Horrible Dreams

Rating: Errr … PG?

Summary: Just when you think you have the thing you love, it slips right through your fingers. Slash, naturally. RemusSirius

A.N./ Wow, this thing is old. Like, two summers ago, old. I remember writing this, thinking, "You're a genius." Now I look at it with disgust. But I tweaked it up a bit to throw it out there. Maybe someone will enjoy it. The original ending was different (better!), but I can't, for the life of me, remember what it was. Now I only have the craptastic one. I sent Laura the original copy, but now it's sitting at the bottom of her trunk or something. Which means it is lost to human existence, as we know it. Anyhoo, if you like it, please review! That's the reason why it's here …

Fingers intertwined, gently caressing, palms pressed together. The only sound in the dark room was of soft, deep breaths. The peaceful lovers lay together in a white sea of bed sheets, their rippled waves frozen in time just for the two between them.

Sirius Black, in all his perfection even with his gaunt appearance, lay on his back. His long ebony locks spilled over a worn pillow, the waxing gibbous moon making the inky waterfall shine as its pale light shone through the window on the other side of the large room. His face showed how exhausted he was, but he smiled with utter satisfaction down on his lover who was atop him.

Remus Lupin lay with his bare taut stomach half on Sirius' own, his head resting on the broad chest. His shoulder length hair was undone from its usual tie, honeyed wisps feathering Sirius' collarbone and shoulder. His bright amber eyes stared unblinkingly out the window, never taking them away from the waxing moon. He could feel its never-ending pull. It was as if he would float up to it, but Sirius pulled him closer with a strong arm.

Eyes locked when he looked up from his trance. He smiled, leaning his face forward, gently capturing Sirius' lips with his own. A wave of warmth hit him; this never got old, never. When they released, Remus gazed into his eyes again. The smile quickly faded from his lips as the tears in his lover's eyes overwhelmed him.

Sirius' eyes glistened, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. He smiled apologetically. "My love …" he whispered, his voice barely audible.

"Sirius?" Remus opened his mouth, but he could hear nothing.

"I'm sorry."

Remus' ear was practically next to Sirius' lips and he could hardly hear him. "Sirius!" he tried to yell, sitting up astride his solemn looking lover but still there was no sound. Panic bled inside of him. Sirius, still smiling sadly, still tears running down his face, placed his hand on Remus' cheek.

Then he started to sink.

Remus' eyes darted fearfully around Sirius as his body sunk into the bed. He was slowly vanishing in front of his eyes. It was as if the bed were quicksand as Sirius's hair slowly sank ...

Then his legs.

His torso.

His shoulders.

His chest.

His handsome face.

Remus tried in vain to grab him, to pull him back up, but Sirius just slipped through his hands. His breath began to quiver with fear. "Sirius … No Sirius!" Sirius' outstretched arm was last to sink as he still tried to caress Remus who frantically tried to lift him back up. But it was useless. He was gone.

The moment Sirius' last fingertip sank, Remus' senses numbed. Bellatrix's shrill screams of delight burst inside his mind, making him cry out in pain. He dug desperately into the sheets, ripping them in the process. A conversation roared in his head. His voice, magnified a thousand times over, boomed around him.

"There's nothing you can do … It's too late … There's nothing you can do, Harry … nothing … He's gone … He can't come back because he's d- "

"HE- IS- NOT- DEAD! SIRIUS!"

Remus collapsed onto the torn sheets, his body crumbling and racked with sobs.

A faint, soft voice called in the distance. Remus tried to ignore it as he pulled the sheets close to his face, hoping to catch Sirius' scent, but he was gone altogether. He sobbed harder.

"Remus," the voice was louder, "Remus, please …" Remus curled up against the pillows that had propped his lover's beautiful head mere moments ago. "Wake up Remus!"

His eyes shot open, adjusting to the dull candlelight in his room. Molly and Tonks leaned over him. Molly was crying and Tonks looked frozen, eyebrows stitched together in sympathy. He felt himself shaking all over, his face wet with tears. He sat up, stammering, "What … I-I …" He looked around frantically. "Sirius! … He-" his voice cracked. He couldn't cry, not in front of Molly or Tonks. But he was getting closer to the edge and his eyes burned.

Realization hit him like a tidal wave of emotion. It had been four months since Sirius' death. Three and a half months of horrible dreams.

Not nightmares. Horrible dreams.

They would always start off so pleasantly, but would horribly turn to Sirius' death - to Bellatrix's screams of triumph - to the fluttering sound of Sirius falling into the veil, disappearing forever. The reality pushed him further.

Slumping over, he began to cry on Molly's shoulder. The only times he had lost control over his emotions was the night he learned he was cursed, how he wasn't even human anymore, and the night he found out that his lover had "supposedly" killed their best friends and betrayed them all. This had to be the worst by far.

"Sirius..." he sobbed quietly onto her shoulder as the two women sat on his bed, patting his back sadly.

"Remus … I'm- I'm so sorry …" Tonks said softly, gently petting his tawny head.

They don't understand, he thought as another wave of pain hit his stomach. He hugged it tightly, hoping it would ease the anguish. It did far from that and proved only to make the muscles in his arms ache.

Neither Sirius nor Remus had told anyone about their relationship. It was only information strictly for a need-to-know-bases, and no one needed to know.

He cried until he could no longer open his eyes and he slept, falling back into a world where he and Sirius could spend eternity. Remus understood why he could not stop dreaming of Sirius, because Sirius had chosen to come into his dreams. But for now, Remus would have it no other way though it caused him great pain.

He walked into a room totally covered with white sheets. Sirius stood in the center, clad in his black torn robes. The same he had died in. Remus' stomach dropped. He slowly walked to the middle of the room. When he reached Sirius he could stand it no longer.

Resting his head on Sirius' shoulder, Remus wept. It was a sudden release as he cried; sweet and bitter at the same time. Sirius held him with one hand on the small of his back and the other running through his tawny hair. All was quiet.

No anguished cries.

No soft sighs.

Silence.

He wanted to tell Sirius to stay, never to leave, but no sound escaped his lips as usual.

Sirius kissed his forehead sadly. Remus clung to him; he knew Sirius was about to leave. "No … No Sirius … Please, please …" he wanted to beg. But with a sigh only death can make, Sirius was gone.

Again.

Remus fell forward to his knees, hunching over, and waited for the next night to come.

A.N./ I do too many of these dream stories, don't I? Maybe I should try a different level of existence? Now remember, I wrote this a long time ago. I hope that you liked it anyway. If you did, maybe, I don't know, it'd be nice if you just dropped off a little review. That would be so lovely!