Painkiller
author: Angela Evans
email: feedback: Whatever you care to dish out
rating: PG/T
distribution: my LJ or ask me
disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them, but I do accept gifts hint hint
spoilers: "Weapons of Class Destruction"
summary: Somewhere along the line she became your painkiller.
classification: Logan POV, L/V, ficlet
a/n: I hope I don't come off like a crazed fangirl, but I am obsessed with Logan Echolls. Blame Jason Dohring's incredible acting.
muse-ic: "Pain Killer" – Turin Brakes, "Here Comes The Sun" – The Beatles, "Ever Fallen In Love?" – The Buzzcocks
thanks: Jasmine – my obsession is all her fault ;)

You're not sure just how or when it happened. But you, Logan Echolls, are in love with Veronica Mars.

She thinks you're a jackass. She's right, of course.

Because somewhere along the line she became your painkiller. You could hide the pain of losing Lilly behind the façade of glee at torturing Veronica, who had the bad luck to become the target for all your frustrations. You'd hidden your father's abuse behind the practical jokes and spoiled, rich playboy behavior, but unlike that shame, you could fight back against Lilly's death. Veronica was your punching bag.

Only this punching bag punched back. She could give as good as she got – you have to admit, framing you for drug possession as part of her plan to save a friend was inspired. You wouldn't – and couldn't – admit it, but you admired her for it.

In any case, you blamed her for Lilly's death – it was easy. The thought 'If Veronica hadn't…' made you feel better. It eased your guilt in the matter; that deep down feeling that Lilly's murder was all your fault. It's very hard to get rid of such ingrained thoughts, and Veronica Mars was finally someone you could point your finger at, pass the buck to.

So what if your jerky façade got nastier? It made you feel better. There seemed to be an inverse relationship between your pain and Veronica's – the more you were an asshole to her, the less pain you felt. It scared you, which wasn't something you wanted to admit. That would mean you were becoming like your father.

But then something happened. Veronica was there for you after your mother's death. She understood. There was something new in her – something you only caught glimpses of – that hadn't been there before. It was comforting.

And then one day, while you were on the phone to her about Duncan (the old you never would have warned her), you heard that creep Ben kidnap her. You never hesitated – you were off to play the knight in shining armor instantly.

You wanted to believe it was because of Lilly; you didn't want Veronica on your conscience too. But then she kissed you – just a little peck on the lips, and somewhere between that kiss and when you pulled her small body back towards yours, the excuse that it was about Lilly flew out the window.

It's like a teen movie cliché – you're in love with your best friend's ex, your dead girlfriend's best friend. You're confused just how this happened, but now that it has, you've discovered a more effective painkiller than torturing Veronica Mars.

The only problem is you're fairly certain Veronica isn't in love with you. She's harder to read that a Tolstoy novel. But that look in her eyes as she walked to her car – it was confusion, fear, a little guilt, maybe even some pain. But you're fairly certain Veronica isn't in love with you.

Too bad you're already dependent on this new painkiller.

fin