sill never left his sight on the falcon that perched itself deftly on the wooden surface. His left eye twitched only once when the bird produced a loud noise from its voice box.
Stupid bird.
Rolling a piece of ordinary white paper, he wound a string around it, securing its privacy from curious eyes. What was left protruding from the little knot he tied on the rough leg that was above the falcon's sharp claw. For a while he stood there, glaring at the quick bird, who seemed to glare back with its beady eyes. Of course, talking to the animal would make him look like a supreme idiot. Besides, being an idiot and Uchiha Sasuke just didn't belong in the same string of words.
The feathery creature emitted another ear-piercing noise.
Alarmed, Sasuke grabbed a random rag from his bedside table and snuffed it inside the falcon's wide open beak.
Almost after a few seconds, a knock reverberated from the other side of the door, which separated his room from the extended hallway. It seemed that someone was patrolling around his room again.
Fuck that Orochimaru-bastard.
" Sasuke? Is everything alright in there?" came the soft tenor of Orochimaru's right hand.
" Yes, Kabuto." He called out, efficiently hiding the panic in his voice.
When he heard the descending footsteps fade away slowly, he turned sharply to where the gagged messenger bird stood. It was furious. Not that he cared, actually.
" Send this to Konoha. To Haruno Sakura." He said in a low tone, barely audible even if you're a foot away.
The stiff cocking of the falcon's head should signify its understanding of the command. With its wings spread wide, it departed from the window sill, its form growing fainter.
This better be worth it.
7:30
The moment Sakura opened her window for fresh air, something much like a disfigured feather duster had slapped right at her face. She growled. Was she really that jinxed? One day, she'll kill off all these irritating neighbors of hers… It only took her a couple of seconds to realize that the so-called 'feather duster' was a disgruntled falcon, alive and still respiring.
The letter that came with it was immediately snatched away from the outstretched leg, unrolled and placed beside her bright lampshade for better lighting.
Bastard.
7:30 am, Thursday
Sakura,
Hi. Whatever. Though against my will, I hope you all are fine. If not, well, tough luck. You're all pain in the ass anyways. Anyway, straight to the point. Don't you try having a boyfriend. Or else I'll kill you.
Literally.
Sasuke.
8:15 pm, Sunday
Dear Sasuke,
STOP BEING A BIG ASS POKE TO EVERYBODY. YOU'RE MUCH WORSE THAN KAKASHI'S 1000 YEARS OF PAIN. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND IGNORE ME, COZ I DON'T CARE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT TRY HAVING A BOY FRIEND! I'M DATING NEJI-KUN, SO DON'T TRY TO STOP ME, BASTARD!
Your loving teammate, Sakura.
9:00 am, Tuesday
Sakura,
I'll kill Neji instead.
Sasuke.
10:28 am, Wednesday
Dear Sasuke,
Try doing that and I'll push your face in a pile of cow shit.
Love, Sakura.
5:05 pm, Thursday
Get over it, hag. –smirk-
3:17 pm, Monday
Fuck you.
12:46 am, Saturday
If it's the other way around, I'd love to.
9:60 am, Sunday
Wha…?
11:00 pm, Monday
Pretend you didn't read that.
5:55 pm, Thursday
…
4:30 pm, Monday
Oi, Sakura. Why aren't you writing back.
1:30 am, Tuesday
…
1:44 am, Wednesday
Forehead girl, you're making me waste paper. I'd get an ass whipping if the Oro-bastard catches me sending letters to Konoha. So answer back, you dork.
12:45 pm, Monday
…
2:27 pm, Friday
I'm getting angry. ANSWER. BACK. BEFORE. I. TEAR. YOUR. STUFFED. RABBIT. INTO. A. COTTON. CARCASS.
8:57 am, Thursday
SO THAT'S WHERE MY STUFFED RABBIT IS! SASUKE YOU BASTARD, BRING BACK MY RABBIT, DARN IT!5:34 am, Tuesday
-smirk- I used it as my personal training dummy.
5:59 pm, Wednesday
Just die, you bastard.
7:32 pm, Thursday
-smirk once more- You're mine.
3:22 am, Friday
-scowl- Shut up.
Finish.