Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings, Fruits Basket, or any other recognizable characters that appear in this fiction. Thank you.

Lord of the Zodiac.

(Lord of the Rings with a twist!)

By: M.E. Wright & Tiel Kayr (co-writers)

Authors yell, "Roll Call!"

ASSORTED FRUITS BASKET CHARACTERS ASSEMBLE IN FRONT OF AUTHORS.

M.E.W starts to explain, "Ok this all started because of too many fanfics and too much sugar."

T.K puts in, "So we decided to call y'all here today to play a little game. Muahahaha!"

Aya bounces up and down singing, "Play game! Play game!"

MEW sweat drops. "OK! Someone control the snake!" She blinks as Yuki and Kyo promptly sit on Aya. "That's better! Now line up!"

TK again starts to explain, "We're going to do a Lord of the Rings skit- with a twist. Since most of you have a curse in common- that's the main thing. Lord of the Zodiac is the game. You people play characters from LOTR and the ring is the curse. Understand?"

SHIGURE RAISES HIS HAND.

Authors, wearily ask "Yes?"

Shigure, rather genki-ly, asks, "Will there be any high school girls?"

"NO!" yell two authors and rest of cast and any nearby random characters.

Shigure pouts. "Boo!"

"Okaaaay…" says MEW as she tries to think of what is going on.

TK whispers, "Some one switch him to decaf."

"Lets just assign the roles now please." pleads MEW.

TK shrugs. "Ok.!" She then proceeds to explain, "Now there's not quite enough of you to fill all the roles, which is where all you random character types come in."

ALL NON-FB'S (FRUIT BASKETS CHARACTERS) NOD THEIR HEADS.

MEW flips open the script. "Alright then, lets get started. First is the Fellow Ship, so lets start with them. Hobbits…"

TK reads over MEW's shoulder, "Frodo – Momiji,

Sam – Kisa,

Merry – Uo-chan,

Pippen – Hana-chan,

Bilbo – Oji-san

Alright- line up over here."

MOMIJI JUMPS AROUND SQUEALING. KISA LOOKS AT HIM AS UO-CHAN STARTS SMACKING A LEAD PIPE INTO HER HAND.

"Settle down bunny boy." growls Uo-chan.

"Ah," says TK. "Uo-chan, no lead pipes."

Uo-chan frowns. "Why?"

"Not invented yet!" Says TK in exasperation.

MEW looks up from studying the script, confused. "… Okay, I got lost there. Next!"

TK takes the script from MEW and reads, "Rest of the Fellow Ship. Boromir- President Taki."

President Taki's glasses flash proudly. TK thinks for a moment. "Uh, we're going to need contacts for you."

Pres. Taki asks confused, "Why?"

TK snaps, "Warriors don't wear glasses!"

Taki, now really confused, "I'm a warrior?"

"Where have you. . . " starts TK then thinks better of it. "Never mind."

MEW pats her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll get him some contacts."

TK continues. "Aragorn- Kyo."

KYO LOOKS DISBELIEVEING.

TK looks at him. "What?"

Kyo blinks. "Uh- okay?"

TK blinks. "Alright- next victim. Gandalf – Shigure."

SHIGURE IMMEDIATELY SMIRKS AND SKIPS AROUND THE ROOM SINGING.

TK yells while holding her ears, "Contain that wizard!!" Uo-chan smacks Shigure (Sorry Gandalf) with the lead pipe (in the Conservatory. Hehehe. Sorry.) "Thanks. Gimli – Hiro."

Hiro gives a small smirk. "Is this a comment on my height? I'm still a child you know and I'm sensitive to comments like that. How would you like it if I went into a depression because of what you said and never regained my self esteem?"

TK raises an eyebrow. "Do you want to get paid or not?"

Shigure sits up rubbing his head. "Wow! The Elrond eyebrow! Are you going for that part?"

TK turns stare on Shigure. "Wizard . . . "

Shigure spins around clutching his chest. "Ah! A fatal wound. Farewell dear friends. There is no hope for me!"

TK mutters something about hiring more Balrogs and killing Gandalf sooner- preferably now and with lots of pain!

MEW pulls TK off to one side and whispers, "Now TK, we need him for later."

"Must we keep him?" whines TK.

MEW pats her on the shoulder again. "I'm afraid so, dear." she then hands TK some pain suppressant pills. She then turns back to the cast. "Ok let's go on to the elves. Yuki, you're going to be Legolas."

Kyo snickers. "Yuki, be sure to bring Fan-Girl repellent." Yuki promptly gives Kyo a roundhouse punch to the gut. "Oof!"

Yuki mutters, "Same to you, Ranger!"

Kyo, holding his gut, gasps out "Damn Rat!"

"Elf!" MEW corrects him. "He's an elf, Kyo."

Kyo shrugs. "Whatever."

TK comes back from taking her pills and reads the next part on the script. "Next. Aya, you're Haldir."

"Yay!" cries Aya. He then starts bounding around the room in glee singing, "I am an el-lf."

Yuki says flatly, "I am not going to related in any way, shape, form, or species to that… that…"

WORDS STOP FORMING AS YUKI PROMPTLY GETS THE STUFFING SQUEEZED OUT OF HIM BY AYA, (SORRY, HALDIR).

Shigure sighs, "Ah, brotherly love. Isn't it wonderful?"

MEW, in aside to TK, "We need to separate those two until they have to be together. Otherwise we'll lose one before we're supposed to."

TK nods. "Right. Shigure, why don't you take care of Aya for a bit?" She looks back to MEW. "Next elf."

MEW looks at the list. "Uh- Elrond and Arwen are… Hatori and Tohru."

Shigure looks up from hogtying Aya. "Ooh! Tohru and Kyo sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love-"

YUKI, KYO, AND HATORI ALL GLARE AT SHIGURE. HE QUAILS AND BACKS INTO A CORNER WHIMPERING.

MEW also glares. "That's enough wizard." She looks at the list before turning back to the rest of the cast. "Galadreil is Mine, Aya's assistant."

Aya tries to speak through his gag where he is laying on the cold floor. He then transforms into the snake and slithers free of his bindings. "Well done, Mine. You have now surpassed my humble abilities as a shop keeper and I have never been more proud of you."

Mine claps her ands and jumps in glee. "Yay! I've been promoted! I've been promoted by the shopkeeper!"

Aya laughs. "Ha Ha Ha!"

TK rubs her temples as she yells, "Will somebody shut off the blooming bagpipes and stuff that snake in the closet! MEW, dear, please don't bring him out again unless we absolutely have to."

"Don't worry, I won't." replies MEW. Sweat drops from the author's fore head as she drags the still laughing snake to the closet.

"Here, put this on the door." suggests TK as she hands MEW a sign that says DO NOT OPEN UNTIL LOTHLORIEN.

MEW puts it on the door and sighs. "Thanks. Ok where were we?"

TK thinks for a bit then says, "Sending the elves off to get their ears and the hobbits to get their feet."

Shigure asks "What do I get?"

Both Authors yell at him. "A swift kick to the rear if you don't behave!"

SHIGURE COWERS IN FEAR AS BOTH AUTHORS GLARE AT HIM.

"Right!" says MEW as she claps her hands together. "Lets get everyone ready and if we need anybody else we'll come to them when we do." She then quickly sends everyone else to get into their costumes.

"On with the show!!!" Calls TK as she follows MEW and the Cast off stage.