Chapter Eight: A theory of man and woman.

I hated the fact that I hated Cary Retlin; this was mainly because I knew perfectly well that I didn't really want to hate him at all.

I'd always been that way and I bet a psychiatrist would have pinned it to my father leaving me, admitting to liking a boy was dangerous.

If a boy knew that you liked them they could hurt you, especially when you liked them very very much.

Hatred was easier to deal with, but it still didn't stop the sick stressed feeling in my stomach.

"You know if you keep your face like that it'll get stuck that way," Alan said to me fifteen minutes into the train ride.

Alan was sitting next to me with all our bags and jackets piled up on the other seat. Cary, Stacey Claudia and Abby were in the other adjoining seats, Cary had sat with them in the last available seat before I had a chance to protest and now he was telling them all some sort of stupid elaborate story involving his brother shop lifting a goldfish.

"Good I want it to stay this way, I'll be able to scare every one off" I replied.

"Brilliant strategy Thomas, you know I think the Phantom of the Opera tried the exact same thing" Alan grinned.

"No he covered his face with a mask and it wasn't as if it was that bad, I mean if a plastic surgeon can fix Cokie's nose they can fix him" I replied.

"You've seen that movie?" he asked looking surprised.

"Mary Anne made me watch it at her house, the songs were really lame but I liked the bit when the Phantom flipped out and burnt the whole building down" I admitted.

"Yeah fire is so awesome" he agreed with me and I leaned forward in order to whisper to him.

"Alan I'm going to ask you something and if you don't answer I'll pour something worse then Yoo-hoo down your shirt" I said.

"Fine" he sighed wearily.

"What is with Cary? Why is he so obsessed with Jonathon Mathews and why is he using me to get back to him?" I asked.

"Cary has always been like this Kristy he's the Phantom of Stoneybrook high school after all" he grinned.

"Accept for the facial deformities" I said and then I reached into my shoulder bag pulling out a bottle of water.

"This isn't yoo-hoo but I'd hate to see it spill all over that expensive shirt Allan" I smirked and Alan sighed.

"I'm not sure if I should be telling you this, he'll kill me if he hears us" Alan said.

"Head off to the bathroom, I'll meet you in a little bit and you can tell me everything" I said allowing a single drop of water to fall onto his jeans.

"And what will Cary think if he notices?" Alan pointed out.

"He might think I'm giving you head but it's not like I really care about what he thinks Alan" I pointed out.

Alan was sitting on top of the toilets seat when I found him and I made myself comfortable on the floor, not really caring about messing up my jeans.

"The thing is Kristy, well, what do you actually know about Cary before he came to Stoneybrook?" he asked.

"He once wrote a fake journal about his middle school experiences and I read it but considering it was fake I guess I know nothing" I admitted reluctantly and Alan grinned.

"Cary told me about that, if you must know he went to a private school" Alan began and I smiled.

"Typical it would explain his obnoxious spoilt attitude" I grinned.

"Basically every one at Cary's fathers company sent their kids there, it was one of those schools that covers both middle school and high school, Jonathon Mathews went there as well" Alan continued.

"You're shitting me," I said faintly stunned.

"I almost wish I was, that expression on your face is priceless! If you must know Cary got Jonathon expelled from the private school six months before Cary's father was transferred here. You should have seen Cary when he found out Jonathon's family had been transferred here two years ago, Cary was convinced the guy was the anti Christ" Alan grinned.

"Literally or metaphorically?" I asked.

"Metaphorically, Cary isn't even Christian in fact his a.." he began and I raised my eyebrows.

"A Buddhist" he admitted.

"A Buddhist?" I coughed.

"Yes"
"But he's so smarmy! I thought that Buddhist's were really nice vegetarians" I exclaimed and Alan glanced up sharply.

"Some ones outside the toilet door" he said jumping off the seat.

"It's probably Cary" I said knowingly and I opened the door, of course I was right.

Cary stared at both of us a sheepish expression on his face.

"I need to wash my hands" he coughed.

"And while you're at it you should wash your ears, they must have gotten dirty with you pressed them against the door" I said brushing past him.

He shot us both a curious look but for once said nothing at all.

I could go into a long description involving the BSC entering new York City but lets face it we've done it a dozen times before, what had once been magical and exciting at thirteen was now just mildly entertaining.

How depressing.

The last time I'd been in the city it had been summer, Abby and I had gone with Charlie to a base ball game.

The Yankee's had lost sixteen to three, it had been so humiliating and Charlie had been so depressed he ended up in a sports bar conveniently forgetting that Abby and I were under aged.

That had been almost a year ago and the early spring air blew against my shoulders as I stepped off the subway next to Stacey who was already looking for a taxi.

"Do we really need a taxi Stacey? The online directory says the clubs only two blocks away," I pointed out.

"This is New York Kristy, a block can sometimes go for ten miles" Stacey replied wearily and Claudia squealed with horror as the kitten heel on her lime green pumps got caught in a sewer great.

Oddly enough she was wearing the shoes with socks and I assumed Cary would object to the outfit like he had with mine but instead he'd grinned and said " Very Harajuka" whatever the hell that meant.

"Lets face it girls Kristy is the only one who can actually afford a taxi, what with the mansion she lives in and all" Cary grinned brushing past her.

"Try not to kill him Kristy, we wouldn't want to dump his corpse in a gutter" sighed Abby.

"Like anyone one notice" I muttered darkly.

"You know Cokie and I have officially broken up" Cary mused stepping alongside me. We'd decided to walk and I tried to put as much distance between the two of us, unfortunately it turned out that Cary was perfectly capable of walking just as fast as me.

"Yes I read about it on the toilet doors" I replied and he laughed.

"News got around that fast huh?"

"Shut up Cary I'm not in the mood for this" I sighed.

"Not in the mood for what Go Lightly?" he asked.

"You being a smug arrogant asshole" I replied sweetly.

"Oh you wound me, here I was trying to actually have a normal adult conversation with you"

"About Cokie Mason?" I asked.

"Yes, as I said earlier we've officially broken up" he continued to prompt me.

"So you said"

"Which means I'm available?" he hinted heavily.

"You should use your new found freedom to invest in new hobbies," I snapped back.

"Got any suggestions?"

"Well there's always exploring the ocean floor, far away from here, or space travel"

"I get sea sick and I'm afraid of heights"

"You're not exactly tough stuff aren't you?"

"Well no one can be as tough as you Thomas" he grinned.

"Of course not, are you going to get to a point anytime Cary?" I asked and I'd realized oddly enough we'd slowed down a bit.

"You and Alan in the toilets? What was that about?" he finally asked.

"What do you think it's about?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"Well you were gone for awhile" he began.

"Oh honestly" I scoffed.

"And you asked him out tonight! He told me that much" Cary continued and I smirked, Cary was obviously jealous.

"Did you know that Alan was the first boy to ever ask me to a dance?" I asked and it was obvious by his expression that he didn't.

"The thing you need to understand Cary is that before you came alone there were many other boys who played pranks on me, he happened to be one of them" I finished and then I sped up trying to catch up with Abby.

"Stop that right now" he said grabbing onto my wrist; his voice was so quiet no one else has heard it.

They were far to busy untangling Claudia's belt from a newspaper box.

"Cary don't," I said tugging my hand away.

"Why do you always have to make things so difficult?" he said a frustrated expression on his face.

"Because I hate you" I whispered, but my heart wasn't in it.

"Really?" he asked but he wasn't sneering or scowling, his expression was completely blank.

Perhaps I didn't hate him as much as I liked to tell myself, to be fair if I really did I'd be physically exhausted and I'd never get anything done.

But even when something isn't true sometimes you need to keep lying to yourself, just to keep on going.

"You're taking a long time to answer Kristy," he finally said, and I realized he'd said my first name.

"I'm trying to figure out the best way to lie," I admitted.

"Lie?"

"It's a bit difficult you see, I'm usually so honest" I said and he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't mind honesty," he said gently and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Alright well lets suppose hypothetically you're not the most disgusting creature in the universe and that maybe there are people worse then you, if that was hypothetically true then I'd have to admit that I don't hate you": I admitted.

"I can think of at least ten people in the universe who happen to be more disgusting then me, three of which happen to be in our social studies class" he said with a small semi amused smile.

"Would one of them be Cokie Mason?" I asked.

"She's in our social studies class?"
"You would know that if you ever bothered to show up"

"I had no idea you were keeping such close tabs on me"

"What can I say? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" I pointed out.

"Closer hmm?" he murmured and suddenly their was a shift in body weight and I realized that Cary was in fact standing very close to me.

Crap, it had been a very long time since I'd been in such a situation and I tried to summon my inner baby sitter.

Be responsible Kristy, don't do anything stupid.

Behave yourself.

I'd never really noticed that Cary had nice eyes, it was such a stupid thing to think, but all the other boys I'd been involved with usually had small piggy brown eyes.

Not particularly interesting.

"Are you two done flirting? Because we're here" Stacey suddenly yelled and I jumped backwards very nearly tripping over a discarded newspaper.

Alan was actually sniggering next to Abby who was out right laughing, I felt my face go bright red with embarrassment and I stormed off towards Claudia who judging by her general happy grin had no idea what was going on.

"Lets get this over with," I muttered.

I could see why Cary had been so wary about us going to club Debaser the fashion sense alone was beyond weird. The girls dressed as if they were going to an Alice in wonderland themed party set in hell, lots of frilly little girl dresses in black with odd make up and fairy wings.

Even the boys had skirts on.

Several of them saw Claudia approach the line first and they gave her top hat and face paint approving looks before spotting us, and the ones who saw us stared their expressions completely frozen.

Abby and I exchanged a look and it suddenly occurred to me that Abby's bright green tank top stolen from Anna's wardrobe was the only colorful piece of clothing on the street.

"Suddenly I wish I'd worn my black lace gloves" Stacey muttered her hand trailing to her very blond very bright hair.

"Suddenly I wish I hadn't worn a NSYNC tour shirt" Alan replied zipping up his jacket.

One of the girls was eyeing us with a particularly disdainful look. She was tall and incredibly thin with jet black hair that made her look like an old fashioned movie star, dressed in a black flapper dress with bright red lipstick.

Then suddenly her eyes saw Cary and an almost smile fell on her lips.

"Shadow darling! I see you've brought some newbies to initiate," she said moving towards him and I couldn't do anything but stare when she actually hugged Cary.

"Shadow?" I scoffed.

"Is it to late to admit I've been here before?" he asked us all sheepishly.

"Shadow?" I continued to blurt out.

"Problem newbie?" the girl asked me.

"Well it's a bit pathetic isn't it? Almost like those girls who call themselves Midnight or Emily Strange" I scoffed and her expression hardened.

"Kristy, this is Midnight" Cary said gesturing to Midnight who continued to glare at me.

"Pathetic"

"A little" I admitted and she snorted before turning to Cary again.

"When you've done frightening the children come and join us darling, we're up in the rafters," she said before actually kissing him on the cheek.

None of us said anything as she departed we were all after all far to shell shocked.

"Since when have you been a Goth?" Alan finally asked Cary looking deeply insulted.

"Can some one explain to me what a Goth actually is?" Abby continued and I realized Cary was giving me a faintly resigned look, almost apologetic in his way but really I couldn't stand it.

" A word of advice Cary, wipe the lipstick off your cheek" I informed him.

"So you see Victorians wore black in order to mourn the death of queen Victoria's husband and this led to the Goth look which was later adopted by the eighties people wanting something different from typical punk" Stacey the fashion expert explained to Abby as we sat at our table.

Claudia had snagged us a table close to the back so we could talk without being drowned out by the music, of course I wanted to get close to the stage so I could see Maggie Blume in person but it turned out their was a whole opening act that none of us wanted to listen to.

"So they base their entire life on death? That's weird" Abby mused.

"Well Cary seems to be into it, look at him social networking" Claudia said gesturing to the bar and I snorted.

"Kristy you sound like a horse" Alan said cheerfully.

"Alan you're drunk," I pointed out gesturing to his two empty vodka cruisers.

"Am not" he cried sticking his tongue out before falling off his chair.

"See that's why I'm glad diabetes prevents me from boozing it up" Stacey said rolling her eyes.

"Cary must have done something good, I mean they're not glaring at us anymore" Claudia pointed out as Alan tried to get up before falling down again into a giggling mess.

"I almost wish they would keep glaring, I'd hate to think what he told them," I hissed back.

"We're not the only normal looking people I mean those girls over there seem nice" Abby said gesturing to a group at a near by table who looked relatively normal accept for their body piercing.

" I think they're lesbians" coughed Stacey.

"Stacey not all bald girls with nose rings happen to be lesbians" I scoffed.

"They are when they start making out," Stacey said gesturing to the table.

"You know this is a pretty good show even if the warm up act is a guy in fishnets, what are they singing anyway?" Abby asked crinkling her nose.

"Science fiction double feature" giggled Alan and something clicked in my brain.

"Hey his right, this is science fiction double feature"

"What?" Abby asked.

"You guys really need to stop watching Disney movies it's from the Rocky horror picture show," I told them, I'd only ever seen the movie once before with Sam on the classic movies channel.

"Wait a second did you guys just say the Rocky horror picture show?" Stacey suddenly gulped.

" Um yeah, it's a weird song to play at a rock concert I know but." I began.

"Oh shit" Stacey swore.

"You're going to tell us something really bad aren't you?" I asked.

"There's only one reason a guy in fishnets would sing a rocky horror theme show song live in New York" Stacey informed us.

"You mean he's on drugs?" Claudia asked.

"We have to get out of here right now" Stacey cried grabbing onto her purse.

"What? Why?" I asked and then suddenly the cover band stopped and a drum roll filled the club. Behind the band a make shift screen slowly rose from the floor as dried eyed smoke covered everything in pseudo fake darkness.

Some one walked out onto the stage, a man dressed in a black leather jacket with his hair permed.

"Welcome to what we all know as the Friday Midnight screening of the Rocky horror picture show, tonight I'm delighted to announce that the infamous Maggie Blume will be singing the role of Janet!" he said clasping his hands together and a girl the house lights lip up.

The back of the stage had been set up with a make shift movie screen and next to it stood Maggie dressed in a white bra and petticoat.

"God we have to run, right now" Stacey hissed she was already standing up with a jacket on.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because we're virgins and I bet Cary told them that!" Stacey hissed.

"I'm not a virgin!" Claudia pointed out.

"Not that kind of virgin!" Stacey cried and then suddenly I realized a spotlight was moving towards us.

"Now one of our regulars has pointed out we have a whole table of virgins" The MC grinned his lips parted in a ruby red smile.

Suddenly I was aware that several very big semi punks had moved in on us and Alan who was now singing " Hand Bags and Glad rags" was being no help what so ever.

"Now hang on a second" I posted realizing that I was the one who once again had to protect my friends.

One of the punks who scarily enough had a piercing between his eyebrows grabbed me roughly by the arm.

Midnight had appeared out of nowhere pouncing onto Stacey and a clinically obese guy dressed like a vampire had swiped Claudia up.

"Virgins, Virgins, Virgins" the crowd screamed and I did the only thing I could do I kicked the punk right in the balls.

"Well, right in the balls huh?" Maggie Blume addressed us sometime later.

"It's her signature move" Abby sneezed; the pot was really screwing up her allergies.

"I'm Maggie I don't think I've ever actually met this one" she said giving Abby an appreciative look lingering on her skinny jeans. Abby had only ever been checked out twice before in her life and the second time had been by Nicky Pike, needless to say she was flattered and trying to hide it by juggling two empty beer bottles.

We were backstage, backstage being a dingy corridor with a table and two fold up chairs propped up against the fire exit.

"Wow I had no idea that raging lesbian was a new form of teen rebellion Maggie" Stacey said and Maggie sighed.

"It's part of the image, nobody takes Indie rock stars seriously unless they're chicks who love the clits" Maggie grinned sticking a pierced tongue out at Abby who blushed.

"Chicks who love clits? I don't even know what that means," I said and Stacey leaned forward whispering in my ear.

"Oh, clitoris like health class" I realized rolling my eyes and Maggie grinned.

"I would have thought you'd know Kristy after all if anyone screams raging bull dyke it's you" she smirked.

"Like you Maggie I also like to rebel against cultural stereotypes" I grinned back and she nodded.

"Hmm yes I saw that guy out back with the blonde hair and the black trench if I didn't think all men were evil bastards after they drove me to anorexia I'd be quite into him" he said.

"Don't bother his completely smitten the only ass he checks out is Kristy's" sighed Stacey.

"Stacey no one has ever checked out my ass"

"Oh I bet they have it's pretty hot" Maggie said leaning forward and I joined Abby in the terrified stakes.

"Listen Maggie we don't have time to re-enact the classic porn super lesbo rock concert ok? Kristy's come to ask you something," Stacey said interrupting the disturbing leer fest.

"As a former member of the babysitters club franchise you are obligated by contract to help members in time of dire need" I said firmly and Maggie sighed.

"Don't remind me I had to drive Sunny home after her last suicide attempt" she groaned.

"How long will you be in New York for?" I asked and Maggie sighed again.

"Three more weeks then our drummer wants to go back to high school and finish sophomore year why?" she asked.

"Contact you're agent and inform then you'll be playing at the tsunami aide concert in Stamford run by the Teen help association" I said folding my arms and Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Um we were going to announce our presence their anyway" Maggie said.

"You were?" Stacey choked.

"Turns out they couldn't fit us onto the New York concerts playbill for that Live Earth thing and we need to do some save the earth bullshit" Maggie sighed.

"Well then very good, come along girls," I said gesturing to Stacey and Abby however Maggie grabbed onto Abby's wrist.

"Not so fast little kitten we haven't really gotten to know each other yet" she said and Abby noisily cleared her throat.

"Um ok" she said sitting down in the spare chair.

"Abby!" Stacey cried completely scandalized.

"Hey this is the first time in history some one has actually hit on me, the least I can do is get her to buy me a drink" Abby said gesturing to Maggie who merely grinned.

"I do believe Miss Thomas that we've lost nearly our entire party" Cary said materializing behind me the moment I left the club to find fresh air.

"Hmm our party? I don't think so traitor"

"You would have had fun if you'd actually bothered to get up there" Cary sighed and I glared at him.

"Call me crazy but being forced to perform a blowjob on a snickers bar while dancing to the time warp isn't my idea of fun" I said glaring at him.

"You really are very attractive when you glare at me Kristy" he said instead and then he glanced down.

"In fact I can't stop thinking about you with a snicker bar" he added.

"You're disgusting" I grimaced.

"I bet you can't stop thinking about it either"

"Cary the only girls who claim to like sucking on snicker bars are sluts or liars, it's something girls do but trust me we rarely think about it until its practically shoved into our face" I scolded him and he snickered.

"You sound like you've had some bad snicker sucking experience" he grinned.

"Believe me all girls have had bad snicker sucking experience" I grinned back and he looked ever so slightly scandalized.

"Ok I am really craving a snickers right now and there's a diner with vending machines around the corner" he said after a moments thought and I sighed.

"I suppose I do need a caffeine hit if I'm going to stay awake on the train" I admitted.

The diner was surprisingly nice and nothing like the ones I'd imagine from books and movies that usually consisted of fly covered walls and middle-aged waitresses.

Sure it was far from glamorous but it was clean and thankfully cracks head free. As Cary promised there were vending machines and after he purchased his precious snicker bar we slid into a booth.

"So did you get what you wanted?" Cary asked carefully unpeeling the candy bar.

"Not yet I'm still looking at the menu," I replied.

"No at the club" he sighed and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I finally got Abby a date of course it was with a lesbian but beggars cant be choosers" I replied smoothly.

"This entire escape was about helping Stevenson become a woman today?" Cary asked cynically as the waitress approached.

"I'll take the black coffee, the twenty four hour big breakfast and a jug of water," I said handing the waitress the menu.

"Well?" Cary asked and I sighed.

"Cary if you have to ask you'll never know" I replied.